


A Lost Soul

by MarieCarro



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Fanfiction, MarieCarro, Other, canon pairings - Freeform, twilight - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-05
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2017-12-17 18:42:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 42
Words: 102,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/870769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarieCarro/pseuds/MarieCarro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edward Masen is a normal 17-year-old boy who dreams of becoming a soldier, but when tragedy strikes his family, his entire life changes. Edward is introduced to the supernatural world he had no idea even existed, and he certainly doesn't want to live in it. Rated M for graphical violence scenes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: July 22nd 1916

**PROLOGUE: JULY 22 nd 1916**

Elizabeth Masen stood in the kitchen with a cup of tea in her hand, looking through the window at her son—who was chopping up wood for the stove—and tried to not let her mind wander to all of her worries, which concerned the fifteen year old boy.

Her son was the most important thing in her life, and he had been ever since she brought him home from the hospital, but she had often wondered if her love had been enough for him. He was a great young man, a gentleman that she took pride in having raised well, but she was afraid that his lack of fatherly affection would have a great impact on the person he would become.

For one thing, he did not seem too eager on actually having a family of his own one day. All he seemed to care about was becoming a soldier, and she knew that the only thing that kept him from talking about it all day was her dislike for his choice. And the fact that he was underage.

Elizabeth fervently hoped that the war would end before her son was old enough. She wouldn't really have anything against him joining the army; she just did not want him out in the war. She would worry too much.

”Mrs. Masen? Are you finished with your tea?” Mary, the housekeeper, brought Elizabeth out of her thoughts and she looked down at the cup of tea, which was now cold, before giving it to the younger woman.

”Yes, thank you, Mary.” Her eyes wandered back to the boy in the backyard. He had grown quite a lot during the last year and he was now almost as tall as his father. Overall, he did look a lot like her husband, Edward Masen Sr.—except from the traits he got from her, which were her green eyes and bronze locks—and the resemblance had intensified as the boy grew older.

Now her son straightened his back and wiped the sweat off his forehead, before collecting the logs and piling them on the porch. He came in through the kitchen door and kissed her on the cheek.

“Would you like some lemonade, dear? Mary just made some,” she said, taking his jacket from him and folding it over a chair.

“That would be wonderful, Mother. Thank you.” He sat down in a chair next to the working bench, after washing his hands. He ran his fingers through his hair to get it out of his eyes. It was unbelievable how much he resembled his father when he did that.

Elizabeth put the cold glass of lemonade in front of her son and he gulped it down. It was a hot summer’s day and chopping wood was a tiring task, but fortunately her son was a fit boy. “You should take a shower before dinner. Your father will be home any minute.”

“Yes, Mother.”

“Have you given his proposition any more thought?”

The young boy sighed lightly and was reluctant to meet his mother’s eyes. He knew where this would go, and had he had a choice in the matter, he would have wanted to avoid the subject altogether.

“Mother, you know why I am not too eager. I don’t dream of becoming a lawyer like Father.”

“I know that, but it would bring in a steady income and it would make things easier the day that you find a nice girl that you want to—”

“Mother,” he interrupted her and shook his head. “Why do you always bring this up? When I feel that I am ready, I will find a girl to settle down with, but it won’t happen in a few years.”

“But, Edward, you have to understand that I get worried. You have told me about your friends becoming more interested in girls, yet you don’t show any interest whatsoever. When I was your age, I had already met your father.”

“Yes, you were. But Father was not. He had already experienced what he wanted and achieved his dreams when he met you. I want that too.” Elizabeth walked up to her son and stroked his hair lovingly. The boy leaned his head on his mother’s chest and listened to her heartbeat. It had always calmed him down.

“I understand that, honey. I just wish your dreams were less complicated.” She leaned away from him and put her hands around his face. “Now go wash up. Mary’s putting the dinner on the table in twenty minutes.”

Edward nodded and stood up, towering over his mother in a way that she had just recently gotten accustomed to. With slightly heavier steps than usual, he went upstairs to take that shower.

As he got dressed and combed his hair, he could hear how his father came home and greeted his mother. Just like every other day.

“Dinner will be ready in just a few minutes,” his mother said from below. Her voice was accompanied by the clinking of ice in the glass of scotch she handed to his father.

“That sounds wonderful, love.” His father’s voice was laced with exhaustion. It must have been another heavy day at the office.

Edward sighed when he realized he would have to stay on his toes during dinner. The smallest flaw in his behavior could set his father’s temper off in a second on nights like these.

He waited an extra two minutes before he descended the stairs and joined his parents in the lounge.

His father was stirring the ice cubes around in his glass, his eyes were closed and he was leaning back in one of the plush armchairs. His mother was sitting with her back very straight—a trait left after having worn a corset for most of her life, even though she wasn’t wearing one anymore—on the sofa, reading a book.

The radio was tuned in on the news, and the speaker was just announcing how the British troops had failed in capturing Mametz Woods in France. Edward internally groaned at the failure, but instead of showing his disappointment, he greeted his father.

“Good evening, Father.”

“Son,” the older man replied without opening his eyes.

Elizabeth looked up from her book and smiled at her son. He smiled back weakly, feeling discouraged by the way he was greeted by his father. It was the same every day, but it still twisted around uncomfortably inside him every time.

Mary walked inside and announced that dinner was ready before disappearing back into the kitchen.

After the grace, his father announced that he had to go away for business during the weekend.

“I have to leave early on Friday and I will hopefully be home on the eve of Monday,” he said, and Edward’s stomach dropped.

“But, Father, what about my concert? You promised you would be there.”

Edward Sr.’s hand froze on its way to the glass of wine, and he studied his son for a long moment. He did not want to admit that he had completely forgotten about his son’s concert. His wife had spoken about it for weeks, stressing about how important it was for their son. He had promised to attend, but it would be impossible now. He simply could not postpone this business trip.

“I’m sorry, Son, but this came on so suddenly. I could not say no.” He did not show how his son’s disappointed expression affected him.

“Edward, please, there must be some way for you to attend. Can’t you leave after the concert and come back on Tuesday instead?” his wife tried.

He shook his head. “I’m afraid not, love.” He turned to his son. “I promise to be there for the next concert,” he said and continued eating.

Edward just moved his food around on his plate and shrugged. “Okay.”

That was the last time he ever trusted one of his father’s promises.


	2. Chapter 1: March 12th 1918

**CHAPTER 1: MARCH 12 TH 1918**

My alarm woke me up, and I groaned in protest as my hand fumbled around on my nightstand to locate the offending clock and switch it off. When I couldn’t find it, I raised my head from the softness of my pillow and opened one eye tiredly.

The clock read the ungodly hour of 7:15 AM, and I once again groaned when I realized that I had to get up if I wanted to ride with my father to school. He always left for work at exactly eight, and if I wasn’t ready by then, he would go without me. It wouldn’t exactly be the first time.

Mother had protested his actions several times, but he simply replied with a, “The boy needs to learn to be on time,” and effectively ended the conversation.

I gingerly sat up and stretched. I yawned and blinked several times to get the sleep out of my eyes.

A knock made me turn my attention to my door.

“Edward, it’s time to get up. Mary has the breakfast on the table,” my mother’s voice said softly through the door.

“I’ll join you in a minute, Mother,” I said, and heard Mother’s steps fade as they descended the stairs.

I sat still for a minute as I tried to process the peculiar dream I’d had while asleep. I couldn’t remember what it had been about, only that it had made me uneasy and left me with a feeling of foreboding, as if something was about to happen that would change everything.

I shook my head at my own ridiculousness. I sounded like one of those fortune tellers that tricked people for their money at carnivals.

I let out another yawn before rising from my bed. I dressed in a robe and, with my school uniform underneath my arm, made my way to the bathroom to take a shower. I hoped the warm water would help shake off the remains of my dream.

Once dressed and presentable, I joined my parents in the dining room where Mary had prepared the breakfast of scrambled eggs, sausages, and biscuits.

“Good morning, Sweetie,” Mother greeted me with her green eyes sparkling, as they always did when she looked at me.

“Good morning, Mother. Good morning, Father.”

Father grunted behind the newspaper, and I saw Mother sigh softly while looking at him with sad eyes.

I didn’t react to his behavior toward me anymore. I would have only been shocked had he actually given me the honor to look at me when he “greeted” me.

I had barely sat down when Mary offered me a cup of coffee.

“Here you go, Mr. Masen,” she said with a smile.

“Thank you, Mary,” I replied, and smiled back. Mary blushed when my eyes met hers, and I suppressed a chuckle. It wasn’t a secret that Mary had taken a fancy to me. She was a year older and had been with my family for the last five years. She was a cute girl with blonde hair and blue eyes, but she was also our maid. A relationship between us would never have worked, and it would hardly have been appropriate either.

Mother softly cleared her throat to gain my attention. “Mr. Abernathy telephoned before. I’m afraid he had to cancel your piano lesson this afternoon.”

I shrugged. “That’s fine by me. The man has told me on several occasions there’s no more he can teach me anyway.” I couldn’t stop the smug feeling that arose inside of me. “I just have to polish up on a few pieces that I plan to play during the graduation concert, but they’re almost perfect.”

“Edward, don’t get arrogant,” Mother reprimanded me with a smile. “It will one day be your downfall.”

“I apologize for that, Mother,” I said with my own smile.

Father made a sound from behind the paper and both of us turned our attention to him.

“Is something wrong, dear?” Mother asked.

It took a few seconds for Father to realize that she was talking to him. Apparently, the sound he made was involuntary and had nothing to do with our conversation.

“Oh no, love, nothing of importance. There have just been an unusually high number of sick soldiers in Fort Riley, Kansas. Over a hundred men fell sick with the same symptoms last night. It’s just a small paragraph in the paper, but I thought it sounded peculiar.”

“It sure does, but the conditions for the soldiers aren’t the best either.” She gave me a pointed look, and I rolled my eyes. Whenever she got the chance, she would subtly voice her opinion about my choice with joining the army as soon as I turned eighteen.

I could never get her to understand why the pull was so strong. It was my duty, as an American citizen, and I had to do what I could to help protect my country.

I didn’t comment. I remained silent and finished my breakfast.

At 7:55, Father rose from his chair and gave Mother a kiss on the cheek. He didn’t say anything to me. He just left the room with me following. It was the same every morning after all, and it wasn’t the first time I wished I could buy my own motorcar so that I wouldn’t have to spend the tortuous twenty minutes in the close proximity of my father while he drove me to school. Those minutes were always spent in silence and made me feel incredibly uncomfortable.

It was no different today.

When my school came into view, I released the breath I’d subconsciously been holding. I would soon be free.

I was just about to exit the car when Father cleared his throat. Shocked that he was obviously going to talk to me, I turned to him with wide eyes.

“I will come and pick you up at three-thirty. I want you to join me for the rest of the night at the office. You need to learn the business if you’re going to work there eventually.”

I blinked a few times, and then mutely nodded. It was the most my father has said directly to me in months.

A month ago, I finally agreed to work alongside my father a few afternoons a week at his office. It pleased my mother, and Father was glad his own son would be able to take over the practice in a few years. It wasn’t my dream to become a lawyer, but I figured I could do it until I knew what it was that I wanted to do in the future.

Father drove off without another word once I was out of the car, and I followed him with my gaze until he turned a corner. I couldn’t understand why Father treated me the way he did. It was like he was emotionally detached whenever he had to do anything that concerned me.

I knew that it wasn’t because he didn’t love me. Mother had told me that he’d confessed to her on occasion that he just didn’t know how to show it. But even though I knew he loved me, it would be appreciated to actually have it confirmed straightly from him.

I wondered if I would ever get to hear him tell me that he loved me.

“What’s got your knickers in a twist?” One of my best friends, Lewis Rogers, came up behind me and shoved my shoulder to get me out of my “trance.”

Lewis was from England, and had moved here only a few years back when his father got employment at Cook County Hospital.

“Nothing,” I said, and absentmindedly rubbed the spot he’d shoved me on. My friend sometimes had a hard time determining how much strength he used. He was a big guy, and also a star player in the school’s minor league baseball team.

“Then turn that frown around. An upside down smile won’t give you any ladies.”

“Please, enlighten me, oh Great One. How will I get ladies then? I thought girls loved the brooding kind,” I said sarcastically. Lewis knew very well that I had no interest in girls, although it didn’t mean he understood it. He thought I was strange.

He wasn’t the only one.

“Oh God, no! Do not take advice from that dumb-bell. His knowledge of girls would fit inside a teaspoon.” We turned around to see Evelyn Lawrence, my other best friend, standing right behind us.

Lewis placed a hand over his heart and looked insulted. “Why, Miss Lawrence, you wound my feelings. What did I do to deserve your cruel mocking?”

I rolled my eyes at my friends and began walking toward the main building.

“You’ve done just enough,” Evelyn said and fell into stride beside me. “And did I hear right? Is the legendary Edward Masen going to hand out the key to his chastity belt to a girl?”

It had always shocked me that Evelyn spoke so crudely when it came to sexual actions. Evelyn was the ultimate lady otherwise, but she had tendencies to let her tongue wander.

I was about to call her out on it, but Lewis beat me to the punch. “You shouldn’t speak like that, Evelyn. It’s not very attractive for a young woman to speak so crudely toward a man about his intimate business.”

She was just about to protest, probably to point out that Lewis was about to do the same, when she spotted one of our teachers looking at us disapprovingly. We had not noticed that the bell had rung during our conversation, and we were now running late.

“I’ll see you at lunch,” she said instead and walked with a straight back toward the girls’ classroom. Our school was a mixed one, but our morning classes were separated by gender. It was Music for girls, and Calligraphy for boys.

Lewis hated Calligraphy. He said he could never get those “darn S’s” right. They always looked uneven and crooked.

“Did you hear about those soldiers in Kansas?” I asked once we were out from the scrutiny of our stern teacher.

“No, was it in the Tribune?”

“Just a small paragraph in the back. Apparently, over a hundred men fell sick last night. What do you think it could be?”

Lewis shrugged. “I don’t know. Could be anything, I guess. They’re not exactly living in luxury out there.”

We left it at that when we entered the classroom, and I did not think of it again until much later.


	3. Chapter 2: May 7th - May 10th 1918

**CHAPTER 2 MAY 7 TH – MAY 10TH 1918**

_“Oh my! Mrs. Masen! Help!”_

I sat up straight in my bed, wide awake after Mary’s screams. My heart was pounding in my chest as I flew out of bed and put on my clothes—the same ones as last night—and ran downstairs, two steps at a time. What could possibly have Mary scream at the top of her lungs for my mother? It had to be serious. She sounded terrified.

My mother and I entered the dining room at the same time and what we saw made my heart jump up in my throat.

Father was lying on the floor, on his side, with a sheen of sweat covering his forehead. He was unconscious, his face was ghostly pale, and his breathing was shallow.

“Edward?!” Mother exclaimed and fell on her knees next to his body. She placed a hand on his forehead but quickly retracted it. “Mary, get me a cool cloth. He’s got a fever.” She turned to me where I was frozen on the spot. I was clearly in shock and had no idea what to do. “Edward, call for an ambulance. We need to get your father to the hospital.”

I didn’t move. I couldn’t process what was happening. What was wrong with Father?

“Edward, _please!_ ” My eyes snapped from Father’s unconscious face to my mother’s panicked eyes, and I finally felt myself being able to move. I hurried out into the kitchen to the telephone.

 _“Operator. How may I help you?”_ a woman answered after a few very long seconds.

“Cook County Hospital on West Harrison Street, thank you,” I said with a trembling voice. It was a wonder the woman could even hear what I said.

 _“One moment, please.”_ I heard the clicking to indicate that she was transferring my call and then a low ringing tone.

 _“Cook County Hospital. How may I help you?”_ a nurse answered.

I opened my mouth to speak, but no sound escaped me. It was as if the shock had made me a mute. I couldn’t comprehend what was happening. Father was never sick. He hadn’t been sick once since I was born.

_“Hello?”_

“Yes,” I said when I finally found my voice again. “I need an ambulance sent immediately to West Thorndale Avenue in Norwood Park. My father has a fever and is unconscious. I don’t know what to do.” My voice was monotone and emotionless. It must be the shock.

_“I’ll send the ambulance immediately. Make sure his airways are cleared and keep him cool in the best way you can. We’ll give him the help he needs once he gets here.”_

“Thank you,” I said and hung up the phone. Not wanting my mother to handle the stress all by herself, I hurried back into the dining room. She had succeeded in pulling Father’s body up so that he was leaning against her. She kept dabbing his forehead with a damp kitchen towel.

When she heard me come back, she looked up with tearful eyes.

“The ambulance is on its way. The nurse said we should keep his airways cleared.”

She nodded and gently laid Father back down on the floor. From what I’d been taught in school, I knew that he needed to be on his side so that he didn’t accidentally swallow his tongue, and his chin needed to be parallel to the floor.

After placing him in the correct position, Mother stroked his pale face lovingly. I saw how a few tears escaped her and landed on Father’s cheek. I believe I even heard her pray.

“Please, _please_ , God, don’t take him from me.”

**< {=ALS=}>**

The hospital was bustling with life, but I barely registered that. I felt numb looking at my father’s face as he lay in the hospital bed.

He looked so vulnerable, not at all the way I was used to seeing him. My father was a man whom you knew to respect just by looking at him. He had an aura around him, which was what had made him into such a successful lawyer.

He also appeared much older than his forty years when he was tucked so tightly into the sheets.

Mother was sitting on a stool next to the bed and I stood behind her with my hands on her shoulders to ground her, but also to support myself. Everything had come on so suddenly and neither of us really knew how to grasp it.

One of the doctors said Father must have caught some type of bacteria on one of his business trips, but he wasn’t the only one that had been brought to the hospital with the same symptoms: unconsciousness, high blood-pressure, fever, and sweats. There was at least five other patients in this room alone, but they were all older, at least over the age of fifty-five.

At first, we’d asked for a private room, but were quickly informed that no private rooms were available. They were all used as semi-privates.

Mother and I turned when the sound of someone clearing their throat caught our attention.

A very young blonde man stood by the end of Father’s bed. Although he was dressed in a doctor’s clothes, I had my doubts. The man couldn’t have been many years older than me, and he had the strangest eye color I’d ever seen on a person, a bright gold color that reminded me of a topaz gemstone.

“Mrs. Masen?” he asked in a smooth, musical voice that almost hypnotized me. I narrowed my eyes. There was something different about this man.

Mother nodded in confirmation.

“I am Dr. Carlisle Cullen and I’ll be the one to care for your husband while he’s here. I just wanted to formerly introduce myself.”

Mother smiled. She couldn’t be impolite, even if her life depended on it. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. This is my son, Edward.” She gestured to me and Dr. Cullen turned his strange eyes to me.

“Nice to meet you, Edward, although I’m sorry it’s under these circumstances.” He offered me his hand and I took it in mine to shake. I startled a bit at the coldness of his hand, and his eyes flashed to mine. When our gazes met, I could see that he knew that I knew he was different. I didn’t comment on it, but it was an understanding between us.

I couldn’t, however, shake the feeling that Dr. Cullen was above the ordinary. He was different in every sense of the word.

“So, Dr. Cullen,” Mother said. “What is the matter with my husband? Will he be okay?”

He glanced at me to get my confirmation that it was okay to tell the truth or if he should give the milder version. I nodded for him to continue.

“I’m afraid that it doesn’t look good. Mr. Masen has developed a serious case of pneumonia and his lungs are filled with fluid. Simple breathing is an extreme difficulty for him, and he’s probably in a lot of pain.”

I frowned. “Isn’t there anything you can do for him? Give him some medicine or something?”

Dr. Cullen sighed. “We can ease his pain by draining some of the fluid in his lungs. It will make him more comfortable, but he won’t get better by it.” He made a grimace, which told me he wished there was more he could do.

“I sense there is more,” Mother said with a small, trembling voice.

Dr. Cullen hesitated, but then continued. “Mrs. Masen, your husband is very weak and very ill. If he doesn’t regain consciousness within the next sixteen hours, I think both of you need to accept the increasing possibility that he won’t survive.”

A tortured whimper escaped Mother and she clasped her hand over her mouth. Her eyes filled with tears, which overflowed and ran down her cheeks. I immediately crouched down and wound my arms around her small frame. Her entire body shook with sobs and I did my best to comfort her even though I was hurting just as much as she.

“Oh, Edward, what are we going to do?” she whispered brokenly into my neck.

I stroked her back soothingly, but couldn’t offer her any words of comfort because I had no answer to her question.

**< {=ALS=}>**

Two days after Father was brought to Cook County, he was still unconscious but both Mother and I held on to the hope that he would survive. His heart was still beating, although weakly. He was still alive at the moment, and as long as that was the case, we wouldn’t give up. Far more wondrous things had happened.

Father’s partner, Mr. Peter Matthews, had visited the hospital the day after he was committed and made us aware of Father’s testament. He also reassured us that, should the unthinkable happen, he would gladly take over the practice until I’d graduated and could take my father’s position.

It was when he said this to us that I could actually see my own dreams wave goodbye before they took the train to world’s end. If Father were to die, I would never be able to become a soldier, no matter how much I still wanted it. As the new man of the household, I couldn’t leave Mother behind to fend for herself. She would need me too much.

On the third day, I tried to convince her to come home with me and rest. She never left Father’s side, not even to eat, as she’d made sure Mary had fixed food that she could bring with her into the hospital. She even slept in the uncomfortable chair next to Father’s bed.

Technically, it was against the hospital’s rules, but the staff knew Father might not live for long and they would never force her to leave his side. But she really needed to rest. The circles underneath her eyes were worrying me.

She was just about to agree when Father’s breathing became slightly haggard and a wracking cough shook his body. He was still unconscious, but his entire body curled in on itself in pain, and it was obvious that he couldn’t escape his torment even in sleep.

“I can’t leave,” Mother said in a broken whisper and grabbed a tight hold of Father’s hand, which had transformed into a brittle, bony version of the strong hands I was used to seeing.

He was slowly getting thinner, as it was hard to give him the nutrition he needed. We practically saw him starve to death by the minute.

A nurse came up to us with a basin filled with cool water and a cloth to dip into it. Mother accepted it tiredly and wet the fabric before wringing it out and placing it on Father’s forehead. “His fever is still very high,” she mumbled, and I knew she wasn’t really speaking to me.

After another couple of hours, I felt the need to stretch. I really wanted to walk around a bit, maybe even go outside and get some fresh air, but I didn’t want to leave Father’s side.

His coughing had gotten worse, and more frequent. I was quite convinced that this was his last hours, and if that was the case, I could handle the stiffness of my own body. I was sure he was going through much worse at the moment, so I had no right to complain.

A commotion outside caused me to turn my head to the window. I heard a woman scream, and a child crying. There was also the sound of running feet and more shouting. I got curious and got up from my chair to peer outside.

What I saw made me go cold. An elderly woman was lying on the sidewalk, to have seemingly fainted. Her parasol and paper fan were surrounding her where they’d fallen when she dropped the items. The woman she was with, whom could have been her daughter, was hysterical as she cried, and a young boy, which I believed was her son, was enveloped in a tight hug against her bosom.

Several men were coming their way, trying to help, but it was unnecessary as doctors and nurses were already on their way across the street to collect the woman and bring her inside the hospital.

The scenario reminded me too much of what had happened to Father.

What was going on? This wasn’t just a coincidence. Something was causing people to collapse and fall ill with what seemed like symptoms of a normal cold, but this was anything but normal.

Would it get worse? Was anyone safe?

“Edward? Edward!” I whirled around at the sound of Mother’s tortured cry of my name. She was draped over Father’s lifeless body. “No, _please_! Nurse! _Help_ , please, he’s not breathing!”

I quickly strode over to Mother’s side and placed my hands on her shoulders to remove her from his body. If the doctors were going to work on him, they needed space. But Mother didn’t want to cooperate. She had a tight hold on his nightshirt and refused to move an inch; all the while, tears were streaming steadily down her cheeks.

Dr. Cullen came up to us. He tried to reach Father’s chest with his stethoscope, but Mother was in the way.

“Mother, you have to move,” I said into her ear. My voice was shaking badly from the shock of seeing my father so still, but I had to think of Mother first. She was completely broken.

“No, no! I can’t leave him. I _can’t_!”

“Mother, _please_ …”

Her hold loosened, and I pulled her away, immediately placing my arms around her. She turned into me and cried against my neck. Her sobs and hiccups got worse, and I continuously stroked her back soothingly.

I saw Dr. Cullen place the stethoscope over my Father’s chest, but something in his posture made it look as if he already knew that he wouldn’t hear a heartbeat.

He removed it from his ears and looked up at me with apologetic eyes.

“I am so sorry…” he said softly, but Mother obviously heard him because her cry became louder and even more heartbroken.

It tore at me to see her like this. Mother was such a beautiful and fragile soul. She shouldn’t have to go through this kind of pain.

She chanted the word _“No”_ over and over.

I swallowed thickly as I felt my own tears start to fall slowly down my cheeks.


	4. Chapter 3: May 19th 1918

**CHAPTER 3 MAY 19 th 1918**

There was no symbolism on the day of Father’s burial. There was no rain. Not even a damn cloud in sight, nothing that indicated that it was a sad day.

In fact, the sun was out and high in the clear, blue sky. The heat was intense and the sweat was already making the collar of my shirt damp in the neck. It was very uncomfortable to be in a black suit when it was ninety-six degrees outside, but of course I endured it out of respect for my father.

I wasn’t crying as they lowered his casket into the ground. I couldn’t cry. I’d emptied myself of tears during the two days of constant crying after his death.

I saw Mother lifting a handkerchief underneath her mourning veil to dry the tears that were falling on both of our behalves for the man that was now placed six feet below ground.

I felt Evelyn grab my hand and squeeze it comfortingly. I squeezed right back to show my appreciation. Lewis was on Evelyn’s other side and we were all staring at the gaping grave.

It felt good to have my friends there as support. Without them, I don’t know if I could have handled the overwhelming grief I felt but couldn’t express. There’s just no way to explain to someone who’s never lost a loved one to death how it feels. It’s impossible.

When the ceremony was over, I placed my hat back on my head and offered Mother my arm so I could escort her to the motorcar.

Once there, I helped Mother inside before turning to Evelyn and Lewis, who’d followed us.

“Is she going to be okay?” Evelyn asked and studied my mother with worried eyes. Mother was slumped forward in her seat, the handkerchief pressed to her eyes, and her body shaking with her sobs.

I sighed. “I hope so. I’m going to take her home and get her to rest. Mary will take care of her while I talk to Mr. Matthews about Father’s testament.” I brought out the pocket watch that had been in Father’s possession when he was admitted to the hospital. I’d been carrying it around ever since the nurse gave it back. “Actually, I have to get home if I don’t want to be late for the meeting.”

My friends nodded and I bid them goodbye before climbing into the driver’s seat.

Mary had left the funeral before us and so she was waiting for us on the porch when we came home. She was still in her black dress, but she had taken off the bonnet she’d been wearing and had pulled her blonde hair back into her usual tight knot in the neck.

“Mary, take Mother upstairs and help her into bed, then make her a cup of tea. I’ll be in the office, so when Mr. Matthews arrives, just show him there.”

She nodded and placed an arm around Mother’s shoulders.

I was going through some of my father’s old cases—since I was going to replace him, I wanted to do the best job I possibly could—when there was a knock on the door.

“Come in,” I said without looking up from the folder I had in my hand.

“Mr. Matthews is here now, Mr. Masen,” Mary said and stepped to the side to let my father’s partner inside.

He was a tall man; his build resembled Father’s quite a bit, but he was of a higher age and it was evident from his residing hairline and wrinkled face.

I put the folder aside and entwined my fingers so I could rest my chin on top of them. “Thank you, Mary. You can go attend to my mother now.”

Mary closed the door behind her and I gestured for Mr. Matthews to sit down.

“You fit behind that desk, Edward. It’s as if you belong there.”

I offered the man a small smile and shook his hand before he settled on the chair on the other side of said desk. He couldn’t have been more wrong. I didn’t belong behind a desk. I was a practical man, and it had never been in my dreams to be stuck behind a desk for the rest of my life. Not that there was much I could do about that now.

“Can I get you anything to drink, Mr. Matthews?” I gestured toward Father’s liquor cabinet with one hand.

Mr. Matthews shook his head. “If we’re going to be partners, I need you to start calling me Peter, Edward. Mr. Matthews is only reserved for when we are with clients.”

I hesitated briefly. It would feel disrespectful toward the older man if I were to address him with his first name instead of his title. But since he insisted, I really didn’t have a choice.

“Of course. My apologies. So, _Peter_ , do you want a drink?” I stood up and walked toward the cabinet.

“I’ll have a clean scotch.”

I poured the drink and offered it to the man before sitting down behind the desk once again. Mr. Matthews raised an eyebrow.

“Nothing for you?” he asked.

I smiled. “I’m not of age to drink yet,” I replied.

Mr. Matthews sighed. “Right, your seventeenth birthday is next month. It’s a tragedy that you had to lose your father at such a young age.” He frowned. “It doesn’t really seem fair, does it?”

The bitterness that seeped into my voice couldn’t be stopped. “Life’s hardly ever fair.”

Mr. Matthews nodded. “True.” He put down his glass and reached down for his briefcase. He pulled out a large envelope and placed it on the desk. “I’ve perused through your father’s testament, and it’s not that complicated. He’s left everything to your mother, and a few small things to you. You can take a look for yourself if you want.”

I nodded in understanding and reached for the document. I’d known beforehand that the affair would be simple. When it came down to it, my father was a simple man; sometimes hard to understand, but simple. He never complicated things unless he really had to.

It was painful to see the testament bear the name Father and I shared—it was the only connection I had with him now, and even though we did not share a middle name, it felt like I was looking at my own testament—however, I forced myself to read through the entire document.

_Edward J. Masen_

_Last Will and Testament_

_Probated May 12, 1918_

_State of Illinois, City of Chicago_

_I, Edward J. Masen of said city and State, do make and declare this to be my last will and testament in manner and form following to with:_

_First, I will to my beloved wife, Elizabeth C. Masen, all of my possessions, such as the house in Norwood Park, Chicago, Illinois, personal items, and memorabilia. At the death of my wife, said Elizabeth C. Masen, I will all of said possessions to my only son, Edward A. Masen._

_In this event, said son will pay all debts and funeral expenses._

_I will to said son, Edward A. Masen, my half of the law practice that I have with my partner Peter G. Matthews, as well as my motorcar._

_Second, I hereby appoint said partner and friend Peter G. Matthews as the executor of this Will._

_In witness whereof, I have hereunto set my hand and seal this thethird day of April, 1913._

It was signed by Father, and I followed the curve of the letters in his name with my eyes.

The man had always been emotionally distant in my life; however, it didn’t mean that I wouldn’t miss him. He was my father, the man that contributed in giving me life, and he had always made sure that I wouldn’t miss anything materialistic during my upbringing.

He was a strict parent, but that had only caused me to respect him even more. I might not have wanted to follow in his footsteps when it came to career-choice, but he had been my role-model.

He wasn’t the best father by any means, but he was _my_ father.

“Edward?” I looked up at Mr. Matthews when he said my name. “Are you okay?” He looked at me worriedly, and that was when I realized that tears were once again falling from my eyes.

I quickly wiped them away. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what came ove—”

“Don’t apologize, Edward,” Mr. Matthews interrupted me. “It’s okay to mourn. You just buried him today.”

We sat quietly for a few minutes, but the silence was disrupted by a knock on the door. Mary came inside with an apologetic expression. “I didn’t mean to interrupt, Mr. Masen, but it’s your mother. She’s asking for you.”

“That’s fine, Mary. I’ll be there in a minute.”

She ducked back out and Mr. Matthews turned to me. “I’ll need for your mother to come down to the office some day and sign the deed for the house, but that’s not necessary until she feels better. You and I can look over the legal matters of the practice after you’ve graduated this summer.” He closed his briefcase and stood up. “I’ll let myself out.” I walked with him to the door where we shook hands. “Your father was a great man,” he said with his hand still in mine. “But I have no doubt that you’ll be able to fill his shoes just fine.”

I smiled appreciatively at the older man. “Thank you… _Peter._ ” It reassured me that an older and much more experienced man like Mr. Matthews believed in me. Maybe I would be able to take my Father’s place after all. I’d been helping around the office since March, so I knew how things worked around there.

When Mr. Matthews had left, I made my way to Mother’s room. She was tucked into bed and her eyes were closed, but I could see that she wasn’t sleeping. She turned her head when she heard me come inside.

“You wanted to see me, Mother.”

She sat up and leaned back against her pillows. She gestured with her hand that she wanted me to come sit with her. When I did, she opened her arms, and I leaned down so that I rested my ear against her heart. She started to run her fingers through my hair, and I felt all of the tension leave my body and relaxed completely against her bosom.

“We’re going to be alright,” she mumbled, mostly to herself, but I heard it.

I didn’t comment. I just hoped she was right.


	5. Chapter 4: August 27th - September 4th 1918

**CHAPTER 4 AUGUST 27 th – SEPTEMBER 4th 1918**

I could finally understand the fatigue that Father had experienced every day after work. I was so tired, but still, I always sat through dinner and talked cheerfully with Mother so that she wouldn’t worry.

Ever since we buried Father in May, she’d been slightly overbearing. As soon as I showed any sign of not feeling a hundred percent well, her eyes would glimmer with worry and she would ask all kinds of questions about my health.

I was completely healthy; only tired.

During the summer, I’d been able to take the courses needed for me to graduate a year earlier than my friends. It was the best solution because that meant I was able to start working at the law firm in early August.

Work was nothing like school. I knew that now, and I often longed to go back so that I could be with my friends instead of sitting locked behind a desk and helping people with their legal problems.

I wasn’t even seeing the cases through.

Since I hadn’t gone to law school, I wasn’t allowed to take on any cases of my own. I was mostly just sitting with Mr. Matthews and making smaller decisions with him that concerned the firm.

So I couldn’t understand why I felt so tired all the time. It wasn’t as if I was doing anything, except from studying a few of the law books that I found in the shared office from time to time.

Mother met me in the hall and took my hat and coat for me, just as she had always done with Father, minus the scotch.

“How was your day, honey?”

I smiled through my tiredness to humor her. “It was good, Mother. What did you do today?”

“Oh, nothing. I had afternoon tea with Mrs. Lawrence and she recommended a new book, so I’ve mostly been reading.”

“Was it a good book?” I didn’t ask out of curiosity. I’d found out that if I kept Mother talking, her focus wasn’t on me, and she wouldn’t comment on the dark circles underneath my eyes.

“No, it was horrible; too controversial. It made my head spin.”

A genuine smile grazed my lips at her comment.

We made our way to the lounge and my eyes unwillingly travelled to my piano. A sigh escaped me when I thought of the months that had passed without me as much as touching the instrument.

Mother followed my gaze and her eyes welled with tears. “It’s been long since you played.”

I nodded. The last time I played, Father was still alive.

“Do you think you could play for me?” she asked with a hope-filled voice.

I wasn’t sure if I could, but I didn’t want to disappoint her. She was always so peaceful when she heard me play and she needed to relax, even if only for a moment, therefore I nodded again and made my way over to the bench.

I placed my hands on the keys, and the familiar feeling of serenity passed through my body when I tentatively pressed down a note. This was my sanctuary. My way to escape reality had always been through music. With the music, I could pretend to be somewhere all my problems didn’t exist.

Beethoven’s _Moonlight Sonata_ began playing from the piano, and I vaguely heard Mother sit down on the couch.

When a soft hand came down on my shoulder, I startled slightly. My finger slipped and pressed down on a false key which caused me to cringe.

“Edward, you have to eat before your dinner goes cold.”

I glanced at the clock in confusion and saw that I’d been playing for almost two hours. Whenever I played, I got lost in the music and was seldom aware of my surroundings until the last note had faded away. It had been no different this time.

“I’ll be right there,” I said lowly. I needed to come back to reality by myself. Mother knew this, and I was grateful when I felt her remove her hand and leave the room.

Later that night, when I’d eaten dinner and Mother and I were listening to the radio, something the announcer said caught my attention.

_“…in New York. Hospitals have reported at least fifty similar cases. All victims suffered from high fever and sometimes delirium. The possibility of us facing a pandemic is upon us. Doctors advise people to…”_

I stopped listening as I felt dread wash over me. I’d suspected this ever since I saw that woman outside the hospital when Father died. The summer had been very calm, but with over fifty cases in New York in August alone, the pandemic wasn’t just a possibility anymore. It was here.

The disease that took Father’s life was back, with vengeance. It would get worse. I could feel it.

Mother was obviously not listening, because if she had, she would have reacted. Instead, I found her looking at me with an unreadable expression.

“There’s something I want to give you,” she finally said when I was starting to feel uncomfortable.

I was distraught when I saw her remove her wedding ring and offered it to me. “What are you doing? Put that back on!” It was her only memorabilia after Father that symbolized their love. She had pictures and all of the things he left behind, as well as jewelry he’d given her for birthdays and anniversaries, but the ring was different. It wasn’t just a piece of jewelry. It was a gift from his heart that had always belonged to my mother.

“No, I want you to have it. Whenever you find the right girl, give this to her. It has fulfilled its promise between your father and me. It symbolized our love until death parted us. It’s time to pass it on to the next generation.”

I wanted to protest further, but Mother’s determination was almost palpable, so I reluctantly took the offered ring and curled my hand around it.

Mother was pleased and announced that she would go to bed. I nodded and bid her goodnight with a kiss on her cheek.

I stayed up late that night—all the impressions from the day swirling around in my head, making it impossible for me to retire. I was also terrified of what the future entailed. When Father fell ill, my entire life changed irrevocably. I used to be one of those that had almost everything in my life planned out, but now I had no idea what tomorrow held for me, and I did not like it.

Eventually, I climbed the stairs to my room, and once I was underneath the covers, I fell into a restless sleep.

**< {=ALS=}>**

_I frowned when I saw Father walking over to me. How could he be here? He was supposed to be dead, therefore how could he walk up to me?_

_“Father? What-how are you—?”_

_“Not now, son, I don’t have much time. You need to be prepared. Something’s coming and you need to be prepared.”_

_“What are you talking about? What is coming?”_

_“I can’t tell you what…only that it is. There is one person that will come your way. You need to trust him. He’s going to show you the way.”_

_He was walking away from me again. I tried to follow, but I found that my feet were buried in the cement I was standing on. I couldn’t move and I watched helplessly how Father disappeared._

_“Father! What is coming?”_

_He didn’t come back to explain, and I was left screaming after him._

My eyes flew open and I gasped as I came back from my very confusing dream. The moment I awoke, I forgot what the dream was about. All I could remember were the words, _“something’s coming.”_

I shivered when I realized that I was completely drenched in sweat. I was freezing because my sheets where bunched up around my feet, and the dampness covering my skin made my body go cold.

I sat up in my bed slowly; the fatigue was still clouding my mind and made my head spin.

My dream had really done a number on me. The muscles in my back were as tense as piano strings, and more sweat was beading on my forehead—although the last one could be because of the high temperature in the room.

I glanced at the pocket watch residing on my nightstand and saw that it wasn’t even five a.m. yet, but there wasn’t a chance that I could fall back asleep, so I dragged myself from the bed and went to the bathroom to take a very much needed shower.

A wave of vertigo made me take support against the wall. I didn’t understand what was happening to me. I felt tired, as if I hadn’t slept at all, but I knew that I couldn’t go back to bed either. I still felt warm, even though I was showering in water much colder than I usually did. There was also a hint of nausea in the back of my throat.

My entire being was just off. I didn’t feel like myself at all.

When I was done in the bathroom, I sat down on the bed and stayed for several minutes, but it didn’t help.

The nausea that I felt before came back as I descended the stairs. I had to swallow repeatedly just to stop myself from throwing up, but it felt as if something was lodging my throat. It was a very uncomfortable feeling.

I made my way to the kitchen and heavily sat down on one of the stools surrounding the workbench. Mary hadn’t arrived to start with breakfast yet, but she would probably walk through the door any minute.

I couldn’t explain what happened next. Suddenly, blackness enveloped me and I fell forward against the bench.

I opened my eyes again slowly. My heart was racing in my chest, and my breathing was labored while the muscles in my fingers were having spasms.

I couldn’t remember if I’d ever fainted before, but I was sure that was what I’d just done.

I could only have been unconscious for a few seconds, maybe a minute, because Mary was still not here and my mother was probably still asleep.

It was a mystery to me as to why I fainted in the first place. The little energy I had before was gone now. I couldn’t move from the stool even if I had wanted to.

I stayed in the position I was in, only adjusted my weight a bit so I would be more comfortable, and closed my eyes again. It took only seconds for me to fall asleep.

_“Your time is up, son.”_

_I looked around to see where Father’s voice came from, but it was too light to focus on anything._

_“Remember what I said.”_

_“Who is it that I’m supposed to trust?”_

“Edward?”

_“You’ll know when the time comes.”_

“Edward!?”

Someone was shaking me awake and I jolted upright in shock. Another wave of vertigo caused me to bury my face in my hands and groan.

“Oh, thank god! You scared me half to death,” Mother said next to me, but I couldn’t comprehend what she was saying—my head was still spinning badly.

“Edward?”

I groaned in answer.

Mother removed my hands from my face forcibly, yet gently, and placed her own on my forehead. I wasn’t looking at her, but I think I heard her whisper, _“Oh no!”_

“Mother?” I said in a raspy voice. It still felt as if something was clogging my throat.

“Yes, honey?”

I let my eyes wander to her face. It was lined with worry and dread. “I don’t feel so good.”

She let out a tortured cry that she quickly silenced with her hand. Her eyes filled with tears that spilled over and ran down her cheeks. She was shaking her head as if she didn’t want to believe what I just told her.

I already knew why she was so distraught. It was practically written on her forehead what it was that was going through her head. She was absolutely terrified that it was my turn to leave her now.

“We have to get you to the hospital.”

I didn’t even protest.

I tried making it as easy for her as possible by not leaning too much onto her for support while she slowly helped me to a station where we could board an L train. Since Mother didn’t have a driver’s license, she couldn’t drive me with our car herself.

When we finally arrived at the hospital, Mother made sure that I sat down before going up to the nurses’ station.

I looked up when I heard a familiar musical voice. “Mrs. Masen? What are you doing here?” Dr. Cullen was walking up to her with concern shining in his strange golden eyes.

“Oh, Dr. Cullen! You have to help me. It’s Edward. I think he’s fallen ill.”

Dr. Cullen turned his head to me. As soon as he spotted me, he strode forward and kneeled in front of my chair. “Edward? How are you feeling?”

I looked into his eyes and was just about to answer when I stopped myself. There was something in the doctor’s gaze that told me that I didn’t have to answer. He already knew what was wrong with me.

I dropped my eyes to the floor and Dr. Cullen straightened up. “Amy, get a bed ready for Mr. Masen. I’m afraid we have another one,” he said lowly to a nurse that had come up to us.

“Yes, Dr. Cullen.”

A lump formed in my throat at his words and I tried to swallow it down. I, however, must have swallowed wrong because it hurt and caused me to start coughing.

“Quickly, Amy.”

“Right away, Dr. Cullen.”

I couldn’t focus on what was happening around me. It was all a blur. Suddenly, I was in a bed in a room filled with moaning and groaning people as well as their relatives.

I looked to my side and saw Mother sitting next to my bed. There were tear lines on her cheeks and fresh tears falling from her eyes.

It wasn’t until then that I registered that she was holding my hand in hers. I could barely feel it.

“You will be all right. Do you hear me, Edward? You _will_ be all right,” she whispered over and over again.

I could only respond to that in one way. “I’m sorry,” I whispered back.

Dr. Cullen came up to us with a syringe in his hand. I looked at it suspiciously.

“We don’t want you in unnecessary pain, Edward. This will help you rest and store your energy. You need to be strong to fight that fever.”

I nodded in consent and felt relief wash through my body when blackness embraced me the way you did an old friend.

**< {=ALS=}>**

I was floating in and out of unconsciousness. Not much made sense to me. I had no idea how much time passed, only that it did.

Sometimes, I woke up to the feeling of a cool cloth being dabbed on my forehead by my mother, other times it was Dr. Cullen checking my vitals and temperature, but I was never awake for long.

My dreams, however, were of the strange kind. I saw things like a purple ferret, or a green mouse with butterfly wings.

But there were also times when my dreams had logic in them. It could be storm clouds collecting before the rain falling while I stood alone in the woods, or a childhood memory of when Mr. Abernathy first taught me to play the piano.

The strangest dreams, though, were the ones that made me believe I was awake. They were all of Dr. Cullen. Mostly it was of him looking at me with sad eyes.

With each dream, his eyes grew darker, which confused me. Eye color wasn’t supposed to be able to change.

Once, I saw my father stand next to Dr. Cullen and nod when I looked at him questioningly. I didn’t understand what it was he wanted to tell me, but it felt as if it was important.

It was night when I woke up again.

I immediately knew that something was wrong because Mother wasn’t sitting next to me. She hadn’t left my side since I was brought to the hospital.

I looked around tiredly until I spotted a nurse. She came up to me and gave me a gentle smile.

“Where is my mother?” I asked in a broken whisper.

The smile fell and her eyes shifted for a second from my eyes to the bed next to me. I turned my head slowly, terrified of what I would see.

Mother was sleeping with a frown on her face.

At first, I thought that she’d been allowed to borrow a bed next to me to get some sleep, and I felt relieved that she got some rest. But then I saw her erratic breathing and the beads of sweat on her upper lip.

“No,” I breathed out. Tears blurred my vision and I stretched a shaking hand toward Mother’s sleeping form.

I couldn’t accept that my mother was also sick. Was it my fault? Had she gotten it from me?

How could I do that to my mother?


	6. Chapter 5: September 15th - September 18th 1918

**CHAPTER 5: SEPTEMBER 15 th – SEPTEMBER 18th 1918**

I cringed at the sound of rubber boots walking in the puddles of blood on the floor. It was sickening to know that the boots were necessary because of the amount of blood people coughed up.

I was one of them.

That was one of the few times that I was really coherent; when I was coughing up blood. When I was leaning over my bed with bloody mucus dripping from my mouth, I saw the blood on the floor, the other sick, and the hospital staff with those damn rubber boots.

I wasn’t sure how long I’d been here, but I’d definitely gone for the worse during that time. I was almost constantly asleep. At least I think I was asleep since I still had all of those strange dreams. Both the ones that didn’t make any sense as well as the ones that I had now come to recognize as memories.

I was in excruciating pain. Everything hurt. It hurt to open my eyes: it hurt to move, but most of all, it hurt to breathe.

I tried to take a deep breath through my mouth, but it rasped down my throat painfully and I instinctively started to cough. I grimaced when I felt the fluid from my lungs travel up and out of my mouth.

I felt the liquid slip out of the corner of my mouth and stain the collar of my hospital gown. I was too weak to wipe the excess away from my chin. It was disgusting, but I didn’t really care. Why should I care when I was dying anyway?

When the attack was over, I slowly fell into the now-familiar blackness.

I had a dream, or maybe it was reality this time, that Dr. Cullen was examining me. Something was obscuring the image the way it did when I was looking through my lashes. His eyes were darker than I’d ever seen them; almost black.

How could that be? I was sure his eyes were golden before.

When he was done with his examination, he looked at a nurse next to him and shook his head.

That shake told me everything I needed to know about my condition. I wasn’t going to make it. This was how I would die.

But if it was a dream, maybe it was only my subconscious that showed me my deepest fears.

It was too hard to separate dream from reality in my state, so I let darkness swallow me again.

**< {=ALS=}>**

I vaguely felt that someone was interlinking their fingers with mine. It was a delicate grasp that, even though it was weak, held a lot of love and worry.

With sluggish movements, I turned my head and opened my eyes slowly and saw a slightly blurry image of Mother looking at me with glassy eyes. Her appearance made me want to cry. Her once full and beautiful features were now hollow and ashy. It looked like her cheekbones could break through her fragile-looking skin any second.

The strong grip she used to have was now weak because of her brittle fingers.

I opened my mouth to speak, but she only tightened her grip and shook her head.

“Just rest, honey,” she said in an unrecognizable voice. “You need—” her voice failed her, but she only cleared it and tried again. “You need to save your strength to fight this.”

She was in denial if she thought I would survive. I was far worse than she was, and even though I didn’t want to entertain the thought for even a second, the chances of my mother surviving weren’t high, which in turn made my chances even smaller.

Being a devoted Christian man, I prayed to God that he would let my mother survive. She was only thirty-six and could still re-marry and have a new family if she got through this. It wasn’t too late for her.

A nurse came up to us and asked if she could do anything. “W-water,” I managed to rasp out and she supported my head while I took a sip from the cup she offered me.

The water cleared my throat a bit, and I sighed in relief.

“You both need to sleep,” the nurse said in a gentle but stern voice. She was casting pointed looks toward our entwined hands. I was about to release my grip, but Mother did not allow it, so we fell asleep like that.

**< {=ALS=}>**

Time passed in the same notion.

I was only awake for the shortest periods of time. I couldn’t focus on anything.

If I happened to wake up, I would soon fall back into unconsciousness by the pain in my entire body. I felt like an old man instead of the seventeen-year-old I was supposed to be.

I wondered if I would notice it when I died, or if it would feel like when I fell asleep. Would I somehow know that it would be the last time my eyes closed or would I just slip into darkness?

Would there be a light that called to me? Had I deserved to enter the gates to Paradise or would I be sent to hell? I couldn’t remember ever doing anything that would cause the devil to want me.

I had succeeded in staying awake for longer than a few seconds, but my eyes were closed. It was more comfortable than having them open.

My heart was beating at an uneven pace. Sometimes, it even stopped for a short second until it jolted back into its rhythm, and I would gasp in fear.

I was terrified of the moment when it wouldn’t start beating again.

I heard mumblings next to me. It sounded almost like my mother and Dr. Cullen, but that could have been a conjuration of my imagination.

_“It’s time, son. Remember what I said. You have to trust him.”_

My eyes flew open and flashed around the room in a show of unusual energy. Everything in the ward looked exactly the same, but my father’s voice had been so clear. He’d frequently visited my dreams, but this was the first time I’d heard him when I was awake.

What was it time for? What would happen now? Was it death?

When I couldn’t see anything unusual, I re-closed my eyes, and I saw Father with a serious expression. But he wasn’t alone this time. Mother stood next to him, once again her beautiful self, and she had a sad smile on her face.

 _“I made him promise, honey,”_ she said. Her voice was eerie and hollow, like it wasn’t from this world, not at all the clear tones Father had spoken just seconds before.

I wanted to know what all of it meant. I couldn’t make any sense of it.

The vision evaporated when my bed was jostled. I opened my eyes in confusion. Why was I being moved? I groaned when the continuous jostling made my stomach turn. But I didn’t have anything to expel of. My stomach was empty, and I ended up dry-heaving over the edge of my still-moving bed.

When I was once again on my back, I looked up only to see Dr. Cullen. He was the one moving my bed. He was looking forward, not making any eye-contact with me.

When we closed in on an area filled with people, he slowed down and whispered in an almost inaudible voice that everything would be fine soon. He met my confused gaze for a second and then covered my face with some kind of fabric before he continued to roll me through the hospital.

I felt a sudden temperature change, but even though my eyes were open, I couldn’t see anything because of the fabric.

When Dr. Cullen uncovered me, I saw that we were now in a sterile, dim room. It was colder in here than the rest of the hospital and it looked more like a lab than a room.

I tried to ask Dr. Cullen what he was doing, but he wasn’t looking at me. I opened my mouth to speak, but the only sound that came out was a low gurgling.

Dr. Cullen quickly placed his hand over my mouth and a finger over his own as if to tell me to be quiet. He looked around again and waited to see if someone might have heard me.

He finally met my gaze with steady eyes. They were once again golden.

He slowly leaned closer to my ear. His breath was very cold and made goose bumps appear on my neck. “I’m so sorry for what I’m about to do.”

I shuddered at all the implications those words could have. What was it he was going to do to me? I wanted to know, but he didn’t say anything else, even though my eyes had all the questions my mouth was unable to speak at the moment.

My heart leaped in my chest when he slid his arms underneath my body and easily lifted me from the bed. Dr. Cullen did not look strong enough to lift me in this fashion, but he did so without difficulty. He did not even seem to think I was the least bit heavy.

My surprise locked my limbs, and I stopped breathing for a short second. Even through my fever-induced delirium, I knew that this wasn’t normal. A man of Dr. Cullen’s height and physique shouldn’t be able to lift a man of my weight like it was nothing.

I knew that I’d probably lost a lot of weight during my time of sickness, but I wasn’t exactly light because of it.

It was strange to be carried. I felt how Dr. Cullen was holding me away from his body so all of my weight was on his arms. I could also feel the muscles in his arms when he began walking toward a door in the very back. He had more of it than you would think when you first saw him.

I closed my eyes when I felt my fatigue once again. All the excitement had given me a surge of adrenaline, but it was wearing off now, and my limbs once again became weak.

My heart thumped unevenly and did its stop and start motion again. Dr. Cullen’s eyes flashed to mine worriedly. It was almost as if he’d been able to hear my heartbeat. His next words strengthened that theory.

“Edward, you have to keep your heart beating. If you don’t, I can’t save you.”

Save me? How could he possibly save me? I was dying, and he was taking me away from the hospital.

Fresh air reached my nose, and I realized we were outside. I took a deep breath and sighed. It was so much easier to breathe outside than it was inside the stuffed hospital where it smelled like urine and death.

I opened my eyes again in hopes of seeing the town one more time before I took my last breath, but what I saw made my eyes widen in shock. Everything was only a blur. The wind that I hadn’t felt before blew past us at top speed.

What was going on? Why was everything moving so fast?

I cast a glance at Dr. Cullen, but his face didn’t give anything away. His face was determined and his eyes were focused far away. He must have felt my gaze on him, because he looked down at me for a second. He didn’t maintain eye-contact. He quickly looked forward again, but he looked even more determined than before.

A thrilling surge went through my stomach when it felt as if I was being dropped, but I still felt Dr. Cullen’s steady arms underneath me, so I couldn’t explain the feeling. It reminded me of when you were going downhill at a fast pace; like a surge of adrenaline.

Seconds later, we were once again inside. I didn’t recognize my surroundings, although that could have been because I couldn’t really focus on anything. All I knew was that we were inside a house. I detected the smell of pine and wet earth.

The house was cold, as if it wasn’t used regularly and heated up. The smell got me thinking of the woods, and an image of a hunting cabin entered my mind.

I had always wanted to go hunting with my father when I was younger, but he wasn’t an outdoors kind of person.

But it was impossible for us to be that far into the forest. We had been at the hospital only a minute earlier, so we must be some place in downtown Chicago that smelled like pine and wet earth. It was the only logical explanation.

I was placed on something soft. There was a pillow underneath my head, so I guessed I was in a bed.

I guess I should have been freaking out more than I was. Here I was in an unknown house with a man I did not know, but the fever was still burning through my body and somewhere in my mind, I was explaining all of the strange things that had happened as a part of one of the illogical dreams I had.

I would probably awake any second and realize that I was still at the hospital, waiting for death to take me.

Suddenly, I felt something sharp cut into my neck. I screamed out in pain and tried to move away, but an ice-cold hand came up around my throat to keep me in place.

A burning sensation started from the point of the cut and began to flow through my body. I was gasping for air, but I couldn’t draw in a proper breath.

The hand was removed from my throat, and my back arched as an ear-piercing scream escaped me. Everything was burning, and it was unbearable, so much worse than the fever had ever made me feel. My entire body started to shake as my muscles tensed up.

My heart started to beat at a faster pace, but the faster it beat, the more the heat rose in temperature inside of me. It was as if the burning was somehow associated with my heart-beat.

Dr. Cullen’s face appeared before me, and what I saw made a shot of fear go through my body.

His lips were tinted red, and a liquid that appeared to be blood was seeping out from the corner of his mouth.

He used the back of his hand to wipe it away and then looked at me with sorrow-filled eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, and I realized with a start that the blood covering his teeth was _mine_.


	7. Chapter 6: September 18th – September 21st 1918

I wanted to scream. I wanted nothing more than to scream, or at least be _able_ to scream. My vocal cords had broken when I’d been screaming for several hours straight. It had hurt, but it was nothing compared to the flames that were licking through my body—not on me, _through_ me—and it was the most agonizing feeling I'd ever had.

No, agonizing was the wrong word. Excruciating, perhaps...Those were the words I’d used for the pain I experienced with the fever, but they were the wrong words now. I couldn't find the right word to describe exactly how I felt, and the reason behind that must be because there isn't such a word.

My breathing was labored, and I was getting lightheaded from of the lack of oxygen that entered my brain.

I still couldn't comprehend what was happening.

When I’d seen Dr. Cullen's teeth, glistening wet and covered with my blood, I'd lost it. First, I thought it was all a dream the fever had conjured up in my mind, but that theory soon flew out the window. There was no way a pain so vivid like the one I was experiencing could be a dream. It felt like I’d been thrown onto an open fire.

My entire body was trembling with the tension that was in my muscles. I wanted to thrash, and scream, and just _do_ something to get the fire out of me, but I couldn't. I’d quickly realized that all of my tries were in vain.

I’d tried to plead with Dr. Cullen to kill me, but when you don’t have a voice, it’s hard to communicate with someone that you’re afraid to look in the eyes.

I heard a small whisper in my ear and instinctively shifted away from it, but there was no one in the room but me. Dr. Cullen had left earlier when he realized that his presence made me uncomfortable.

I heard the whisper again, but this time I realized that it was in my head, and not in my ear. It reminded me of the sound of the wind as it blows past your ear. I didn’t understand why I heard it, though.

The thoughts only captured my mind for a few seconds. The main part of it was still focused on the unbearable fire. Once again, I wished I was just able to scream, but my voice was still lost in my throat.

A hand, a hard and cold hand, was laid on my forehead, and I flinched away from it.

Dr. Cullen was the reason for this: the pain. I didn't know what he did, but he did something after he'd tasted my blood. He had somehow been able to pierce my skin with his teeth and inject something into the wound.

I had never been one to judge people for their lifestyles. They can be whatever they want, because it doesn’t bother me. But this... _this_...was just sick. A doctor, who was supposed to heal people from their diseases and cure them from the sickness, enjoyed the taste of blood.

I had twisted it over in my head and tried to make some sense into it—logical sense—but nothing came up. Everything was just repulsive.

I ground my teeth together when a particularly painful flame licked at my shoulder. I was sure I would shatter them like glass, but I couldn’t relax my jaw.

Dr. Cullen's hand was once again placed on my forehead, and I badly wanted to push it away from my face. I wanted to get away from him and from what he'd done to me.

I wanted to die!

That was all I could think of: death and how I would welcome it with open arms.

But as time wound on, I knew that I wouldn’t get my wish granted.

**< {=ALS=}>**

It was a strange feeling when my body acquired strength instead of growing weaker by the flames.

I thought that I was slowly turning into ash, but I felt how my senses grew sharper— _a lot_ sharper.

I could hear everything. I could hear the rustle of the wind in the trees outside, the quick and light run of a squirrel on the ground. I could also hear the sound of a river far away.

All the sounds told me that Dr. Cullen had indeed brought me to the woods, probably so that no one would hear my screams.

I curled in on myself and buried my face in the pillow I had under my head. Occasionally, groans of pain would escape me. I didn’t understand how, but my vocal cords had somehow healed and given me my voice back, but I refrained from screaming. I didn’t want them to break again. Screaming didn’t exactly help me cope with the pain either.

The whispers in my head had become clearer. Sometimes, I was able to identify words. I still didn’t know what the whispers meant, but I figured I would find out with time, because that was what I’d gotten: more time. I didn’t know how, but the flames had somehow rid me of the fever. I could feel it through the pain that the fever was no longer raging in my body. For all intents and purposes, I was cured.

I still had a hard time accepting Dr. Cullen close to me, though. He tried to make me more accustomed to his presence by simply sitting on the other side of the room, but he had, as time passed, moved closer.

At the moment, he was kneeling right beside the bed and was looking at me with a pained expression. I could see it clearly on his face that he hated to see me in pain, but I couldn’t detect any regret.

Usually, he didn’t say anything, but now he started to softly speak to me.

“I want you to know that I am truly sorry for causing you this pain.” He wasn’t lying. His face was, although still pained, open and honest.

The whispers became clearer, but they were more like static on a radio now. I couldn’t hear every word. _“Hope...forgi...omeday.”_

The tone of the whispers was familiar, almost like I’d heard the voice that uttered them before. However, Dr. Cullen hadn’t been speaking, so I had no idea from where the whispers came.

I was breathing harshly through my nose, and I saw Dr. Cullen cringe when a painful cry tore from my chest.

“I know what you’re going through, truly I do. I’ve undergone the same, and I can promise you that it will be over soon. Just a few more hours and it will be over.”

I wanted to feel relief at his words, but all I could feel was dread. What would be over? My life? This pain? What was to come afterwards? What was it that I was undergoing?

“Do you want an explanation now, or later?”

I wasn’t sure if I wanted the answers to my questions at the moment. I don’t think I was ready to hear the truth. Something that created this kind of pain couldn’t lead to anything good.

But still, I _wanted_ to know. My curiosity got the best of me.

“N-n-n-no-o—”

“Now?” he asked.

I nodded.

Dr. Cullen inhaled deeply as if to brace himself. “What I am, and what you are becoming, isn’t of the human world.”

I just stared at him. What could he possibly mean with that?

He sighed. “Edward, do you believe in supernatural creatures?”

What did that have to do with anything? I quickly shook my head. No, I believed in supernatural creatures just as much as I believed in urban legends; a belief which was non-existent.

 _“He'll...elieve me...think...'m a...natic!”_ I frowned. I was positive that voice had been Dr. Cullen’s, but he hadn’t said anything. I knew because I never took my eyes off of him.

“I’m afraid that you’re going to have to become a believer because I am supernatural. I’m not human. You could say that I’m a creature of the night.”

There was a beat of silence, and then Dr. Cullen locked his eyes with mine.

“Edward, I’m a vampire.”

Silence.

His words hung heavily in the air. They pressed against my temples and threatened to choke me with the tension they brought into the room.

It couldn’t be true. It _wasn’t_ true because vampires did not exist.

They were a part of horror stories and nightmares, not the real world. Vampires had fangs and turned into bats. They slept in coffins during the day and resented everything religious, but most of all, they _didn’t exist_.

However, it did not matter how much I tried to convince myself because my mind had already started to puzzle everything together.

It would explain how he’d been able to bite through my skin, but not why he hadn’t drained me of blood. The unnatural strength I’d witnessed when he carried me made more sense.

But there were other things that did not fit the description of a vampire.

How could he move around during the day? He’d been at the hospital when Father was brought in and it had definitely been daylight outside. He did not have fangs, and it didn’t explain why his eye color changed. He had barely left my side for the hours that we’d been in the house, so he had obviously not slept in a coffin.

My head was spinning.

The pain and the flames were not forgotten. They were in almost every thought I had, but I found myself being able to think of several things at the same time. My mind was racing with it.

I thought of Dr. Cullen’s confession, my parents; Lewis and Evelyn, and my life: of what it had been, and what it would now become.

I had already put the pieces together. If Dr. Cullen was indeed a vampire, that could only mean one thing.

He’d bitten me. He was turning me into one of his kind: a soulless monster.

Was that why I was burning? Was it a test from the devil? To see if I was worthy, if I could pass through the flames of hell and still survive.

It was all so absurd.

I refused to believe it and shook my head at him. He was certifiably insane. He shouldn’t be a doctor. He should be a patient, at an asylum.

“You don't believe me, do you?”

I didn’t even answer that. That was quite obvious, wasn’t it? Of course I didn’t believe him.

Dr. Cullen sighed again. “I guess the only one that can prove my point is you. When the change is complete, you'll see for yourself that I'm telling the truth.”

He rose from his kneeling position and left the room.

_“It will take time for him. Hopefully, he’ll accept it easier when he can feel the changes in his body. I really hope I didn’t make a mistake by changing him. He’s so young.”_

I don’t think he intended for me to hear his mumblings, but I guess he didn’t take my enhanced hearing into consideration.

**< {=ALS=}>**

I tried to will the fire out of me.

I clamped my eyes shut, held my breath and put all my concentration on getting the fire out, but of course it didn’t do anything.

How much longer would I burn? Dr. Cullen had said that it would be over soon, but that was hours ago. At least I think it was hours ago. Time meant very little to me at the moment.

My heart was beating furiously in my chest. It was fighting against the flames, but I don’t think it would win. If the flames did not consume me, I was sure I would die out of a heart attack.

I gasped when I suddenly felt the first change in my condition since it all started.

The fire retreated from my fingers and toes and left them with a sensation of coolness. The absence was such a great relief, but I didn’t get a chance to relax because, while my hands and feet were now free from the flames, the heat around my heart rose in temperature. I couldn’t even understand how that was possible.

I grabbed handfuls of the sheets under me in an attempt to control myself. I heard rather than felt it when the fabric was torn apart. I could hear how each thread snapped. I hadn’t even made an effort. The fabric felt as delicate as silk paper underneath my hands.

 _“Not much longer now,”_ I heard Dr. Cullen say to himself before he came back in the room. He watched me with an expectant glimmer in his strange golden eyes. I wondered if the eyes meant anything special.

My breathing picked up when my arms were freed from the heat. It felt so good, like sinking into a cool bath during a warm summer day.

I couldn’t enjoy the relief, though. There was no relief since one discomfort was exchanged for another.

My torso rose and sank with my breathing as I tried to get as much oxygen into my body as possible. I was hoping that it would take my mind off my burning heart if I focused on my breathing. The attempt was in vain.

The fire left my head, but it lingered in my throat instead. I tried to swallow it down, but my throat was so dry, and I felt so _thirsty_.

My heart was in a frenzy and I tossed all over the bed and screamed out my pain. It was impossible to stay quiet now.

Dr. Cullen came forward, and I grabbed his shirt. “Make it stop! _Please_ , just make it stop!”

He didn't even seem shocked when I grabbed him. He calmly pried my hand away from his shirt and held onto it. “It will be over soon. I promise. You’ll only have to endure it for a couple more minutes.”

His hand wasn't cold anymore. It was like taking anybody's hand. It felt normal.

The heat subsided, and I closed my eyes. My heart also began beating at a slower pace. It was soon so slow and faint that I could barely make out the sound.

It made me nervous. Wasn’t I supposed to lose consciousness when my heart stopped beating? Wasn’t that what was supposed to happen when you died?

Two more weak beats and it went silent.

There was not a sound in the room, not even the sound of breathing. Both Dr. Cullen and I were holding our breath. The sounds came from outside.

But I could feel the presence of someone else in the room. I could _smell_ it.

I inhaled deeply, hoping that it would calm me down, but it only distressed me further when no relief was tied to the action. It was only the lifeless rise and fall of my chest as my lungs expanded with the air.

Even though I knew it was over, I refused to open my eyes. I was too afraid of what I might see.

 _“He should open his eyes now. The change is complete. His heart has stopped. So what’s wrong? Did_ I _do something wrong when I bit him?_

“Edward? Can you open your eyes?”

When he addressed me directly, I had to obey. When he said my name, it was like a father saying the name of his son. It felt like home, and I felt that I _wanted_ to listen to him.

I very slowly opened my eyes and took in my surroundings.


	8. Chapter 7, September 21st - September 22nd 1918 Part 1

**CHAPTER 7 SEPTEMBER 21 st – SEPTEMBER 22nd 1918 PART 1**

It wasn’t only my hearing that had gotten sharper.

Everything around me looked so defined. I could see every little creak and crease, the thread count on the sheets, and even the dust particles in the air. It did not matter that it was night outside and no lights were on inside. I could still see everything.

But somehow, it didn’t feel strange to be able to see so clearly. It felt more like I had been blind before, and it wasn’t until now that the obscurity over my eyes had disappeared.

I brought my hands up and studied them closely. My brain barely registered the movement. It was like my body reacted before I’d had the proper thought. It was primal and instinctual, like an animal.

I noticed that my skin was paler and smoother than I’d ever seen it before. The texture was almost non-existent.

While still looking at my hands, I straightened up in a sitting position.

It was all so strange. Even in the tiniest movements, I could feel the strength in my muscles, even though no effort was used. Everything felt so easy, as if I could do anything I wanted, in the physical sense.

 _“It’s so fascinating to see him adjusting; so different from experiencing it myself.”_ My eyes snapped in Dr. Cullen’s direction, but his face was impassive. He looked like he didn’t want to disturb me.

I was distracted by the dark wooden wall behind him. I hadn’t looked around the room until now—I still had no idea where we were—and realized that we were in a log cabin.

Instinctively, I reached out with my hearing to take in the surroundings I could not see with my eyes.

I’d heard some of the sounds outside since we arrived, but it wasn’t until now that I could really focus.

I heard the wind in the trees, the rustling of leaves on the ground, as well as several small animals running about on the forest floor.

I reached even further and my entire body tensed up when I heard an appealing thumping sound. I didn’t know what it was, but it was thick and wet, and promised satisfaction.

I had gotten off the bed and started for the door before I even knew what I was doing.

“Edward, wait!”

The closeness of the voice distressed me, and I turned around to protect my back.

I crouched down and bared my teeth, only to see Dr. Cullen standing behind me with his hands up in a surrendering manner.

I straightened my crouch, and was minutely distracted by the swiftness with how I did it.

I couldn’t explain any of my actions. I couldn’t understand them, but they felt natural. I looked away from Dr. Cullen and ran a hand through my hair. The texture was unnaturally smooth and not at all like my hair used to be.

_“I remember how it was. Ruled by instinct and easily distracted.”_

I glared at Dr. Cullen. It was starting to annoy me that he continued talking like I didn’t hear him. He wasn’t exactly mumbling either. The words were loud and clear.

I didn’t comment, though.

An image entered my head and startled me.

The image was of an angry young man: me, to be exact, although, it did not look like me. This man had a certain grace about him while he stood in the middle of a room very much alike the one I was in. He shared my height and hair, but his features were angular, sharper and more defined. Then there were the eyes: dark eyebrows were furrowed over crimson red eyes.

Why I saw this warped image of myself, I did not know. All I knew was that it scared me.

_“What could possibly be going through his head right now?”_

“Everything,” I whispered. Everything was going through my head. It wasn’t just one thought.

Dr. Cullen frowned, but relaxed almost immediately again. “It’s quite a lot to take in, isn’t it?” he asked me. I met his eyes. It was obvious it was meant as a rhetorical question. He knew that there was a lot to take in. “Do you believe me now?”

I sighed. “I wish I could say no.” It was the first time I heard my voice since I “woke up.” It was still my voice, but it had a new smoother tone to it, almost like my vocal cords were embedded in some soft fabric.

Dr. Cullen chuckled. _“Don’t we all.”_

“What do you mean by that?” I asked.

His smile fell. “What?”

I shrugged it off. It wasn’t really important.

“I know it’s confusing, but even though I would like to give you all the answers right away, we need to take care of your thirst first.”

As soon as he mentioned _“thirst,”_ scorching flames flared up in my throat. It was a dry, painful feeling and I needed something, _anything_ , to dull it down.

The memory of that wet thumping sound from before made a bitter, tangy taste erupt on my tongue. I swallowed it down, but the taste only became stronger as my saliva pooled in my mouth.

Since I now knew that Dr. Cullen was speaking the truth, I also knew what it was I needed to satisfy this consuming thirst I felt.

_Blood._

Somehow, the thought did not repulse me as much as I thought it would.

But I did not know how to get it. I swept my eyes over the cabin’s room, but when I couldn’t find anything, my head whipped toward Dr. Cullen. “How do we take care of it?” The question came out like a growl and startled me, but not even that could distract me from my focus on finding food.

Dr. Cullen hesitated for a short second. _“I wonder how he’ll take it.”_ I startled again when I heard his voice even though he didn’t open his mouth. I didn’t get a chance to really think about it though. “There is one thing I need to explain before I take you out on your first hunt.”

I was becoming impatient, and it was obvious with how I repeatedly clenched and opened my hands at my sides. I wasn’t interested in what Dr. Cullen had to say at the moment.

I started to pace around the room, venturing close to the windows to see if I could pick up that thumping sound again.

“And what’s that?” I asked without really focusing.

“The majority of the vampire community lives off human blood. I, however, want to preserve human life, and so I don’t hunt humans.”

I felt confused and so Dr. Cullen regained my attention. I looked at him over my shoulder and frowned. “Then how do you survive?”

“I solely live on the blood of animals. It makes it possible for me to stay in touch with my humanity, and continue working as a doctor.”

“Why?” I asked before I could stop myself. It wasn’t that I couldn’t understand his philosophy, but as vampires, weren’t we _supposed_ to hunt humans?

Dr. Cullen took a deep breath. “Just because life hands you a certain lot, does it mean that you have to live according to it?”

He did have a point.

I looked out the window again when I heard the same thumping noise again, and this time it was accompanied by heavy footsteps. It told me that it, whatever it was, was getting closer. My body coiled to run.

_“I am such a hypocrite, but I can’t tell him the truth yet.”_

I snapped at that. I had slowly gotten more annoyed with his small side-remarks, and I had finally had enough. “What _truth_? What aren’t you telling me?” I growled through gritted at him.

My mood swings were so unpredictable and always left me one step behind.

Dr. Cullen was shocked by my words, and he looked bewildered for a second before something akin to wonder lit up his features.

_“Edward, can you hear me?”_

Since I’d been looking straight at him, I’d once again noticed that he did not open his mouth when he said this. How he did it, I did not know. But I nodded in answer to his question.

A wide grin took over his face. _“Remarkable! Edward, you’re a mind reader!”_

My eyes widened, and I was just about to ask how I could read his mind when the wind blew in through the cracks in the cabin and brought with it a scent that was quite appealing.

Dr. Cullen also smelled it. “You need to hunt,” he simply said, and I didn’t need more encouragement then that, even though I didn’t know how to hunt.

Every muscle in my body tensed, and not even a second passed before I was running at blinding speed through the forest.

The feeling was exhilarating. I was running faster than my motorcar had ever been able to travel. Still, I could see every little twig and leaf, every insect and flower in the night. The forest was filled with more life than I’d ever thought, although they stopped moving minutely when I passed.

I only used my nose to determine the location of my prey. Otherwise, I used my hearing and simply concentrated on the thumping, which I’d now come to understood was the sound of a beating heart, and I was closing in on it.

The closer I came, the faster I was running. I was becoming impatient as it was really registered to me that I would be able to rid myself of the flames in my throat.

I didn’t even slow down when I spotted the huge bear that was munching on something. It heard me approach, but it barely had time to turn its head toward me before I knocked it to the ground.

It growled at me from its lying position, but I only growled back. _I_ was the predator in this game.

I gave the bear a chance to get up from the ground and it immediately rose on its hind legs in an attempt to intimidate me with its height. I snapped my teeth toward it, and charged forward before the animal registered the movement.

It still managed to hit me with its huge paw when I was almost in its face, but it didn’t steer me off track. I took a leap from where I stood on the ground and landed on the bear’s back, my arms already in a death lock around its neck.

It roared furiously, but the sound was cut off when I tightened my hold until I heard its windpipe being crushed, and even before the animal began to fall to the ground, I bit into its neck, through the fur and sinewy muscle, to the warm pumping liquid that splashed deliciously onto my tongue.

The taste was like nothing I’d ever tasted before, even though something inside me told me that it wasn’t quite right. It was supposed to be even better than it already was.

The bear was emptied in minutes and I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand when I was done. The burn in my throat had dulled slightly, but I could still drink more.

The image of me standing over the bear with a torn, bloodied shirt, and blood all over my chin, entered my mind. I recognized the “tone” of the image, and after what had been revealed back at the cabin, I now knew that I saw myself through Dr. Cullen’s eyes.

I saw in my mind how I turned my head and looked at him. I also saw my own face contorted in fear when I registered those red eyes. _My_ eyes.

I snapped my eyes shut and willed the image out of my head. But the face of a monster was still etched behind my eyelids.

_“Edward?”_

Without opening my eyes, I spoke my thoughts. “Why do I have red eyes?” My voice was barely audible.

“It’s because you’re new to this life,” he said from next to me. “All vampires that feed from humans have red eyes, and since your own blood lingers in your body, it causes your eyes to have the same eye color. The longer you abstain from human blood, the duller the red will become, and if you continue a diet of animal blood, they will slowly turn amber and then gold.”

“How long?” How long would I have to see a monster staring back at me from the mirror?

“Approximately four to five months,” he answered. _“And that is if he doesn’t slip.”_

His thought made me worried. “Is it hard to…to _not_ hunt humans?”

“The first year is the hardest. That’s when you’re most out of control, but it will get easier with time. During your newborn year, you’re almost solely ruled by your instincts.”

“Newborn?”

He smiled ruefully. “It’s what we call new vampires.”

I wiped the blood off my chin with the back of my hand and was instantly mesmerized by its deep red color. “I’m still thirsty,” I stated, almost to myself.

“As with the eyes, it’s because you’re young. It will fade with time.”

“And what do I do about that now?”

He smiled reassuringly. “Close your eyes, and empty your mind.” I looked at him skeptically, but did as I was told and only listened to his voice. “Reach out with your senses.” I did similarly to what I did before in the cabin. I reached out with my hearing deep into the surrounding forest. “Let them take you over.” I listened further and tried to find what Dr. Cullen obviously wanted me to find.

Suddenly, I heard that thumping noise of a beating heart again, but it was different from the bear’s. This one was smaller and faster, and it couldn’t belong to a very big animal.

The sound was coming far away from my left, but it was there, and it, too, was accompanied by footsteps that were walking on dry leaves.

“Follow your instincts.”

The last instruction made my eyes snap open. I immediately steered to my left and tried to pick up a scent that could go with the beating heart.

I couldn’t have been far away when an unappetizing odor reached my nose. I stopped just in time to see a white-tailed stag make a run for it away from me.

“Are you serious?” I asked when Dr. Cullen caught up to me.

“I’m afraid so,” he replied with a small chuckle.

“It stinks.”

“You will get used to it. It grows on you.” He raised his eyebrows and gestured with his hand for me to lead the hunt on the stag.

“I hope it tastes better than it smells,” I mumbled before I began to run again.


	9. Chapter 8, September 21st - September22nd 1918 Part 2

**CHAPTER 8 SEPTEMBER 21 st – SEPTEMBER 22nd 1918 PART 2**

“If it’s so hard to stay away from human blood, how can you work in a hospital? Don’t you have to perform surgeries?” I asked when we were making our way back to the cabin.

The stag was not the best meal I’d ever had, and Dr. Cullen was now making up for leading me toward that animal by answering my questions.

 “It took centuries for me to perfect the control I have today.”

 _Centuries_? “Exactly how old _are_ you, Dr. Cullen?” I asked hesitantly. I didn’t want to offend him, but he didn’t look older than twenty-six, maybe even twenty-eight, and that made me curious to his real age.

“Edward, I think we’re past the formal stage of our relationship. Please, call me Carlisle,” he said with a smirk. “And to answer your question, I was born in London in the year of 1640.” My head quickly did the math. That would make him two hundred-seventy-eight years old.

“Are vampires—”

“Immortal? Yes. There’s only one way to kill a vampire, and that’s to burn him.” A shudder rippled through him, and I saw a disturbing image in his head.

I saw a huge light room made out of marble. A dirty man with red eyes was forced on his knees by two other men, also with red eyes. A fourth man with long black hair was walking up to the trio. I only saw his back, so I didn’t know what he looked like.

The black-haired man cradled the dirty man’s head in his hands before he violently tore the head from his shoulders while the other two ripped him in half by his arms.

The pieces were set on fire, and I watched, horrified, as the man was turned to ashes.

I blinked and the image disappeared.

Carlisle saw the expression on my face. “You saw that, didn’t you? I’m sorry, it wasn’t my intention.”

“ _What_ was that? _Who_ was that man?”

He knew, without me explaining, that I meant the black-haired man. “The reason that humans don’t know of vampires’ existence is because we have our own laws that we have to follow. These laws are upheld by the rulers of the community. The man you saw was one of the leaders. His name is Aro, and together with his brothers, Marcus and Caius, he hands out the punishment to those that don’t honor the law. They call themselves the Volturi.”

I could see the logic in what he said, but I was still distraught after what I’d seen. “What had that man done to deserve such a horrifying death?”

“He was a nomad passing through the city where the Volturi lives. If there’s one thing that you have to remember, it’s that it’s strictly forbidden to feed inside of the walls of Volterra. This man did just that, and it gave him a death sentence without trial.”

“Why were you there?”

“After I was changed, I travelled through Europe in hopes of finding others of our kind. I met several nomads, but it wasn’t until I arrived in Italy that I realized how civilized vampires can be. I was fascinated that they could live together in such large numbers, and they were fascinated with my way of life. I decided to stay with them. However, I could only stand it for a couple of decades. All the killings of innocent humans affected me too much.” We continued our walk through the forest while Carlisle told me more about the Volturi coven. I was especially interested in the ability that I shared, to an extent, with Aro.

“Is it normal for vampires to have these extra abilities?”

“Everyone has something extra they bring to this life, but it’s not with everyone that it develops into a gift. Since I did not know you before, I can only guess that you were good at reading people, and that’s why you can now read minds.”

I thought back to what Carlisle told me about the Volturi leader. “You said that Aro was powerful but still limited in his gift. What did you mean with that?”

He smiled at my curiosity. “Unlike you, he needs physical contact to read your mind, but with that contact, he’ll be able to read every thought you’ve ever had.”

My eyes widened. “ _Every_ thought?”

“Every single one; even the ones that you weren’t completely aware of yourself.”

“How come gifts similar to each other still work so differently?” These so-called “formidable gifts” intrigued me, and I wanted to know everything about them.

“The majority of the gifts manifest in the mind, and since no one’s mind works in the exact same way, it causes differences in similar gifts.”

We fell silent and I studied Carlisle from the corner of my eyes as we made our way through the forest and his thoughts were filled with memories from his centuries alone.

Without speaking out loud, he told me of his travels and all the other vampires he’d encountered. The community was larger than I first would have thought.

He caught me looking at him and smirked. “Was there anything else you wanted to know?”

There were an endless number of things I wanted to know. I’d always been thirsty for knowledge and that need seemed to have grown since I’d changed. It was like everything about me had been enhanced and doubly developed.

Most of all, I wanted to know more about Carlisle. How did he come to this life? Why did he choose to take a path so different from the majority? Why did he decide to become a doctor?

I hesitated slightly before asking, though. After undergoing the transformation, I wasn’t sure if it was a sensitive subject for him. “How did you get changed?”

The vague memory of a vampire with coal black eyes and dark circles underneath them flashed through Carlisle’s mind. I saw blurry and murky images of what I assumed to be his human life, although they seemed to be almost forgotten.

In addition to the memories, Carlisle started to speak in a tone that was far away. “My father was an Anglican Pastor. Every day, he preached about the evils in the world. In my time, creatures such as witches, werewolves, and vampires were a common belief, and my father led hunts for them, as he saw them as one of the evils he preached about. He was too quick to see evil where there wasn’t any, though, and many innocents were wrongly accused and burned at the stake.”

The deep pain that coursed over Carlisle’s face was nothing I’d ever seen before. It was admirable that he could feel so strongly for people that had been dead for hundreds of years.

“As my father grew older, he couldn’t continue the hunts on his own and he passed that mission onto me, even though I’d already told him that I wasn’t all too comfortable in sending people to their death. He only told me that I had to because it was our mission from God. He was a Pastor as well as my father, so I did what he told me to do. However, I didn’t accuse people to my left and right of being creatures they so clearly weren’t, much to my father’s chagrin. He thought I did a horrible job until I was able to discover a real coven of vampires that were hiding in the sewers.”

The memories around this time were clearer. It was like he’d thought of this memory more than the rest.

“Together with a few other men, I led the hunting party that night. I revealed the location and ordered for the others to stay in the shadows and wait until one would emerge on its own.”

I saw it in front of me: a cobble-stone road with the streetlights being the only source of light; what appeared to be a man crawled out from a hole in the ground. He was twitchy and on guard as he tried to slip away unnoticed.

“The vampire hadn’t fed for a long time. When he heard us approaching, his intention was to flee, but his weakness made it possible for us to catch up to him and our scents were too alluring for him to resist. He turned on us instead, and I, being in the front row, was bitten and left in the street. I was seen as infected and would have been burned had I not hid myself for the duration of my transformation.”

I saw through the perspective of Carlisle’s memories how he dragged himself with his hands to a food-cellar where he buried himself in a pile of rotting potatoes.

“How were you able to stay quiet?” I asked, awed by his story.

“The only thing preventing me from screaming was my survival instinct. I knew that they would kill me if I was found.”

His story was unbelievable. He bottled every scream inside out of fear of being killed by his own father while still going through the pain I knew was excruciating. I didn’t think it was possible, but I saw his memories in his head. They were so clear, and I was thoroughly relieved that I couldn’t read the feelings behind the thoughts he had. I had already gone through my own transformation, and I wasn’t too eager on reliving his as well.

“But why this way of life? I know what you said before, but it feels like there’s more to it than a simple rebellion against the community.”

Carlisle smiled at me. “Yes, you’re definitely a very perceptive person.”

I shrugged. I couldn’t explain how I’d become so good at reading people. It had always been a part of me. I guess I was just born with it.

 _“I might as well tell him. He’s going to find out eventually anyway.”_ I frowned at the thought and waited for him to continue. “The truth is that I never wanted this life. In the beginning, when the transformation was complete, I fled to the mountains in hopes of finding a way to end my own life, but as I told you, there’s only one way to kill a vampire, and I wasn’t brave enough to set fire on myself, so I tried jumping off high cliffs and starvation. Of course, it didn’t work. It only caused me to be in less control of myself. I stumbled upon this diet when a herd of deer passed the cave in which I was wasting away. I was so thirsty, I couldn’t think, so I attacked. The weakness that starvation had put on my body just drained away and my strength came back. I realized that I could live this life without being a killer.”

Even though I’d listened to everything he said, I couldn’t help myself from thinking about one thing in particular that he said: _“I never wanted this life.”_

If this life was so unimaginable for him, what had made him choose to change me? If it was so unbearable to be a vampire, why didn’t he just let me die as a human?

I didn’t believe in things like fate and destiny, but I was supposed to die in that hospital. That was the natural order of life. My human life was at its end, and still, I had tricked death and was now stuck in between.

I wasn’t dead, but I wasn’t really alive either. At least, my body wasn’t.

Still deep in thought, I spoke up. “If you never wanted this life, why did you change me?”

Carlisle sighed. “I’ve waited for you to ask that.” He looked at me with sad eyes. We had reached the cabin, but we lingered outside. It was still dark outside, but dawn was coming. The color of the sky was slowly shifting.

“It was actually your mother that persuaded me to do it.”

“What?” I felt a pang of guilt when I realized that I hadn’t given my mother a single thought for days. How was she? Was she still alive? And if she was, was the fever still present in her body or had she fought it and was on her way to recover?

“Yes. She asked me—no, demanded me—to save you. She told me to do what others couldn’t in order to save you. I believe that your mother suspected me to be more than human.”

I felt something akin to nausea as I forced the next words out. “How…um…what happened to her?” I had my suspicions, but I needed it confirmed. I had a vague memory of seeing Mother standing next to Father with a sad smile. I knew that it wasn’t a childhood memory: it felt more recent than that, but I wasn’t all too sure if it was real.

Carlisle maintained steady eye contact with me. “I’m afraid she didn’t make it.”

A pain impossible to describe ripped through me when I thought of my beautiful mother. She used to be so full of energy and life, and now she was gone. The woman that had loved me unconditionally for seventeen years would never smile again because she was…she was dead.

“I’m sorry, Edward.”

I shook my head, inhaled deeply, and turned away from him. I needed to be alone, so I made my way back into the depths of the forest.

Carlisle didn’t follow me. Somehow, he knew that I needed to process everything by myself.

I found a fallen tree out of sight from the cabin and sat down. I felt that it wasn’t really necessary for me to sit down. It wouldn’t surprise me if I could stand for days without feeling tired, although I was too impatient to test that theory. For a fleeting second, I wondered if vampires slept in coffins like the myths said, or if they slept at all.

My thoughts were running through my head a mile a minute, literally. There was just so much. My entire life had been altered, and now I had to adjust to everything anew.

There was also everything from my old life that I had to deal with. How would I be able to cope with leaving it all behind? The past few months hadn’t exactly been the happiest, but there were still the people in my life that would miss me. Evelyn and Lewis were at the forefront of my mind.

What would they believe had happened to me? That I’d died? Probably. It was the easiest way for me to disappear.

I wasn’t stupid enough to think that I would be able to linger in Chicago. People would recognize me, and I doubted I could control myself around humans, anyway. If the uncontrollable feeling I’d felt when I attacked the bear was any indication, it would take a long time for me to have the restraint Carlisle showed.

My surroundings slowly changed as the night became day. I wondered if I would burst into flames if I was hit by the rays of the sun.

I’d seen Carlisle at the hospital during the day, but he had been inside then. Could it be that at least one of the myths for vampires was true? If so, why didn’t I hurry to the cabin? Why didn’t I feel any fear?

Was it because I wanted an easy escape? I wasn’t sure if I wanted to live this life yet.

I saw the first sunbeams gleam through the tops of the trees, and I closed my eyes and waited. If the sun were to kill me, Carlisle’s promise to my mother would be broken, but I would join her at the same time, so I don’t think she would be too angry with him.

I felt when the sun hit my skin, but nothing happened. I felt the heat, but no flames erupted.

I sighed, but if it was in disappointment or relief was hard to tell.

I decided that I had to go back to the cabin, and Carlisle. I needed to know what would happen now, but when I opened my eyes, they widened in shock.

All around me were spots of small rainbows, like when the sun reflected through a crystal and the light was cut into small glittering prisms.

But I couldn’t determine the source. I looked around me but couldn’t see anything that could possibly cause the spots. That was until I looked down. I raised my hand with dread coursing through my body.

My skin was sparkling as if it was made out of diamonds.

The sun fell behind a cloud and my skin was once again pale and marble-like.

My breathing picked up pace as I felt panic rise inside me. I shot up from my spot and ran at full speed toward the cabin. I had to get away from the sun, I had to _hide_.

Hide from what I now had really come to realize that I was. I was no longer human.

I burst inside the door, and Carlisle looked up at me from his seat on the couch. I saw my frantic appearance through his eyes and tried to calm down, but I couldn’t.

_“What has happened to him?”_

“Edward? What’s wrong?”

“I-I…the sun, I just…” I couldn’t puzzle together a coherent sentence even in my head. It was all a jumbled up mess.

Carlisle’s worry disappeared and he leaned back in his seat. “Right. I apologize for not warning you about that. It’s quite overwhelming to see it, isn’t it?”

Was that all he had to say?

I was suddenly furious. “Could you stop taking everything so goddamn calmly? It grates on my nerves! I just discovered that I sparkle like a damn diamond in the sun, and that’s all you have to say?!”

He did not even twitch. “What else do you want me to say, Edward? I already knew what happened to us in the sun, and I simply forgot to tell you.”

I took a few deep breaths and pinched the bridge of my nose. I needed to calm down. My anger was completely irrational. I didn’t even know where it came from.

“Just forget it. I need to know what’s going to happen now.”

Carlisle stood up from the couch and walked up to me. “I’m going in to the hospital tonight to inform them that this will be my last week with them.” He looked me straight in the eyes. “I want you to stay here, Edward. Don’t venture into the city, and only go outside this cabin if you absolutely need to when I’m not here. We’re far into the woods, but there could still be humans wandering around on the surrounding trails. I will bring books and other things for you to occupy your mind with, but it’s crucial for you to stay inside, okay?”

I wanted to protest. I didn’t like the thought of being locked inside for a week. What would I do? Books wouldn’t keep me occupied for very long. Besides, who was he to order me around?

“Please, Edward. I need you to listen to me when it comes to this. It’s only for a week. It will pass quickly, and then we will leave Chicago. After that, we can do whatever you want.”

I didn’t like it, but accepted it and nodded. He was the older and more experienced, after all. I needed to listen to him if I was going to cope with this new life.


	10. Chapter 9: September 26th - September 29th 1918

**CHAPTER 9 SEPTEMBER 26 th – SEPTEMBER 29th 1918**

I glared angrily at the ceiling from my spot on the floor, and, once again, counted the amount of logs that were used to make it, even though it was etched into my memory forever by now. There was nothing else to do, though. The books Carlisle brought me two days ago had already been read and re-read, and I had gotten my answer on whether vampires slept or not. We clearly didn’t since I’d been awake since my change was complete, and I wasn’t the least bit tired—only bored.

What I really wanted was to go outside and run. I wanted to shake away the boredom and just feel free for a few minutes.

Only three more days, and we’d leave—three more days to endure this torture.

We hadn’t decided on where to go yet. Carlisle spoke of taking a break from working for a few years so that we could travel. He’d seen how eager I was to learn more about his time in Europe, and he’d suggested for us to go there.

He said that we could go to England, France, Spain, practically anywhere we wanted, but he would rather we avoided Italy.

When I asked him why, he revealed that Aro coveted gifts like my own, and he would surely want me to join his coven if we were to show up in Italy.

This did not mean that he would keep me a secret, though. He said that it was necessary to notify the Volturi that I had been changed, so that they were at least aware of me. He just didn’t want to do it personally or with me anywhere close, so he said he was going to write them a letter.

I sighed in defeat and reached for one of the books beside me. It was at least better than doing nothing.

The book that I grabbed turned out to be _The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes_ by A. Conan Doyle.

This was a book that I had read many times as a young boy. _Sherlock Holmes_ used to be my favorite character. I thought it was remarkable how he could know the story about a person simply by studying them for a minute and discover those small clues that would escape another human’s notice.

Now, however, I was sick and tired of him and his way of subtly belittling _Dr. Watson_ because he wasn’t as perceptive as him.

I threw the book to the other side of the room and resumed my glaring at the ceiling.

In a way, it felt good to be alone. It left me with my own thoughts and not Carlisle’s too. It was tiring to hear thoughts he never intended for me to hear. Especially when he felt the need to explain those thoughts after I’d heard them.

I knew he wasn’t all too comfortable with it, either. After being alone for so long, it was a huge adjustment to have that new invasion of privacy that came with my ability to read his mind.

I sat up and looked around the room for the thousandth time. I needed a distraction from my boredom, and my thoughts immediately went to my piano back home. It had always been my sanctuary, and I wished more than anything for the chance to lose myself in the music once again.

I closed my eyes and tried to picture the instrument in front of me. It wasn’t too hard, but I couldn’t remember the exact tone of each key, which frustrated me to no end. I knew how a C note was supposed to sound, but when I played it in my head, it felt wrong. It didn’t take long for me to understand that it was because my mind knew that my hearing before hadn’t been accurate enough to hear every second of the note as it sounded throughout a room.

I was so bored that I even practiced my calligraphy, but it turned out that it wasn’t necessary. My hand was steadier now than it had been as a human, and it was no difficulty for me to make the perfect curves of each letter.

I growled in frustration, and the pen snapped in my hand.

I stared longingly toward the window and exhaled sharply through my nose. Three more days. That’s all.

_“Maybe I shouldn’t say anything. It might just upset him.”_

My head snapped toward the direction of Carlisle’s thoughts, and only seconds later, he entered through the front door. I narrowed my eyes at him.

“What is it that you’re planning on keeping from me?” I asked with accusation coloring the tone of my voice.

Carlisle sighed heavily when he realized that I’d heard his thoughts. He was about to give up on ever trying to keep anything from me.

“A young woman came into the hospital today. She was asking about you,” he said.

I frowned. “Me? What about me? Who was she?”

“She wanted to know if you had been brought in to the hospital and if you were still there. When the nurse found your file amongst the deceased patients’, the girl burst into tears and ran out of the building.”

“Who was she?”

“I never caught her name, but she was a girl of average height, auburn hair, and dark blue eyes.”

I felt my stomach drop when I understood that he was describing Evelyn, which was confirmed when I saw the image of her running out of the hospital in his mind. It must have been horrible for her to hear that I was “dead” in the manner she had been told. I don’t think she’d even been aware that I fell sick.

“Oh god.” I clenched my eyes shut and dragged my hand over my mouth. I felt nauseous, even though it wasn’t technically my fault that Evelyn was hurting. It would only hurt her more if she knew what had really become of me. She would be better off believing I was dead.

“Edward?”

Without opening my eyes, I answered him. “Her name is Evelyn Lawrence. She was a very good friend of mine.”

_“I shouldn’t have told him. Now, I’ve only caused him unnecessary pain.”_

“No, it’s better that you told me. Otherwise, I would have always wondered what my friends thought had become of me.”

I swallowed thickly. I didn’t like it one bit that the charade of my death was causing Evelyn so much pain. She was tough in the sense of only having male friends, but she was otherwise just as fragile as a flower petal, and right now, it felt as if I’d crushed that flower petal in my own hand.

“She is very special to you, isn’t she?” Carlisle asked. His tone made me frown and look up at him feeling confused. I could feel the taste of his thought, but he wasn’t forming any real words, so it was difficult for me to pinpoint exactly what he was asking. It was obvious it was something hidden between the lines.

“She was one of my best friends,” I replied, and waited for him to elaborate his, still, wordless thoughts.

His thoughts remained silent, but I still got my answer when he said it out loud. “Could she perhaps have been _more_ than simply a friend?” His sympathetically narrowed eyes were what made me understand what he was trying to say, and when I did, I couldn’t hold back my chuckle.

I looked down at my feet and shook my head while my amused smirk still graced my lips. “Evelyn was nothing more than a friend. Our mothers were acquaintances and we grew up together. She was practically my sister.” It was a preposterous thought that Evelyn and I could have ever been anything more than friends.

“Still a very strong relationship, then. I wasn’t too close to my father to feel any real pain when I left England. It must be difficult for you,” Carlisle stated lowly. He didn’t expect me to answer that, so I didn’t. It was obvious that it would be difficult, but it was necessary. We couldn’t stay here. It was simply impossible.

I remained with my head down and felt the boredom from earlier creep back into my body.

Carlisle must have felt my mood shift because he propositioned a run through the forest for the sake of me being allowed outside and to give me a chance to shed all the stressing thoughts from my mind.

I wasn’t slow to agree.

I was longing to go outside so bad, and I followed Carlisle through the front door with a smile before my instincts kicked in, and I sped up my step, leaving Carlisle to follow me instead. I inhaled the fresh forest air deeply into my lungs and simply enjoyed the moment.

**< {=ALS=}>**

The next two days passed in pretty much the same notion. Carlisle would run into the city before the sun was up and work a few hours while I struggled in the cabin to find something to pass my time.

After Carlisle’s last day at work, he came back with the information that Peter Matthews was looking for any relatives of my family whom could inherit what we’d left behind, as well as my mother’s and my personal belongings that we’d had with us when we first arrived at the hospital.

I felt it as if an iron fist squeezed my heart when I saw Father’s old pocket watch, a pair of Mother’s heart-shaped, diamond earrings, as well as a matching necklace, a beige, lace parasol, and lastly, Mother’s wedding ring, which I’d had in my pocket the morning I was brought to the hospital. I’d had it on me at all times ever since she gave it to me, but I had to part from all of my things when I was admitted.

I gazed up at Carlisle. “Won’t they miss these at the hospital?” I asked. I was terrified to leave any traces behind me. We had to disappear completely. 

It was already suspicious that my body was not at the hospital even though I supposedly died there, and now with my personal belongings gone missing, it would be even more suspicious. I knew of at least one person that would think so and that was Peter Matthews.

But Carlisle shook his head. “With everything that is going on at the hospital, it’s not uncommon for things to disappear or papers being accidentally thrown away. Believe me when I tell you, Edward, that your body will not be the only one missing when this is all over. Both the doctors and the nurses have their hands full and there is a lot of confusion in the air because of lack of communication. There is just no time for organization when there are sick people coming in through the doors every day.”

We left it at that and started to discuss what we were going to do about the other issue, which was Peter looking for a relative to inherit the house and all of our belongings.

Both Mother and Father had been only children, so I didn’t have any cousins, and I wasn’t aware of any distant relatives. My grandparents had died when I was still a toddler, so Peter was up for a difficult task.

From what I knew, if he didn’t find anyone, the state of Illinois would get everything and every single piece would be sold to various different people. I didn’t want that, but I had no idea how to prevent it.

“You could always pretend to be a relative. Close enough to be the next to inherit, but distant enough for Mr. Matthews to stay in the dark,” Carlisle suggested. It wasn’t a bad idea per say, but I was slightly skeptic.

“And how should I make myself known to Peter? If he doesn’t contact me, how would I, as the distant relative, know about my deceased relatives in Chicago?”

We worked out a story that would be vague but still detailed enough for Peter to believe. A mutual friend, whom lived in Chicago, would have been the one that contacted me and made me aware of Elizabeth and Edward Masen’s deaths.

We also decided that Carlisle would be the one to telephone Peter, and he would disguise his voice to create even less suspicion.

Since Peter had not only been Father’s partner, but also a good friend of the family, I was afraid he would make the whole process very complicated, but my fears had been in vain.

He was very enthusiastic for this relative to take over so that he could get it out of his hands. His only request was that he would become the sole owner of the law practice he’d had with first Father, and later, myself.

I was more than willing to give up my share. I didn’t want it, so through the circumstances, although very tragic and too painful to think about, it became my out from the world of law. For a short second, I felt happy about that, but then the reality of the entire situation I found myself in dawned on me. It wasn’t like I would be able to become a soldier now anyway. I might as well lock that dream into a drawer and throw away the key, because it would never happen.

We gave Peter a postal address to which he could send all of the necessary paper works. This address went to an acquaintance of Carlisle’s in Montana who had promised to forge a signature both on the document he would send back to Peter, as well as, the copy that he would send to an address where Carlisle and I would be able to find it.

With all of the immediate concerns out of the way, Carlisle and I started to plan for our leave: where we would go first, how long would we stay there, and various other necessary things.

Carlisle, who was very aware of my interest in his personal history, came with the suggestion that he would guide me through his early life with our travels. He would let me see and experience what he had seen, but we would still avoid Italy. When we came back to America, Carlisle would allow the Volturi to know of my existence, but not until then. He wanted a considerable amount of distance between Aro and me when that happened.

I quickly became exited. I had never travelled out of the U.S before. I had mostly stayed in Chicago, and on very rare occasions, I had gone with Father on his business trips to New York or Boston, but that was the extent to my experience with the outside world.

The night we planned to leave, the realization that Carlisle wasn’t bringing any personal belongings came to me. I asked him about that, and he smiled at me.

“Since we won’t have a permanent home during our travels, it is easier to just leave everything here. This cabin is not where I lived before you. I owned a house closer to the hospital, but I could not take you there while you changed. Your screams would have made the neighbors suspicious. I have sold that house and the possessions I want to keep will remain in this cabin until we come back. Nobody owns this cabin, and it is too far out in the woods for a human to accidentally stumble upon it.”

I understood what he meant. I’d noticed during my week here that the cabin was rather rundown. A human wouldn’t have been able to live here because it was too cold. There was no electricity, although that wasn’t a necessity since there was a fireplace, and no running water. If a human decided to stay here, they would have to adjust to living an extremely simple life.

I stared up at the starlit night’s sky as I waited for Carlisle. It was a beautiful, clear night with no clouds in sight. The stars glimmered and the atmosphere was serene and calm. I loved it, but at the same time, it brought me down.

When I was a boy, I used to be afraid of the night, or rather the dark. It held endless of terrifying secrets in its shadows, creatures you couldn’t see during the day.

I had a vague memory of telling my mother that I didn’t want to go to sleep one night because I was afraid that I wouldn’t wake up.

It was now ironic how night would become an alley of mine since I was now considered one of the dark creatures I used to fear.

There wasn’t much I liked about the night. It was dark and cold, and all it really did was signify the end of the day, the end of the light that had to give way for the dark. There was a reason for why horror stories always played out during the night. People feared it, adults as well as children, even though the first-mentioned liked to hide their fear.

I was brought out of my thoughts when Carlisle joined me. We were dressed similarly, casually in simple, cotton shirts with rolled up sleeves, suspenders, and dark grey trousers.

With a smile and a tilt of his head toward the direction we would go, he broke into a run, and I followed him effortlessly.

Our destination was New York where we would catch a boat that would take us to London; Carlisle had made sure that there would be a minimal amount of humans on that boat and I would be locked inside our cabin as well.

He was going to show me where he was born and raised, and even though London had changed quite a bit during the last two-hundred years, it would be interesting to see.

We stayed quiet as we ran, and I mentally bid my hometown good-bye. I knew in my heart that it would be the last time in a very long time that I would see it, and it was a bittersweet end.

I would miss it, as it was the only placed I’d known for so long, but I certainly wouldn’t miss the painful memories that I left behind.


	11. Chapter 10: March 9th - March 10th 1921

**CHAPTER 10 MARCH 9** ** th** **– MARCH 10** ** th** **1921**

We were back in America, Ashland in Wisconsin to be exact. Carlisle had been able to get a job as an emergency physician at St. Joseph Hospital, and we had found a modest and inconspicuous house on the outskirts of town.

The hospital was a huge brick building that looked very sterile and intimidating on the outside, but it was its size that had called to Carlisle. With a hospital of that size, he would easier blend in both with the doctors and patients.

He had been offered a position at a smaller hospital, Rhinehart Hospital, closer to our house as well, but it was so intimate, and Carlisle’s features could cause more suspicion amongst the local patients there than it would at a larger facility corresponding to St. Joseph.

The sun was out and high in the sky, so we were trapped inside for the day. It did not bother me nearly as much as it had during my first year as a vampire. Now I found some contentment in the chance of letting go of the human façade for twenty-four hours.

I had received considerably more control over myself over the last three years. It was a rocky start; I had to admit to that, and I had slipped on more than one occasion.

The first time I tasted human blood was in Scotland.

Carlisle and I had been on our way through the land when we encountered a lonely shepherd. His shoe accidentally got caught in a big stone, which caused him to fall and scrape up his knee.

The potent smell of the blood trickling from the open wound had been too hard for me to resist, and I broke the man’s neck before I even knew what I was doing. There had been something dark inside me that robbed me of my control for that short second, and it had terrified me.

When the shepherd fell to the ground, emptied of his life-giving fluid, guilt had threatened to crush me. Had Carlisle not been there to reassure me that it was bound to happen, I most likely would have crawled into some dark corner to never emerge again.

The next time was months later in Paris, when my eyes had finally returned to the golden color I’d begun to grow accustomed to.

We had moved through the less fortunate part of society because Carlisle had promised a Madame at a _maison,_ or brothel, to take a look at one of her girls for free. She had offered him one of her other girls for payment, but Carlisle blankly refused.

I wasn’t exactly unaware of the world of prostitution. It wasn’t uncommon for men in my social status to visit a brothel now and then, but having been raised in a family where my father was faithful to my mother, it caused me to wrinkle my nose in disgust at what I saw in the establishment, even though it was one of the more sophisticated ones.

We were just about to leave when we heard a scared and tortured whimper from upstairs.

Through the eyes of a girl that could not be over eighteen, I saw the face of man who lay on top of her bound body—her wrists appeared to be fastened to the mattress itself.

I was not fluent in the French language as Carlisle, but I did not need to be to know what was happening. The girl’s racing thoughts were laced with panic as she struggled hard against her restraints, but the man over her placed his hands over her wrists and used his weight to keep her in one place.

A rage like no other boiled up inside of me when I saw how he forced her legs open with violence and tore her undergarments from her body.

I could almost taste her fear, and she continuously repeated the word _please_ in French.

Carlisle had no idea what I was witnessing, but he didn’t need to. He could see the rage in my eyes, and he immediately distracted the Madame so I could slip upstairs.

My intent was to save the young girl from the man that was seconds away from becoming her raper, but when he penetrated her, it became obvious that she had been a virgin. Her virginal blood was not the same as a wound, but it still smelled of her life essence, and I quickly transformed from the hero to the monster.

I did not drink the man, but I did kill him by throwing him out of the window; mostly because he was in the way of my prey, but also because I did not want him to taint her scent more than he already had.

The girl did not even have time to react before I had my teeth buried in her neck.

Carlisle had gotten away from the Madame as soon as he smelt the blood. He knew what it would do to me, and he tried to pull me away when I’d only drunk a mouthful, but my newborn strength was still lingering in my muscles and it had been no effort to keep him away from me. I had been too lost in my instincts to realize that he tried for my own sake.

Killing the girl had torn at me a thousand times more than killing the shepherd. I was supposed to save her, and instead, I ended up killing her myself.

I never really thought of those two events, mostly I tried to forget about them completely, even though it had been proven to be a difficulty since vampires had photographic memory.

I wandered aimlessly through the house and ended up in the parlor where my piano had received its own corner.

Being the rightful owner of the Masen fortune and property had made it easy to hire a firm that could transport the possessions I wanted to keep to our new house here in Ashland. I also bought a storage space where the rest of the baubles from Chicago found their new home.

I sold the motorcar, and the house that I grew up in now stood empty of personal items. The furniture was still there, but if you walked through the house now, it would not feel the way a home should, but cold and unwanted.

While being in contact with the firm that handled my property, I was informed of the devastating damage the pandemic that took my parents life had been on the American population. The head of staff had felt it was his responsibility to tell me since I had been in a “safe country” in Europe during the time of the disease.

Apparently, around twenty-eight percent of the population had been infected. No one had gone through the records, but it was estimated that approximately six hundred thousand Americans had died between 1918 and 1920.

That was almost ten times more than those that had been lost in the war, which had ended merely two months after my death.

I forced the depressing thoughts out of my head and glanced at my piano again.

I felt the urge to play a piece, but I was afraid to touch the delicate instrument. During our journey through Europe, we had lived in various hotels, and in the night when the humans were asleep, I often snuck down to the dining room where, more often than not, a piano was situated.

I had accidentally broken a few of them when I used too much strength as I pressed my fingers against the keys. I didn’t want that to happen to my piano, so I was reluctant to touch it.

Still, I couldn’t stay away.

I approached the bench and carefully sat down. I moved as if I was confronting an aggressive animal that I wanted to show that I was no threat against, even though in a real situation like that, it would be an outright lie. I was always a threat against whatever I faced.

Probably slower than a sloth moved, I pressed down on a key with minimal strength. As soon as I felt the slightest resistance, I let go. The sound reverberated through the room, and I couldn’t hold back the grin that erupted.

Hours later, I was actually able to play one of my favorite pieces without even hearing the slightest crack. I was still scared of breaking it, but I had made progress.

I guess practice really did make perfect.

**< {=ALS=}>**

I had always envied those that could compose music, as I had never really thought of myself as talented enough to do the same.

It was a yearning of mine, though, and so on the tenth day of March 1921, I decided that with my unlimited amount of time, I was at least going to try. The worst that could happen was that I was no good at it, which was to be expected in the beginning.

Like the day before, I needed practice before I felt confident enough to play again.

After finding a few sheets of blank paper, I started to draw up my own note sheets. It took less than a minute, but I was frozen for a solid ten minutes after that.

How would I begin?

With the note sheets in hand, I made my way toward my piano and sat down on the bench. I tried out a few keys experimentally, but when they pressed down on a B minor 7 note, I stopped.

The tone echoed against the walls so beautifully, therefore I tried it again. Almost on instinct, I continued with an F minor. The two notes fit together perfectly. It was as if my hands knew the song before my mind did.

It all went easier than I expected. When I sat by the piano and wrote down the notes as I went, it felt as if I’d been composing for years. It was a talent I’d hid behind an unreasonable fear for so long, and I was finally giving it a chance to bloom.

The music flowed through my body and filled me in a way I had never experienced before. The feeling it left behind was a mixture of pride and satisfaction. I was so pleased that I had succeeded in writing my very own composition.

It was an easy, uncomplicated piece, but it was meaningful to me. It reflected the thoughts that had been in the back of my mind during the process.

I had partially been thinking about the long life I had ahead of me, the immortality and never aging part, and partially about what I had recently seen during our travels in Europe.

My entire day was donated to perfect the piece I had created. I made a few small changes to the bridge and added bass arpeggio chords to the background.

When Carlisle came home some time during the night, I was still by the piano. I suddenly became aware of my surroundings and took note to the fact that the night had fallen outside. I frowned and glanced at the clock. It read two hours later than when I expected Carlisle to be home.

“Was it a demanding night at the hospital?” I asked and rose from the bench. I had spent enough time sitting on it. Now that Carlisle was home, I needed to be social.

“Not more than usual,” he replied as he hung up his coat and hat.

“Then why are you so late?”

“Because I had these made for us.” He brought out a manila sized envelope from the inside of his suit jacket and gave it to me. I opened it and found several documents inside. When I looked closer at them, I saw that they were identification documents.

“However did you manage to acquire these?” I asked with awe coloring my tone. These kinds of documents could only be received from an attorney and for them to be legal, all parts had to be signed by everyone, in this case, Carlisle, me, and the attorney. There also had to be a witness, and you needed to produce some kind of old identification to even be allowed to lay an eye on the documents in the first place.

Carlisle gave me an amused smile. “Humans are very cooperative when there are large quantities of money involved.”

“How much did you have to offer for these?” I was reluctant to hear the amount, but I still needed to hear it. It wasn’t that we couldn’t spend the money however we wanted. Since we didn’t eat, we saved a lot, but I was still not quite used to spending ridiculous amounts of money on something so easily overlooked as identity documentation.

“A few hundred,” he said and shrugged as if it was nothing.

“Hundreds? For a few sheets of paper?” My eyes were wide and unbelieving. What attorney could possibly have the nerve to ask for that amount of money?

“Edward, calm down. The deposit barely made a difference in our accounts.”

I sighed and shook my head. “It’s not the money itself that worries me. It’s the person that demanded it.”

I saw a bald, beady-eyed man with a greedy smile in Carlisle’s mind. Apart from his obvious greed for money, he looked quite harmless.

“Do not concern yourself, he won’t give anything away. Not even if the police asked, which I doubt they would. What would they want with an emergency doctor and his cousin anyway?”

“Cousin?” I didn’t know what he meant with that.

“Yes,” he said with a smile and nodded toward the documents in my hand. “You are officially my cousin from my father’s side. We do not resemble each other enough to be closely related, therefore this gives a good reason for why we live together.”

I lifted my hand which contained the documents, thus being able to read through them.

One part of them was for Carlisle while the other part was all signed in handwriting very similar to my own. They all bore the same name.

_Edward A. Cullen_


	12. Chapter 11: April 17th 1921

**CHAPTER 11 APRIL 17** ** th ** **1921**

I exhaled with relief when I reached my destination and sat down on the stony beach shore at one of the more secluded parts on the west side of Devil’s Lake.

It was not yet season for vacations at the hotels on the south side, or for camping on the north-east side, so the humans I could hear were considerably fewer than what they would be in a month’s time.

I had heard a rumor about it being recorded that over a hundred thousand people had visited the lake two years ago.

I knew that the lake was a big attraction, especially since The Ringling Brothers themselves had owned a summerhouse down by the shore while their circus was still well-liked and they let their elephants bathe in the waters. I could definitely see the lake’s appeal with its untouched beauty, but I found it hard to believe those numbers.

I could hear the fleeting thoughts of a group of women that were playing cricket in one of the hotel parks, but they were too far away for me to hear their conversations.

Even though I could still hear thoughts, it felt good to have some kind of peace compared to what I had at home in Ashland. I never felt truly alone there with Carlisle’s thoughts ceaselessly in my head, although he had become better at concealing those thoughts he wanted to remain private.

Still, it had become a consistency of mine to take a run a few hundred miles from home whenever I felt the need to just escape from everything in my everyday life, mostly the boredom.

Carlisle had asked that I keep away from public places whenever I went on a run. I had not killed a human being since that French girl and her rapist the previous year, so I thought I had done well so far, but I could still understand Carlisle’s hesitance. During both of my slips, he had been present, but that had certainly not hindered me from killing those humans. Had I been in his position, I undoubtedly would have made the same request.

As much as I wanted to explore more of the area, I didn't want to disappoint him; or kill an innocent again for that matter.

I remained in my spot for a few hours until it was obvious that the sun would make an effort and break through the clouds that covered the sky. I did not want to risk being seen by the humans on the opposite shore, so I straightened up into a standing position, brushed the dirt off my clothes and began my run back home to Ashland.

The journey would take me four hours at least since I was not in a rush. It felt good to run and stretch my muscles—to just be alone—and so I was gladly taking my time.

I stayed away from the cities when I passed over Minnesota, and the sky had already begun to darken when I closed in on Ashland.

I cast a glance on my pocket watch when I crossed the city limit and noted that Carlisle would have gone to the hospital about an hour earlier since he was on the night shift this month.

However, when I turned on our street, I could feel a change in the air. Something was out of place. My entire body shivered with the prospect of a huge alteration that was about to happen.

Automatically, I slowed my run to a walk that was not faster than a human’s and started to listen in on the thoughts of our neighbors.

Some were already asleep; children pretended to sleep when their parents looked inside their rooms but opened their eyes immediately when the door was once again closed; maids got ready to go home for the night; couples, both wedded and men with their mistresses, kissed passionately while they steered their steps toward their bedrooms.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but I could not rid myself of the feeling that had now taken root inside my body.

I cautiously climbed the small steps up to the front door of mine and Carlisle’s modest house while still searching my surroundings, but the house was dark and silent and the streets were quiet, so with one last glance over my shoulder, I entered the house.

Since it was downright unnecessary to turn on the lights, I left them off and wandered around the house to guarantee that there was not anything that could explain why I felt so uneasy.

Everything was as I had left it, apart from a book that Carlisle had left on the table in the lounge where he had most likely been reading before he went to work.

I forced myself to calm down and took a seat by the dinner table to write down the day’s events in one of the leather-bound journals that I had bought when we came back to America.

I found it very tranquil to write down my thoughts, as well as the thoughts of others that ran through my head at all hours of the day. It was a relief, almost as if I could let it out of mind as soon as it was written in ink on paper.

In these journals I wrote my innermost thoughts, things that plagued me, doubts, and fruitless dreams. I wrote about everything that I could not discuss with Carlisle because he would not understand, things such as my wavering faith.

I still believed in God, in heaven and hell, but I could not find it in me to accept that He would allow creatures like Carlisle and me to continue living on when we were created solely to kill and feed on His most precious creation.

Not long after Carlisle and I came back from Europe, I wanted to know if vampires only existed in mythology or if there were facts and evidence of their existence in history. Naturally, I first turned to the book that had given me and my family answers throughout my life, but for the first time ever, it had let me down.

Vampires were never directly mentioned in the bible, hence the reason why I did not believe they existed before I was changed, but I had heard the folklore stories of how they came to be. The tales of how Lucifer created a creature that was alike the human in many ways but held powers the greediest human could only dream about. How he made this act solely because he wanted God to suffer when His humans died in the arms of a divine creature.

I did not see myself as divine at all, and no matter what Carlisle said, I could never believe that we were a creation of Him. It did not feel right.

I had tried to discuss these thoughts with Carlisle in the beginning, but when it was quickly revealed that we had two completely different beliefs on the matter, we simply let it be.

My mentor wanted to believe that God had chosen him to become what we are because there was something he was supposed to do, something far into the future, and when his time came, God would welcome him into the afterlife. He could not accept that there was not some greater purpose for all of this.

I, on the other hand, believed that God had pretty much damned us. He was punishing us for our sins, and our price was to aimlessly walk this earth for eternity, always stuck in between. _This_ was our afterlife, and I had accepted that, even though I had no idea what I had done to deserve it. I would probably never know either, but I was not in denial like Carlisle.

The sound of a rapidly accelerating heartbeat, running feet, and Carlisle’s disorderly thoughts brought me out of my musings.

_“What have I done? I could not just leave her! She was still alive. She can make it. I saved her. It was the right decision. I could not just leave her to die. It would have been wrong. I was the only one that knew she was alive. I saved her!”_

His thoughts continued in this confusing manner as he closed in on the house. The sound of the heart beat became louder, and I could smell fresh blood from open wounds in the air.

When my throat burst into flames and my body jerked in anticipation, I quickly cut off my air supply and closed my eyes, waiting for my instincts to die down. _I would_ not _kill another innocent!_

I slowly rose from my chair, still refusing to breathe, and walked up to the front door in time to meet Carlisle as he burst inside. He appeared agitated in a way I had never seen him before. His eyes were wide and his hair was not as smooth, but his appearance was just a passing thought.

My attention was entirely on the bruised and broken woman that Carlisle was placing on our sofa. It was _her_ heart beat and as the seconds passed I heard it accelerate further, changed.

I broke my stare away from the shocking sight and tried to meet Carlisle’s eyes, but he was not paying me any attention. He was holding one of the woman’s hands in his, kissing her knuckles and continuously breathing out apologies to her.

I was quite positive that she could not hear him. Apart from her panting breath and fluttering eyelids, she seemed immobile.

As I studied her closer, I understood why. Her spine was broken as well as both of her legs and arms. She could not move even if she had wanted to.

When a small and pained cry escaped the woman’s lips, I broke out of the trance that shock had put on my body. I did not care if my actions were disrespectful toward Carlisle. I wanted answers and I wanted them now, not later, so I grabbed the back of Carlisle’s shirt and forced him to stand up in front of me, but before I could drag him into another room where the smell of blood was not in the air, he grabbed my arm and pried it away from his shirt.

When he finally met my gaze, I saw that he was not angry with me. He was not the slightest bit upset with the way I had handled him. His eyes were scared and confused, but calmer than before. His thoughts were still chaos though.

I saw fragmented images of when the woman was brought into the emergency room and how she was pronounced dead almost immediately. Only Carlisle could hear the faint heart beat that indicated she was still alive.

There was something lingering in the back of his mind. He was not trying to hide it from me, he simply was not thinking about it, but I could feel the taste of the thought.

I gestured with my hand that we should go into the backyard where there was some fresh air for me to breathe in.

With a glance over his shoulder at the woman, Carlisle took the lead and walked into the dark night.

As soon as I could feel the night air swirl around me, I took a cautious breath in case the smell of blood lingered. I could still smell it, but it was not as appealing anymore. The smell was wrong, tainted with what I knew was Carlisle’s venom.

I took a deeper breath and prepared myself to demand an explanation when Carlisle spoke before me.

“She was still alive. I could not leave her.”

“Why not? It would not be the first time you allowed a human to die.” I could not help the bitterness that seeped into my tone. The woman inside had wavy, caramel colored hair, and for a fleeting second, she had reminded me of my mother, even though they looked nothing alike. It had just been something in her features.

“I had not changed anyone before you, Edward. By the time I decided I was going to go through with it, she was already gone. Her heart would have failed. Besides, would you really have wanted your mother to become a vampire?” Carlisle asked. He often knew the thoughts behind my words, but instead of it being an ability to read my mind, it was simply because he knew me better than anyone after having lived with me for three years.

I did not answer his question. Carlisle knew as well as me that I would never wish this life upon someone as innocent as my mother. Instead, I turned the conversation back to the woman inside. “Why her? What does she mean to you?”

Carlisle exhaled deeply and hung his head. He wiped his hands over his face and let them remain there. “She’s Esme,” he said lowly and her name sounded like he revealed a hidden secret.

“Who?”

Carlisle removed his hands from his face and looked straight at me. “Ten years ago, when I worked in Ohio, I was summoned for a house visit to a farm on the outskirts of Columbus. The farmer’s sixteen-year-old daughter had fallen out of a tree and broken her femur bone, and she could not be moved without being in excruciating pain.”

“When I arrived, I found the young girl still sitting underneath the tree, crying. It was clear I would not be able to brace her leg from where she sat. I had to move her into the house, and even though she protested, I carefully carried her to the kitchen where I could begin my work.”

“While I worked she never took her eyes off of me. She told me that I had the gentlest touch and that she could not even feel the pain in her leg anymore. She was a very curious girl. She wondered about my eye color as well as why I was so pale. I sidestepped her questions by asking about her instead. Her name was Esme Anne Platt and she dreamt of becoming a teacher when she grew up. She loved children and wanted to work with them.”

“Are you saying that the woman in there is the same girl that you treated ten years ago?” I asked incredulously. I could not believe those odds.

Carlisle nodded. “Yes. At first I could not believe that it was her when they brought her into the emergency room, broken and beyond repair, but it was her, and all I could see in front of me was that curious, happy, young girl who dreamt of working with children. I just could not leave her to die.”

I understood where he was coming from, but my mind was reeling with the consequences that would come with his decision.

Esme was a long way from her childhood home in Ohio. What if she had built a life here in Wisconsin, with a husband and children? What would become of them? She would have to leave them now and never come back. It would be too dangerous.

We would have to leave as well. We could not stay in Ashland when Esme’s presumed dead body was reported missing. There would be questions asked. Questions I was not so sure Carlisle would be able to answer.

The cries from inside were increasing in volume and Carlisle turned to go back inside. I stopped him by placing my hand softly on his arm. He met my serious eyes with an expression that told me he knew exactly what kind of consequences that would come out of his decision, but he was prepared to face them.

Instead of laying it out for him like I first intended, I released his arm. “We will have to move her down to the basement until her change is complete,” I said, and in addition to reading the relief in Carlisle’s thoughts, I could practically feel it radiate from his body.

“We will figure everything out, Edward. It’s going to be fine,” he said before he went back inside to Esme.

I stayed outside and nodded to myself. I hoped this was one of those things that Carlisle knew exactly how to handle, just like he had handled my change.


	13. Chapter 12 April 18th – April 20th 1921

**CHAPTER 12 APRIL 18** ** th ** **– APRIL 20 th 1921**

Watching Esme’s transformation was something completely different from going through it myself.

It was torturous watching her twitch and scream when the fire became too much. It was even worse when she became coherent enough to have real thoughts.

She often thought of a man named Charles, although there was no affection tied to the memory. Only pain and fear.

 _“Please, please! I’m sorry, Charles! I’m sorry! I won’t do it again!”_ was a common recurring plea in her thoughts as well as: _“You promised you wouldn’t beat me again. You promised!”_

I had felt exceedingly nauseous when I’d realized that this woman had been subjected to severe domestic violence. It was sickening to even think of a husband that sinks low enough to use his own wife as an object to take out his frustrations on.

I couldn’t even begin to fathom what horrors Esme had lived through.

When the venom healed her broken spine, her screams increased in volume and I had to leave the room and the house. I couldn’t stay there any longer, especially not when her last conscious minutes were on repeat in her head. She continuously thought of how she fell through the air and how free she’d felt for the seconds before her impact with the ground and everything became black.

Once outside of the house, I was relieved that the screams coming from the basement wouldn’t be audible to a human, and with that comforting thought in my mind, I ran.

I didn’t run far, though. I only ran far enough that I wouldn’t hear Esme’s or Carlisle’s thoughts, and there I stayed for several hours.

Not until the day had gone by, and the sun was setting behind the trees in the forest I’d hidden away in, did I return back home.

Pained thoughts and memories of the smallest baby I had ever seen invaded my mind. I saw through Esme’s eyes how she had entered a room with a crib intending to check on the little baby boy in it, but instead she found his still and lifeless form.

She had wanted to save him, but she didn’t know what to do and she was terrified that she would only end up hurting him if she tried.

Her heartbroken sobs had been heard by the neighbors, so they came to her to check on her. What had hurt the most was when a woman had pried her hands away from the boy and taken him out of the room. Esme had practically screamed her throat raw for the woman to give him back.

 _“There’s no saving him, Miss. He’s gone,”_ had been whispered into her ear, but in her despair, Esme had refused to listen. She broke free of the grasp of the person that was holding her, took the small baby in her arms and ran out into the streets.

When she finally arrived at Rhinehart hospital, all they told her was that it was too late.

Her grief had threatened to swallow her, and she had no real memory of how she had ended up on the cliff where she decided to just end her own misery.

I wondered if Carlisle knew that she’d had a son.

I slowed down my run when I was inside the house. Carlisle was still in the basement with Esme, and I doubted he had left her side since we moved her down there.

Esme’s screams were raspy and weak, but her vocal chords would be healed sometime during the two days she had left to burn.

I made my way slowly, and quite reluctantly, down the stairs to join Carlisle in his wake. If he did not know about the baby, he should be informed about it as soon as possible.

The sight I was met with was impossibly heartbreaking.

Carlisle had Esme’s hand clasped tightly in one of his own while the other was gently stroking her hair and face in a soothing manner. He was quietly talking to her, repeatedly assuring her that it would be over soon.

Esme’s body was twitching and writhing all over the mattress that we had placed her on and her breathing was shallow and ragged.

If I had not known better, I would say that the display in front of me was of a husband talking to his wife on her deathbed.

I already knew that Esme was special to Carlisle, but there was something in his eyes that told me there was even more to it now. I didn’t know what it was either because he wasn’t thinking about it.

“Carlisle?”

He didn’t answer me out loud, but his mind told me that I had his partial attention. He hadn’t paid any notice to me until now, so this was my first chance to tell him everything I’d learned about Esme.

“She had a son.”

I gained infinitesimally more attention from Carlisle, but his main focus was still on the writhing woman.

“He died. That’s why she tried to commit suicide.”

_“Is she married?”_

“I believe so, but I don’t think they live together.”

_“Why?”_

“He abused her, and he’s not present in her memories of her son.”

_“Any more children?”_

“Not that she’s thinking of.”

Carlisle sighed, but never once stopped soothing Esme with gentle words.

“Carlisle, what are we going to do when the change is complete?”

 _“What do you mean?”_ His question was real and he was genuinely confused with what I meant. I wondered, not for the first time, exactly what was going on with Carlisle since he was usually so good with reading me.

“Is she going to stay with us? Because if she is, we’ll have to move again. That alone will be suspicious since we have only lived here for a little over a month.”

“I would want for her to stay with us, at least until her newborn year has passed, but it all comes down to how she feels. If she wants to go her own way as soon as she wakes up, that’s her choice and hers alone.” He said this out loud, probably for Esme’s sake to make sure that she knew from the start that she had a choice.

Hearing Carlisle say those words, I realized that it had never been any question about whether _I_ would stay with Carlisle for the rest of my existence or if I would go my own way eventually. It had just happened that I followed him since he was my creator and the only other vampire I knew.

But did I really want to live the way we did forever?

I thought about the tedious way the time of my every day passed, and I couldn’t help the shudder that ran through my body. For the past month, I’d had next to nothing to do during the day while Carlisle was at the hospital. He had told me that the situation would change as soon as I gained more control over my thirst. However, I wasn’t so sure that the prospect of me having a job like Carlisle was something I yearned for.

I wanted a more exciting way of life, like the way we had traveled through Europe. I had enjoyed that immensely. Something new had happened every day, the difference in the tastes of the animals we hunted.

My mind was already on that path and I wasn’t able to stop the process of my thoughts until it was too late. I was suddenly encased in my memories of the shepherd in Scotland and the young prostitute in Paris. How _they_ had tasted and how euphoric I’d felt when I drank from them. I had never, not even in my human life, tasted something as delicious and potent as that blood had been.

My fingers began tingling and venom pooled in my mouth when I imagined tasting the likes of that again, but I quickly swallowed it down.

Carlisle was still mumbling to Esme in the background and I could hear how his every thought was occupied with worries about the woman on the couch, the future, and memories of the past. He was nowhere near as calm as he appeared on the outside, which was what roused me from my musings and made me feel exceedingly remorseful.

How could I entertain these thoughts? Why was I considering these horrid actions? Was that the life I desired to live? To be a murderer; a monster?

It did not matter that the norm of our community was living that way. Carlisle had taught me to be better than that. I didn’t have to succumb to my thirst and be dictated by my bloodlust. I could at least attempt to lead a peaceful life.

After all, wasn’t that what I had always wanted? After having served in the military, my plan was always to find a good job that could provide for a wife and family. But then again, I had very rarely thought further into my future than to enroll in the army and join the other soldiers in the war.

When the acceleration of Esme’s heart broke through to my consciousness, I decided to abandon the inner war I was battling. I could always think more of my morals when I was alone, but right now, Carlisle needed my support. This was difficult on him, more so than my transformation had been, and I was going to stand by him through every hour from now on.

**< {=ALS=}>**

“How do you know when it’s almost over?”

“The heartbeat. It’s the last to go silent and it always accelerates to the point of where you think that it will explode, and then it just stops.”

“I remember that.”

“The transformation is always the strongest human memory. It will stay with you for the rest of your life

I already knew this, but Carlisle and I conversed for the sake of Esme. She was already accustomed to Carlisle’s voice, his footsteps, and his mere presence. Now it was time that she started to recognize me as well, because if she was staying with us, she would have to live with us both.

The first time I had entered her line of vision and stopped being a disembodied voice, it almost scared her enough to make her heart stop. Thoughtlessly, I had run up to Carlisle like I would normally, but for Esme it was like I appeared from thin air. She had screamed louder and her already fast heartbeat had begun to race even faster.

I was making up for that disastrous “first meeting” now by sitting next to Carlisle and talking lightly about some of what I knew would interest Esme later on. All vampires were curious, and even though the transformation was often something we wanted to avoid remembering, we were ceaselessly fascinated by the process. We wanted to know how we came to be, but sadly, that was a mystery we would never solve. There was nothing in the history books about real vampires, only old folklore and unbelievable tales.

Of course, there was the whole story about Lucifer. I could believe that, but it only strengthened my theory that there was nothing more for vampires after this life. If it was the truth that the Devil himself was our creator, then we were evil creatures at the core. It was nothing short of amazing when those like Carlisle fought their destiny the way he did and tried to right a wrong that had been there from the very beginning.

I turned my head toward Esme where she was lying on her mattress. Her eyes, which were almost completely red now, were open and looking right at me. “It’s been three days now. How much longer for her?” I asked without breaking my eye contact with her.

I could see how she silently thanked me for that question with her eyes. She wanted to know how much longer she would burn, but she was afraid to use her voice and ask now that her vocal chords had finally healed.

“The transformation process differs with each individual. From my research, I’ve found out that it depends on the amount of venom injected into the body, how close to the heart, and how severely the body is damaged before the transformation. Since I bit Esme’s neck and gave as much venom as I could, it should be over within the next hour, but it’s not an exact science.” Everything Carlisle said was unemotional and it sounded almost rehearsed. I knew he wouldn’t relax completely until he knew Esme was fine. He had been the same when he changed me.

Esme closed her eyes and braced herself. She had already been told by Carlisle what we were, what she was becoming, and she had been surprisingly accepting. She hadn’t said anything out loud, but her mind had calmed considerably when everything was explained to her. She was happy—in a way—that Charles would never be able to find and hurt her again.

As Esme’s last heartbeats rang through the basement, both Carlisle and I held our breath. I couldn’t understand how Carlisle could go through this again, because it was absolutely nerve-wracking for me while we waited for her to open her eyes. It felt like an eternity.

When she finally did, she didn’t seem all too shocked about the changes around her, or the fact that she was in a strange place with two men she didn’t really know. Her movements were fast and unpredictable when she rose up from the mattress and ran up to the small basement window to look outside, just like with any newborn, as I’d been told how they acted.

Carlisle and I had still not taken a breath. I believe we both waited for her to speak first.

“Can I go outside? It’s such a beautiful day.” Her voice was like the melodic notes of a piano. Not too high like a soprano or too deep like a bass, but it was very soothing to listen to her voice.

I looked at Carlisle in hope that he would show me how to act around a newborn, but his eyes were glued on Esme.

“I don’t believe that would be the best idea, Esme,” he said softly to her.

She tore her blood-red eyes away from the window to look at Carlisle. “Dr. Carlisle Cullen,” she said with a smile. “You haven’t changed at all.”

Carlisle smiled back. “It’s a trait of mine, I guess. You, on the other hand, have grown up considerably.”

Esme ducked her head. _“He is still handsome. My dreams never did him justice.”_ I really wished I could shut off my gift at that moment. I didn’t want to intrude on Esme’s thoughts, especially ones that were as private as those.

Suddenly, Esme’s head shot up and she took a deep breath through her nose. I saw how her eyes became darker until they were completely black with thirst and instinct.

Both Carlisle and I knew what was about to happen, but Esme was a very fast and strong newborn and she was on her way up the stairs before we had time to react.

“Esme, no!” Carlisle called and ran after her.


	14. Chapter 13, April 20th 1921

**CHAPTER 13 APRIL 20th 1921**

We should have known that it was a huge risk to keep Esme in the neighborhood while she changed. Both Carlisle and I knew that she would be thirsty when she woke up and our street was filled with delicious smelling humans with alluring heartbeats.

It was still a struggle for me sometimes so it was a given that Esme wouldn’t be able to stop herself. The instinct to hunt was just too strong to resist.

We knew all this, but we still made the mistake. We hadn’t even locked the doors and windows for the sake of at least slowing her down, and the result was not pretty.

When the blood from the young man spilled out on the street, I had to stop breathing immediately. It called to me, but I resisted because Carlisle needed my help to pry Esme away from the broken body in her arms. She was too strong for him to do it by himself, and we had to act fast because it was the middle of the day and anyone could look out their window and see the horrific sight on the street. We were only lucky that it was a cloudy day.

The man was already dead so we had to dispose of him as well, but Esme wouldn’t let us near them. She saw us approaching and knew that we weren’t a threat, but her instincts told her to protect her prey, so she let out a menacing growl when we came too close for her liking.

“Esme, please,” Carlisle said with a low voice and his hands up in a non-offensive pose. “We need to get you inside or you will expose us all. You will be killed if you reveal the secret.”

She wasn’t listening. Her mind was telling her that he was tricking her so that he could have the man for himself. Had she known Carlisle, she would have known how preposterous that thought really was.

We cautiously continued forward, but when Esme snapped her teeth toward us, we took a step back. Carlisle looked at me worriedly and I immediately began to scan the minds of our neighbors.

From what I could hear, only the women and a few children were home, but they were either in the garden or their rooms. However, all three of us heard when a motorcar turned in on the street and Carlisle and I exchanged a horrified look.

Esme whipped her head toward the sound and broke into a run to flee. She went back to our house and down into the basement, because even though she had experienced the burning change down there, it was still a sanctuary for her.

Carlisle followed her and I snagged up the body from the street and stepped inside just in time for the motorcar to pass our front door.

I tried to not look at the body in my arms as I made my way through the house—without breathing—and to the backyard, but the softness of the flesh and the heat that was leaving with the blood that had stopped flowing from his neck was incredibly hard to ignore.

My mouth was already pooling with venom, and the vampire in me wanted nothing more than to suck up the liquid that Esme was forced to abandon.

I clenched my teeth together so hard that they would have shattered had they been weaker, but it was the only thing I could do to stop myself from bringing a limb up to my mouth and empty him completely.

When I reached the porch door, I carefully looked outside for any humans.

The gardens on either side of our house were both empty, and I exhaled with deep relief when the silence told me that the families were gone. It made my task easier, because I would have to dig a grave and bury the man in my arms before anyone noticed.

After one last check of my surroundings, I grabbed a shovel that was leaning against the wall of our neighbor’s house and dug as fast as possible. I had to make the grave deep so that the next resident of our house didn’t come across the body accidentally while they took care of their garden.

When I reached nine feet, I dumped the body down the hole and covered him with the earth that had collected in a pile next to the grave.

I wasn’t pleased when I was done, because the small peak that had been created would actually be noticeable to humans. All I could do was hope that the bush which I’d buried the body behind would obscure the view enough.

I placed the shovel back where I took it and ran back into the house. It had taken me twenty minutes and I wondered in what state of mind Esme was in now, so I slowly made my way down to the basement.

I had heard the sobs from outside of the house, but when I went down there, the scene that met my eyes threatened to crumble my silent heart.

Carlisle was sitting on the floor, his back against the stone wall, with a heartbroken Esme curled up against his chest. Her sobs caused her entire body to convulse, and Carlisle’s stroking of her back didn't appear to soothe her at all.

The blood that she’d had on her hands and around her mouth had stained his clothes, but he didn’t seem to care very much. He practically crushed her to him while he whispered comforting words into her hair.

“I’m sorry. I am so sorry.”

I could see that he wasn’t really reaching her, and I wanted to help, but I didn’t know how. I decided to do what I could, though, so I sat down on the floor across from the couple, close enough for Esme to feel my physical presence in the air around her, but far enough away for her to relax.

I knew that she was placing all her trust in Carlisle, their embrace proved that much, but I couldn’t really tell how she was reacting to me. She knew who I was, and I had been talking to her during her change, but she always stiffened slightly when she registered that I was there, and since no thought was ever tied to the action, I couldn’t determine how she felt for me.

“I was changed three years ago, and I killed two humans last year,” I said with a voice that I tried to make emotionless. I felt sympathy for her, but slips and mistakes occurred. I didn’t believe for a second that this would be the last human Esme killed, and it was important that she understood that.

Esme stopped sobbing and glanced at me over her shoulder. Her face wasn’t lined with tear streaks, her eyes weren’t red-rimmed, and her nose wasn’t swollen. The only sign that she was upset were her blank, venom-filled eyes and frowning eyebrows, but she would still be devastatingly beautiful to a human.

“In my three years, I’ve killed three humans,” I continued. “I know exactly how you feel, Esme. You feel empty and full at the same time; you’re guilty but satisfied; you’re angry and you feel evil, but it’s impossible to shake the feeling of rightness out of your body.”

I had Esme’s complete attention now, Carlisle’s too, and they were listening to my every word. I had never really talked to Carlisle about how I felt after feeding on those humans because I’d been embarrassed and felt exceedingly guilty. This was the first time he got to hear the experience from my perspective, and he was memorizing every word.

“We’re created to feed on humans. It’s our natural instinct, so what happened up there wasn’t your fault. Carlisle and I deny ourselves something that others of our kind take for granted, but from what I’ve understood from Carlisle’s stories, we give ourselves the chance to gain more in the process.”

Carlisle smiled proudly at me, and his thoughts were filled with pure gratitude because Esme hadn’t just stopped sobbing. She had shifted her body so that she was facing me, taking in every word with an interest I had not encountered before.

“It will be very difficult, believe me, I know. I still struggle, but the most important part right now is for you to decide if this is something you want, or if you want to live on your own. You’ve been granted this life and now it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with it.”

Esme’s head whipped from me to Carlisle and back to me. “What do you mean?” she asked. “Are you going to leave me if I can’t do it?”

I opened my mouth, but Carlisle was faster. “Definitely not, Esme. What Edward meant was that if you choose to stay with us, it will be a struggle, but we will be here to support you.”

She stared up at Carlisle with huge eyes that appeared to be filled with fear, and I understood why about a second before she actually revealed it.

“Please, don’t leave me. He’ll find me. He’s already done it once and he can do it again. I can’t be alone; he’ll kill me,” she pleaded to both of us. I don’t think it had completely sunk in yet that she would be able to kill her husband before he could blink. Her fear was too ingrained in her mind and it made her irrational.

Pure rage and hate coursed through my body when Esme’s memories of her husband’s abuse entered my mind. My jaw clenched and even though I wasn’t dependent on oxygen, I used deep and slow breathing to calm myself down.

However, my voice was still very dark and menacing when I opened my mouth to talk. “We won’t ever let the bastard you called husband touch you again. You hear me? That’s a _vow_!”

“How do you know it was my husband I was thinking about?” she whispered, clearly feeling frightened that I had information she had not shared.

My eyes went from hers to Carlisle’s and he gave me an almost imperceptible nod. I inhaled deeply and locked my eyes with Esme’s again.

“I’m a telepath. Ever since I was changed, I’ve been able to read people’s thoughts.”

Her eyes widened just as I’d expected with her reaction. It wasn’t exactly every day that you got to hear that someone who invaded your privacy on a regular basis without your knowledge sat across from you.

“Is that common amongst..uhm..amongst your kind?”

“Not particularly,” Carlisle answered her. “Only a few develop gifts like that, but it’s difficult to say why it happens.”

When Esme had her attention on Carlisle, her eyes travelled down and stopped on the stains of blood on his shirt. “I’ve ruined your clothes,” she stated without taking her eyes away from the blood.

“They’re not important,” he insisted calmly, but something unsettled her because she suddenly slid away from him so that she was leaning against the wall with space between them.

“Will you tell me about yourselves?” she asked quietly and studied her white hands which had dried blood around the nails. She started to scrape it away with movements that seemed almost unconscious.

Carlisle smiled down at her, and there was a great feeling behind it. I couldn’t read it, but it was obvious that he was slightly awed by her. He then turned his head back to me.

“Since your story is considerably shorter than mine, maybe you should start,” he said, his smile turning amused. _“That way you won’t have to endure listening to my story again,”_ he told me in his thoughts at the same time, and I felt grateful.

As interesting as I thought his story was, I had it memorized from when he told me himself.

Esme wasn’t studying her hands anymore. She was looking right at me, and I suddenly felt nervous. How would I begin?

“Well, I am from Chicago. Born and raised by my parents Edward and Elizabeth Masen. When the flu took over the city, I lost them both.” Esme gasped and placed her hand over her mouth, but she didn’t interrupt. “I wouldn’t have survived either if Carlisle hadn’t saved me.”

“I am so sorry to hear that. The disease took my grandparents, but it never reached the farm where my family lives, and Charles was one of the lucky soldiers that never fell ill.” Her voice took on a detached note when she mentioned Charles.

“Your husband was in the war?” I asked and felt exceptionally uncomfortable that an evil man like him had served our country, become one of the honored, but inside of the walls of his home, he was nothing more than a low-life scum who knocked his wife around.

Esme nodded slowly. “He was. It was the happiest time of my life, but he came home and everything went back to how it had been before. A part of me had hoped that the war would change him, but it didn’t. When I—” Her eyes locked with mine as she stopped herself and I immediately understood that she was unsure if we knew about her son.

“We already know,” I replied to her silent question. “You were thinking of him during your change.”

She lowered her gaze to her hands again, but I had already seen her eyes fill up with venom. “When I found out I was pregnant, I knew that I couldn’t stay,” she continued quietly. “Charles didn’t know that I was carrying his baby and I wanted it to remain that way, so I left one night without telling anyone. I have a cousin in Milwaukee, and she was kind enough to help me, but Charles somehow found out where I was and so I had to run again. That’s how I ended up here.”

She looked up at us again. “I assume you know how I got injured as well then?” We both nodded and she sighed. “I’ve never been a suicidal person, but seeing my baby, the only reason I had left to live, completely lifeless in his bed, it just hurt too much to endure.”

Sobs wracked through her body again and Carlisle immediately placed his arms around her frame and hugged her body to his.

I was about to rise and leave them alone because the pain Esme was experiencing now wasn’t anything I could help with, and I thought that she would be less overwhelmed if she only had to deal with one of us at a time, but I had barely shifted my weight when Esme’s face appeared away from Carlisle’s shirt.

“Please, don’t leave. I’m sorry, it’s just that it hurts thinking of him.”

“That’s understandable. You lost him only a few days ago. It’s natural to mourn, and I simply don’t want to intrude,” I replied, but it caused Esme to frown.

“How old are you, Edward?”

“I turn twenty in June, but I’m frozen at seventeen,” I said with a serious face.

“So young, but you talk like an adult,” she mused to herself, and I don’t think she anticipated me replying to that.

“My father died before my seventeenth birthday, and I had to take care of my mother.”

She nodded as if that confirmed her suspicions, although she wasn’t really thinking any solid thoughts.

Slowly, and without hesitating, she moved out of Carlisle’s arms and sat down closer to me. Then, she gently placed her hand over mine where it was placed on my knee. I was quite shocked as this was not how I expected a newborn to act.

“You’re still mourning them. I can see it in your eyes,” she stated, and I had no idea what to say, but she didn’t need me to say anything. “I don’t know Carlisle’s story yet, but I know that you understand how I’m feeling, and that makes it impossible for you to ever intrude on my mourning for my son.”

Her bright-red eyes stared straight into mine, and I understood what she meant because I could see a small reflection of myself in her eyes and our expressions matched each other’s.

“I believe we can help each other,” she continued. “I’ll be there for you, if you’ll be there for me.”

She placed her hand on mine and squeezed it. I did my best to keep the pain I felt in my hand off my face, because I didn’t want to ruin the moment by telling Esme that she was hurting me.

Carlisle must have understood, though, because I saw an amused smirk on his face behind her back.

“I promise,” I said, and Esme squeezed even harder in response, but now I couldn’t hold the pain in any longer and winced.

Esme immediately let go of my hand and looked at her own as if it was a foreign object.

“It will fade,” Carlisle answered her unspoken question from behind her. “You’re stronger than us for the moment, but it won’t always be that way.”

She sighed in relief and then met my eyes again. “I’m sorry I interrupted your story. Please, continue,” she said, and I smiled at her. She was such a gentle woman, and I could already see that I wouldn’t mind her addition to our small family.


	15. Chapter 14, April 27th 1921

**CHAPTER 14 APRIL 27th 1921**

”We have to leave, _now_ ,” Carlisle said a week later when he came home from the hospital without greeting us.

Esme and I were sitting on the couch in the lounge and I was telling her about the travels Carlisle and I had made through Europe. She was especially interested in the other covens we’d met, and I had just finished telling her about an Irish coven that we’d met briefly.

It was the second time Carlisle had met them, but they acted as if they’d known each other forever.

I had quite enjoyed interacting with them, not only because they were the first other vampires I had met since my own change, but because through their thoughts I got to see the other side of this life. That had been before my first kill on the Scottish shepherd.

It was also something about Maggie—the youngest of the three that made up the coven—that had caused me to take a liking to her. She had a gift that allowed her to sense whenever someone in her presence lied. It had intrigued me, and Maggie and I had spent the time learning about each other’s gifts.

“’Now’ as in ‘this very minute’?” I asked my mentor as he rummaged through the drawers in his desk to pack our identification documents along with other stacks of his personal papers. I had no idea what they could be.

“Yes,” he answered curtly. “We have to leave Ashland, and Wisconsin. The man Esme killed has been reported missing, and his residence is too close for us to risk the chance. We can’t stay any longer.”

“But won’t it be more suspicious for us to leave?” Esme voiced her question quietly, and I read the guilt and shame in her thoughts. She hated to know that she was the cause of our uprooting.

“By then, we will be far away from here, but we have to leave now. We can only take the essentials with us, and we’ll send for the rest once we have found a new place.”

Carlisle finished at the desk and turned to us where we were frozen on the couch. “ _Now_ ,” he ordered, and it was the first time I had ever heard him so distressed. I could only guess that it was because he didn’t have any control of this situation and he didn’t like it.

We did as he said, though, and got up from the couch.

Esme didn’t have any belongings, but she was about to follow me upstairs when I stopped her. “Stay here. I believe you might be able to calm him down.”

“I can’t, Edward. What if he blames me for all of this?” she said with a small voice.

“He’s not, trust me.” An image of an argument between her and Charles appeared, and I had to press down my anger. “He’s not Charles. He would never hurt you, Esme. Simply talk to him. He needs to calm down before we leave.”

She nodded and turned on her heel to walk back to Carlisle.

I went into the room where I had my belongings and retrieved a small bag in which I only packed the few things that I couldn’t bear to separate from, no matter how short of a time. It wasn’t much; only the few memorabilia I had left from my parents: my father’s pocket watch, Mother’s wedding ring, and the legal documents that stated me as the owner of my family home.

The rest could easily be shipped later, and so I closed the bag before grabbing my hat and coat.

The conversation between the couple downstairs was calm and controlled. Esme had revealed to Carlisle that she was afraid he blamed her, so when I came back downstairs, I was met with the vision of them embracing each other, although Esme barely touched him for fear of hurting him with her strength.

They were incredibly comfortable around each other for two people who had only been in each other’s lives for a week, and I was very curious about that. It had taken me longer than that to allow Carlisle the easy action of patting my shoulder, but they had been in each other’s arms ever since Esme killed that man.

I didn’t linger on that thought, though, and the couple soon stepped away from each other and smiled at me.

A blurry memory of my parents doing the same on some occasion entered my mind, and I frowned. I had no idea where the memory came from, but I shook it out of my head.

“Are you ready?” I asked, and they both nodded before Carlisle brought a folded paper out of his pocket. When he opened it up, it turned out to be a map of the forty-eight states that made up our country.

“I thought we could move west and find a place with fewer sunny days. Hopefully, we will be able to go out during the day there,” he said with a voice that was much calmer than it had been before and made a circle with his finger around the states he had considered.

“Any place in particular that you had in mind?” I asked and looked closer at the map.

“Not exactly. I thought we could run through and see where we land, so to speak.” He smiled and tugged the map away before he turned to Esme. “Is there anything you want to do before we leave?”

She shook her head. “No. I didn’t have anything of personal value with me when I left Charles, so the things back at the room I rented might as well go to auction. I don’t feel very comfortable going back there anyway; it bears too many memories.”

“Then let’s go.”

The sun was just rising, so we would be safe before we reached the wooden area that we would travel through.

Carlisle locked the front door and placed the key on the small ledge over the door for the men that would get our furniture eventually, and then he took the lead as he started to run west.

I had been a vampire for three years now, and I had noticed that even though the speed with which I could move my legs as a newborn had decreased, I was still considerably faster than Carlisle, so when Esme’s instincts kicked in and she blew past him, I easily caught up to her to make sure she wouldn’t accidentally do something she would regret later.

We continued to run as the morning blended into afternoon and we passed over Minnesota and then South Dakota. When we reached the state line of Montana, Esme and I began to slow our pace in the front since that was one of the states that Carlisle had considered.

However, when he was running next to us instead of behind, he shook his head and told us to continue.

 _“We’re too close,”_ he thought, and I didn’t need more to know that he was feeling too paranoid and he wanted to place as much distance between himself and Ashland without actually leaving the country.

Eventually, the day turned into night, and while we didn’t even slow down on our way over Idaho, we soon came into Oregon and I knew we had to start looking for a city to settle down in, but Carlisle didn’t slow down. He took the lead, but he didn’t appear to even consider the cities and villages that we ran past.

I really began wondering when I could smell the faint scent of the ocean up ahead. “Carlisle, we’ll reach the ocean soon. Are we going to stay here or continue?”

He suddenly came to a stop, and it surprised both me and Esme so we ran several yards past him before we could turn and go back to him.

Before we reached him, though, his limbs unlocked and he hurried up to Esme. “Hold your breath,” he ordered quietly.

She frowned and looked at him confused. “What? Why?”

“Just do it,” he said urgently then he grabbed her hand and began running again as fast as he could. I didn’t have to ask what that was about when I felt the heavy smell of fresh blood in the air. My thirst almost raged out of control, and while the smell knocked me back against a tree behind me, I did my very best to lock myself in place.

I took Carlisle’s advice and stopped breathing, but the memory of the smell was too clear in my nostrils. My fingers dug into the bark with the effort I used to control my thirst, but I was afraid it was a losing battle. I could feel that I was only seconds away from running toward what I assumed to be the scene of an accident; it was the only explanation because no human ever bled that much without serious injury.

“Edward, don’t do it. You are stronger than that,” Carlisle’s calm voice said from next to me. I turned my head toward his direction, but I could barely focus on the image of him. My primal instincts had told my senses to work on a frequency farther away, and although he wasn’t blurry, his form wasn’t as sharp as it otherwise was in my eyes.

“You know that I can pull you away from here, Edward, but I need for this to be your choice, son. Do you really want to kill another human being?”

I heard the words, but they didn’t mean a whole lot.

It was his thoughts that made me stop.

_“There must have been a serious accident. I hope they have found a way to call for help. We’re still several miles away from civilization. What if I’m the only one around? Should I help? Can I trust Edward to keep Esme away from here if I go? He doesn’t seem to be in much control of himself. But can I really leave an accident behind and not even try to do what I can for them?”_

His dark golden eyes, they were almost brown in color, told me that he was quite thirsty himself, and still, not even in his private thoughts did he consider for a second to feed on the humans he wanted to help. He was only worried for me, for Esme, and for the injured humans that might have been fighting for their lives at that moment.

My admiration for him grew tenfold in that moment, and out of sheer respect for him, I clenched my hands into fists and my eyes shut tight. I did everything I could to push my instincts down, and when I felt somewhat in control of my body again, I ran past my mentor in the direction of where he’d led Esme.

I continued to listen to his thoughts while I ran, and I could practically feel how his guilt ate at him when he turned his back to the accident to follow me. It went against everything he was, the doctor inside of him, but he couldn’t take the risk of leaving us alone.

It didn’t have anything to do with my bloodlust anymore. He thought that I could handle myself even though I still needed some guidance, but he knew that Esme wouldn’t be able to handle another kill right now, and he wasn’t so sure that I would be able to stop her if it came down to it.

I did not feel offended by his thoughts because I knew they were right. Carlisle grounded me. When he was close, I could deny my instincts better than when I was on my own.

I found Esme pacing on her spot. Her thoughts were chaotic and her head snapped up when she was alerted to my presence.

“What happened over there?” she demanded, and I sighed. It was clear that she hadn’t taken in the scent of the blood, so she was still oblivious to it all.

“Carlisle smelled human blood and he didn’t want to put you through that, so he ran you here.” I didn’t want to elaborate further, and luckily, Esme didn’t need me to either. Her entire body tensed with stress before she relaxed again when she understood that the immediate “danger” was over.

Both of us turned when Carlisle came through the trees. He was quiet with a serious expression as he came closer, and I knew that he acted like this because he had to abandon injured humans in need of his help because he had another responsibility on his hands; us.

“Let’s continue,” he said, but I couldn’t hold the question in any longer.

“How much further do you want us to go? Are we going to Washington? Otherwise, I believe we could stay here in Oregon, and we should all hunt. Esme hasn’t hunted any animals yet, so she should be taught how to do that.”

Carlisle paused in his step and looked at me over his shoulder before he nodded. “You’re right. Let’s hunt first and we can learn what city we are in after.” He reached out for Esme’s hand, and even though I couldn’t remember seeing them hold hands before, she took it without hesitating. “Let us all stay close to each other, okay?”

We nodded before we ran deeper into the woods and as far away from the accident that we could go without actually going too far away from the city we had now decided would become our next home.

I knew that Carlisle wanted to stay close together for the sake of keeping an eye on the both of us, but I felt back in control again, so when he and Esme ran in one direction, I ran in the other. It wasn’t necessary for me to be present while Carlisle taught Esme to hunt, anyway. It would only make her nervous with the pressure of having both of us looking at her.

Once I couldn’t hear their thoughts anymore, I started to run as fast as I could in the direction of where I could smell the ocean. In less than a minute, I reached the edge of a plateau and simply stared out over the Pacific Ocean. I heard how the waves crashed against the mountain below, and I sat down on the edge with my legs hanging down, simply allowing the salty wind blow in my face. It caught my coat so that it blew out like a cape behind me.

My plan was to start hunting in a few minutes, but first I just needed to be alone and think.

So much had happened in the last week and it was a shock after having had next to nothing to do before that.

Suddenly, I had someone to talk to during the nights when Carlisle worked. Esme was such a gentle person, and although she had the slight paranoia that all newborns suffered from in the beginning because of their heightened senses, I could tell that she would bring something into my, and Carlisle’s, life that had not existed before.

As elated as I was to have some kind of change, it also worried and scared me. I had seen the connection between Carlisle and Esme, and her thoughts gave me solid proof that she was quite infatuated with our creator. She was constantly thinking of how happy she was to see him again, and her memories were filled with the longing she’d felt to find a man like him some day.

She had told me during our conversations how he had made a great impact on her the day of their meeting. He had set a standard for what she believed a man should be, and when she hadn’t found it by the time she should already have been married, her family had pressured her to marry Charles, since he was a well-respected and public man who wanted her.

When the abuse started, her family didn’t give her any support and that was why she felt that running was her only option.

What scared me was the prospect of Carlisle perhaps feeling the same for her. It had been just him and me for years, and to suddenly have another one—a woman at that—with us was just different.

I knew, though, that it wasn’t my choice. If Esme wanted to stay with us, and Carlisle wanted that as well, it was already set in stone because he was the unspoken leader. What he wanted was what happened.

I figured that was why I had never considered going off on my own since my change, because Carlisle had never given me that choice out loud the way he had with Esme. We had never even discussed it, and I believed it had something to do with me being the one Carlisle created to cure his own loneliness. He had confessed this to me, and I hadn’t thought about it a lot until now.

He wanted me to stay with him, and so that’s what I did, but I had slowly started to become unsure if this was truly the lifestyle for me.

When I thought back on those humans I killed, I couldn’t remember having the feeling that it had been wrong. I had truly felt guilty afterward, but that had been because I was afraid to be left behind because I couldn’t live the way my creator did.

He was so set in his ways, his philosophy so detailed, and having to hear that every day had caused it to become my own, even though I had never truly promised to commit to it.

That was why I needed to be alone. I needed to have my head to myself so that I could think, because it was obvious that I had a lot to think about, and later on, decide.


	16. Chapter 15, June 16th 1922

**CHAPTER 15 JUNE 16th 1922**

I walked down the street of the neighborhood in a leisurely human pace and enjoyed the cloudy day. It was a nice change being able to go out at daytime, especially now during the summer and I could feel the warmth through my clothes.

A couple, who I believed was our neighbors from across the street, was walking in the opposite direction toward me, and since I was brought up to be a gentleman, I politely greeted them by tilting my head and offering a smile in their direction.

The gentleman beside the lady returned the greeting, but she only smiled and cast her eyes downward, her hand tightly secured in the crook of her husband’s arm.

I continued my walk home from the university in which I had enrolled as a freshman a few months after our move to Astoria, a city located in the northern part of Oregon.

We had found a really beautiful house in a very quiet neighborhood.

It was larger than what Carlisle and I had lived in before since we were three now, and in order to keep up our acts of humans, we had to buy a house with three bedrooms. Our background story in this city was that Esme and I were the siblings of Carlisle’s late wife who had died together with our parents in the influenza.

Esme, as the only living family I had left, was forced to become my new guardian, but since she’d never married, it was difficult for her to care for me and pay for my education. This had created sympathy in our late sister’s widower, and being the successful doctor that he was, he took us into his home.

I was supposedly a prodigy and that was why I was already studying at the university despite my young age.

It was a complicated story, but we only relayed it when we were asked, which wasn’t very often. Our neighbors and my classmates mostly shied away from us and our oddities, although, I was asked by a few of the men in my class who the stunning woman I lived with was. I simply told them that she was my older sister, and they had immediately began plotting on who would ask for courtship first.

I had internally laughed at their thoughts, and since Esme rarely left the house during her newborn year, it didn’t take long for them to lose interest. She was still my beautiful sister, but she was obviously unreachable.

Rumors began spreading through the university, and the hospital that Carlisle worked at, that perhaps my mentor and “older sister” were having an illicit love affair.

I denied all of it in public since a revealing like that could possibly damage Carlisle’s career, but in the confines of our home, I couldn’t do the same because there was some truth to it.

I had yet to see them do anything improper, but the desire was there between them. I could read it in their every thought when they were in each other’s presence. Once, I caught Esme daydreaming about kissing him, but when she saw my expression, she’d lowered her eyes in shame.

It was true that we were vampires, and maybe the morals of the society didn’t apply to us, but we had all been born and raised with those very morals, and therefore it would be remarkably indecent by Esme and Carlisle to ever act on their desire unless they were to get married.

I had also heard Carlisle’s worry about the fact that Esme was still a married woman before God, and as a religious man, the son of a pastor nonetheless, he felt that he would betray his faith if he were to ask for her hand in marriage.

I had decided that I would talk to the both of them this afternoon since the tension that had fallen upon the house was worse than their desire. They wanted each other, but because of their morals, they couldn’t be together and it made them unhappy, which in turn made my hours at the house quite miserable.

The heels of my shoes clicked against the paved street, and outwards it would look as if I was just enjoying my stroll, while in fact I was continuously glancing toward the cloudy sky so that I would be able to see if the sun were to break through. We couldn’t risk another mishap like the one in Ashland. We had to at least try to stay here for a few years to minimize any suspicions.

I could both smell and hear that Esme and Carlisle were home before I even walked through the small gate in the fence that surrounded our garden.

Esme sounded rather upset while she talked to Carlisle and I hurried up my step when I realized that their conversation was in fact an argument.

“I’m begging you, Carlisle! Do not disrespect me with your lies. I lived with them too long in the past, and I won’t tolerate them anymore.”

I watched in shock as Esme pushed Carlisle away from her, but her newborn strength still lingered in her muscles, so the push was more a shove, and Carlisle landed on the couch which slid back a few feet.

“Esme, please! You’re being irrational. I haven’t done anything. What reason do I have to interact with a human that way?” Carlisle defended himself, and the matter of the conversation cleared up to me when I read his thoughts. Esme was accusing him of having romantic relations with one of the nurses at the hospital.

“Her smell is all over you. I know the signs when I see them. I’ve been there before!” Esme continued to scream. Her thoughts were filled with hurt and betrayal. She was consumed by her insecurity which Charles had placed in her from the very beginning.

It appeared as if Carlisle had finally had enough. He walked up to Esme with his hands up as if he was approaching a wild animal, a description very close to Esme at that moment. When she didn’t back away, he determinedly placed his hands on her upper arms to make her stay faced toward him.

“I am not Charles,” he said as if he’d been able to read her mind as well. “I would never do anything of the like that he did. It’s physically impossible for me to hurt you, Esme. You are too important to me.” He had her locked with his gaze, and even though she tried to fight it at first, the truth of his words sank in and she fell into his embrace as if all of her energy left her body.

It felt as if I was intruding on a moment not meant for my eyes, but both Esme and Carlisle’s thoughts acknowledged me and reassured me that it was fine.

Carlisle stroked Esme’s hair tenderly and whispered: “You’ve changed me too much. I won’t be able to go on without you now.”

Their grip tightened on each other, and I quietly walked upstairs to give them as much privacy as I could. They didn’t need me to gawk at them right this moment.

The intimacy between them was the most intense I’d ever seen, and I felt glad that I wouldn’t have to speak with them about it now. It was their business, and it wasn’t mine to meddle, but I fervently hoped that they would come to a unanimous ground now and maybe decide to place their morals to the side and make their relationship an honest one.

If Carlisle’s thoughts were any indication, it wouldn’t surprise me if he went down on one knee soon, but it wouldn’t surprise me either if he went through his old bible to find anything that would prove Esme’s marriage to Charles wasn’t valid.

He was born about a hundred years after King Henry VIII had made it acceptable to divorce from a marriage that didn’t fulfil the marital vows, and he had been brought up with those old values by his father who had only ever been with Carlisle’s mother during his entire life. You simply couldn’t marry a wedded woman unless her previous marriage was declared invalid or her husband died.

Esme wasn’t quite so strict with her rules. In her mind, Charles was a widower because she left him and technically died, but Carlisle saw us as living creatures, so he didn’t share her thinking.

If Charles Evenson were to drop dead, it would only make it easier for Carlisle.

The fantasy of having my hands around Charles throat and slowly cut off his breathing before snapping his neck made me smile, but when the images changed into me drinking him dry while he gurgled out his pleas I quickly shook my head in hopes of casting the thoughts out.

I couldn’t allow myself to think of situations like that because every time it made the temptation harder to resist. Every time, the memory of those humans I’d drunk from became more intense and the phantom tastes erupted on my tongue.

It was becoming increasingly more difficult for me to control my thirst. I had to remind myself every day of the reasons why we lived the way we did, but I couldn’t help myself from feeling so much more superior to my fellow classmates, the men who were intended to be my natural prey.

Carlisle had shown great trust in me when he said that he thought I should enroll at the university, and I wanted to prove that I was worthy of that trust, so even though I had to go through the agonizing, scorching flames in my throat when I was encased with the scent of all that blood that filled the classrooms, I did it without complaining to him.

He often asked me how my day was and if I found it too difficult, but I always answered him with positive replies to settle his nerves, because he was very nervous. I was a very young vampire, still, but according to him, I was showing vast improvement every day.

I enjoyed his thoughts when they went in that direction. It made me feel less as a failure during particularly hard days.

It hadn’t taken me very long to figure out why I struggled the way I did.

It was because I didn’t necessarily agree with Carlisle about how all humans deserved to live. There were a few groups of men that I believed the world could do well without, and I didn’t really understand what it was that was so wrong with killing those humans.

It was true that we could survive on animal blood, but we weren’t living and I wanted to live, not only survive, and if it meant that I could rid the world of a few low-lives, everyone would be winners.

I respected Carlisle with my entire being, but more often I found myself wanting to know how it felt to hunt for real.

I fantasized about it, and even though I sometimes felt guilty after having imagined a very brutal killing ending with a truly satisfying meal, my natural instincts told me that it was okay. This was how I was supposed to think and there was nothing wrong with it.

There had, however, been times when I’d fallen so deep into my fantasies that when I was interrupted by my mentor, I felt true resentment and it terrified me. I had never known that I was capable of such dark emotion and I feared that this was how I really felt for him underneath the respect.

I had a couch in my room and I gently lied down on it so as not to break the frail wooden frame.

My thoughts kept swirling inside my head, but it didn’t bother me because it made it possible for me to block out Carlisle and Esme’s thoughts from downstairs, and it felt good to have my head to myself for once.

A few hours later, I heard Carlisle call for me with his thoughts.

_“Edward?”_

“Yes?” I answered him out loud, but in a tone lower than a human’s.

_“Could you come down for a moment? There is something we would like to discuss with you.”_

I was up from the couch and down the stairs in less than five seconds, still quite slow for a vampire.

Esme and Carlisle were sitting by the dining room table and I suspected it was because Carlisle was still teaching Esme to get used to acting human. Even though she had passed her first year mark now, she still found it hard to control her movements so that they appeared more human.

They turned their heads in my direction when I approached them and I noticed how they held hands on top of the table. I had a good suspicion of what our discussion would be about when I saw that and their thoughts confirmed it.

Out of a habit I’d been taught by my birth parents, I sat down opposite of them and waited for them to begin.

“Have you listened to anything we have said since you came home?” Carlisle asked, and I instantly shook my head.

“No, I blocked you out. I thought you needed the privacy,” I replied.

Esme smiled in a maternal way toward me even though she was only six years older than me in terms of age. Physically, it was closer to nine years. Still too young to be considered a parent, but with the direction of her relationship with Carlisle, whom I saw as a second father of sorts, I figured it would only feel natural to her to act as a mother figure.

I wondered how much of an empty space her dead son had left behind.

“We appreciate your thoughtfulness, Edward,” she said. “Although, I guess you now already know what we wanted to talk about with you.”

I nodded. Both of their thoughts were filled with concerns and worry about my reaction. I couldn’t really understand how they didn’t know that I wouldn’t be anything other than happy for them.

“Well?” she continued. “What do you say?” Her eyes were shining with nervousness. I knew her major fear was to fit into this family and her highest hope was for me to accept her, but I thought that she already knew I had accepted her as soon as I realized how important she was to Carlisle.

When I didn’t answer immediately, Carlisle pressed on. He was also concerned of my reaction. “Son, do we have your blessing?”

I believe that was the first time he called me “son” but I remember that I didn’t think it was strange that it felt so right.

I couldn’t hold my smile back. “Yes, you do have my blessing.”

Esme instantly stood up from her chair and crossed the floor toward me with a grace that would have made women all over the country weep with envy, and she leaned down and enveloped me in the softest embrace I’d ever known since my own mother.

“Thank you,” she whispered in my ear, and the warmth that spread through my body was like no other.


	17. Chapter 16, November 14th 1922

**CHAPTER 16 NOVEMBER 14th 1922**

The benches of the church were filled.

It was surely not something anyone of us had anticipated, but everyone in town was curious of our family, so when something as normal as an open wedding ceremony was held, we should have anticipated these spectators.

Carlisle, Esme and I were the only ones who participated in the wedding party, though. Esme didn’t want a maid of honor or bridesmaid, and the entire wedding was planned by us, but Esme had asked me to be the one to give her away to Carlisle.

When we had that conversation, she’d said that it would solidify my acceptance of their marriage. Of course I felt honored to do it, and it also worked out with our story. Since neither of our parents were alive, it was only right that I as her younger brother walked her down the aisle.

I would also be Carlisle’s best man so the ceremony wouldn’t be very traditional, but it was exactly the way we wanted it to be.

Originally, a small wedding had been planned with no guests and me as the only witness, because the only thing that really mattered to Carlisle and Esme were that they knew their union was official before God.

However, during the planning, Esme had visited Carlisle at the hospital—one of the few times she actually left the safety of the house on her own—and when she’d seen the uninhibited way the nurses tried to seduce him, she’d seen red.

Vampires were very possessive in nature. Once they saw something as theirs, they made sure everyone knew about it.

That was the only reason a ceremony of this size was held now. It was Esme’s chance to show all those nurses that they could flirt as much as they wanted, but he was hers and he would always have a wife at home.

Carlisle didn’t complain about her reasons for a larger wedding. He knew that they would be together for as long as they lived now, and it only made him happy that their wedding would be memorable through all the lifetimes they would share.

I turned to Esme in her lovely cream-colored dress—she didn’t want a dress in white since she wasn’t as innocent as she’d been at her first wedding. In her thoughts, I could read that this gown was more extravagant than her first had been with its soft lace, floor-length skirt, and the see-through neckline wasn’t nearly as modest.

She looked like a mature woman instead of someone entering her first marriage and I figured that was what she had wanted.

“Are you ready?” I asked her, and she nodded eagerly at me before hooking her arm around my elbow. I laid my hand on top of hers and squeezed.

“ _Thank you so much for this, Edward,”_ she thought and then stood up on her toes to kiss my cheek.

The organ player began the first notes of the wedding march and we started our descent down the aisle once the guests had risen from their seats.

When I’d offered Esme to Carlisle, I took my place on his right side as his best man.

“Who gives this woman to be married to this man?” the priest asked after announcing why we were present and blessing the couple.

“I do,” I simply replied and the priest continued.

I really tried to focus on the ceremony, but some of the obscene thoughts some of the women had about both Carlisle and me were very hard to ignore.

The middle-aged married ones were hungry for some young flesh to bite into and imagined how they could teach me one or two things in the bedchamber, while the younger unmarried girls yearned after a more mature man, which they saw in my mentor.

I didn’t show how much the thoughts bothered me. These women would receive their redemption down the road for thinking such impure things in God’s house, but there was one in particular, in the back rows, who had such vivid fantasies it made me want to run as far away from her as possible, because she actually frightened me a bit.

I was so absorbed in my own head and I was actually startled when I suddenly heard the priest ask for Esme’s ring. I quickly dug for it in my pocket and gave it to the priest so that he could give another blessing and he then handed it to Carlisle who placed it on Esme’s finger.

“By the power invested in me be his greatness, the high and almighty father, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride.”

There was no cheering among the guests; only polite clapping, and when we made our way back down the aisle, I made sure to give the women still yearning for Carlisle a glare. They should respect the union made before God, and not mock it with their filthy thoughts.

Esme had decided against having a reception, so instead we were going home where they would pack for their honeymoon.

At first, both of them had been reluctant to leave me alone while they travelled, but I had quickly told them that they shouldn’t worry about me and that it would easier for all of us if I were as far away as possible during their physical bonding.

It was bound to be an uncomfortable ordeal if I overheard their first coupling.

I did sort of look forward to having our home to myself for the few weeks they would be gone. It was yet another proof of Carlisle’s new trust in me, and I reveled in the freedom.

It didn’t take very long for them to pack even though I could clearly hear how much Carlisle distracted Esme. I heard her giggle whenever he decided to abandon his packing to kiss her.

With every wet smacking of their lips, I felt more like an intruder in my own home, which was absurd, but I felt like a disgusting peeping tom when I heard every second of their intimate moment.

When their thoughts began to run wild, I wanted to escape from the house and acquire as much distance between me and them as possible. It was beyond mortifying to hear how they both fantasized about tearing their clothes off each other and devour right on the spot.

I decided I had to remind them that they weren’t alone and that I heard everything, so I sat down by my piano and started to play.

As soon as they registered the tones, they parted with another giggle and then continued packing. Only seconds later, they both appeared with their luggage by the door.

“Are you ready then?” I asked and never stopped playing. It still soothed me and I felt the desire to compose another song of my own. I wanted to see if I could create something equally as beautiful a second time.

As with my first song I started by creating the melody and I stayed with the lighter notes so that the arpeggio would be a beautiful contrast once it was complete.

Once again, it felt effortless. My head created the songs—it knew exactly how each note would sound with the next with perfect clarity—and my hands only did its bidding by making the notes echo through the room.

“That is beautiful, Edward,” Esme said and walked up behind me. “What song is that? I don’t believe I’ve heard it before.”

I bowed my head, not feeling completely comfortable with the unintended compliment. “It’s my own, actually,” I confessed. “I just wrote it.”

She was silent for a few seconds, and then I felt her soft caress over my arms until her hands were by my shoulders and squeezed lightly. It was such a motherly affection and it made my heart hurt.

I missed my own mother, but I could no longer describe how she used to look. I couldn’t remember if her nose was crooked or straight, if she had wavy hair, or if she was short or tall.

I knew that if I asked Carlisle, he would be able to produce a perfect image of her that I could preserve in my head, but I didn’t want to do that. I didn’t want one of his memories of her.

I knew that I would eventually lose everything I had of her—her name would be the only thing I would remember—with only the hint of knowing that I had at least been loved. It was brutal, but it also felt liberating. With every memory that faded, I could pretend that the Edward I had been as a human had been buried with his parent in 1918, the way it should have happened.

“You have a real talent. How long have you played?”

I had to really think, but I was still unable to remember the exact age of when I first sat down by a piano. I could remember that I had been too short to reach the pedals, so it had to be under the age of ten.

“I’m not sure; over ten years at least.”

“Did you take lessons?”

I nodded. I could remember that much. “Yes. First from my mother, but when she couldn’t teach me any longer, they hired a professional tutor. I can’t remember his name, though,” I said and shrugged. “I don’t even know if he survived the epidemic.”

It was silent again for a few seconds, and I felt relieved when Carlisle decided to remind Esme that they were about to leave.

“Yes, yes we were,” she replied. I knew that she still experienced the confusion of how easily distracted our kind could become. My piano playing had taken the thoughts of her honeymoon out of her head completely.

While I was still sitting on the piano bench, she crouched down and gave me a hug. “Take care of yourself, Edward. We’ll be back in a few weeks.”

I smiled at her. “Don’t worry about me. Enjoy your honeymoon.” I stood up from the bench and walked up to Carlisle to wish him a good honeymoon as well. We hugged briefly and when I looked into his eyes, I saw a light there that hadn’t been there before. I was pretty sure it was his love for Esme shining through, and I liked seeing it.

He had always been a positive person, but he was happier since Esme came into our lives. He smiled more and even though he had always enjoyed researching for new knowledge, he didn’t lose himself in it as much anymore. It was as if he felt he had a new reason to actually live now.

I couldn’t help but to feel the slightest bit of jealousy, but I shook it off. If there was someone who deserved to finally feel whole, it was my mentor after three hundred years of existing in an emotional limbo.

Eventually, they disappeared through the front door, and I was left alone.

Later during the day, I was shocked when I heard a knocking on the door. We never had visitors, and we had never invited outsiders into our home, so when I opened the door and saw a young woman in her twenties standing outside, I wasn’t completely sure on how to react.

“How can I help you?” I asked when I’d sorted out my thoughts.

The woman’s eyes were wide and frantic, and I could hear how her heart was beating very irregularly. It made her blood very potent and sweet, and I had to repeatedly swallow down the venom that pooled in my mouth. 

“I’m so sorry, but is this Dr. Cullen’s house?”

I nodded. “Yes, it is. I am his brother-in-law,” I said, careful with keeping up with our story.

“Oh thank god! Could you please fetch him for me?” Her breathing calmed down when she knew that she’d found the right place, but her heart was still beating very fast. I could smell a hint of adrenaline in her blood, and I figured that it was her instincts that told her I was dangerous and that she should stay away from me, but her head said that she was crazy for feeling that way toward someone like me who appeared to be a complete gentleman.

“I’m afraid he’s not here. He went on his honeymoon today.”

“How long will he be gone for?” She was frantic again, and I could now read in her thoughts that she was desperate for Carlisle’s medical care, but it wasn’t for herself.

“A few weeks—maybe longer—there wasn’t a specific date of time when he said he would be back.”

Suddenly, the woman burst into tears and started wailing. “No! Please God, no! He won’t make it til then!”

I could see the image of a teenage boy lying in bed, sweat beading on his forehead, and his hand looking downright disgusting. There was a cut in the palm of his hand that had become infected, and the area around it was shiny red swollen and crusty with old and new pus seeping out of it. The fingers were bloated as well as his wrist.

That cut was obviously old and hadn’t been treated right. In an earlier stage, an amputation of the hand would have saved the boy, but the wound looked so bad that even I who had no education in medicine could see that it was too late and the infection had gone into the boy’s bloodstream now.

All of this was only from the image the woman had in her head and since they couldn’t remember a picture with perfect clarity, I was sure that the boy was even worse than that.

He would not live through the night.

The woman did not know I knew all of this, though, and I had to act ignorant.

“Miss? Who won’t make it?” I asked, and I could feel how much I hated acting human in that moment. The boy would not live, but I was sure there was medicine that could at least relieve his pain and with every passing second, it took longer for that medicine to reach him.

“Please, sir! It’s my baby brother! He’s very ill and needs care. I don’t know what to do!” she exclaimed and took a step closer to me, her hands clasped in front of her as if in a prayer.

“I wish I could help you in some way,” I said and felt at loss on what to do.

“Are you a doctor as well?” she asked with a hopeful voice.

“I’m afraid not. Can’t you take your brother to the hospital? I’m sure someone there can treat him.”

She was shaking her head before I’d even finished speaking. “I can’t afford any hospital bills. My brother and I live alone in the country outside of town. Our neighbor told me of Dr. Cullen and how he doesn’t always request payment right away. That’s why I came here.”

Her lashes were wet and the expression in her grey eyes was the most heartbroken I’d ever seen. I felt true sympathy with her and I wanted to help.

It took only a second for me to come to my decision. I wasn’t going to let that boy die in such pain, and I would make sure of it even though I would have to pay for it myself. Our family could easily afford it.

“Where do you live? What’s the address?”

The woman blinked toward me before she mechanically recited an address a few miles outside of town. I immediately walked inside the house toward our telephone and picked it up. We rarely used it, but it felt good to have one in case of emergencies.

“ _Operator, how may I help you?”_ a female voice said into my ear.

“Hi, could you transfer my call to St. Mary Hospital in Astoria, thank you?” A little longer than a year back, the operating system had expanded so all calls went to a head office that took care of the transferring in that particular state, so instead of a street address, you simply said which town and they tracked it down.

“ _Of course. One moment, sir.”_

I waited the few seconds it took and then a nurse at the front desk picked up the call with the usual greeting.

“I need you to send an ambulance to this address,” I said and told her the address.

“ _I’m sorry, sir, but that address is out of our district. We can’t send an ambulance there,”_ the nurse replied uncooperatively, but I wasn’t about to accept that.

“It’s a demand from Dr. Carlisle Cullen. One of his patients is out there and has taken for the worse. He needs transportation to the hospital and treatment as quick as possible,” I said with a stern voice, and as soon as I mentioned my mentor’s name, the nurse inhaled sharply.

“ _Of course, Dr. Cullen, sir! I didn’t recognize your voice. I’ll send an ambulance immediately.”_

The call disconnected and I hung up the telephone.

It wasn’t until that moment that I fully understood the influence Carlisle had at the hospital, and I felt a whole new level of admiration for him grow inside of me.

I went back to the woman. “I’ve called for an ambulance to transport your brother to the hospital, and don’t worry about the costs. We’ll take care of it.”

The woman acted without thinking when she threw her arms around my neck to hug me, but she stepped back only a second later when her instincts told her that she was in danger. I believe she also felt how hard my body was when she threw herself at me. “Thank you so much, sir! I don’t know how I will ever repay you,” she said, practically breathless with gratitude.

“Don’t worry about it,” I said again. “Go to the hospital, and your brother will be there soon.”

The woman immediately ran down the steps and then down the street, and I slowly closed and locked the door. 

 


	18. Chapter 17, August 10th - August 12th 1926

**CHAPTER 17 AUGUST 10** **th** **– AUGUST 12** **th** **1926**

I studied the realtor as he clubbed the “For Sale” sign into the ground on our front lawn. He was sweating from the minimal exertion even though it was an unseasonably cold day for mid-August. His scent travelled to my nostrils and I stood glued by the window as I really tried push down my desire to go outside and drink from him.

I didn’t understand how it never got easier. I always lusted after human blood even though I could resist it now. I never felt satisfied and yearned for that simple feeling. I despised walking around feeling as if something was missing.

The man wiped the sweat off his forehead and climbed into his automobile, and I sighed deeply before turning away from the window toward the living room. The entire house looked different as it was in various stages of being packed.

We had lived in Astoria for five years now, and it was time to move on. The humans were growing suspicious, especially of me since I’d graduated from the university and claimed myself to be twenty-two now even though I didn’t look a day older than I’d been when I began my studies.

It was the first place I’d lived in where we didn’t have to move in haste. We could take our time and carefully mark what we wanted shipped to our new house in New Hampshire and what we wanted to be sold with the house. It was a very liberating feeling, and for a moment, it made me feel rather human.

As good as that felt, though, the past five years hadn’t exactly been gliding by. There had been slips for Esme on a couple of occasions. The first time I hadn’t been present as it had happened during her and Carlisle’s honeymoon, and the second time had been a woman just passing through the state, so she was reported missing in a different state. We had taken the risk of staying in Astoria, and been fortunate as no one ever suspected us to be involved in the woman’s disappearance.

I walked upstairs and headed toward my room to start my packing, only to find that Esme had already folded my clothes neatly into my bag, but she hadn’t closed it as she knew there were things I would like to pack that she didn’t necessarily knew about.

The gesture was appreciated, although, it still felt strange to be taken care of by a woman that wasn’t truly my mother—or my wife—even though that’s kind of what she’d become.

I went around the room and collected the things I didn’t want to part with; then I closed the bag and went downstairs with it. Esme and Carlisle weren’t done yet, so I placed it by the front door and sat down by my piano.

The lid was closed and I did not lift it. I didn’t wish to play. I only studied the beautiful instrument and took notice that it was becoming slightly worn at the edges. It was to be expected since I played on it quite a lot, and it would naturally need some repairing after a few years. I would see it done once we’d reached New Hampshire.

Eventually, Carlisle and Esme descended the stairs with their own bags. We only had one each, because it was all that the Ford Carlisle bought recently could take. Esme and I would sit in the back, and we would have to have the bags under our feet.

The journey from Astoria to Mt. Washington would take a few days, and I was positive we would have to stop quite a few times for gas, but the time didn’t bother us. If we’d wanted to reach our destination quickly, we could have run, but we wanted to try the feeling of going across the country in a car like any other human would.

I couldn’t hold in the smile that stretched across my face when I saw Esme dressed in a pale pink lace dress that reached her ankles. She was wearing gloves and a hat was perched on top of her locks. I had known her for almost six years, and it was relieving to see that she had finally broken from the shell her former husband had placed around her. She was absolutely glowing as she looked at Carlisle from the corner of her eye.

There was an obvious change in my mentor as well. Ever since their honeymoon, he had been less serious, and he smiled more often than I could remember he’d ever done before Esme came into our lives.

“Are you ready?” he asked me when they reached the bottom of the stairs.

“I am,” I replied and proceeded to cover my piano with a dust sheet; the moving company wouldn’t come for our furniture in a week, and I didn’t want to have unnecessary dirt inside it.

“Then let’s go.”

We walked through the door, and while Carlisle locked it, I placed our bags in the Ford. Then, as the gentleman I was, I held out my hand to “help” Esme get inside. Once she was seated, I saw that she placed a lace parasol in her lap, and I eyed it curiously.

“In case the sun would break through,” Esme answered my silent question. The Ford provided some shade, but it was a good idea to have a backup plan just in case.

Carlisle joined us and took his place behind the wheel. “Do we have everything?” he asked, and when we both nodded, he started the vehicle.

We drove past a few of our neighbors who politely waved and nodded at us, and we answered their farewells with the same courtesy before we made a turn and exited the street.

**< {=ALS=}>**

I was anxiously staring up at the sky as I’d noticed how the clouds were thinning, and there were areas where the blue sky was visible. The sun was almost breaking through and we were nowhere near a place where we could hide.

“Carlisle.” I said his name in a worried tone because if we were going to make it, we’d need to seek protection right away.

“I know, Edward,” he replied, and I saw how he also continuously cast glances toward the sky.

It was highly unfortunate that we were at this very moment riding through a town, and it would be next to impossible to just slip away without attracting notice, so we had to find somewhere we could park and reside in for a while until we were safe again.

The sun broke through for a few seconds, and I held my breath as I saw how it closed in on my face, but at the last second, it dived behind another cloud.

“Carlisle!” I said even more urgently than before.

“I _know_ , Edward, but at the moment, we’re safest while we’re moving. Put on your hat and gloves. It will provide some shade.”

I did as he told me, but I was still tense like a piano string, and my eyes went up to the sky every other second. The clouds were just white puffs now and if we went any further, we’d expose ourselves for sure.

“Pull over,” I demanded lowly. “We have to find shelter. There’s no protection in the clouds now.”

“We need to find some place to hide first where we won’t attract attention from humans,” Carlisle insisted, but I couldn’t take it any longer.

“Damn it, Carlisle! If we don’t go inside this very second, humans are going to take notice of us nevertheless.” Esme flinched slightly at my outburst, but I was too stressed to really care. “There’s a library over there. Let us go there.”

Carlisle glanced over his shoulder at me and then once again at the sky. It was evident that the sun would burst through in only a few seconds. We had to act fast, and Carlisle realized that I wasn’t just paranoid anymore. We were in real danger, so he quickly pulled over and then urged Esme inside while I took the bags.

Right before we entered the shade, the sun shone on us, and I saw how Carlisle’s neck started to sparkle. However, the moment lasted barely a second and it was too fast for a human to notice, but it sure was a close call. There were no more clouds as far as I could see. We were trapped inside the library for an unknown period of time, or until nightfall.

I placed the bags on the floor and sighed in relief. I was sure that my heart would have been flying had it still been beating, and sweat would have been on my forehead. 

The three of us looked at each other, and my eyes said it all. We couldn’t risk taking the Ford with us now; the vehicle was too slow—we had at least two more days on the road in it before we reached New Hampshire—but if we ran, we could travel through the forests and minimize the risk of humans and reach our destination faster.

Carlisle knew what I was silently asking, but before he could give consent, he shared a look with Esme, and for the first time in five years, I felt the part of a fifth wheel. My companions were a married couple, and my opinions would always rank underneath Esme’s in Carlisle’s eyes. He needed to know that she would be all right with our new travelling arrangement.

I really tried to not let that get to me, but it was difficult to realize that I was essentially unnecessary in our coven.

I could read in Esme’s thoughts that she understood the silent conversation between me and our creator, and she also thought we should abandon the Ford.

“It’s too uncertain,” she said lowly. “It’s safer to run.”

Carlisle nodded. “You’re right. We’ll wait for the sun to go down, and then we’ll take to the forest.”

During those hours that were left of daylight, we roamed around in the library. Carlisle and Esme went off on their own, and I traced the spines of the leather bound books. One of them caught my eye, and I took it down from the shelf. It was a text book about our legal system, most likely something young lawyers used during their studies.

It got my attention because it awoke a murky memory in my mind. I remembered reading this exact book behind a desk I felt I did not belong behind, but I couldn’t recall why I’d read it. I had never really had an interest in law, so why had I read this text book.

The memory was so foggy, it must have occurred long before I fell ill, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t force the answer. It was simply gone and it was impossible to remember something you’d once forgotten.

I shook my head and placed the book back on its shelf. Maybe I’d had an assignment in school at one point. I couldn’t really find another reason as for why I’d read a text book on a subject I had no interest in.

“ _Edward, it’s time to go,”_ Carlisle told me then in his thoughts, and I turned to where he and Esme were walking up to me.

It didn’t take long for me to forget all about that book once we’d started to run through the forest toward our new home.

 


	19. Chapter 18, November 6th 1927

**CHAPTER 18 NOVEMBER 6th 1927**

My eyes were closed and my back was against the wall. The images from earlier today flashed behind my eyelids as I sat in the corner of my room.

I inhaled and exhaled slowly in order to calm down and gain control again, but it did nothing for me because I suddenly realized that I didn’t feel truly stressed the way I’d felt before.

I despised that she’d been an innocent. She’d had a life, friends, and family, but in a second, she was ripped away from them all—by me—but the guilt that had threatened to consume me in the past wasn’t present, because for the first time in years, I felt full; I felt satisfied, and I felt strong.

How could it be wrong to feel this way?

I stood up from my position on the floor and went up to the window to look outside on the greenery that surrounded us. We had found a house that wasn’t in the middle of a busy neighborhood for once, and when we were home, we could be ourselves without restraint. 

Finally, we didn’t have to worry about curious neighbors looking through their windows into ours.

Bright red eyes stared back at me, and while I thought I would flinch away from the sight, I didn’t. I wasn’t as disturbed by it this time. I couldn’t explain what had changed, it just had. 

Suddenly, seemingly from out of thin air, I felt true resentment toward my creator; my mentor; my father.

He had bored it into my head from the beginning that we didn’t drink from humans; that preserving human life somehow caused us to stand above others in our community. All he really did was preach about  _his_ lifestyle,  _his_ choices, and how we didn’t have to stoop to the level of the “normal” vampire.

He hadn’t given me a choice. Not as he had with Esme. He told her during her transformation, as well as after, that if she wanted a different life, if she wanted to go off on her own, that would be fine, because that was her choice alone.

Why didn’t he ever give  _me_ that choice? I couldn’t recollect a single time where he gave me the same offer. I had blindly followed him and his way because that’s how I thought it was supposed to be.

I never got the chance to make my own opinion on the matter of my food source. After my first human killing, all Carlisle had told me was: “Everyone slips on occasion,” as if my path had already been chosen.

I guess it had in a way, by  _him_ , and I didn’t want that. I wanted,  _needed_ , to feel that my choices were my own. Did that make me a bad person? I didn’t think so.

My attack on the girl played in my mind on repeat, and I felt myself grow irritated because I didn’t have any of her blood left. It had tasted so sweet, and after having lived on only animals for years, it was out of this world.

I hadn’t planned on attacking. It had all been a cruel trick by fate.

I had been running a few errands for Esme when the girl, or rather young woman, had fallen forward right in front of me. She had tried to break her fall with her hands and scraped them up on the ground as a result.

The scrapes had been shallow, but the small amount of fresh flowing blood had been enough. I hadn’t been prepared, and when I inhaled to hold my breath, I brought the scent and fragmented taste inside of my body.

I was lost and couldn’t stop myself.

Carlisle and Esme came home, and he immediately felt the tension in the air even though I was on the second floor. He asked Esme to stay downstairs and then came searching for me, which didn’t take long when he followed my scent to my room.

“ _Is something wrong, Edward?”_ he asked in his thoughts before even walking through the door. When he did, though, he saw my reflection—my eyes—and sympathy lit up his entire being. My resentment grew and anger caused my breathing to speed up.

“I’m so sorry, Edward. Do you want to talk about it?”

I shook my head, but not at his question. “Don’t say you’re sorry,” I said still turned toward the window.

“Then what do you want me to say? It’s difficult for everyone and sometimes there are slips.”

“I wouldn’t call this a slip. It was more enlightening than that,” I replied and finally turned around to face my mentor. He didn’t appear to react at my red eyes, but I heard his thoughts. He was confused by my words and didn’t understand what I was trying to say.

“Let me make it clearer,” I said. “I don’t feel guilty, and I don’t really regret it. All I wish is that she hadn’t been so innocent, but I drank from her, and it felt good. For the first time in years, I feel satisfied.”

He nodded. “That’s understandable, Edward. Human blood does that to our kind. We feel stronger since that is our intended food source.”

“Exactly, and it hasn’t mattered how many times you’ve told me over the years that it gets easier. It never does. I still want to drink from every human I come across. My control is better, but I can barely see past my desire to feed on humans in order to function in public. It was just a matter of time before something like this happened.”

“Don’t put yourself down, son. It _will_ get easier, but you’re only a decade old. You need to have patience. Give it a century and you will feel differently,” Carlisle said and took a step closer to me, but I recoiled.

“No, you don’t understand. I don’t want to give it a century. I don’t want to deny myself any longer. I don’t want to live this half-life anymore. I can’t continue to pretend that I am human the way we do. It feels too false as we try to blend in, but at the same time, we avoid all human contact. It’s not right, Carlisle. It’s not natural,” I stressed and pulled at my hair. I was becoming agitated because what I was trying to say wasn’t coming across to him. 

“We do that for your sake; for yours and Esme’s. Just look at me. I don’t _have_ to avoid human contact. It’s by my own choice.”

“Yes! Choice,” I exclaimed, and his eyes widened in shock at my outburst. “ _You_ choose to live this way. Why do I have the feeling that I never had that choice?”

He frowned. “You’ve always had the choice, Edward. It’s your life, and you have the right to live it however you want.”

“Then why is this the first time I've heard you say these words to me? Why didn’t you tell me that back in 1918?” I asked and really hoped to receive an answer.

Carlisle thought about it for a few seconds. “I’m quite positive I—”

“No, you didn’t,” I insisted. “You never gave me the choice. You just thought I would figure it out on my own, but I never did. Not before Esme. When you told her that she could choose. You told her the same day she woke up. Why was I different?” I pressed. I wanted to hear him admit that he kept me around for selfish reasons.

He shrugged. “I don’t know what to say. I’m afraid I don’t have an answer for you. I would never force you to live a life you don’t want. That is, and has always been, your choice.”

I looked away from him and turned back to the window. I couldn’t look at him for the next part—I didn’t even look at his reflection. I just focused on the barren branches of the trees outside.

“If I told you that I don’t want to live off animals anymore, what would you say?” I asked and controlled the urge I had to swallow. I wasn’t going to deny that I was nervous. I hated that I was practically admitting a weakness, although I couldn’t exactly see it as a weakness. It was just a different way to exist through the endless hours we all had in front of us.

“I would say that it’s entirely up to you. I would never stop you if that’s what you want.” I met Carlisle’s eyes in the window, and he could see what decision I’d come to. “Do what you must, son. We will miss you, but you are free to go whenever you want.”

I didn’t say anything as I turned and walked past him through the door. I steered my steps to Carlisle’s office where we kept all of our savings. I would need money, but I didn’t know how much, so I ended up taking a small stack of bills, which would probably sustain a normal household with food and clothes for at least two years. The majority of the money was still in the safe—Carlisle already had money before he changed me, and after ten years, the amount had grown considerably—and we also had bank accounts where we kept the larger part of our savings.

I went back to my room when I remembered that I had forgotten my father’s pocket watch and my mother’s wedding ring. I just couldn’t part with those two items, even though the people they used to belong to were only blurry figures in forgotten memories.

When I descended the stairs, I found Esme alone in the hallway. She looked at me with venom-filled, blank eyes, and she ran up to me and wound her arms around my waist.

“Please, don’t go,” she pleaded into my chest.

I tightened my own arms around her small frame and placed a kiss on top of her head. I believe it was the first time we had been this affectionate toward each other. I suddenly felt as if I was saying goodbye to my own mother.

“I can’t stay,” I replied, and her grip on me loosened. She inhaled sharply and stepped away. Carlisle came up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders to give her comfort.

I grabbed my hat and coat—the items in my hands were placed in the pocket—as well as a scarf so that I wouldn’t look underdressed in the biting coldness of November. When I was ready to depart, I turned toward the two most important people in my life. I just wished that my bonds with them could have been enough to keep me there. I knew I would miss them terribly, but I had to do this.

“You are always welcome to come back if you want,” Carlisle said, and I replied by nodding. I was feeling very emotional and words failed me. Luckily, Carlisle understood and smiled sadly. “Good luck, Edward.”

I met their gazes one last time and then opened the door. The wind blew inside, but the probable cold had no effect on me. The winds had developed into a blizzard, and a human had to have been crazy to venture outside on a night like this. At least I wouldn’t face any obstacles hindering my way in this weather.

“Goodbye,” I said, and then closed the door behind me. I heard Esme return the farewell from inside when I looked to my left and then my right. There were no humans in sight, and after checking the thoughts of those in the nearby houses, I broke into a run and disappeared into the darkening night.

 


	20. Chapter 19, November 28th 1927 – January 14th 1928

**CHAPTER 19 NOVEMBER 28th 1927 – JANUARY 14th 1928**

I was fiercely thirsty, as I hadn’t hunted since that girl in Mt. Washington three weeks ago, but I couldn’t make myself go out and hunt. I felt reluctant to go out and deliberately seek out a human to kill. Those other times had been without my intention, and I felt how difficult it came for me to leave the room I was renting.

I felt quite unsure if I would be able to go through with it, but at the same time, I didn’t want to turn back now and hunt animals again. Not now when I’d made the decision to walk out on Carlisle and Esme. I didn’t want to hold back my appetite—my desire—for human blood anymore, but there had to be a way around taking an innocent person’s life.

That was what I didn’t feel comfortable with. I didn’t want to kill innocent people; people who had done nothing but live their lives in peace without disrupting the order. They didn’t deserve to be killed by my hands. It would never be right, no matter what was otherwise said in our community, to take a life prematurely unless the person truly deserved it.

But what kind of people did deserve it then?

My thoughts immediately jumped to one man.

Charles Evans—Esme’s former husband—an abuser, a true home wrecker, a smudge of dirt underneath my shoe was all he was. People like him were the people who deserved to die. He shouldn’t be allowed to walk this earth and breathe its air and taint it.

My hands tightened into fists and I wished I had them around Charles throat. I could almost see it in front of me, how I would slowly tighten my hold to cut off his airways until he was just barely alive. He would claw at my hands in an attempt to make me let go, but I wouldn’t even feel his nails against my skin.

When he finally turned a dark shade of purple, I would let him go and make him believe that I would have mercy on him. Then I would subject him to the same pain, and instill the same fear he’d put Esme through during their marriage.

The vision was so vivid that my mouth was already filling itself with venom, preparing to incapacitate my victim completely, making it impossible for him to run before I handed out the killing blow.

My rage filled me, and I knew that I couldn’t let Esme go unavenged any longer. I knew from her thoughts that she still had a deep rooted fear of Charles, even though he could never harm her now. He was a ghost of her past, and she could only remember pain with him, which she didn’t deserve.

She deserved to know that her ghost would never come and haunt her. She deserved to know he was gone forever, and I was going to make sure of it.

I just had to find him first.

I knew Esme was from somewhere outside of Columbia in Ohio. She had not revealed anything else, so when I reached the city, I would have to go blindly.

Although, Esme  _had_ told us that Charles had been a soldier—it made me grind my teeth when I thought a man who had served our country could then go home and beat his wife—so his information should be in the records, and how many Charles Evans could there be outside of Columbia anyway?

Now that I had a plan, I immediately went into action. I wasn’t going to hunt until I had Charles in front of me. He was going to be my first deliberate kill, and I was going to enjoy every second of it.

**< {=ALS=}>**

I walked through the hallway of the modest country home and the soles of my shoes clicked against the wooden floor. It was obvious nobody was home so I gave myself the freedom to explore while I waited for the scum to arrive.

It hadn’t been difficult at all to find the man. I would have found him easily even without his address in his service records because the man had a reputation in town. Ever since his runaway bride had disappeared, Charles had indulged in one too many sins: alcohol, gambling and prostitutes.

The once respectable man was now nothing more than a country slime ball with debts higher than anyone could fathom. I wouldn’t only do Esme a favor when I rid this earth of the dirtbag.

I ran my hand over the surface of the hallway table and years of dust and grime tainted my fingers.

While the house didn’t look too bad or run down, it was obvious nobody took care of it. Everything was covered with a thick layer of dust and it didn’t look very lived in, so I naturally wondered where Charles had his cave. There had to be a room somewhere in the house that gave proof of someone living here.

I glanced up the stairs toward the second floor and started to climb the steps.

A portrait on the wall at the top caught my eye. The glass was broken and the frame hung crookedly on its hook, but it was easily recognizable as a wedding photograph. More specifically, Esme’s wedding photograph.

She looked so much younger compared to how she looked today, even though her physical age was only four years older than in the photograph. I could only guess how fast Charles' abuse must have aged her, because while she was still beautiful and looked very young, the trauma she’d lived through had left her with a very mature energy.

The dress she wore was the most modest I’d seen since my own mother’s gown, so maybe that was what made her look younger than her then twenty-two years.

Charles Evans looked like a very plain man. He appeared mousy with his combed hair and neatly trimmed mustache. He was tall and lanky with no apparent muscles. Actually, he looked like a gust of wind could snap him in half.

However, I knew this had been taken before his time as a soldier, so he must have gained some body mass during his service in order to become the man Esme feared so much.

What was it that caused Charles to keep the photograph? Was it simply invisible to him now after almost seven years, or did he have something planned? To me, he seemed to be the kind of man that would definitely keep memorabilia like this to fuel his fire.

I continued my exploration of the house and found myself in a bedroom. The bed was unmade and the mirror on top of a vanity was smashed, but apart from that, the room looked as if it had not been touched for years.

Farther down the hall was a door that was slightly ajar and there was light coming from it, so it naturally caught my attention. The silence told me that Charles wasn’t there, and that he had probably only left the light on.

I inhaled sharply when I entered the room. It looked to have been a nursery in the past, but all of the furniture had been pushed up against the wall and on the opposite one, there hung a massive map of the states with red dots on it.

Crumbled up pieces of paper with writing on it revealed threatening letters, all addressed to Esme, but were obviously never sent.

In the corner, I saw a hunting rifle and a smaller revolver, as well as a knife with a sharp, glistening blade.

This man turned out to be more of a psychopath than I’d first thought.

I felt sick to my stomach when I thought of what he would have done to Esme if he’d found her in Ashland before we did.

Suddenly, I heard an engine closing in. It stopped on the yard and the steps of a heavy man echoed against the forest surrounding it. They continued with a hollow sound on the porch steps and through the front door.

I quietly ran back through the hall and stopped at the top of the stairs so that I would be able to see the creep, but my vision was obscured, so I looked around and saw that the wooden beams supporting the ceiling would be in shadows for a human.

I quietly jumped up there and then looked down at the man who was currently pouring himself a huge glass of liquor, however, the wood was old and creaked underneath my weight, which immediately caught the scum’s attention.

He looked up toward where I was, but he quickly discarded the sound as a figment of his imagination when he couldn’t see anything out of place.

I could now see the changes in Charles.

It was obvious he’d gained muscle as a soldier, but years of neglect had left him with a less than desirable body. White-hot anger filled me as I watched him down the liquid and then go in for a second glass.

He disgusted me, and I wanted him to feel fear before I killed him. I wanted his heart to pump so fast, it would feel as if it would explode from his body.

I moved myself closer to where I could reach the ceiling and then dragged my nails across the surface. Charles swirled around and looked toward me again with wide eyes, and his accelerated heartbeat practically echoed in the house.

“Is there someone there?” he called out.

When he was only met with silence, he frowned and reached into a drawer and pulled out another revolver. How many weapons did this guy own?

“Hello?” he called out again and started to climb the stairs.

He still didn’t see me, and I was completely silent as he entered the hall.

That was when I grabbed the wedding photograph off the wall and smashed it against the floor. The crash caused Charles to come running back. He looked down at the frame and then over the railing of the stairs to see if he could spot the intruder he could feel was in his house.

He thought he saw something by the door, and so he ran back downstairs and outside. It gave me the chance to move from my spot, and I went back into the room with the map and used the knife to write on the wall.

I also slashed the map and bent the pip of the rifle to make it unusable. It was all a show to scare him, of course.

I banged around to get his attention, and I soon heard him come back upstairs. I climbed out of the window, but left it open, and sat in the tree outside. The night had fallen, and the darkness hid me from view.

Charles came barging through the door and looked around the broken room. When he saw the writing on the wall, he started to fire off the gun at random places in the room. One bullet went out the window and blew right past me.

I knew he tried to appear tough, but his thoughts told me he was scared out of his mind. The writing especially had freaked him.

I had carved  _‘Abuser’_ with larger letters across the door.

I could almost taste the aroma of his fear filled blood.

“Who’s there?” he called out again, and his bass voice broke.

As fast as I could, I jumped through the window, ran past him and gave him a light push that was enough to make him lose his balance. He fell down, but he immediately got up and made a run for the door. Before he reached it, though, I grabbed the back of his shirt and threw him down on the floor, and then disappeared again.

Charles crawled to the revolver he had dropped when I threw him on the floor, and as soon as he had a good grip on it, he turned around and aimed anywhere and everywhere.

To scare him even further, I let out a ghostly laugh.

“Leave me alone!” he cried out and tried to fire two shots toward the ceiling, but he was out of bullets.

I decided that was enough and placed myself right behind him. Slowly, I leaned forward toward his ear.

“This is for Esme,” I whispered, and Charles whirled around and attempted to punch me, but he only ended up breaking his hand and his eyes widened further in fear and pain. He looked at my face and I smiled, making sure to show him my teeth, and grabbed his throat with my right hand.

He clawed at my hand, but I wasn’t letting go until he had gone purple. He fell down on all fours and coughed at my feet, but I didn’t want to kill him when he was turned away from me, so with the toe of my shoe, I turned him over onto his back.

I placed my foot on his chest to keep him in place and looked down at the worthless piece of trash. He opened his eyes and met mine.

“Not so funny when you’re the one on the ground, right?”

I moved my foot from his chest to his thigh and stomped down on it until it broke. Charles let out a bloodcurdling scream, but I wasn’t having that. I knew that he had broken more than just a femur bone on Esme, and so he had no right to scream.

I crouched down over him and placed my hand over his mouth. “I’m being very kind to you compared to how you treated your wife.” He tried to scream again, but I just pressed down harder. “You should know that you’re not going to get out of here. I will kill you, and you deserve nothing less than what you put Esme through. However, I know Esme wouldn’t have wanted me down on your level, so for her sake, this will go quicker than I would have wanted.”

Charles swallowed hard, and his eyes filled with tears. One of them fell from the corner of his eye and onto my thumb.

I knew I couldn’t torture him any longer, so faster than was visible for the human eye; I buried my teeth in his neck and drank him up in only a few seconds. His last sound was a pathetic little gurgle and then his heart stopped completely.

I straightened out and looked at the body. Blood was all over my chin—I had been too thirsty to drink with any kind of finesse—and I wiped it away with the back of my hand.

It was done; over. I’d completed my first deliberate kill. I’d rid the world of a man no one would miss.

I didn’t even bother to burn down the house. I doubted Charles had any friends so it would probably be a long time until he was found. For all I cared, he could lie right there on the floor and rot away.

I saw a handkerchief in his inner pocket and used it to remove the remaining blood around my mouth, and then I threw it back at him and left the house.

 


	21. Chapter 20, June 20th 1929 - February 3rd 1931

**CHAPTER 20 JUNE 20th 1929 – FEBRUARY 3** **rd** **1931**

_A memory hit me today as I saved yet another woman from being violated in that godforsaken alley behind the factory. I’m beginning to believe that all of these disgusting, vile creatures have a club where they decide what will be the designated place to attack their victims. This was the third one this month alone._

_The woman I saved was who triggered the memory. She’d had the strangest shade of green in her eyes, and I know from Carlisle’s thoughts that Elizabeth Masen had the same color; I had the same color when I was human, and that was when I remembered._

_June 20_ _th_ _. Today is my birthday._

_Had I still been able to age, I would have turned twenty-eight this year._

_I often wonder, nowadays more than before, what my life would have looked like if I’d never gotten the fever, if my parents had never contracted the virus._

_Would I have been married today? Would I have children? What would I work with?_

_I guess I will never have those questions answered._

I closed the journal and lay the pen down next to it.

The clock on the mantel piece chimed to let me know that it was now eight o’clock in the evening, and it was time for me to go to the theatre. I had a ticket to  _In Old Arizona_ , a moving picture I’d seen many times already since its release in January, but I’d found out that many predators liked to choose their victims in the dark when everyone else were enamored with the film.

I wasn’t thirsty since I’d already killed today, but I wasn’t looking at hunting as a way to only get food anymore. It had become my mission to free the earth of those creeps that shouldn’t live, so while I still drank from them, I didn’t kill for the blood.

I killed for the women that would have been in their place had they still been alive.

Crimson red eyes stared back at me in the mirror as I put on my coat. I had lived with them for over a year now, and I didn’t even flinch when I saw them anymore. They had become a part of me and I accepted that they came with the lifestyle I’d chosen.

The clock chimed again and before I went out the door, I placed my hat on my head and carefully situated it so that the shadow from it would make my eyes look more brown than red to the humans.

I sat through the entire show scanning the minds of every person in the theatre, but not until the very end did I hear anything suspicious.

It was when a dark-haired woman in red decided to leave early and climbed the large staircase toward the exit. She passed my seat next to the aisle, as well as the man that was her predator. He decided as soon as he saw her and smelled her sweet perfume.

He waited exactly one minute before he, too, got up from his seat and went out through the double doors.

I knew my window of opportunity decreased the longer I waited, but I didn’t want to create unnecessary suspicion. I hoped that the humans were too entranced with the picture to take notice of me as I placed my hat on my head and left the same way as the two before me.

I couldn’t see anyone outside in the parlor, but I could hear that the woman was in one of the upstairs bathrooms while the man was lurking around a corner, waiting for her to come out. When she did, I was already standing behind the man, sinking my teeth into his soft flesh while listening to his dying breaths.

I felt full to the point of bursting at the seams once I’d finished him off. I’d been drinking too much lately, but I couldn’t ignore it when I knew I could stop another attack. The only way I could avoid it was to stay in my room, and I hated to feel trapped, so I more often than not wandered the streets at night, which was the time of day when most predators liked to attack; including myself.

I had to dispose of the body, so I hurried out of the building with the emptied man slung over my shoulder before the humans would mill out of the theatre. I couldn’t risk any exposure at all.

The forest was as good a place as any, so after digging a rather deep grave, I threw the body into it and filled it back in.

His remains would never be found.

When I came back home, I found that I’d received a letter from Carlisle and Esme. I wasted no time and tore into it to see what they’d written.

We corresponded from time to time. Not much, only a letter here and there and mostly if we had something important to tell. Esme had written me one when the news of Charles death had reached her. She’d instantly known I’d had something to do with it, and even though she did not like the thought of me drinking from humans, she had felt a level of gratitude toward me for ending his life. She’d said that she had felt as if a huge burden had been lifted from her shoulders.

This letter was from Carlisle and it was obvious it wasn’t for the sake of just giving me an update of their life. It had some urgent matters in it.

_Son,_

_You need to get moving and as far away from Boston as possible. Your activities have started to gain some attention. Too many men have gone missing, and the word of a new vampire is going around._

_I know The Volturi will inspect soon and I don’t want you anywhere near them. They still believe that you live with me and that I have control over you. If they find you, they will kill you._

_Please, Edward. Just get away from there as soon as you can and find a new city._

_Both Esme and I are worried._

_We will stay here in New Hampshire for now, but if word of your nomadic ways start to spread, we will move as well._

_Our thoughts are with you,_

_Carlisle & Esme_

I balled up the letter in my fist and threw it in the fireplace to destroy any evidence. Then I collected all of my belongings and was out of the door in less than five minutes.

**< {=ALS=}>**

“ _This one is fast. I like it.”_

I turned my head in the direction of the thoughts and sniffed the air. I could smell both the scent of the middle-aged man and the sixteen-year-old girl he was stalking. In his thoughts, I could read that he’d been following her around for weeks, waiting and plotting his next move. He had just recently decided to make his presence known, but since his advances had been turned down, the pursuit had developed into a full chase; a game of cat and mouse.

I tore my robe off of my shoulders so that it wouldn’t hinder my run and started toward the back street I saw that the man was intending to herd the girl into.

I ran as fast as I could and when I neared my goal, I made a leap and grabbed a ledge on the wall of one of the buildings that surrounded the street. I then hopped from windowsill to windowsill until I was at the top of the building and pulled myself up on the roof.

I looked up at the moon as I slowly walked across the rooftop. My skin glowed slightly in the iridescent light and I allowed my instincts to take over when I heard the first of the terrified girl’s screams.

I leaned over the edge and saw the girl run toward what would have been her inevitable death had I not been around. She was probably too scared to see that she was running straight into a trap.

When the man came into view, I followed him with my eyes. He didn't smell nearly as appetizing as the girl, but I would never take an innocent life. I had perfected my methods during the four years I’d been practicing this lifestyle.

I threw myself into the air and landed softly behind a dumpster. My view was unobscured, and I could see the entire scene play out in front of me.

The girl was cowering up against the brick wall, crying out of fear. “No, please!  _Please,_ ” she shrieked at the top of her lungs, trying to persuade the man to not do what he had intended.

“Don’t be afraid, beautiful. It will only hurt if you fight me.”

The man’s sleek voice made the girl shudder and she closed her eyes tightly so she wouldn't have to look at him.

I allowed the man to take two steps closer to the girl  and then I was behind him, snapping his neck in one swift movement.  The girl screamed when she heard the snap and I quickly turned toward her.

“Go! _Now_ ,” I told her with urgency. I did not want her to see what I was about to do.

The girl was trembling so badly, and it looked like she couldn’t move.

“Just leave,” I said in a much kinder voice, and her frozen state appeared to melt. She quickly ran past me and then out into the busier main street, still whimpering.

I turned to the man on the ground and crouched next to him. As his neck was broken, I could see the blood pooling just underneath the skin, creating bruises. I pulled my upper lip away from my teeth and let them sink through the man’s skin and flesh, to get to the blood. It flowed into my mouth, down my throat, and I began to drink eagerly. He was tastier than he smelled.

I was done within minutes, and I licked my lips clean. Whatever I missed I wiped away with the back of my hand and licked that up as well.

I reached into my pocket and took out the box of matches I carried with me. I lit one and let the flame lick the man's clothes. All of it was just precautions. It would be easier for the humans to explain the loss of blood in a dead body if it had burned.

As the body was engulfed in flames, I stood and stared at it, deep in thought,

I had begun to tire of this life lately. All the lives that had been lost were piled upon my shoulders. Their murder was evident in my red eyes; their blood was on my hands.

All of the men I had killed, they all deserved to die, didn’t they? Yes, I was still firm in that belief, but I wasn’t necessarily the one to hand out the death sentences anymore.

A drop of water fell on my nose and I looked up at the sky. Dark clouds had formed and it started to rain. How very poetic of Mother Nature, or was it because she was crying for another lost son?

The fire died and I left the scene, feeling very uneasy.

Once back home, I hung up my wet clothes and grabbed a towel to dry my hair. Droplets were falling from my hair on my neck and down my back and I quickly dried them away. I put on some clean clothes once I was completely dry, and then threw myself down on the couch.

I was clueless as to what I was going to do now.

I had a feeling that made me insecure about my decisions. I didn’t know if I wanted to continue living the way I did, or if I wanted to go back to my old life. _Could_ I even go back?

Carlisle and Esme would always welcome me back into their home, but would it feel right to live in the same house as them when I’d been living such a sinful life?

I sighed deeply and closed my eyes, wishing more than ever for sleep to take me under and give me answers in my dreams.

**< {=ALS=}>**

My fingers tapped the steering wheel of the car I sat in as I tried to pick up my courage and walk up to the front door.

I just couldn’t understand why I was so nervous. I used to live in that house. People I considered family lived there and I knew they would be happy to see me.

They already knew I was here. Their thoughts gave that away, but it didn’t matter how eager Esme was to run outside and greet me. They were giving me time to make the decision on my own.

I took a few deep, unnecessary breaths and finally opened the car door and started up the porch steps.

I could hear them on the other side of the door, and so I didn’t even bother to knock.

It creaked slightly as it was opened and I felt my entire body relax as I looked into the eyes of the two people I’d missed so much in my absence.

Carlisle, who was an expert at reading me, didn’t need to read my thoughts to know why I was there.

He just nodded and smiled widely.

“Welcome home, son,” he said, and opened up his arms to hug me.

 


	22. Chapter 21, February 8th 1931

**CHAPTER 21 FEBRUARY 8** **th** **1931**

“Why did you keep all of my belongings? You couldn’t possibly know if I would come back.”

Esme and I were packing together the room I’d had in this house before I left. They hadn’t thrown anything away; in fact, everything had been in the exact same place as I’d left it, and it made me wonder.

Esme smiled as she folded the curtains into perfect squares. “It didn’t feel right to throw anything. We couldn’t know if you would come back, but it did not stop us from hoping, and we thought that if we would have to move while you were gone, we’d place everything in storage. Everything in here is yours, Edward. We can’t decide what to do with it.”

I stood up from my position on the floor—where I was sorting out which books I wanted to keep and which ones we would donate to charity—and gave her a hug. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

She put down the curtains and began to fill my two suitcases with the clothes in my wardrobe. “Your leaving was rather dramatic and I have to admit that I thought you would come back the next day when you’d thought everything through. I never imagined you to be gone for four years.”

“Well, you know me. I’m rather fond of the dramatics,” I said and winked. It caused her to laugh.

We continued to pack at a leisurely pace in silence and when we were done, we carried everything downstairs to where the truck and the human driver was waiting—hence the reason we did everything slowly.

When the vehicle was full, I went up to the driver—my hat was low over my eyes so that the shadow would dim the color—and gave him the new address. I was amazed that I could thank the man and shake his hand without difficulty. While his blood still appealed to me, I found it easier to control my urges than it had been a few years ago.

The man’s thoughts were very peaceful as he thought of when he would come back to New Hampshire and his wife and children. It was refreshing to listen to his mind after having only read the thoughts of murderers and rapists for so long.

As we watched the truck disappear, we instantly relaxed, and I turned to Esme. “When did Carlisle apply for the job in Rochester?”

“About a month back. When he called the head of staff there, the man nearly fainted when he heard of Carlisle’s merits. He wanted him to start the next day, but Carlisle talked some sense into him.”

“What position will he have?”

“Surgeon. He thought about changing fields, but he’s the most comfortable as a surgeon. Also, apparently, this hospital treats a lot of the richer families in the area and they will only settle for the very best.”

“Why did he have to leave earlier?”

“They wanted to give him all the information he would need as soon as possible. They just couldn’t wait to welcome him.”

We climbed into the Dusenberg that I bought when I was on my way back here to New Hampshire. It was my first car where I stood as the owner, and I was very proud of it. It wasn’t the newest model, but that did not bother me. I loved it, and especially since it was the fastest car I’d ever been in. It could go up to 119 mph, although I had never pushed the engine that much just yet.

“What will you do in Rochester?” I asked when we came out on the road.

“Stay at home, I guess. The families in the area don’t like the thought of women doing anything, so I believe I will perhaps educate myself in something new. I have only gone through half of Carlisle’s books after all.”

“Do we have a story?”

“Well, we didn’t really expect you join us, but Carlisle suggested the same story we used in Oregon.”

“The one where we’re siblings, right?”

“Yes. It worked well enough there, and I’m sure there won’t be too many questions asked.”

“No, I don’t think so, either,” I mused and pressed down on the gas when we reached the freeway. Esme and I looked enough alike to pass for siblings, although my eyes were still red, so I would have to stay inside the house until the color began to dull down.

I wouldn’t mind that very much. My existence had been so erratic the past four years, and I would enjoy some relaxation with a few books. Perhaps I would do the same as Esme and educate myself in something new.

Carlisle had helped me perfect my French, so a new language would be fun. Esme and I could learn together.

Hours later, when we arrived in Rochester, both of us were happy that it was February, which meant fewer hours of sun, because it was already dark outside. Esme pointed out the hospital to me when we drove past it and began telling me more about the neighborhood.

“And there’s the house!” she exclaimed excitedly when it came into view. “Carlisle let me pick it out. Isn’t it beautiful?”

It truly was.

It was a two-story, cottage style, house with a stone exterior and a front porch. It looked modest, but grandiose at the same time, if such a thing was possible.

I could understand why it had appealed to Esme.

The truck was already on the driveway—Esme and I had taken a longer route on purpose just so that the driver wouldn’t become suspicious—and so was Carlisle’s car.

As we exited the vehicle, we saw Carlisle and the driver come through the front door. Carlisle wasn’t wearing the typical suit he always wore when he worked, so I guessed he was going to help the driver unload our things.

“Hey, Carlisle,” I said with a loud voice as if he wouldn’t have heard me unless I shouted. He looked my way and waved. “Do you want me to help?” I continued with the same volume.

“Sure!” he shouted back. “It will go faster if we all help.”

Esme walked up to Carlisle and gave him a kiss. “I can make something for you to drink if you want,” she offered like the ideal housewife that she was.

“That would be lovely, dear,” Carlisle replied and gave her another kiss. 

Esme smiled and went inside while the three of us began unloading the furniture.

None of it weighed too much for me and Carlisle, but we groaned, and huffed, and grunted as much as the human man to make it appear heavy.

It was rather annoying that what would have taken just the two of us less than an hour, took the rest of the evening away because we had to keep up appearances, and I had to continuously avert my eyes away from the man’s so that he would not see that mine were red. It was all very inconvenient.

Finally, at ten-thirty, the man drove away, and we started to truly unpack with an uninhibited speed.

We were done before midnight, mostly thanks to Esme and her ability to make the house into a home in a matter of minutes. She had a talent to make everything feel warm.

At three in the morning, Esme and Carlisle retired to their room, and I went into my own.

The moon cast a bluish glow over everything in the room, and I couldn’t feel bothered to turn on the lights. I could still see perfectly so it was rather unnecessary anyway.

I unbuttoned my shirt and pulled down my suspenders so they hung from my trousers. Since I didn't feel the cold, I decided to remove the shirt altogether and just remain in my undershirt. I felt so much better when the restricting garments were gone from my body.

I lay down on my couch on my back and just stared up at the ceiling. Everything was quiet, or as quiet as it could ever be. Carlisle and Esme had learned to block me from their thoughts, but while their minds were silent, I could still hear their conversations, although, at the moment, they were engaged with a different activity than talking.

I had always hated that I could hear when they were making love, but I couldn’t not hear them the way I did with my telepathic ability. The sounds were there, and I had to endure it almost every night, but I would never tell them to stop either.

It was their intimate time, and I had no business in it.

All I needed, really, was a distraction that would keep all of my senses occupied, but at the moment, there was nothing of that sort in this house, and so I had to just try and ignore it.

I closed my eyes and painted up a new environment; a place where I was completely alone. Outside, in the forest, during summer time. I envisioned that I was on my back in the grass, soaking up the warmth of the sun without fear of being discovered.

I was jolted from my vision when I heard Esme giggle, followed by the wet sound of a kiss, and I threw my arm over my eyes.

It was strange how alone I felt in that moment.

I had lived a nomadic life, completely alone for four years, but it wasn’t until I came back to my family that I truly felt alone. How could that be?

Another laugh caused a clench in my stomach, but I couldn’t identify the feeling. I felt empty, and almost tired. I couldn’t really explain it.

I lifted my arm and rose from the couch so that I could kneel down before it. Then I did something I had not done in years because I did not feel entitled to do it.

I prayed.

God had given me answers before, and I hoped it would happen again. Then again, why would He want to help me. I wasn’t one of His children anymore, and hadn’t been for years.

I shook my head and rose from my position. I didn’t deserve to pray and talk to Him, so what was the use in trying?

I couldn’t stay in the house any longer, because suddenly, all I could hear was Carlisle and Esme.

I jumped from my window and ran as fast as I could.

I would find my tranquility in the forest. Maybe hunt and explore the wildlife. Anything. I did not have a plan. I just couldn’t stay.

I would come back before Carlisle went to the hospital, so that we could talk about my time away. I knew Carlisle wanted to know about it, but he had to leave almost immediately after I came back, so we hadn’t had the time yet.

I didn’t particularly look forward to that conversation, because even though Carlisle obviously knew I’d been hunting humans, he did not know of the numbers or the technique, and I was convinced he would want to know that.

I already felt a sense of guilt, but I didn’t want to.

I had stepped away from that life now. I’d made the conscious decision this time to commit to this lifestyle that Carlisle and Esme led, and I would stay true to it no matter what.

It was a long route away from the road for me to realize that this was the way of life for me, but now, at least, I was one hundred percent positive without any doubt, and that was more than what I could say before.

I reached a forest and slowed my running down.

Years had passed since I last hunted animals, so I felt a bit out of tune, because I could not use my ability as I did with humans. I could only rely on my other senses.

I heard the cracking of twigs underneath hooves and took a deep breath in the direction of the sound. I almost became sick when the foul smell registered to me. I had forgotten how bad deer smelled, so I decided to only use my hearing this first time to make it more bearable. Eventually, I would grow used to it again.

The deer heard me as I approached and made a run for it, and I chuckled when I realized that it would actually become a real hunt, something I had not had for a very long time. Humans weren’t very fast so it was barely a challenge in hunting them, but animals; they were quite fast.

I broke into a run and pushed myself to my limit so that I easily passed my prey and made a circle around it. It never even realized it when it ran straight into my arms.

 


	23. Chapter 22, March 2nd – April 26th 1933

**CHAPTER 22 MARCH 2** **nd** **– APRIL 26** **th** **1933**

"Isn't it just great how rich people in this society have the nerve to plan an outrageously expensive wedding when there are people walking hungry on the streets?" I growled underneath my breath and threw the paper across the room.

"Now, Edward, calm down. We have no right to judge these people. We don't know them," Esme said calmly while retrieving the paper and folded it nicely, front page up so that the picture of that Hale girl, Rosalie, and her new fiancé stared right back at me.

"I am willing to bet my arm that neither the Hales nor the Kings have ever given anything to people who really need it. Just look at what our country has become since the stock crash, and those people throw money around as if it grows on trees."

"We have more money than the Hales, so we're no better than them," Esme insisted.

"Of course we are. We're doing what we can. Carlisle's treating patients without charging them, I help him as often as I can, and you're down at the shelter every night. We  _are_  better than those rich snobs."

"I don't understand why this upsets you to this degree."

I sighed and rubbed my temples to rid myself of the mental headache I was sporting. It wasn't really the engagement, or wedding, or the lack of involvement that those social climbers had with charity. I was more irritable lately because I swear that if I hear another ill-willed thought directed from one snobby, pampered, gossipy housewife to another, I would explode.

Our neighbors were all middle to upper-class and the wives spent their days playing bridge and gossiping, and I had to listen to it every day.

After two years, it was starting to grate on my nerves quite a lot.

"I apologize, Esme. I didn't mean to let my temper get the best of me. Will you forgive me?"

Esme walked up to me and stroked my cheek. "I understand, Edward. I know you don't like shallowness. You don't have to apologize to me."

I smiled and placed my hand over hers on my cheek. Esme had truly become a mother to me, and I loved her like one.

Carlisle came through the door then with a letter in his hand.

"We've been invited to celebrate the engagement between Rosalie Hale and Royce King II tomorrow evening," he said while reading the letter.

"We're not going," I said with finality.

"As well as their wedding," he continued.

"They've already sent out wedding invitations?" Esme asked and walked up to Carlisle.

"Yes. It will be held on Wednesday, on the third of May," he replied.

"But that's only two months away? Why are they rushing?"

"Royce probably can't wait to bed the girl," I said and sat down on the couch.

"Edward!" Esme exclaimed and looked at me with wide, distraught eyes. She didn't like it when I made crude comments.

"Esme, we know what the Kings are like, especially that despicable boy, and you can't deny it. How many girls has Carlisle treated already because he's been too rough with them? If I hadn't been there, we wouldn't even have known that it was him because they're all too scared to talk."

Esme closed her eyes and turned her head away from me. Her thoughts had taken her to a dark place, and I wish I could protect her from them, but I had done what I could already.

"Stop those thoughts, Esme. Please. He's been dead for years. I made sure of that myself."

She nodded. "Yes, I know that. But when you talk of the boy like that, I can't help but to wonder what will happen to the girl after she says 'I do.' He reminds me so much of Ch-"

"Don't say his name," I interrupted. "He doesn't deserve to be honored in that way."

We all fell silent, and then Carlisle went to the fireplace and tossed both invitations in the fire. "You're right, Edward. We shouldn't support the union with our presence."

He took Esme's hand in his and led her away, and I resumed what I'd been doing before I saw the paper.

The book was in Italian, and I had a dictionary next to me for the words I didn't understand, but after half the book, I knew the basics of the language already. That was certainly one of the perks of having a vampire's photographic memory.

**{=ALS=}**

"Carlisle, you've been working the night shift for weeks now, and you promised we would hunt together tonight," Esme said as Carlisle put on his hat and coat to go to the hospital.

"I know, love, and I'm sorry. I was called in because there's an emergency." He cradled her face in his hands and placed a tender kiss on her mouth. "We'll hunt together next time. It will be just the two of us, I promise."

Esme sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "Fine," she said and gave him another kiss, but I could hear in her thoughts that she felt hurt.

As soon as the sound of Carlisle's car had faded away, Esme came into the living room and sat next to me on the piano bench. "Please, play something for me," she said, and after giving her a comforting hug, I placed my hands on the keys.

I had barely begun the melody when Esme sighed again, but it was a happier sound this time. "That's my favorite," she said, and I smiled. I knew it was her favorite, and that was why I played it. It always made her happy when I played it because it reminded her of her honeymoon with Carlisle.

"It's not his intention to hurt you, you know," I said, never ceasing my playing.

"I know, but it hurts just the same."

"You should talk to him about it."

"And say what? That I'm jealous of a building that gets more of his attention than I do? No, I could never say that."

"Why not?" I pushed. "He should know. He wouldn't continue like this if he knew you were unhappy."

"He needs to be at the hospital," she insisted. "He becomes so agitated if he's forced to stay at home when he knows there are so many people that need him."

I shook my head and the melody I played morphed into one of my newer compositions. "That might have been true once. I remember how he used to be before you, but now,  _you_  are his first priority, Esme. He would never choose the hospital over you."

I turned my head and looked into Esme's eyes. They were soft, even though they were quite dark, but they held so much gratitude in them, it stirred something inside of me.

We stayed by the piano for hours. Esme asked me to play a few pieces, but mostly, she sat quiet by my side as I wrote down notes on the pages of blank sheet music in front of me.

When we decided it was time to leave, we dressed as if we were going on a late night stroll in our coats and hats since it was unseasonably cold outside for April. We walked very slowly until we reached the edge of the forest. That was where we broke into a run.

We quickly found a herd of deer and killed several each. Neither of us felt in the mood for a more elaborate hunt any way.

Once we felt full and as satisfied as we ever got, we sat down by a lake and relaxed on the cliffs while watching the sun rise.

"Edward?" Esme said after a moment of silence.

I hummed in acknowledgement. My eyes were closed as I soaked up the warmth of the sun. It was such a rarity for us to see the it, and so I took in every second.

"Do you really think I should talk to Carlisle?"

She had already gone over everything in her head, so I already knew this was what she wanted to talk about, but I did not point it out. It made me feel more normal when we actually had a conversation with our mouths instead of our minds.

"Yes. As I said, he should know how you feel. He doesn't have the… _privilege_  that I do and unless you tell him, he won't understand that you feel neglected."

"I never said I felt neglected," Esme insisted and looked at me, but when I opened my eyes and raised my eyebrow at her, she rolled her eyes at me and turned back around.

"Do you want to go back?" I asked when the sun was reaching its high point in the sky.

"Yes. Carlisle should be home now," Esme agreed and put her coat back on as well as her hat. There was a small dot of blood on the collar of her dress, but when her coat was buttoned, it wasn't visible.

We started to run back, and as we neared the house, we heard a sound which should not have been coming from our residence. Because of this, instead of slowing to human speed at the treeline as we normally would, we ran the entire way and slipped inside without being seen.

The rapid, pounding heartbeat was coming from the second floor, so after exchanging a look, we ran upstairs. We found Carlisle in his office where he was sitting on the floor next to the couch. The couch which was being occupied by, none other than, Rosalie Hale.

Her eyes were opened wide and her breathing was erratic as she writhed in pain. Her dress was torn and had ridden up to her hips. I could see that there was dried blood on the inside of her thigh, but there was something else there as well, and I felt slightly nauseous when I realized that it was the ejaculatory fluids of  _several_  men.

Rosalie's eyes found us where we stood in the doorway, and she immediately opened her mouth. "Kill me," she pleaded in a breathless voice. "Please, just kill me."

Esme looked from Rosalie to her husband. "Carlisle, what is going on?" she asked and looked quite terrified and I knew why. It was the first time she had ever seen a human going through the change.

Carlisle didn't answer us, but he stood up and walked out into the hallway with us. We left the door open, though, because I knew from when he changed Esme as well as when he changed me that he wanted to always keep an eye on the one undergoing the transformation.

"What were you thinking, Carlisle? Rosalie Hale?"

Carlisle looked over his shoulder at her and knew he had to give an explanation.

"I found her on the street," he started, too fast and too low for Rosalie to hear it. "There was blood everywhere. I could smell it from miles away. I tried to save her, but she wouldn't have lived."

"What happened to her?" Esme asked.

"She was assaulted, badly. She's completely torn up in her genital area. There was more than one. I could smell five distinct scents."

He met my gaze.

"One of them was Royce."

My hands tightened into fists. Even though I had never liked the Hales, nobody deserved what Rosalie had gone through, and the same rage I'd felt toward Charles Evenson coursed through me when I thought of Royce being the first to rape his fiancée and then staying to watch his friends do the same.

Men like him woke the killer inside of me, and I wanted  _his_ blood on my hands. But I couldn't go out there and kill him. I'd left that life behind me.

"I couldn't just let her die," he continued, but louder and slower this time as if he was trying to make me understand. "It was too much-" He stopped himself and swallowed as he remembered the scene of the crime. "Too horrible, too much waste," he said, but he said it in an absent tone of voice, as if saying it to himself.

I still answered him, though. "I know."

He turned his head back toward Rosalie when her screams ceased.

"It was too much waste. I couldn't leave her," he repeated in a melancholy tone, and Esme stepped between us. She had calmed down considerably after his explanation.

"Of course you couldn't," she said to support him, always the perfect wife.

I understood that too. Carlisle would never be a person capable of just leaving someone to die, and it had absolutely nothing to do with his occupation. I knew the reasons behind his actions, but right now, I thought he'd gone too far. I knew that he was a compassionate man, but this was not acceptable.

Esme was a different matter. She was his mate, and he couldn't have turned away from her, but this girl would have been better off with the dead. There was nothing she would gain from this life.

"People die all the time," I reminded them both. They had to understand that he wasn't doing her a favor by changing her.

Carlisle lowered his head and a vague thought went through his head. It was enough for me to read, though.

"What?" I hoped in every bone in my body that I'd heard wrong. "Please, tell me that's not true," I pleaded with him.

Esme, who had no idea about what I'd heard, looked at me questioningly.

"He bit her for me," I said through clenched teeth as I held my anger back, and Esme's head spun toward her husband's.

With his head still lowered, Carlisle replied. "She wouldn't have survived, and it was just an errant thought. I just don't want you to be so alone, Edward."

I tried to ignore his comment, but couldn't. "Don't you think she's just a little recognizable, though? The Kings will have to put up a huge search—not that anyone suspects the fiend," I growled out. There was no way we could stay here when her change was complete, and I wasn't sure Carlisle had thought about that when he decided to bite her.

"I haven't exactly planned this, Edward. We'll have to see when she wakes up," Carlisle said tiredly, before he turned to Esme and asked her to get a bowl of water and a towel, as well as some clean clothes. He didn't want Rosalie to wake up in the clothes she'd worn during the assault.

He did not clean her himself, though. He asked Esme to do it and when she removed Rosalie's dress to properly clean everything away, he left the room.


	24. Chapter 23, April 29th 1933

**CHAPTER 23 APRIL 29th 1933**

On the last day of Rosalie's change, I heard Esme and Carlisle discussing how it couldn't be much longer now. Rosalie wasn't screaming as much anymore, and I had detected from her thoughts that it was because she had realized there was no use in screaming since none of us granted her wishes of killing her.

I climbed the stairs and joined my family in the office. My eyes landed on the girl and I immediately noticed the changes in her physique.

She already resembled a vampire more than a human. Her skin had the same pale tone, her features were more defined and straight, her lashes were longer, her hair had a brighter shine to it, and her lips were plumper.

She was truly the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, but I still could not comprehend what Carlisle was thinking when he thought she could become my mate. We had nothing in common and if there was one thing in the world that I could not stand, it was vanity, and Rosalie had a lot of it.

Beauty wasn't everything, as she seemed to believe.

"What are you going to do with her?" I asked my mentor. He knew now that I would never want Rosalie and I wondered if he still planned on making her family.

Carlisle sighed at my tone and bent his head forward. "That's up to her, of course. She may want to go her own way," he said.

There was a jolt in Rosalie's heart beat and I tuned in to her thoughts. They were on us and what we were discussing, so I understood she had heard what we said. Her body's reaction told me she was afraid to be left alone because she understood that her human life was now forever over.

She was thinking about what Carlisle had told her as he'd tried to explain to her what we were, but it wasn't until now that she truly began to believe him.

Her breathing picked up as she took her last necessary breaths and her heart pumped for the last time.

She fell completely silent, but the next second, she opened her crimson red eyes—the complete opposite color of the violet blue hue she'd had as a human.

She held up one delicate hand in front of her face and studied it; closed and opened it as if she had never seen anything like it before—and then she slowly sat up on the couch that had been her residence for the past three days. She lowered her hand and looked at each one of us.

"What  _are_  you?" she asked, but her new, much smoother voice distracted her.

"We are exactly what I told you while you were changing," Carlisle said and regained her attention. "Rosalie Hale, we are vampires."

She stared deep into Carlisle's eyes and tried to make sense of what he told her. She had always thought my family was strange, mostly because she barely saw us since we very rarely attended the social events she loved, but she had never suspected something like this.

"And now you've turned me into one as well?" She frowned and her thoughts were everything but grateful.

"Yes," Carlisle replied.

"Why?" she asked defensively.

"You were dying. You wouldn't have survived."

Rosalie looked out through the window with a sour expression. "Perhaps I would have been better off that way."

Esme sat closer to Rosalie and ignored it when she cowered away. "Sweet girl, why do you say that?" she asked and tried to place a soothing hand on her shoulder, but decided against it when Rosalie flinched again.

The rape was at the forefront of Rosalie's mind, but even though the memories were muddy, she concentrated hard on the men's faces as if she tried to imprint them into her memory. "Do you actually believe that I would want to live after what happened to me? But what do you know? You weren't there," she said accusingly as if it was our fault.

"Actually, we do know," Carlisle said carefully, and Rosalie quickly turned her eyes toward him and bored them into his. They were burning angrily, but I knew the feeling wasn't directed toward him, or I would not have stayed standing behind him.

"You see, my son, Edward," he gestured toward me. "He can read minds, and while you were changing, he saw it all."

Rosalie frowned again. "I thought you were  _her_  brother," she said and nodded toward where Esme was sitting.

Carlisle chuckled. "Just a cover up story, I'm afraid, dear. It's more convenient that way."

Rosalie sat quiet for a few seconds and mulled over everything new.

"So what's your real story?" she eventually asked. "Is he really your son?"

Carlisle sighed. "I'm afraid not. Vampires are unable to have children. Our bodies can't change in the necessary way for a pregnancy to occur. I only call Edward my son because that's what he is to me. I created him some years ago."

Rosalie's eyes glazed over as she thought about what he had said, and I saw the image of a laughing toddler with dark curly hair and dimples in his cheeks.

I didn't understand who the toddler was, or what he meant to Rosalie, but she was stuck in her thoughts for a long time.

"So what you are saying is that I will never be able to have children now?" she eventually asked in a low voice.

" _Oh my,"_  I heard Esme think.  _"She's like me."_

I frowned as Esme had apparently understood something Carlisle and I hadn't. I gave her a questioning gaze.

" _Some women long for children their entire life and can't wait to fulfill the wish and become mothers. I was like that, and I believe Rosalie was, too. She will probably never feel completely happy now that she won't have any children,"_  she replied to my silent question.

I gave Esme a long look and she understood what I was trying to say.

" _Don't worry. I am content with my life and I kind of see you as my son now, and so I don't need children of my own."_

I was so relieved that Esme wasn't secretly depressed over the fact that she could never have her own children, but the thought that Rosalie would be was so tragic and I felt true sympathy for her.

She looked away from all of us once Carlisle confirmed what she had asked and stared out through the window again, but this time, she caught the sight of her own reflection. Being as shallow as she was, she felt oddly comforted when she saw how much more beautiful she had become.

My sympathy for her disappeared immediately and I rolled my eyes. I had never met a woman as shallow as this girl. It was madness.

"Is there nothing else that pleases you except your own beauty?" I asked, letting my irritation get the best of me.

"Edward, please," Esme pleaded.

Rosalie turned her head toward me with a surprised look. "Excuse me?"

"Nothing. I guess it's good to know that the only thing needed to cheer you up is a mirror."

Rosalie huffed. "There's nothing wrong with appreciating your appearance," she said with a hint of hurt in her voice.

"I never said that, but when you let it take over your entire mind, you really need to sort out your priorities."

" _I don't understand. Why doesn't he think I'm beautiful? Isn't that what men want? What is wrong with me?"_

Her thoughts continued in that matter, but then she snapped out of her befuddlement and glared angrily at me, but I could see that the anger was just for defense. "Just get out of my head, idiot." As soon as she'd said the word, she placed her hand over her mouth as if she regretted saying it, but then a defiant look lit up her red eyes. "I would apologize for my rude choice of word, but I don't think you deserve it."

She smiled, and with that she decided she was done with me. She turned to Carlisle.

"So tell me. What  _is_  your story?"

"Well, I was created by an unknown vampire in the seventeenth century. I won't go into detail now; you and I can have that conversation some other time when we're alone." He turned his head my way. "I created Edward in 1918 when I found him in a hospital and Esme in 1921 when she was brought into my emergency room."

"So you're really a doctor? How do you do it? With all the blood, I mean? Vampires drink blood, right?"

"We do," he agreed. "But we have learned to control ourselves around humans. Our diet is strictly animal blood."

"You don't kill humans?"

Carlisle shook his head, and Rosalie stayed silent while she thought intensely about the men that had attacked her.

" _Am I a bad person for wanting them dead? No! Those monsters deserve to die, and I want to be the one who kills them; especially Royce. I'll save him for last."_ A sinister smile stretched her face as she thought about her ex-fiancée.  _"I don't want to drink from them, though. Could I kill them without drinking them?"_

Her thoughts were very clear. She truly wanted to murder those men, and she didn't care if Carlisle approved. It would be for herself only.

"How would you feel about killing without drinking?" she eventually asked.

Carlisle and Esme frowned. "I'm afraid I don't understand what you mean," Carlisle said.

"She wants to kill her attackers," I replied before she could, and it earned me a glare from her.

"I said, stay out of my head!"

"I wish I could, but it's rather loud at the moment."

She raised an eyebrow my way, and when I shrugged, she turned away from me again.

"Rosalie, are you sure you want that on your conscience?" Esme asked. "Once it's done, it can't be undone."

"I want my justice," Rosalie said firmly. "They need to die. They shouldn't be allowed to live their lives as if they never committed their horrible crime. They should be punished."

Esme and Carlisle exchanged a look and then Carlisle sighed.

"I won't stop you, but I won't help you either. What you do is up to you, and I want nothing to do with it. I don't even want to know when you've done it. Right now, though, I know we need to take you out for your first hunt. It's necessary if you want to exercise your control."

"Then let's go," she insisted. When she passed me in the door, she tossed her hair over her shoulder in an attempt to hit me with it, but I had read it in her thoughts, so I had already taken a step out of the way when her hair swung around.

I rolled my eyes again, and then followed my family downstairs. They all stood in the hallway when I descended the stairs.

"I don't need to hunt. I think I'll stay behind this time," I said and Esme looked at me with sad eyes. She didn't need to hunt either, but she went along anyway, and she knew that I stayed behind because Rosalie and I weren't getting along at all.

"You should be there to support Rosalie on her first hunt," Carlisle insisted.

I read all of their thoughts individually and saved Rosalie's for last. She was thinking that she would only be happier if I wasn't there. I made her uncomfortable in a way she had not ever felt before.

I smiled stiffly. "I believe Rosalie will do just fine even without me there. I will be right here when you come back."

Carlisle sighed and nodded. "If that's what you want. We'll see you in a couple of hours."

The three of them left through the door and I heard how Carlisle told Rosalie about our ability to run so much faster than humans. They sprinted away toward one of the forests that surrounded us and I was left alone.

I felt relieved because I had been tense ever since Esme and I came home to find Rosalie on Carlisle's couch. I had never liked the Hales and the very thought of living with one of them made me shudder.

I knew I would have to accept it, though, because I doubted Rosalie would go her own way. She was too dependent on others right now, and as long as she felt the need to kill Royce and his friends, we would have to stay in Rochester.

When the deed was done, we would have to move as quickly as possible. It would already be incredibly risky with Rosalie roaming around when she was supposedly dead.

We would have to urge her to be careful and tell her about the Volturi. I definitely didn't want them on our doorstep because of her.

It would not be worth it; being killed just so that Rosalie could get her revenge.


	25. Chapter 24, May 13th – May 15th 1933

**CHAPTER 24 MAY 13th – MAY 15th 1933**

I pretended to read my book while I amused myself with reading Rosalie’s thoughts as she fought her pride on whether she should ask for my help or not. She had completely forgotten that I could read her every thought.

Eventually, I decided to just put an end to it. It was fun for a while, but I got tired quickly.

“Just ask me, Rosalie,” I said, and she startled a bit as she wasn’t completely used to hearing what I said despite being on two different floors.

“ _Will you ever stay out of my head?”_ she asked in her thoughts with annoyance, and I chuckled.

“It’s not something I can shut on and off whenever I want.” Rosalie climbed the stairs and entered my room. “You think it; I hear it. The more you concentrate on what you’re thinking, the louder the thought is to me. The most effective way to shut me out is to think of something else.”

Rosalie inched her way closer until she was standing right next to the couch I was sitting on. I placed my book next to me and looked up at her. “Believe me when I tell you that I don’t use my gift to deliberately invade a person’s privacy. If I could, I would shut it off.”

“Really?” she asked without being completely convinced.

“Yes. After fifteen years, the wonder of it all has sort of faded away.”

“ _Maybe he’s not as bad as I first thought,_ ” Rosalie thought and I pretended as if I had not heard it. I knew both Esme and Carlisle wanted us to get along and so I had to make some sort of effort.

I decided to change the subject. “You wanted my help before. What did you have in mind?”

“I have a problem.”

“I understood as much.”

“I can’t find Royce,” she admitted and I immediately straightened out. Rosalie had not talked about the murders she had committed out loud, but I knew everything about them. She had killed three out of the five men that raped her without spilling a single drop of their blood, so for now, her record was still clean when it came to drinking human blood. 

I had to admit that I was rather impressed with her. No newborn had ever had the restraint she had shown to have.

“I want to save him for last, and I believe that John knows where he is.”

John was the one friend of Royce’s that she had left to kill.

“And how do you want my help exactly?”

“John won’t tell me where he is, but I’m sure he will think about it when I ask him.”

“You want me to read his mind,” I stated, not as a question.

“Yes.”

Rosalie stared into my eyes as I contemplated what she was asking. She didn’t avert her gaze once and I understood why she had come to me. She knew that I didn’t judge her need for revenge, and I would not be the one who deprived her of it.

“Okay,” I simply said, and for the first time, I saw true gratitude in her eyes.

**< {=ALS=}>**

“Are you certain you want to do this?” I asked Rosalie as we entered the club. It was filled with people and I did my best to hold my breath. The enclosed space promised a more potent smell of the humans and I did not want to kill anyone tonight.

“ _Yes!”_ Rosalie replied in her thoughts to save her own breath.

I nodded to myself and began scanning the crowd for the man I’d seen in Rosalie’s mind. Since I’d never heard his thoughts before, I had to rely on her recollection of him instead of his mind.

A man came up to the two of us and offered to take our coats. Rosalie was wearing a lavish fur—I believe she had stolen it, either from a store or she’d been in her family’s home and taken it from the closet there because neither she nor Esme had something of the like in our home—and underneath she’d dressed in a floor-length silk gown that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. The fabric clung to every curve of her body and I looked away quickly.

I had never seen a woman dressed in such a revealing gown before and I was positive I would have blushed if I’d been human.

Rosalie snickered when she saw my expression and handed her fur to the man who stared openly at her with wide eyes. I felt strangely protective of Rosalie and cleared my throat while glaring at the man to make him stop his ogling.

He flinched and swallowed hard when he saw me before scurrying away with our coats.

Rosalie took no notice to the exchange and stalked toward the bar disk. It took me only a second to see why.

She had found John.

I followed her, but more slowly. We had already decided that I would stay in the background so that he would not feel threatened and not want to go outside with her.

I felt very fascinated as I watched Rosalie. She didn’t say a word or acknowledge John as she sat down by the bar and gestured for the bartender. 

John was immediately enamored with her, and he was wondering if he’d seen her before because she seemed familiar to him.

When the bartender placed a drink in front of her, John stood up and offered to pay for it. Rosalie sweetly objected and he replied with a wink.

“We’re going to know each other eventually, why not now?” he said smoothly and she gave him a secretive smile before slipping him a note and then rose up from her seat to go outside. I followed her and we walked around the corner of the entrance so that we would be able to see when John came out.

We did not want to  _interrogate_ him, for lack of a better word, inside the club, and that was why we lured him outside.

“Where did you learn to do that?” I asked when we were alone.

Rosalie took a deep breath of the fresh air. “I saw it in a picture show once, and I used it on the others. Human men are very easy to seduce, I’ve noticed.”

I blinked at her and then chuckled. There was so much more to Rosalie than I’d first thought, and I knew then that I’d judged her too quickly.

“Here he comes,” she said underneath her breath, and we both stopped breathing again.

John looked around and Rosalie sashayed around the corner so that he could see her.

His thoughts were filled with filth and I was disgusted with having to listen to it.

Rosalie led him deep into an alley and he blindly followed. There was not a single thought in his mind to indicate he thought he was in any danger.

When they reached the dead end, Rosalie turned toward him and pushed him up against the wall. He leaned forward and tried to kiss her, but she turned away at the last second and pushed him back against the wall, a little more forcefully this time. The entire time, I was hidden so that I could see everything, but John could not see me.

“Wow! You are very strong for a woman,” John said and tried to grab her waist. Rosalie took hold of his wrists and held them firm against his sides.

“I am not the ordinary woman…John.”

His eyes widened when he realized that he could not free himself. “How do you know my name?” He was still rather calm on the surface, but his thoughts were beginning to show signs of panic. He knew that he did not have any control and he didn’t like it.

“Don’t you recognize me?” Rosalie asked and John began going through his memories for the woman in front of him. “Is it because I’m not fighting you? That I don’t plead for you to not hurt me? Is that why?”

John swallowed hard and for the first time began fearing for his life. He looked into Rosalie’s eyes and saw the hint of red in the darkness.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said in hope that she would let him go if she thought she had the wrong man.

“Let me refresh your memory then,” she said with a dark voice and threw him down on the ground, but she was very careful to not throw him too hard so that he would not scrape his skin.

“ _What did I tell you, John?_ ” she began with a perfect imitation of Royce’s voice. “ _Isn't she  
lovelier than all your Georgia peaches?_”

Everything clicked in John’s head and his breath became shallow with fear. He tried to crawl away, but Rosalie placed her foot over his hand and stepped on it hard. He screamed loudly as the bones in his fingers were shattered, but we were too deep in the alley for anyone to hear us.

Rosalie crouched down and looked into his eyes. “ _It’s hard to tell. She’s all covered up,_ ” she continued, perfecting the drawl of John’s Atlanta accent.

They locked eyes for a moment and then Rosalie kicked him over onto his back.

“Oh god, please. I’m sorry! I never wanted to hurt you! It was Royce’s idea! Please!”

She grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him up so that she was right in his face. “I don’t care whose idea it was. You forced yourself on me, and you’re going to pay for it, but first, you’re going to tell me where Royce is.”

“ _This must have been why Royce has acted all weird lately. He was right. His friends’ deaths were no accidents.”_

“Keep going, Rosalie,” I said lowly so only she could hear me. “He’s not thinking about the location yet.”

“Tell me where he is.”

“It was you, wasn’t it?” John was thinking about the articles in paper; the ones that read about the deaths of the other rapists. “You killed them all, didn’t you?”

“And you will join them as soon as you tell me where Royce is!”

“I will never tell you where he is!” _“He’s done too much for me. Without him, my family would be starving. As long as he stays in his safe room, he’s safe.”_

I saw the image of a building I recognized as the bank that the King’s owned. The safe room was apparently on the fifth floor behind a hidden door in Royce’s office.

“I got it,” I told Rosalie and she leaned in toward John’s ear and whispered that he was of no good use to her before she snapped his neck.

Rosalie did not bother to burn him. A snapped neck did not indicate a vampire attack, and so the murder would not be suspicious to the humans in that department and the news would therefore not reach the Volturi.

We walked away from the scene and even calmly entered the club again to fetch our coats.

“Are you going to the bank tonight?” I asked, but Rosalie shook her head.

“No. I have a few things to prepare before I take care of Royce. I’ll make sure that his last minutes will be the worst in his entire life.”

**< {=ALS=}>**

I came home late the next day and found the house dark and quiet apart from one mind.

Rosalie was sitting on the couch and staring into the wall with a satisfied smile gracing her lips, but what was stranger was that she was wearing a wedding gown with a veil and everything.

“Rosalie?” I said carefully. I felt unsure of her mood, and she was still a newborn, so it was possible for her to snap and decide to attack me. 

“I can still hear his screams,” she said without taking her eyes off the spot on the wall. “He screamed more than the others.” Her smile widened and she looked like a truly evil creature. “It was like music to me.”

Sporadic images entered my mind and it did not take long for me to realize that she was talking about Royce. The deed was done. He was dead, and Rosalie had gotten her revenge.

I was unsure if I would be able to truly reach Rosalie at that very moment because she appeared to be in her own world, but I knew that there would be questions asked when Carlisle and Esme came home as long as Rosalie had that wedding dress on.

I didn’t want them to look at her with their hidden disappointment that would be inevitable because I believed she was more than entitled to her revenge, and so I slowly approached her and sat down on the couch with some space between us.

“We will have to leave as soon as possible. Move to another state,” I started carefully, but Rosalie did not move an inch. “Do you want to come upstairs with me and choose which one you want to move to?”

Rosalie began shaking her head. “The others were nothing. I barely blinked when I killed them, but him…He felt so real.”

I knew what she was going through. It was what we all went through when what we had done truly sunk in, but all of us reacted differently. I had almost drowned in self-hate, Esme sobbed out her grief, and Rosalie appeared to be rather passive, but inside her thoughts were racing with the memories of her actions.

“Don’t think about it. It’s easier to cope that way,” I advised her, and those were the words that “woke her up” from her “trans.”

She turned her head and looked at me with burning fire in her eyes. “I don’t want to cope,” she said lowly. “I want to remember every second of it. Imprint it into my memory.” She rose from the couch and began climbing the stairs. The train of the dress and the veil flowed behind her softly and made the image slightly surreal. 

Half-way up, she stopped and looked at me over the railing. “I want to know for the rest of my life that the cause of  _this_ ,” she made a gesture toward her immortal body. “Got nothing more than what he deserved.”

 


	26. Chapter 25, May 21st 1933 - April 14th 1935

**CHAPTER 25 MAY 21st 1933 – APRIL 14th 1935**

“This is our new house?” Rosalie asked with a grimace as she exited the car and got a good look at the two-story wooden house that would be our new home in Blackwater Falls, West Virginia. “It’s a wreck!”

“The man who sold it to me said that he wanted to renovate it, but he couldn’t afford it after the crash,” Carlisle said and stood next to Rosalie. She looked at him as if she couldn’t understand what he was talking about, and I knew it was because she had never felt the effects of the stock market crash. Her family had always lived a comfortable life, and so the thought of someone not being able to afford something was absurd to her.

It was true, however, that the house needed some serious maintenance, but it was nothing that we wouldn’t be able to fix ourselves. I knew how to handle a hammer—I had a vague memory of renovating a townhouse with a faceless man while being human—and with some fresh paint the porch wouldn’t look as rundown as it did now.

“You shouldn’t frown like that; you’ll get wrinkles,” I said to her, and she whipped her head around.

“What? Do vampires get wri…?” she trailed off when she saw that I was smiling. “You’re such a jerk!” she exclaimed and hit me on the arm. It hurt quite a lot because she was still very strong, but I let her have it.

I wasn’t sure how our relationship would develop in the future, but I knew that both Carlisle and Esme were relieved we weren’t openly hostile toward each other anymore. After I helped her find Royce, she had accepted me more and whenever I could I stayed out of her head. It was a good arrangement, and it had worked so far.

I would probably never see her as anything more than a member of our coven, though, and I was fine with that.

**< {=ALS=}>**

“Why do you want to hunt by yourself?” Carlisle asked when Rosalie said she wanted to run up the mountains alone.

“Because ever since I became a part of this family two years ago, I haven’t been alone once. I need to just be by myself for a few days. Contemplate a few things.”

I stayed silent in the background because I knew exactly how Rosalie felt. It took me longer than two years, though, but I still understood.

Carlisle hesitated. “I don’t know. There could be hunters in the mountains. Are you sure you can control yourself?” Our creator was always cautious and worried we would lose control.

Rosalie refrained from rolling her eyes, but I could read in her thoughts that it was what she really wanted to do. She didn’t out of sheer respect for Carlisle.

“Carlisle,” she began carefully, and I sat up a bit straighter when I read what she was going to say. I truly wanted to know how Carlisle would react to it. “I know you never wanted to hear about it, but the fact remains that I abstained from drinking a single drop from the men I killed. I held them as they died, and not once did I succumb to my instinct to drink from them.”

She walked closer to him and looked at him from underneath her lashes. She was trying to manipulate him the way she had with her human father on several occasions

“Please. I know I can do this. If I so much as smell the _hint_ of a human, I will run the other way, I promise.”

Carlisle still hesitated and turned his head my way.

“ _Do you think she’s ready?”_

I thought about it and remembered how I’d been after two years as a vampire. I had already killed three humans and drank from two of them. My control was shaky back then, but Rosalie had already proven herself to have better control over her thirst compared to me. I had seen her kill John without a single thought of drinking from him.

I gave him a nod because I truly believed Rosalie could do it. Carlisle put a lot of faith in my ability, and therefore in me, so I really hoped that I would not be proven wrong in a few days time.

“Fine then,” he said out loud and turned back to Rosalie’s pleading eyes. “I will trust that you are ready to go out by yourself. Everyone needs to be alone eventually and think things through. I hope you’ll come to grips with what it is you want, but remember that whatever you choose, you will always be a part of this family.” He had known from the start that was what motivated Rosalie to want to go away. She still wasn't sure she wanted to stay with us permanently.

“Thank you, Carlisle,” Rosalie said before she leaned in and kissed him gently on the cheek. From his thoughts, I could see that he was charmed by her.

Rosalie didn’t waste any time and immediately disappeared through the door. Neither of us could have ever predicted what happened when she came back.

It was only a few days later, on a Sunday.

I was lounging in my room and enjoying the peaceful atmosphere. Carlisle was in the office, reading in one of his many books, and Esme was in there with him, writing down her thoughts. She had started to write a journal shortly after Rosalie became a part of our family, and she was now halfway through her second one.

I always stayed out of her head when she wrote, because if there was ever anything that wasn’t my business, then it was what Esme wrote in her journals.

No sound could be heard in the house apart from the occasional turn of a page, the pen on a paper, and our breathing. I reveled in it.

That was why I was absolutely startled by the bang of the door and then Rosalie screaming Carlisle’s name at the top of her lungs. I had been so tuned in on the silence that I had paid no attention to the grounds surrounding our house.

“Carlisle!” Rosalie screamed again, and all of us moved simultaneously to run downstairs.

We were met with a vision that was the last thing we expected.

Rosalie stood in the hall with an absolutely huge man in her arms, and he was covered in blood and slash marks that appeared to have been made by claws. He was awake but barely coherent, affected by the amount of blood he must have already lost.

Esme and I stopped breathing the second we saw him, and while Carlisle didn’t hesitate to continue down the stairs and guide Rosalie to place the man on the couch in the living room, the two of us followed slowly behind and kept our distance.

“Rosalie, would you care to explain what is going on?” Carlisle asked as he fetched his medical bag.

She shook her head as she sat down on the floor right next to the man’s head. “I can’t explain it right now, but you have to help me. He’s dying.”

Carlisle looked into Rosalie’s eyes for a second before he began to examine the man. “He’s lost too much blood,” he stated after only a moment. “He won’t make it without a blood transfusion, but that’s a risky procedure that would most likely cause him to die more quickly. There’s only one way, really, to save him,” he said and locked eyes with Rosalie again.

She buried her face in her hands and started to sob.

“Oh, Carlisle! I know I’ve never thanked you for saving me and that I haven’t exactly been happy in this life.” She raised her head and her eyes were glassy with venom. “It’s the most selfish thing I will ever ask you, but please, will you change him…for me?”

Carlisle was quiet and Rosalie turned her head to look at the man. “If I wasn’t afraid to kill him, I would do it myself.”

“ _I knew I saw something,”_ he thought and almost immediately leaned in to bite the man’s neck as well as both of his wrists. I heard how his teeth pierced through skin and muscle, and the scent of blood became heavier in the air. I could feel it despite holding my breath.

The man groaned, but no other sound escaped him.

When Carlisle believed he had injected enough venom into the man’s body, he drew back, opened his bag and dug up a needle and thread. The venom would heal the man’s wounds, but Carlisle knew that if he stitched them, it would be easier for Esme and me to stay around.

“I was just outside of Gatlinburg when I heard the scream,” Rosalie began in a monotone voice without taking her eyes off the man’s face. His eyes were open, and he was looking at her as well, but he couldn’t hear what she was saying. He was only focused on how angelic she looked.

“I don’t know what it was that made me look for the source. I knew it would be a human—I could smell the blood. I closed in on a clearing where I spotted a rather large cave, and that was when I saw them. This huge black bear was about to go in for the kill. I couldn’t let it happen. He looked to be in so much pain; his face was scrunched up and he had blood all over him.” With a gentle gesture, Rosalie stroked the man’s cheek, and my eyes widened in shock. I had never seen Rosalie act like this; ever.

“I killed the bear and took him in my arms and immediately ran here. I don’t even know his name,” she ended it with a sad tone.

“Gatlinburg?” Esme asked. “But that’s over a hundred miles away! What were you doing in Tennessee? You said you were going up to the mountains.”

“Does it matter now? I was up in the mountains, but I became bored before I even reached the top, so I decided to run elsewhere.”

“I hope no one saw you,” Esme said sternly.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. “I still kept to the mountains. I was never down in the village.”

Carlisle finished his work and began placing his equipment back into his bag, but he stopped his movements when he saw something in there. He reached for it and when he held up the small bottle of glass that was filled with a clear liquid, I immediately identified it as morphine.

“Could it work?” he asked himself, and when I dug through his mind, I understood what he was contemplating.

Still, I had to ask when he began to prepare a syringe needle.

“What are you doing?”

“Morphine is a painkiller,” he simply said.

“Yes, I know that,” I replied. “But what good will it do him? He will burn before it starts to work.”

“We don’t know that. Maybe the medication will dull the fire.”

“And if it doesn’t?”

“Then we know.” He inserted the needle into the man’s arm and injected the liquid.

We all held our breaths as the seconds ticked by and we waited for any sign that the morphine was doing what Carlisle hoped, however, it was clear to me when the man’s thoughts revealed that he was feeling the start of the burn that the attempt had been in vain.

I exchanged a look with Carlisle, and my mentor shook his head disappointedly. He had hoped that it would have been the answer to making the transformation easier for both the creator and the bitten.

When the screams started, Rosalie took a hold of the man’s hand, and I turned to leave the room, but I stopped before I reached the stairs.

“Carlisle, could I talk to you for a minute?”

He immediately stood up from his position on the floor, and together we walked outside. I led him into the forest to make sure that we would be alone.

“Why did you do it?” I asked once we were out of hearing range.

Carlisle placed his hands in his pockets and leaned against a tree. “Because I saw something in Rosalie’s eyes that I recognized.”

“And what was that?”

He looked up at the sky through the leaves of the trees. “It was the same kind of wonderment I felt when I brought Esme home.”

“You mean that Rosalie knows this man from before?”

Carlisle chuckled and shook his head. “No, I don’t mean that, although they are the same age, they’re born into two different social classes. Their paths could never have crossed before.”

I frowned. “Then what do you mean?”

“I mean that, even though she doesn’t know it yet, Rosalie has found her other half. They will one day love each other the same way Esme and I do.” He looked at me. “They’re mates.”

My eyes widened. “Are you serious?”

“Absolutely.”

“How do you know?”

Carlisle smiled. “I just do. It’s not an exact science, but the signs are there.”

“But how is that even possible? They don’t know each other. You heard her; she doesn’t even know his name.”

He shrugged. “Love works in mysterious ways. It was just meant to be, like with Esme and me. What were the chances that I would meet her again?”

I shook my head. “That was different. It took three hundred years for you to find your mate, but only two for Rosalie. It’s not possible.”

Carlisle laughed again. “Is any of this possible? Look at us. We’re two vampires who abstain from drinking human blood and are having a conversation about the odds of love. You and I are not the right judges of what is possible in this world.”

When he said it like that, I could see it from a different perspective and I realized how utterly ridiculous I sounded.

I snorted. “I guess you’re right.”

 


	27. Chapter 26, April 17th 1935

**A/N:** I have news for you that I hope you'll think are good :) I just typed "The End" on this story and the chapters are only waiting to beta'd now, so there will be no more long breaks and chapters will appear more frequently! It feels so good to tell you this because I just realized today that it has taken me 2 years to re-write this story, and that is a long-ass time!

All you have to do now is enjoy the story as it progresses. Have a lovely day/evening/night and a good read! :-*

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**CHAPTER 26 APRIL 17th 1935**

I left my room when I heard Carlisle call for me in his mind. In less than a minute, the transformation would be complete and the man on the couch would be one of us.

Rosalie had tried talking to him in hopes of finding out more, but he was unable to speak, and his mind was a big cluttered mess that I couldn't decipher. Mostly there were images of people and since I had no idea who they were, those images didn't tell me a whole lot.

Esme, Carlisle, and I placed ourselves in the background by the door while Rosalie remained sitting next to his head.

 _"His heart is amazingly strong. I've never heard anything of the like before,"_ Carlisle thought to himself and then entwined his hand with Esme's at the same time as he placed himself slightly in front of her. It was pure instinct on his part to protect her from the newborn on the couch.

When the man's heart stopped beating and silence filled the room, we all held our breath and waited for him to open his eyes.

"Am I dead?" he asked in a deep, bass voice with his eyes still closed.

"No, you're not. Please, open your eyes," Rosalie said lowly.

He slowly did as he was told, and those tell-tale crimson red eyes took in the room with fascination. He sat up swiftly and let his eyes wander over each one of us, but he lingered on Rosalie.

She smiled sweetly at him. "How do you feel?" she asked.

His eyes stayed on her as he frowned. "I feel confused, and my throat is very dry. Could I get a glass of water or something?" As soon as the words left his mouth, he cringed slightly, as he instinctively knew that water would do nothing to quench his thirst.

I was fascinated by the fact that he remained so calm, despite his heightened senses. I had expected that he would be more unhinged.

"We're all rather confused at the moment," Carlisle said and the man stared at him with wonderment. There was a vague thought that he had believed Carlisle to be God when Rosalie brought him here.

Rosalie placed her hand lightly over his to regain his attention. "I'm Rosalie Hale. What's your name?"

The man smiled. "It's a real pleasure meeting you, Miss Rosalie. My name's Emmett McCarty," he said with his Tennessee accent very noticeable.

Seconds ticked by as the two smiled and looked into each other's eyes, then Carlisle cleared his throat.

The two turned their heads toward him simultaneously.

"I would believe you have many questions for us. We want to do our best to clear up your confusion."

"Uh, right," the man, who we now knew was called Emmett, replied. "Um, firstly, I guess I want to know how I'm not dead. I mean, I can feel that my heart has stopped, but I'm still upright, and secondly…what are you?"

"Well, I can answer both of those for you at the same time. My name is Carlisle Cullen and this is my wife, Esme, and son, Edward. My daughter, Rosalie, has already introduced herself. We're a family of vampires, and Emmett McCarty, you've just been changed into one as well."

Carlisle wasn't as cautious as he used to be with telling Emmett, but he must have read his body language as well as I read his mind, and Emmett wasn't the type who panicked. He took it all very calmly.

"Vampires? For real? I didn't know those existed," he replied, and his demeanor confirmed both my and Carlisle's belief.

"But we do, and we have been around for quite some time."

Emmett nodded. "That would explain a lot." When he allowed that information to sink in, a grin stretched over his face. "So, is it true that vampires slaughter everything in their way in their quest for blood? And do you all sleep in coffins?"

Carlisle chuckled, and I couldn't help joining him. I quite liked how this man thought. He was different from others I'd had the privilege to read.

"Emmett, look at us. Do we look like monsters to you? And I do believe that it's daylight outside," he began, but then his smile disappeared. "Although, there are those of our kind that live in the way you describe, especially down in the south. In fact, most vampires live off of human blood."

Emmett frowned. " _Most_ vampires? What do you mean? Are you an exception?"

"We are. My family and I solely drink from animals."

 _"I wonder if they drink from alligators because that would be cool,_ " Emmett thought, causing me to chuckle again, which caught Emmett's attention, so I decided to answer him.

"I've never tasted an alligator, but they're animals, too, so yes we could. We usually stay in the northern states, so our food consists mostly of mountain and forest animals."

Emmett stared at me. "How did you know what I was thinking?" he asked, and for the first time, he looked on the verge of panicking.

"There are a lot of things we need to explain to you, Emmett," Carlisle said and sat down on the couch next to him. "One of those things is that some vampires develop special abilities, like Edward, who can read minds."

"Special abilities?" Emmett was very confused, and I could understand why. It was a whole lot of information to take in.

 _"Maybe you should explain this one, Edward?"_ Carlisle thought, and I nodded at him.

"Emmett?" I said, and he turned his head my way. "I know you've noticed by now that all of your senses have grown a lot stronger compared to before your change, right?"

He nodded.

"These special abilities work in the same way. All of us have something extra we bring into this life, and we can only speculate as to why they manifest in the way they do. We believe I was very perceptive when I was human and that's why I can read minds today."

"You believe? You don't know?" Emmett asked with a deep frown.

I shook my head. "No. I'm afraid we lose our human memories over time. I can read in your mind now that while you think about your family, the memories are dark and murky. That's just the beginning. Eventually, everything will be lost."

"Not necessarily," Rosalie hurried to say from her spot on the floor and squeezed his hand. "If there is a memory you really want to keep, all you have to do is think really hard about it, and it will be with you forever."

Emmett looked around the room again and took in the hardwood floors, the curtains, and the pristine furniture, then he looked down at his own boots, which were caked with mud. They had left marks on the white couch, but I knew Esme wouldn't care about that.

In fact, I had not truly registered how dirty this man actually was until this moment when he thought about it himself. His plain cotton shirt was stretched out as if he'd owned it for years, outgrowing it, and the original color was barely visible anymore. The suspenders he wore were obviously the only thing actually holding up his denim pants.

"I don't know if any of my memories are worth keeping forever," he said quietly.

I could tell that the story behind Emmett McCarty was a long one, so before the rest could get distracted by it, I spoke up.

"You know what? We all want to hear your story, but if we don't take you out hunting soon, we might have a problem," I said and when Carlisle looked at me, I gave him a pointed look. He knew as well as I what the consequences would be if we allowed Emmett to stay thirsty much longer.

"You're right, Edward. We should leave immediately," Carlisle agreed. He and Rosalie stood up while Esme and I went upstairs to change into more appropriate clothes.

Only seconds later, we all gathered in the hall.

Emmett stood awkwardly in the background, not completely sure of what was going on. He knew we were going hunting, but for him, hunting meant rifles and shooting, and we didn't have any of that equipment.

I had read in both Rosalie's and Emmett's minds that they felt safe close to each other, so I elbowed Rosalie lightly and discreetly. She glared at me, but I just directed her eyes toward Emmett so she could see how uncomfortable he appeared.

She immediately walked up to him and grabbed his hand, and then she stood up on her toes to whisper in his ear, even though all of us heard her.

"Don't worry. Everything will come to you naturally. It's instinctual."

Emmett looked instantly comforted.

Carlisle looked at all of us. "Are we ready?" We nodded and he grabbed Esme's hand before running out the door. I met Emmett's wide eyes, smiled widely at him and then followed. It didn't take long before I heard him and Rosalie, along with their thoughts, following behind.

_"How is this possible? This just can't be real."_

I chuckled and ran even faster until I passed Carlisle and Esme. They sighed at my display but smiled because they knew that I felt the freest when I could run at top speed, and I was just a little bit smug that I was the fastest in the family.

Eventually, I tracked down a pack of wolves, and while they tried to fight me, they stood no chance. The leader was a large gray male, and when I was finished with him, I already felt satisfied.

When the pack realized that their leader was dead, they all ran away from me, and I didn't feel like following. I didn't need another wolf. I could easily settle for something smaller, and I would last for several weeks.

I climbed up high on a hill and searched the wind for a new scent. That's when I heard a giggle, and I looked down.

Below my feet, against the rocky wall of the hill I was standing on, I saw Emmett trapping Rosalie between his arms. She had her hands on his bare chest—his shirt was shredded to pieces and from the blood on his chin, I guessed an animal had something to do with it—but she wasn't exactly pushing him away.

"You know, I know we just met," Emmett began and leaned even closer. Neither of them was aware that I was there. "But I have to tell you that you are the sexiest woman I've ever seen," he finished, and I cringed.

I had never heard a man use such crude language with a woman before. I thought Rosalie would surely push him away after that, but she surprised me by giggling again.

"You really think so?" she asked, and one of her hands traveled up to his shoulder and around his neck.

"Without a doubt," he said. Before I could react, Rosalie pulled him against her body, and they began devouring each other. It was so animalistic, and when he pushed her up against the wall, she moaned.

I felt very uncomfortable, and just had to run far away from there, but their thoughts followed me as they became more detailed with every second.

I had never thought of Rosalie as someone that would go that far with a man she had just met. She was the same as me, or so I'd thought as we were both from the same kind of family. I also thought that after what Royce and his friends did to her, she would find it difficult to let a man as close to her as Emmett was about to be.

A few miles away, I ran into Esme and Carlisle.

"Edward! Have you seen Rosalie and Emmett? We lost them about an hour ago," Carlisle said. The images of what I'd just seen popped into my head, and I shuddered.

"Yeah, I've seen them," I said. "And I do believe that they're rather preoccupied at the moment."

"Are they still hunting?" Esme asked.

I shook my head. "No. They're engaged in other activities… with each other."

Carlisle understood what I was saying, and chuckled. "That was fast. I thought it would take longer; especially with Rosalie's history."

"I don't understand," I said. "They don't even know each other. How can they already-"

"They're mates, Edward," Carlisle interrupted. "They feel like they've known each other their whole lives. The trust between them is like no other."

"Yes, but how can they? How can Rosalie _want_ that? They're not even close to marriage."

Carlisle smiled at me. "Sometimes, not even your morals can stop you when you've gone down that road, and times are always changing. This is not 1918 anymore, Edward. The rules you grew up with are not necessarily the same today."

"Of course, they are," I insisted. "The Bible hasn't changed. As far as I know, it's still a sin to engage in such activities before marriage."

Carlisle placed a hand on my shoulder. "Not everyone shares the same beliefs you and I do, but I understand how you feel, son. Remember that I've experienced one heck of a religious revolution. The church had a lot more power when I grew up than it has today. We need to accept this."

"But-"

"No, Edward. It is what it is," Carlisle finalized, and then he and Esme turned back toward the house.

I looked over my shoulder toward the direction where Rosalie and Emmett were committing their sin and then back at my parents' retreating figures.

Was what Carlisle said true? If it was, how would the future look? What would happen to humans if they strayed too far from the words in the Bible?

I couldn't even fathom it.

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 **A/N:** I know Edward is acting incredibly childish here in the end, but he will explain it in the next chapter :)


	28. Chapter 27, May 11th 1935

****A/N:**  **Since I told you in the previous chapter that the story is done, there is no real need to drag out on the updates too much, right? :-P

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****CHAPTER 27 MAY 11th 1935** **

“ _Edward, why don't you just come inside instead of standing out in the corridor?”_ Carlisle asked in his thoughts, and I slowly opened the door to his office to see him sitting behind his desk with an amused smile. _“What can I do for you, son?”_

I turned my back to him and looked at his impressive collection of books as I spoke. “I want to apologize.”

“ _Apologize? For what?”_ I could almost hear how he frowned.

I ran my hand through my hair and inhaled deeply. It was a human trait I had not been able to rid myself of in all the years that had passed since my change. “My behavior during Emmett's first hunt was childish and unacceptable. The only explanation I have is that I wasn't prepared to witness what I did.”

Carlisle stood up from his chair and came up to me. He placed his hand on my shoulder to show his support.  _“You don't have to apologize for that, Edward. Your reaction was understandable. I sometimes forget how very little of the world you've actually seen. You often act so much older than your age.”_ He didn't say any more for a few seconds, but then he continued.  _“Why exactly did you feel the need to apologize now, though? This was almost a month ago.”_

My discomfort was palpable but I was determined to have this conversation to the end. “I'm not at total ease with the topic as of yet, but it's become more tolerable lately. I guess I haven't had much of a choice since Emmett joined our family.” Carlisle chuckled as he knew I was referring to Rosalie's and Emmett's almost excessive sex life that all of us had to endure hearing. “It at least got me thinking, and I realized that it's in fact not my right to have an opinion on how they express their feelings for each other.”

Carlisle smiled and nodded. “That's very mature of you, Edward.”

I shrugged. “Well, I am thirty-four, after all,” I said and gave him my own smile.

I could read in Esme's thoughts that she was listening to our conversation, and she knew how uncomfortable I felt with the subject. She correctly surmised that the topic was beginning to wear on my nerves, therefore she decided to call me down to help her repair two dining room chairs that hadn't been up to the strain of having Emmett sit down on them a little too enthusiastically. Carlisle immediately returned to his desk, and I went downstairs and allowed a sigh of relief escape me.

Just as I pushed the last nail in the second chair with my thumb, Rosalie and Emmett came back from their hunting trip. They wanted to be alone, but had promised Carlisle to not go too far and risk running into any humans.

The chair wasn't perfect but good enough, and we would probably buy new furniture when we moved on from here, whenever that would be. There had been no talk about it since Emmett came from Gatlinburg which was over four hundred miles away from here.

"Edward?" Emmett entered the room, and I looked up at him. Rosalie wasn't with him, and it caused me to instantly relax. While Rosalie and I had never been particularly close, the same couldn't be said about Emmett and me. He and I became friends fast, and I believe a huge reason was because he didn't try to hide anything. He would always voice his every thought, and it calmed me down immensely because I never heard anything he wouldn't tell me anyway. He was just open and honest and at total ease with most things in life.

He'd had no issues with accepting that he was now a vampire, although he had confessed that he didn't particularly like the taste of animal blood.

"Yes?"

"I wonder if you could do me a favor?"

"Certainly. What do you want?"

"Well, you know what I told you about my family, right?"

I thought it was amusing that Emmett sometimes forgot about the abilities a vampire had; like perfect memory. If I wanted to, I would be able to tell Emmett about his family with the exact same words as he'd used when he told us the story when we all gathered together after that first hunting trip.

We had sat down around our dining room table and Emmett had told us about his family who consisted of his parents, his two older brothers, himself, and his fourteen-year-old sister. His parents had emigrated from Ireland when his grandparents wouldn't accept that his father had taken a Scottish woman for a bride, and all of the children were born in the states.

Despite his roots, Emmett had always seen himself as an American, and the only thing that truly reminded him of his ancestors was his last name; McCarty.

Carlisle's eyes had widened when he heard the name, and I'd read in his thoughts that he had heard that name before, which wasn't too unbelievable as he was from England.

"Your family were close relatives to the Irish crown when I was born. It's one of the oldest family names in history," he'd said, but it had only caused Emmett to shrug.

"So I've been told, but my name has never given me any privileges in life, and so it's not too important to me. I have rich relatives in Ireland who banned my parents from ever making contact, and a family crest, but that's it."

He had proceeded to show us a pin with a family crest on it. It had intricate wavy patterns and a stag on it.

"There is no pride in me as I show you this. It doesn't mean anything to me. A family is supposed to be about helping each other, but never once have my relatives helped my family when we needed it." He placed the pin back in his pocket. "We've always struggled. I've been poor my whole life, and the only reason we've survived is that my brothers and I are good hunters, and my sister helps my mother with the house. Just recently, my brothers and I got jobs with the railroads, and it supplied us with a little bit of money."

He had leaned back in his chair and looked out into thin air while being deep in thought.

"I can admit that I didn't always give the money to my family. I've led a very wild life. I've done my drinking and gambling amongst those things that I'm not very proud of, but whenever I was lucky and won money instead of losing it, I always made sure to give my family enough to get by."

"Of course I remember what you told us," I said and controlled my impatience and held back from reading his thoughts more closely as I knew he was about to tell me what our conversation was about. "Is there something you're concerned about?"

"Well, I believe that my family's life has become rather difficult since I disappeared. They didn't just lose a son, but a source of income and food."

"Yes, I can imagine that they're struggling," I agreed.

"I want to help them, and while I don't want to assume anything, you folks have money, and I was thinking that maybe I could borrow some from you so that I can give to them."

I had never before seen Emmett as nervous as he was at that moment before, and I figured it was because the subject was money.

I'd never had a problem with money myself because I grew up with it. I was used to wealth, but he wasn't. When growing up in a poor family, money must be a very sensitive issue.

I placed my hand on his shoulder in a friendly fashion. "Emmett, don't worry about it. You're Rosalie's mate and Carlisle's your mentor as much as he is mine. You're therefore part of this family, and the family's money is yours as well. If you want to help your human family then you are free to take as much money as you want. You don't have to ask for a loan. We have more than enough."

He gave me a lopsided smile. "Thank you." He turned to leave, but then stopped and looked at me again. "Could you help me? I don't really know how much would be too much or not enough."

I nodded. "Of course. Let's go to the office. I'll help you put together a bag."

In the office, I showed Emmett the safe and the combination so that he wouldn't feel the need to go through one of us in the future. I also made a mental note to introduce him to our finances and give him access to the bank accounts. One of us would have to go into the bank with him so that all the papers would have the necessary signatures, as well as open a checking account in his name.

He would probably be shocked when he finally realized that he would never have to worry about money again.

Emmett's eyes widened when he saw the stacks of bills inside the safe together with envelopes containing very important documents. In those envelopes, you could find our family's entire history. It was a mix of old and new identification certificates and we kept them all to be on the safe side. It was better than leaving a trail behind us when we moved to a new place.

"Do your parents own their house?" I asked to determine how much money I should place in the bag. It was a family of four adults, three of those male and if Emmett's size was any indication, I would bet that a lot of food was consumed, and one female child.

"No. The bank owns it, and we nearly lost it after that stock market crash that happened a few years ago, but we were able to convince them that we didn't have any other place to go, so we were allowed to live there as long as we paid them every six months. Dad always said that he wished he could buy us out, but it was just a distant dream for him."

I nodded and began placing the money in a bag. When I was done, I knew that the McCarty's wouldn't just be able to buy the house from the bank, but also a few hectares of the ground surrounding it, build a new house, and live comfortably for a couple of decades, as well as make the money grow would they decide to invest it like we did.

"Here you go." I handed the bag to Emmett. "That should be enough to last them for quite some time."

"Thank you so much, Edward. You're a real stand-up guy."

"No problem at all, Emmett. I feel honored that you came to me for help." Emmett remained on his spot while I closed the safe again.

"How much do you remember from your human life?" he asked, and I paused my actions to think about it.

"Close to nothing," I answered when I realized that it was the case with me. "Everything I have now is what Carlisle has told me. I know my birth parents names, but I have no recollection of how they looked. I know my family was wealthy, but that's because I own everything they left behind, including the house in Chicago. I know I had a friend named Evelyn because I remember that Carlisle and I had a conversation about her after my transformation, but that's mostly it."

"Do you ever feel sad that you don't remember?"

I shook my head. "No. I have no emotional attachment to the memories I have, and I can't really feel depressed over what I don't remember I had." I saw an image of Emmett's family in his mind and the thought lingered on the young girl. "I do believe Rosalie told you that if you think enough about something, it will stay with you. If there is something you really want to remember, just think about it a lot, and it won't become lost."

He nodded and subconsciously tightened his hold on the bag in his arms. He was thinking that he truly hoped this money would help his sister the most. "I just don't want her to end up like one of those women I used to mix myself up with," he said, fully aware that I knew he was talking about his sister.

Emmett had told us about how he had been a huge womanizer as a human. Women had been drawn to his care-free attitude and his slightly dangerous appearance, and it was understandable that he didn't want his sister to become like one of those women that were as close to prostitutes you could come without having to pay them for copulation.

"Does your sister go to school?"

"No. We could never afford it."

I thought about that for a few seconds and then gave him a suggestion. "How do you think your family would react if I pre-paid all of your sister's school tuition? Would they accept it?"

"They would believe it to be a fraud and probably prevent her from going."

"But what if your name is on the papers?"

He frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I'll make the payments, but I'll tell them that my name is Emmett McCarty. If they think that all of this, the money, the school tuition, is from you, would they see it as a fraud then?"

"No, I don't think so, but they would wonder how I came over this sum of money in only a month."

"Does that matter, though? Would they be more reluctant to take the money if they thought you were up to no good?"

He shook his head. "No. They need it too much."

"I'll just make a few phone calls then," I said, and we walked downstairs together where the telephone was located.

"Is it always going to be this easy now? With money and stuff?"

I chuckled. "Yes, it will. You'd better get used to it." I lifted the earpiece and winked at him.

Emmett left and I talked to the bank about paying for a little girl's education in Tennessee. I used the funds from the Masen account to keep things as simple as possible, but I also did as I told Emmett and asked the bank to put his name on the donations.

When I'd hung up, Carlisle came into the room.

"Is he going back to Gatlinburg?" he asked. He had obviously overheard the entire conversation between Emmett and me.

"Yes. Hopefully, his family will be grateful for what he does for them."

He nodded. "I'm sure they will be. Are you going with him?"

I looked at him and frowned. "No, I didn't plan on it. Rosalie probably will, though."

"Do you think that's wise?"

"What do you mean?"

"If they were to cross any humans, I'm not sure that Rosalie would be strong enough to stop him from attacking."

I thought about it and then shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know. She was strong enough to get him here."

"For herself, yes. He was an unconscious human then, but now he's a newborn. His blood lust is at its highest peak, and she's barely two years old."

It was true. Carlisle had not allowed Esme and me to hunt by ourselves until he knew that he could trust me to keep her away from temptation, and by then I had almost reached my decade mark.

"Do you want me to go with them?"

He gave me a small smile. "I'd feel more calm if you were with them, but I also know how uncomfortable you are with their…intimacy."

I pushed the images that surfaced back as best as I could, but the feeling was already there.

"No, I'll go with them. You're right. It's safer if I'm there."

"Don't tell Rosalie that you're coming along as a ‘chaperone,' though. She'll dismember you," he said and chuckled as he left the room again.

The three of us left the same day—after a few loud protests from Rosalie—to run to Gatlinburg so that we could deliver the money.

We used the same way Rosalie had taken; through the mountains and reached our destination in the middle of the night. The sky was dark and clear, with stars glimmering and the moon casting light over the landscape and coloring everything in a bluish tone.

Emmett guided us down into the small town, although I was up front to make sure that no humans were milling around.

"When that bear was about to kill me, I never thought I'd see this town again," he said in a low voice.

Rosalie reacted and grabbed his hand in hers and held it tight.

"It's the farthest house to the left."

We sneaked closer, and without lingering, Emmett placed the bag of money on the porch, along with an envelope that held a letter and the papers that confirmed his sister's paid education.

He came back to us and wrapped his arm around Rosalie's shoulders. "I'm ready to go home," he said, and we broke into a run back toward West Virginia.

Not once did Emmett look back over his shoulder.

* * *

 ** **A/N:**** What did you all think of that? There are not many authors that incorporate the whole "bag of money on the porch for his family" that Emmett does, which it says in the Illustrated Guide :) It's a nice way of showing what kind of guy Emmett actually is :)

 


	29. Chapter 28, July 18th - August 1st 1936

**A/N:** I do believe most of you know what will happen in this chapter as soon as you've read the first sentence ;-) Enjoy! :-*

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**CHAPTER 28 JULY 18th – AUGUST 1st 1936**

"Our new home is in Fairbanks, Alaska," Carlisle said and pointed on the map he had laid out on his desk in the office. The rest of us stood around it and listened. "I couldn't find any employment in any of the smaller communities, but I think we'll have a good life there. It's only a short run to Mount McKinley National Park," he traced his finger from the Fairbanks dot to the green area of said park. "And that park is filled with new animals for all of us. There are caribou, moose, wolves, and bears among the larger mammals."

"Will we have to run to the park every time we hunt?" I stood with my arms crossed, a posture I always took when I listened and concentrated.

Carlisle shook his head. "Not necessarily. There's some wildlife around the city, but most of it fled during the construction in 1906."

"What's the weather like?"

"Rather chilly, and mostly cloudy, but the sun does break through from time to time. We'll have to take the usual precautions."

"But why exactly are we moving to Alaska?" Rosalie asked with one brow raised. She was tucked underneath Emmett's arm, a place she almost never left. "Do they even have any civilization up there? It's not even a state."

Carlisle looked at Rosalie and then at Emmett and me before sighing. "Things have evolved in Germany quite rapidly since Hitler took charge. I don't know if anything will happen, but I have seen similar situations before, and they never ended in a good way. I have a bad feeling about it, and if America gets involved, we'd be better off in Alaska."

I frowned. "Wait, how long have you planned for us to stay up there?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong about it, but if I'm not, I'd rather we stay away for as long as possible."

"But how will that work with your job?" Esme asked. "If we stay for too long, they will notice that you're not aging."

Carlisle grabbed her hand and kissed it soothingly. "Don't worry about that. If we have to stay that long, I'll quit and we'll find a new place in Alaska."

"And what are the rest of us supposed to do?" This was Emmett's first family meeting about moving arrangements and I was beginning to wonder why he hadn't said anything yet.

"You, for one, aren't ready to mix yourself with humans no matter where we go, so you'll stay inside the house and only venture outside in the company of one of us. As for the rest, you may attend the university if you want or take a break. They have a fair curriculum to choose from if you want to occupy your days with that."

"Why can't they also get a job?" Emmett continued his inquiry.

Carlisle smiled. "Most jobs up there are on the railroad and in the mines, and while Edward could certainly start there if he wanted, they would never accept either Esme or Rosalie. Neither of them looks to have the physique or strength to endure such a job, and they're women."

Rosalie huffed. "If they only knew I could snap those lumberjack men like twigs with my bare hands."

We ended the meeting and I began looking at the programs at the university. I was contemplating getting another degree, and the university did have a good science program.

I wanted to get a degree in medicine eventually, because Carlisle's knowledge fascinated me, but I had to wait until we moved to a town with a university that offered that program.

Emmett came up behind me. "I heard you already have two university degrees. Aren't you tired of school? Don't you want to work?"

"I like the academic world, but yes it does get tiring. I try to make the most of it by changing subjects, though."

"Why don't you take a job with the railroads?"

"I don't feel that it's the job for me."

"Why not? Isn't it fancy enough for you?"

I looked at my new brother and frowned because he sounded really angry for some reason. I shook my head. "No, it's not that. I just enjoy work that's more mentally stimulating."

"So are you saying that it's only a job for dumb people?" His newly turned, golden eyes were ablaze with fury, but his mind was closed to me for some reason. I couldn't read him at all.

I turned toward him and did everything I could think of to access his thoughts. I didn't like to be shut out. "No, not at all. Emmett, why are you twisting my words? What's going on in your head?"

"Just forget it," he said quietly and grabbed Rosalie's hand. I searched for eye contact with her, but she just shrugged her shoulders.

 _"I have no idea what that was,"_ she thought before she was pulled out of the room completely.

I looked toward Carlisle and Esme, but both of them shrugged as well. No one knew why Emmett had reacted the way he did.

"Something obviously set him off," Carlisle said. "We'll let him cool down for a few hours and ask later."

I nodded and began looking through the school pamphlets again, but my every thought was on Emmett.

Three days later, we had packed everything we wanted to bring along to Alaska, and the rest was donated to charity or sold at auction.

We decided that we would run this time because we would reach Fairbanks faster. We would also have more control over Emmett if we ran because we could choose routes that were empty of humans.

He was still a bit irritated with me, but, at least now I knew why. Apparently, he was offended because I didn't want to take a job with the railroads. That was what he had done, and his brothers still did, before he became one of us. It was never my intention to offend him.

He felt that I had somehow belittled his source of income. I guess that it was to be expected that his past would be sensitive to him. He was the only one of us that had actually been truly poor, besides Carlisle, who'd lived a very sparse life as a human, but that had been by choice.

Rosalie told us he was afraid that when he felt ready to be around humans, he wouldn't be smart enough to go to school. He had been pulled from his own education before he had the chance to start high school.

I sympathized with him, but I didn't think it was right that he let out his anger on me. I couldn't help it that I had been born into a privileged family, now that I had close to unlimited funds at my disposal, I did what I could for the less fortunate, and Rosalie had told Emmett that. It had cooled him down, but he still glared in my direction from time to time.

It was a Wednesday when we reached Fairbanks and the house that would become our new home. The journey had gone by without any mishaps and Emmett had finally gotten around to forgiving me for, what he thought was, my careless choice of words.

The first week in Alaska was uneventful.

Carlisle got acquainted with his job at the local hospital; I applied to the science program at the university but wasn't scheduled to start classes until the tenth of August. Rosalie had decided to stay at home with Emmett, and Esme said that she wanted to study architecture, but decided against it and stayed home as well.

The first day of August was a Saturday, and Carlisle and I were playing a game of chess. After almost twenty years together, Carlisle had perfected the art of blocking me from his mind. Therefore, I had to use my skill in chess when I played with him. It was refreshing and fun for me because Esme refused to play with me again after last time when I won after barely a minute. Rosalie said she hated the game, and Emmett didn't know how to play.

"Hey Carlisle," Emmett called as he descended the stairs with Rosalie's hand clasped in his. They had been in their room for hours this time without being particularly discreet about their activities.

I wasn't judging them for their pre-marital copulation any longer because I had read in both of their minds that a wedding wasn't too far away on the horizon. In fact, when I told Esme and Carlisle about it, they said that they had suspected it for quite some time and even prepared for the event by buying a piece of land farther away from Fairbanks, where they planned to build a house for the happy couple. We had reached our limit when it came to listening to those two go at it, and we wanted them out of the house.

"Yes, Emmett?" Carlisle replied without taking his eyes off the chessboard.

"Didn't you say there was a National Park close by? I'm feeling thirsty and want to explore what we've got to work with while we're here. Can't we all go?"

I looked up from the pieces on the board and toward the two people I saw as my siblings. The idea wasn't half bad. I wanted to test out the wildlife as well, and I had never seen a moose in person either, so I hoped I would get to see one while we stayed here.

"Sounds like a good idea. We all need to hunt anyway, so today is as good a day as any," Carlisle agreed. After making a very smart move that rendered my queen useless and put my king in checkmate, he stood up from his chair while I glared at him. How had I missed that his knight was so close to my king?

He smirked at me. "It's about being two steps ahead, son," he said and winked.

I rolled my eyes at that because I've known that since I first learned how to play chess when I was a little boy. Somehow, Carlisle was still slightly better than me.

A moment later, we were running toward Mount McKinley National Park. All of us were rather excited because we would encounter animals that we'd never hunted before.

We reached our destination after a few hours, and immediately we were in awe of nature's beauty. The mountains, lakes and woods were breathtaking. I don't think I'd ever seen a lake with such a clear reflection before.

"Wow!" Esme exclaimed. "This is beautiful. I can understand why it's a preserve."

Eventually, we broke out of our trance and started the hunt. I was able to track down a grizzly bear and drank eagerly from it, but I didn't see any caribou or moose.

When I found the family again, they were standing in a tight group, frozen like statues. I frowned and made a move to run up to them. Carlisle saw me and made a gesture for me to stay where I was.

 _"Wait,"_ he thought. _"There's a scent of other vampires close by. I don't recognize the scents so they're new to me."_

I was shocked to hear that. With Carlisle's past with the Volturi coven, and his travels all over the world before he found me, he must have met most of the vampires in our world. To hear that there were a number of vampires close by that were unknown to him was unsettling.

 _"I count five scents,"_ he continued in his thoughts.

"Carlisle, what should we do?" Esme almost whimpered next to him.

It was natural for us to worry. Neither Carlisle, nor I, could call ourselves skilled fighters. Carlisle knew tricks that he'd learned over the years, but he hated to fight. He taught Esme and me what he knew, but had never gotten around to teach Rosalie or Emmett. If there were five vampires, and it for some reason came to a fight, we were outnumbered three against five.

But something did not ring right with me.

My family was highly unusual in our numbers. Vampires rarely traveled in pairs, let alone in a company of five, and we had come to the conclusion that we could do it because of our diet.

What could possibly cause these other vampires to travel in such a large group, and how did they stay peaceful and friendly with each other?

"I think we should investigate further," Carlisle decided out loud. His thoughts were in line with mine, so he was curious and wanted to find out more.

"I don't like that idea," Esme said, and grabbed a hold of Carlisle's bicep when he began to move in the direction of the scents.

"We'll walk there in a non-threatening way, okay?" he insisted. "We'll keep it on a peaceful level. If they feel cornered, Edward will be able to tell by their thoughts and we'll leave immediately."

Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett were reluctant but followed Carlisle anyway. I was just as curious as he was, although a bit more cautious.

It took us about twenty minutes to walk through the forest, but eventually we reached a break in the trees. In front of us was a large open meadow, but the reason all of us froze on the spot was the large house we saw up on a hill.

This was a very secluded spot, and I couldn't smell a single hint of human around here, so the house could only mean one thing.

"They're a coven with a permanent residence, Carlisle," I said in awe. "How have you not heard about them?"

Carlisle shook his head. "I don't know."

* * *

 **A/N:** My beta caught this mistake of mine where I called the park Denali, but because she's so awesome, she told me this: **In 1936, Denali was still known as Mt. McKinley. The name wasn't changed until 1980. -** https colon double-slash en dot Wikipedia dot Org slash wiki slash Denali underline National underline Park underline and underline Preserve

These words need to be replaced with symbols: colon, double-slash, dot, slash, and underline.

Love you all and I hope you still enjoy this story :-D


	30. Chapter 29, August 1st - August 2nd 1936

**A/N:** I truly hope you'll like my interpretation on the Denali Coven!

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**CHAPTER 29 AUGUST 1st – AUGUST 2nd 1936**

We started to move slowly toward the house and made sure to make unnecessary noises to notify the unknown coven of our approach.

It didn't take long before we heard movement up in the house and when we were halfway across the field, we saw five vampires walk down the hill using the same speed we did.

Carlisle held out a hand to stop us, and we froze so that they could decide how close they wanted us. We really did not want to be seen as a threat.

The other coven consisted of one male and four females. Three of the females were blonde and looked very much alike; which caused me to believe that they might have been sisters as humans. The fourth female and the male were the exact opposites. Their hair was long and black, and while the blondes were pale as snow, the dark-haired couple had a slight olive tone to their skin.

As the five of them got closer, another feature stuck out to me.

They all had golden eyes.

How could that be? I thought our coven was the only one.

I looked at Carlisle for answers, but while his thoughts reflected mine, his body language didn't falter. He remained with a straight back and faced the strangers that, apparently, had a lot in common with us.

The strangers' thoughts became audible to me then.

_"Who are they?"_

_"Their eyes are golden? How?"_

_"So there are more animal-drinkers out there?"_

_"What a mixed coven!"_

_"I wonder which one is the mind-reader."_

The last thought was the male's and it shocked me so much that my eyes immediately flew to him.

_"Ah, there he is. I thought that would catch your attention,"_ he continued and smiled at me.

I didn't know how to react, and I instinctively took a step back so that I was a bit more behind Carlisle than before.

_"He can't be very old,"_ the male continued to himself this time, but he was fully aware that I heard everything.

One of the blondes—she had strawberry blonde hair that was slightly wavy—stepped forward. She appeared to be the leader.

"Hello," she said, and I could hear a barely noticeable accent. I believe it could be Russian. "What can we help you strangers with?"

Carlisle took a step closer. "My name is Carlisle Cullen, and this is my family; my wife, Esme, and our children, Rosalie, Emmett, and Edward. We recently moved to Fairbanks and came across your scent while hunting. We naturally got curious."

The blonde smiled. "Naturally," she agreed. "I'm Tanya, and these are my sisters; Katrina and Irina. The couple over there is Carmen and Eleazar."

"It's a pleasure to meet you." Carlisle smiled. "I wasn't aware that there was another coven sharing our lifestyle."

"Neither were we," Tanya replied. "We thought we were the only one, but on the other hand, we don't travel much, so we don't really know a lot about the outside world."

"Have you lived here for long?"

"A few hundred years, give or take."

"And you've stayed here the entire time?" Rosalie asked in awe. She hated that we moved around as much as we did.

Tanya looked at her. "Yes. There are very rarely any humans this deep in the park, and we don't really go to the city."

Eleazar cleared his throat and Tanya instantly looked at him. There was some type of exchange between them, and when I heard their thoughts, it was as if they could read each other.

_"One of them has got a gift?"_ Tanya thought, but outwardly, she only looked at Eleazar. He didn't nod, but his thought confirmed her question.

_"Yes."_

I couldn't figure out how they communicated because I couldn't see so much as the twitch of a finger, but Tanya still somehow knew what Eleazar was telling her.

"Would you like to come inside?" Tanya offered and looked back at us. I was still confounded by the exchange, so it took Carlisle's acceptance for me to snap out of it.

"That would be lovely," he said, and together we walked up to the house.

All of us gathered in a warm living room with natural wooden colors and a high ceiling. A fire was burning in the fireplace, and even though it was completely unnecessary for us, temperature wise, it gave a homey feel to it.

We were quiet for a while, but then Tanya broke the silence. "Eleazar tells me that you have a talented member in your family."

My family froze in shock, and I nodded. "Yes," I said. "I can read thoughts, but it seems he somehow already knew that."

Eleazar sat down on a couch and looked right at me. "I did know that. I knew even before the first word was uttered," he said, and I saw in my periphery how my entire family frowned in wonder. "You're not the only one with a talent, Edward."

"What can you do?"

He chuckled. "Isn't it rather obvious? I can feel it when there are other gifted vampires close by. I know which gift it is from the start, but I need to be really close to know who possesses it."

"That's a very unusual gift," Carlisle cut in. "I've never heard of anything like that before."

"As far as I'm aware, I am the only one with this particular gift, and I have encountered many gifted vampires during my lifetime."

"How?" Emmett asked. "I thought you didn't travel."

"We don't," Eleazar said. "But I wasn't always a member of this coven. I was created in 1741 in Spain. I never knew my creator and only a few years after my birth I was taken in by the Volturi."

Carlisle frowned. "You were a member of the guard? I'm surprised I haven't heard of you before. I stayed with the brothers myself for a few decades."

"It must have been after my time because I don't recognize you. I was only with them for about a century, but then I found Carmen, and we decided to leave together. We wanted a different lifestyle than they could offer us."

We sat with them for hours and listened to their stories, and told our own in return.

Tanya, Katrina, or Kate as she preferred, and Irina weren't biological sisters, but they called themselves sisters because they had the same creator, a woman named Sasha. They were all originally from Slovakia, but after an ordeal with the Volturi that had caused Sasha's death, they felt that they couldn't stay there any longer and moved to Alaska.

"We've stayed here through it all; the Russian colonies, the sale of this territory to America, the gold rush. We've never felt the need to move."

"But, don't you feel the need to do something?" Carlisle couldn't understand it because he would feel useless if he didn't work. Esme had given him a purpose in life when they found each other, but he was too compassionate to keep all of his knowledge to himself.

"We get jobs every hundred years or so, but we don't need it. We're happy with what we have here," Kate said. We had also learned that Kate, too, had a gift. If she wanted to, she could electrocute someone with such power it would bring even a vampire to its knees. All they had to do was touch her skin.

"So how exactly did you decide on this lifestyle?" Esme asked. By this time, it was dark outside, and late at night, but we didn't feel the need to leave just yet. It was the first time that I met other vampires since Carlisle and I traveled through Europe. Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett had never met another vampire.

A smirk stretched over Tanya's face.

"Before my sisters and I converted to this lifestyle, we ventured into the city more often than we do now. Our mother taught us how the killing was a lot easier when our prey found pleasure in their last moments instead of fear."

I didn't fully understand what she was telling us, but Carlisle did.

"So you three are the origin of the succubus legends?" he asked with wide eyes glimmering with interest. My mentor was always so very spellbound when he learned new things.

Kate giggled. "We sure are."

As soon as Carlisle said the word "succubus" the stories immediately entered my head. I had read about them when I tried to find out more about vampires in my early years. I remembered how intrigued I had felt while reading, but at the same time, I'd been slightly disgusted.

"What's a succubus?" Emmett asked and looked between Carlisle and the sisters.

"A succubus is a female vampire only preying on human males with whom she has sex before killing them," Kate answered and winked at my brother when his eyes widened.

This angered Rosalie, and she hooked her arm through Emmett's while glaring at Kate. "You didn't answer Esme's question," she almost growled out. It was safe to say that Rosalie felt rather possessive of her mate at that moment.

Tanya didn't appear fazed at all by Rosalie's obvious hostility and continued to converse with Esme. "My sisters and I connected with these men and always felt sad after killing them, so we wanted to find a way to be with them without having to kill. Once we started to hunt animals, our men got to live long lives. The rest is history."

We stayed with them the entire night until after sunrise.

I was outside when the sun rose over the trees, and the reflection from my skin glimmered on the ground. It would be a beautiful day.

I heard the thoughts before I heard the steps when Tanya came outside to join me.

"What are you doing out here when your family is inside?" she asked.

"I'm just thinking," I replied. "It feels good to walk away sometimes. My head can get rather crowded."

"I can only imagine. My own thoughts can give me a headache on certain days, so it must be hard to have to deal with other peoples' thoughts on top of that."

I shrugged. "It can be, but I guess I'm used to it by now."

She nodded. "Understandable, but to have to go through it alone; it can't be easy."

"I'm not alone," I said and frowned in confusion. "My family has always been there for me."

"Oh, I wasn't talking about your family. I meant that you don't have anyone that you can truly talk to, someone who listens and understands your struggles."

"I'm not following you." I shook my head and tried to read in her head what she was saying to me.

She laughed. "I'm talking about a mate, Edward. Your family is all paired up. It must be sad to always be alone."

In some childish manner that I had no idea where it came from, I answered her with a counter statement. "You and your sisters don't have mates either."

This only caused Tanya to laugh harder. "True, but we get our satisfaction in a different fashion."

I thought about what she said for a moment and realized that she was right. "I've just never really thought about it," I said. "When I look at my family, it feels as if it has always looked the way it does. I can't imagine either couple being apart anymore, but I've never felt left out either."

"They're probably accommodating you. They don't want you to feel unwelcome, but I'm positive that they would act differently if it was just them."

"No, I don't think so. Esme was distraught when I left them nine years ago. She wanted me to stay," I insisted. I didn't like the way Tanya talked about my family as if she knew them, but there was also something in her words that struck a chord.

"Of course she did. You're still a part of their coven, but if you also had a mate, I think all of them would relax more because you'd all understand each other."

"Maybe," I reluctantly agreed. "But it's not like my mate will just suddenly appear out of thin air because I accept that I might need one."

Tanya smiled and gently touched my arm. "Don't distress yourself too much, Edward. That wasn't my intention. Your other half might not be as far away as you believe she is."

With those words, Tanya turned on her heel and went inside again, but I stood firm in my spot contemplating everything that had been said between us.

I didn't want to believe what Tanya said was true. She didn't know my family well enough to make those assumptions, but she wasn't exactly wrong on the alone part. I had, at times, felt somewhat jealous of my parents and siblings, but it wasn't as if I could do anything about it.

As I told Tanya: Mates do not appear out of thin air.

* * *

**A/N:** As I do believe you noticed, Tanya was simply friendly toward Edward in this chapter. No maneating hungry-hussy Tanya for me! You see, I've understood that since someone (I don't think anybody knows who) decided that Tanya was someone who would always try to steal Edward away from Bella, that is the character she is portrayed as in almost every fiction I've read.

I think that's kind of sad because, in canon, Tanya is a very good friend of the Cullens and nothing more. Yes, she had an interest in Edward, but never once did she flirt with him or try anything once his heart belonged to Bella. Bella is not a part of this story, but I doubt Edward would have remained Tanya's friend if she had relentlessly tried to "seduce" him or whatever.

My Tanya will be friendly and cool. Sorry if you expected lots of drama revolving around her.


	31. Chapter 30, September 18th 1939 - July 22nd 1944

**CHAPTER 30 SEPTEMBER 18th 1939 – JULY 22nd 1944**

_"Yesterday morning, the Soviet Red Army joined Germany in their invasion of Poland which started on the first of this month. The casualties are already at large numbers and thousands of people have ended up in the hospital with both minor injuries as well as potential fatal wounds._

_The reason for this invasion has been admitted by Hitler himself as an overturn of the Treaty of Versailles which he says was unnecessarily harsh toward Germany. He also claims that he wants Germany's pre-World War boundaries restored._

_No further information has been accumulated at this point."_

Carlisle turned off the radio and the rest of us sat quietly and absorbed the new information.

"This is horrific," Esme said after a moment. "All those people—innocents and civilians—killed because one man feels bitterness about the past."

"It's what I've feared for quite some time. Ever since I heard that man's propaganda speech after Germany's president died, and he started calling himself ‘Führer'. I felt it in my entire body," Carlisle said in a low tone.

"How long do you think before we involve ourselves?" I asked.

Carlisle shrugged. "I don't know, but I reckon that the draft isn't far in the future. We're lucky to be up here. The Selective Service has no jurisdiction here, so they can't force us to join."

A part of me felt immense guilt when I heard Carlisle say that. I had vague memories of when I was younger and I had wanted nothing more than to enlist in the army and join the other soldiers in the war and serve my country. But now, when another war was on our doorstep, I was hiding away in Alaska.

I realized that the situation was different now; I couldn't just put on a uniform and fight alongside humans. With all that fresh blood in the air from bullet wounds and other injuries, I know I wouldn't be able to hold my instincts at bay and I would probably kill more humans than I would ever save.

Emmett and Rosalie stood up from their seats.

"Are you going home?" Carlisle asked.

The year before, the two had gotten married and Esme had given them a grand two-story house as a wedding gift so that they could live alone and give all of us some peace. We could tolerate being close to them when we didn't always have to listen to them having sex in their room.

Annoyingly enough, they had actually succeeded in turning that house into rubble with their escapades, and it had to be rebuilt. The restoration was recently finished and they were able to control themselves enough to allow this house to remain intact. Although, Emmett had only grinned at me when I told him to take it easy right after we'd finished.

"Yes, unless you want us to stay in case there is any more information," Emmett replied, but Carlisle shook his head.

"No, don't worry about it. There is nothing we can do about the information anyway. We'll see you in the morning."

They nodded and Emmett helped Rosalie put on her coat before they left.

"I wish it was possible for us to help in some way," I said, and Carlisle nodded in agreement.

"I know; me, too, but if we move back to the states now, they will force you and Emmett to join, and neither of you are ready for something like that, and I am not leaving you to help as a field doctor. The best thing we can do now is to just wait it out."

We exchanged a look, and I could both see it in Carlisle's face and read it in his mind how unhappy it made him to know that there were people that needed him out there, but he didn't feel trapped by us because he would never leave Esme behind. The only way he could take her with him was if she went to nursing school and worked in the army hospital with him, but she wasn't ready to be around open wounds either.

All of us could feel that this was only the beginning of something massive.

The previous war had lasted for four years and three months. The question was, how long this one would last, and how much of an impact it would have on the world.

**< {=ALS=}>**

Time passed both slowly and quickly in Alaska.

It was excruciating to have to follow the events of the war that involved far larger proportion of the world than the previous one. Wherever Hitler went, he conquered.

It felt as if it would never end, and when Germany broke the pact with them and invaded the Soviet Union, no one could understand what the ultimate goal was. It scared a lot of people.

Alongside this, it felt as if the five years in Fairbanks had gone by with the blink of an eye. I attended the university for three years and got my degree, but I'd done absolutely nothing for the remaining two years. Strangely enough, though, I'd never felt restless.

Maybe it was because we spent so much time with Tanya's coven. We were all very fascinated with them, especially Carlisle.

Tanya and I became very close. She was unlike any other woman I'd ever encountered before with her brazen language and thoughts that often were about her sexual conquests. However, I didn't feel uncomfortable with her, despite her graphic mind.

I was able to talk to her and she was a willing listener. She wanted to know everything about my world as a human, even though I didn't remember much.

"So you've lost every memory of your parents now?"

"Yes, it's all gone," I said, but I wasn't too sad about that. Those memories belonged to a different Edward. "I know I could acquire some of them back by asking Carlisle, but I'm reluctant to do so. It wouldn't feel right to see his memories of them, especially since it was only in their last days that he knew them."

"I understand that. It was centuries ago that I lost my last human memory. I've been a vampire for so long that I can't even fathom that I once was something else," Tanya said and looked out over the lake.

The snow had melted some time ago and the water was like an untouched mirror.

"You must have seen so much in your life. The world must have changed immensely since you were born."

She giggled. "You have no idea." She started to draw in the rocky ground with her nail. "It's both amazing and sad. Some things used to be better and other things have improved, but no matter what the world looks like around us, it seems like it's always the same people who occupy it."

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

She shrugged non-committedly. "Humans have a very hard time learning from their history. Despite the hundreds of wars they have behind them, they still feel the need to start new ones; bigger and louder than the previous one, with larger weapons that cause destruction all over."

"I didn't know you cared about the war."

Tanya shook her head. "I don't. It's the humans' business what they want to do to each other. I'm just pointing out the obvious." She looked at me. "This isn't the first war I've seen, Edward, and I'm positive it won't be the last."

"You don't have much faith in humans, do you?"

"I don't have faith in power and what it does to people, human and non-human alike."

For a second, I saw a distant memory in her mind, but I only caught the image of a fire with purple smoke and the heartbreaking scream that cut through the air.

I realized that she was thinking of her mother's execution.

Not once during the five years we'd lived here had Tanya, Kate or Irina told us about the events that led to Sasha's death. From their thoughts, I'd come to understand that their silence had everything to do with their pain and grief. Even after centuries, they didn't like to talk about it.

"Will you ever tell me?" I asked, and there was no need for me to elaborate because she understood what I was referring to.

She shrugged. "I don't like to talk about it."

"I know, but it must be eating at all of you to carry it around the way you would a secret."

"We manage."

I chuckled. "Yeah, I can see that."

"What are you, a psychologist?" she snapped at me, and it was the first time I'd ever seen Tanya truly upset.

"No. I just want to understand what it is that causes my friends so much pain."

Tanya sighed and grabbed a rock she proceeded to pulverize with her hands. "She was punished for a crime none of us could understand why she committed. The only reason the Volturi allowed me and my sisters to live was because Aro read in our minds that we weren't involved."

"What did she do?" I asked carefully.

The image of a blond toddler, a boy, with deep red eyes and blood smeared all over his chin entered my mind.

"She created an immortal child."

**< {=ALS=}>**

"An immortal child?" Carlisle asked me to confirm when I came home that evening and told my family what Tanya had told me.

I nodded.

"What's an immortal child?" Emmett asked. He and Rosalie had come over to our house to spend some time with the family.

Carlisle turned to him. "It's a child under the age of ten who has undergone the transformation."

"You mean there are vampires that put children through the change? That's just cruel," Emmett protested, but Carlisle wasn't finished.

"Yes, but that's not the worst of it. While an adult or even a teenager can advance their minds as they mature from their newborn years, an immortal child is forever stuck in whatever development stage they were in at the time of the change."

"Whoa, that can't be pretty."

"From what I heard, it wasn't. Aro was studying one of them while I lived with him and his brothers. He told me that he hoped to learn more about our kind and maybe even find a way to teach these children to behave, so that the creators could keep them, but it was impossible. I heard of such a child who single-handedly murdered and drank an entire village clean because his creator didn't allow him to play outside."

"How many of these children were there?" Rosalie inquired. So far, she had been very quiet in the corner.

An errant thought had me looking at her as if she was out of her mind, and she saw it.

_"I would never do it, stupid! I barely entertained the thought."_

A part of her wasn't scared of the thought of a child that would remain a child forever. I knew it was the part of her that longed for children that caused these thoughts, but she had to be careful. She couldn't allow things like that in her head.

"Hundreds of them. It was a very dark time in our history. Entire covens were executed for creating them. From the day their change was complete, a coven would go to extreme lengths to protect them. I never saw the one Aro studied with my own two eyes, but I've heard that these children are so lovely nobody can deny them, and that's why they're so dangerous."

"Are they still being created?"

"There's a strict law against them, and I believe this is the only law that is being upheld by everyone. Nobody wants to see that history repeat itself."

Esme turned to me. "What exactly did Tanya tell you?"

"She said that she and her sisters had no idea their mother had created one until the day the Volturi came knocking on their door and demanded to see the child. Apparently, she had hidden him in the basement, but he had gotten out and massacred the villagers."

"I wonder what possessed Sasha to create the boy," Carlisle mused to himself. "What were her ties to him? She must have known she would be caught eventually or she wouldn't have kept the sisters out of it."

I shrugged. "Tanya didn't know. She never heard her mother so much as mention a word about a child, but when the Volturi came, she wouldn't let the boy go, and they burned them both while he remained in her arms."

Esme gasped. "That's horrifying! And the sisters saw it all?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"Poor girls. It's no wonder they don't want to talk about it. It must have been very traumatic."

"Yes. Hopefully, their wounds will heal eventually, but sadly, there's nothing we can do to speed up the process, I'm afraid."

 


	32. Chapter 31, Sep 20th – Sep 31st 1946

**A/N:** I don't know how many of you know that I underwent surgery on February 10th and that's why it's been a while since I updated. I've been in too much pain to sit by the computer, but I feel better now and I hope you'll like this one :-D

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**CHAPTER 31 SEPTEMBER 20th – SEPTEMBER 30th 1946**

"¿Cómo te llamas?"

I sat on the couch in my family's living room opposite Carmen and Eleazar and she was teaching me basic Spanish. It was a new challenge that I'd decided to embrace, something I hadn't considered while we still saw Alaska as a refuge from the war. Now, since Germany had surrendered over a year ago, all of us saw our time here as more of an extended vacation.

But we had lived here for a decade now, and I was sure Carlisle couldn't wait to move back to the States and find a new job at a new hospital. Working was his life, after all.

"Me llama Carmen. Este es mi esposo, Eleazar. ¿Cómo se llama usted, señor?" _My name is Carmen. This is my husband Eleazar. What's your name, sir?_

"Mi nombre es Edward. Yo soy de Chicago. Yo tengo cuarenta y cinco años pero miro diez y siete." _My name is Edward. I'm from Chicago. I am forty-five years old, but I look seventeen._

Carmen grinned. "Very good, Edward. You're a fast learner. The pronunciation comes with time."

I grimaced. "It was that bad?"

She giggled. "Not at all. For someone who's only been studying the language for two days, you're an expert. Your tongue is just not used to the words."

I smiled her way. "You're too kind, Carmen. Unfortunately, you haven't perfected blocking your thoughts from me just yet. I can hear that you're lying."

Her smile fell and she gave me a sheepish look. "Sorry."

My smile remained. "Don't worry. I know it takes time."

"But really, you will get better. I can hear that it's coming to you. And if it helps you, it took me six months to perfect my English, and I still have a slight accent," she hurried to reassure me.

I laughed and stood up to put away the books that Carmen had lent to me for when I'd learned more advanced Spanish.

Suddenly, the front door banged open and the thoughts that accompanied the sound were tangled and panicked, so it took me a while to realize it was Emmett.

"Emmett, what's going on?" I asked, and when he looked at me, I didn't need an answer. I saw it. His eyes were red with a fresh kill.

"Where's Carlisle? Where's Rose?" he asked without moving from his spot against the door.

Carmen and Eleazar's thoughts were filled with sympathy when they also registered Emmett's red eyes. We all knew what had happened.

However, I naturally wondered what could have caused Emmett to slip up. He had been a vampire for eleven years now, and even though he struggled in the beginning, just like we all did, he's had excellent control over himself until now.

"Carlisle and Esme are out hunting and Rose is probably at your house. Did you check there?"

He shook his head and swallowed hard. "No, I didn't think of it. I-I can't think clearly, Edward. I don't know what happened or how. The scent just blew my way and I couldn't stop myself. It took me off guard, and I just—"

"You don't have to explain to me, Emmett," I said but stayed where I was. He needed to calm down, because in his frantic state, it was impossible to predict what he would do. "I understand exactly what you're going through."

I took a step toward him. "Do you want me to call your house and see if Rose is there?" I asked.

Emmett looked down at the floor and nodded.

I looked over my shoulder at Carmen and Eleazar to silently ask them to help Emmett calm down, and they reassured me with their thoughts that they would.

Rose was home, and when I told her that Emmett was here and that he needed her, she didn't waste any time and hung up in my ear. She was here within ten minutes, and when she saw what state her husband was in, she wound her arms around his large frame and comforted him with quiet, soothing words.

Carmen and Eleazar decided that it was time for them to leave and said goodbye, while I left Rose and Emmett alone in the living room. I didn't go far, though. I sat down on the staircase and waited for Carlisle and Esme to come home.

When they finally did, it was dark outside and they were laughing, as well as giving each other loving looks. It was obvious they had taken some time alone to just be with each other, and I hated that the first news they would get at home wasn't the best.

As soon as they laid eyes on me, they knew something was wrong.

"We have a…situation," I said before they could ask. "Emmett needs to talk to you. He and Rose are in there." I nodded toward the living room, and the two of them hurried inside to see what was going on. I followed them and all of us remained in there as Emmett tried to explain what happened and how sorry he was.

"Don't blame yourself, Emmett. Accidents happen," Esme said reassuringly, and Carlisle nodded in agreement, appearing to be deep in thought.

"Yes, however, we will have to move on from here. From what you told us, the woman lived here in Fairbanks. It's too close to home, and there will be an investigation." He looked at each one of us. "It's time for us to go back to the States."

**{=ALS=}**

"I don't want you to leave," Tanya said sadly as I placed a few things in the car.

"I know, Tanya, but we can't stay here."

"Of course you can," she insisted. "You'll just have to move from Fairbanks, that's all. You can build a house in Denali. You could even move in with us until it's finished."

I shook my head. "That would take years, and your house isn't big enough for all of us. It's very kind of you to offer, but it's time for us to go back."

We locked eyes for several seconds and then she opened up her arms and stepped toward me for a hug. I complied with her silent request and wound my arms around her body.

"I will miss you so much," she said and tightened her hold on me.

"We'll keep in contact. I promise."

My family was ready to leave and we said our last goodbyes to our new extended family. They had stayed in Alaska for so long that they could not even imagine leaving. So, with promises to meet again someday, we got into our newly purchased cars and began our journey back to the states.

Carlisle had searched in the library for a place not too far from the Canadian border, and it didn't take long for him to find a newly founded town—maybe it was more of a village—called Forks. It was practically as far north as you could go in the state of Washington, without going into Canada.

The population was sparse, just above a thousand, but it was expected since it was officially incorporated only a year ago. Back then, the only people who lived there were the town officials.

"What have they got there?" Emmett had asked when Carlisle told us about it.

"So far, they've built a school, a hospital, and a few smaller stores. There's not a whole lot of activity apart from the people working in the lumber industry and their families. We'll have a few quiet years there before we move on to the next place."

"Will we live in town?"

"No, we won't. I found a house outside of town. It's been abandoned for decades and used to belong to a rich loner and his family. It was built over fifty years ago. At least that was what the realtor told me on the phone."

"Sounds lovely, dear," Esme said and kissed him on the cheek. It always amazed me how unwavering her support was. He could have said that we would have to live in an old, underground war barrack and she would have said that it was perfect for us.

We recently purchased two new cars because the one vehicle we owned was too cramped for five adults on an extended journey such as this. I could have joined either couple, but didn't want to infringe on their privacy. So, for the first time since I left Carlisle and Esme, I had my own car again.

As we drove from Fairbanks to Forks, I watched the landscape get progressively greener.

Eventually, almost everything was green. Even the tree trunks were green. Moss and ferns covered every inch of the land, and the forest looked like something out of a storybook.

It was quite beautiful in a Gothic sort of way.

When we drove through the very modest town, I discovered it possibly the smallest I had ever seen. It was nothing more than the main street with a few scattered buildings on each side. I doubted there was much more to see apart from the houses that the families lived in, and the school, which wasn't on the main street.

Everything had a greenish-gray tint to it, which was caused by the thick cover of clouds in the sky and the green of the forest. However, I could see that there had been some effort put into bringing more color to the place by the paint on the buildings.

Still, it was obvious it was a "lumberjack" community.

Some minutes after we'd driven out of town, Carlisle turned onto a small gravel road that was almost completely covered with ferns. It remained that way for a few miles before the trees opened up and revealed an overgrown lawn in front of a large, rectangular, three-story house covered in chipped white paint.

A deep porch wrapped around the front, and every window on every floor had shutters that, I believe, used to be a dark gray.

Actually, everything on the house looked like it was in need of repair, but it was understandable since Carlisle had told us it was abandoned for so long. Apart from that small detail, though, it was a marvelous house, and quite grandiose. We'd never owned such a massive home before.

The cars were parked and all five of us got out and stood in front of what was to be our new safe haven.

Esme was the one to speak up first. "Wow, Carlisle. It's…uhm…big!"

He nodded. "Yes, and it needs a lot of work," he agreed and turned his head toward her. "What do you think? Can we restore it?"

Since Esme had supervised the construction of Rosalie and Emmett's house in Alaska, we all knew she was capable of fantastic things. I had no doubt in my mind that she could get this house back to its former glory.

She pursed her lips and walked up to the front door while letting her hands glide over the porch rail and examined the chipping paint. Then she turned back to us.

"We most definitely can. It won't be easy, and it will take time, but it can be done."

"Fantastic, love," Carlisle said, swept her up in his arms and gave her a kiss.

Us "children" looked first at each other and then at them and smiled. We rarely saw them being affectionate with each other as they remained very reserved when we were present, just as parents usually were. Of course, we'd all heard what they did behind closed doors, it was simply unavoidable—and so it felt nice to see them act like the twenty-somethings they actually were.

After they parted, Carlisle kept an arm around her shoulders and turned to us.

"Okay, we have no time to waste. There's a lot that needs to be done, and there's no time like the present."

* * *

**A/N:** The Cullens are in Forks now so I bet you know what will happen in the next chapter ;-)


	33. Chapter 32, October 12th 1947

**A/N:** I am so sorry that there was a delay of the update for this chapter. There's been a lot on my mind lately, and I've been busy with my web page, making banners and manips and so many other things! I hope you can forgive! :)

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**CHAPTER 32 OCTOBER 12th 1947**

"Uncle Carlisle!"

"Edward? What are you doing here?" Carlisle asked when he saw me coming toward him in the corridor of the hospital. He was standing with a young couple in their twenties; a short female with brown, curly hair and light green eyes, and a rather tall man with dark, almost black, hair and chocolate brown eyes.

"Rosalie and Emmett were going on an errand, so I thought I could go home with you. I walked from school." That was only half-true. I was home minutes after Rosalie and Emmett went on their errand, but Esme had asked me to go with Carlisle. She wanted us to buy some more supplies for the house in Port Angeles, the closest town to Forks. We would need the car for our errand, and since it had only been ten minutes since school ended, it was easier to lie about it all.

"Esme wants us to go to Port Angeles and buy supplies," I said in a low and fast voice. No human could hear the frequency in which I was speaking, but Carlisle heard it.

"Of course you can. Your aunt asked me to buy some more supplies in Port Angeles after work, but you won't mind coming with me, will you?" he asked, completing our act.

We had lived in Forks for a little over a year now, and we were determined to keep our act perfect. It was the first time we lived in such a small town, and everybody knew everybody. The tiniest mistake made by us would spread through town like wildfire in a matter of hours

We couldn't afford that, which was why we had come up with the story we were now using. We kept it simple by saying that Emmett, Rosalie and I were all adopted. Emmett and I played biological brothers, as well as Esme's nephews, and our parents had died in a car crash when we were very young. Rosalie was Carlisle's younger sister, and he had been her guardian ever since their parents abandoned them when Rosalie was very young.

I pretended to be sixteen while Rosalie was seventeen and Emmett eighteen. All of us attended the high school, although it barely had the privilege to call itself that. Not because it was small—I had attended smaller schools in the past—but because the curriculum was simply ridiculous, and the teachers appeared to have no idea what they were talking about.

"No, I won't mind," I replied and noticed how the young couple looked between us and frowned. Their thoughts told me they thought Carlisle didn't look old enough for me to call him 'Uncle.'

Carlisle noticed their looks as well and hurried to invite them into the conversation as a way to distract them from what he assumed to be suspicious thoughts.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," he apologized to them. "This is one of my nephews, Edward. Edward, this is Geoffrey and Helen Swan."

I was grateful for my autumn gloves when I held out my hand to shake theirs so they would not have to feel the cold of my skin.

"Pleased to meet you," I said politely.

Geoffrey only nodded, and Helen returned the pleasantry, but she also continued.

"You'll have to excuse me for being so forward, but I simply have to ask. Are you really related? Your ages appear to be much too close for you to be his uncle," she said and looked at Carlisle.

Both Carlisle and I chuckled to show that we weren't offended by her question.

"Don't worry, Mrs. Swan," I said. "Actually, my brother and I were adopted by our aunt, Carlisle's wife, a few years ago after we lost our parents."

Mrs. Swan placed a hand over her heart. "Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss."

"Thank you."

She turned to Carlisle. "Well, we have to go now, but I want to thank you so much for all of your help."

He nodded. "I wish I could do more," he said genuinely.

She shook her head and smiled. "It's God's will, and I accept that."

The couple left and Carlisle clocked out and said goodbye to his colleagues.

"What's wrong with her?" I asked as we crossed the parking lot, referring to Helen Swan. There had been such sadness in her eyes when she thanked Carlisle for his help, but neither had thought about what it was.

"Oh, Edward, you know I can't discuss my patients with you," he said with a smile and got in the car behind the wheel.

"I wasn't after a discussion. I just want to know why she was so sad. Besides, since when can't you trust me with secrets, _Uncle?_ "

He chuckled, but then let out a heavy sigh. "They've been married for six years, but she's never been pregnant. They came to the hospital to see if there was something wrong. Helen has small cysts growing on her ovaries, and I believe she has Polycystic Ovary Syndrome."

"And what does that mean?"

"It means that she might never have children. It's not impossible, but the chances are slim."

"It must have been difficult for them to hear that," I said and felt true sympathy for the couple. I knew too well, from Rosalie's thoughts, how hard it affected a woman when she was told she couldn't have children.

"Yes, but Geoffrey took it the hardest. Helen took it quite well and just said that if it was meant to be, it would happen eventually. Geoffrey wasn't as optimistic."

"No, he did appear rather closed off."

Nothing more was said between us about the couple and I told Carlisle what Esme wanted us to buy. It was everything from new paint, polishes, and brushes. Even though it had been a year, and the house was close to finished, Esme always found something she wanted to restore.

She also made a hobby of buying antique furniture that she would restore and sometimes sell, but most often, she kept them in the house to fill out all the space we had.

Despite Carlisle's personal library, Esme's study, the family library on the third floor, the three rooms we called our own, and the entire bottom floor with bathrooms, kitchen, dining room and living area, we still had three rooms on the second floor we did not know what do with.

They used to serve as guest rooms, and for now, they remained that way, even though we would never have guests sleeping over in this house.

An hour later, we were pulling up in front of the faded white house with light gray shutters. Esme had worked her magic on the house and it looked newly built despite it being over fifty years old.

Before we had even stopped the car, the rest of the family came out and they were all wearing hunting clothes. Rosalie and Esme had replaced their dresses with soft pants and shirts and pulled their hair away from their faces while Emmett had taken off his jacket and rolled up the sleeves on his shirt.

"Take care of the supplies later. We're going hunting," Emmett bellowed, despite it being completely unnecessary. He was simply a very loud man and I suspected he talked in that volume just because he could.

I got out of the car. "I thought you two were going to Seattle." I nodded at Emmett and Rosalie.

"We turned back around after we decided that we need to hunt first. We'll go after," Rosalie replied. "Go up and change. I'm thirsty."

I rolled my eyes at the impatient tone in my sister's voice and moved to do as she demanded, although I purposely moved much slower just to spite her.

She growled at me, but I didn't care. She needed to exercise some control over herself. Emmett was the only one who really spoiled her, but it didn't stop her from trying to order the rest of us around.

Once we were all ready, Carlisle led us into the forest and we decided to run and explore the western side. Mostly, we hunted in the Olympic National Park on the eastern side, but we all thought it could be nice to hunt in other areas.

After, we could find a secluded spot by the ocean and just relax.

As we ran, a foul smell reached me and my first instinct was to recoil away from it, but the others didn't react, so I continued with them and tried to forget about it. But the farther we ran, the stronger the smell became. Eventually, I couldn't ignore it any longer.

"Do you smell that?" I asked the others.

They nodded.

"Yes, it's not a smell I've encountered before," Carlisle said. "Maybe it's an animal that only lives here."

"I want to hurl. I don't know if I'll be able to hunt here," Rosalie said with a wrinkled nose.

"I'm too thirsty to care," Emmett said. "We can't turn back now. Let's just hunt here this one time."

We contemplated that and then agreed with Emmett. We might as well hunt since we were here, and when a herd of deer passed to our left, I was amazed that I actually thought they smelled appetizing compared to the stench in the air. We took down one each and broke their necks to prevent long suffering. I moaned when the warm, thick liquid went down my throat and numbed the burn I'd gotten so accustomed to for the past thirty years.

A twig broke not far from us, and all of us reacted by freezing. My teeth were still buried in the neck of my kill, and while I really wanted to empty it, my focus was on the sounds of the forest. I had a feeling we were being watched and my fight or flight instinct had been activated.

The feeling overwhelmed me and I abandoned the dead animal on the ground and straightened out to scan the trees.

Thoughts in a language I didn't understand reached me, and I gestured for the others to stand up. Carlisle walked up to me and we exchanged a silent look. I nodded slowly when he asked me with his thoughts if I heard anything.

"Who's there?" he called out, and then waited.

There was no answer, but the thoughts increased in volume, and I really wished I knew what they were saying. However, there was something different about the way the thoughts were formed. I heard three distinctive minds, but they interrupted each other, almost as if they were having a conversation.

Suddenly, three half-naked men with black hair and reddish-brown skin walked slowly toward us from between the trees. Their eyebrows were low over their almost black eyes which shone with open hostility.

The stench from before got stronger, and I realized that it came from the three men. I felt confused because I had never met a human that smelled so bad. It caused me to react instinctively. I crouched down, baring my teeth to the unknown men

I wasn't the only one. Rosalie and Emmett reacted in the same way.

Carlisle quickly placed himself in front of us to prevent us from doing anything thoughtlessly.

One of the three strangers stepped forward and began screaming at us in the same language I heard in their thoughts, but none of us understood what it meant.

Carlisle stepped forward and held out his hands to show he was non-threatening, but the three men still backed up several steps. "My name's Carlisle Cullen. My family and I have lived in Forks for about a year," he said in an attempt to converse with the men.

The man who screamed at us, who I assumed was the leader, turned his head to the other two and continued to talk to them in their own tongue.

"Do you think they know what we are?" I asked Carlisle, but he just shrugged.

"I don't know. They clearly don't want us here, though."

"Maybe we should just leave," Esme spoke up behind all of us. "I have a bad feeling about this, Carlisle." She began to back away, but it caused the men to tense up. It looked like they started to vibrate, and they all stared at Esme.

I didn't like that and growled lowly to warn them. If they so much as made a move toward Esme, they'd be dead in seconds.

Carlisle understood that this was heading down a dangerous path and looked at me. "Edward, I want you to back away and stand with Esme. You're too hostile, and it's making everything worse."

I looked at him in disbelief. When he didn't waver, I begrudgingly did as he told me.

He turned back toward the men and held up his hands again. "Please, we don't want to fight. I can see we don't understand each other, but we will leave now."

One of the three men frowned and leaned over to whisper in the leader's ear. In response, the leader narrowed his eyes and appeared to be examining us up and down. Then he nodded and took a step away from his men toward us. He didn't show us his hands like Carlisle had, though, so we didn't relax.

"You're different," the man said in heavily accented English, but at least he was finally speaking so we could understand him. "Yellow, not red. What are you doing on our land, blood-drinker?"

I was shocked when he revealed that they knew what we were. I had no idea how they could know.

"We were hunting," Carlisle said, and gestured toward the dead deer on the ground.

The three men frowned. "Animals?" the leader asked with confusion in his tone.

Carlisle nodded. "Yes. That's how we live."

"No humans?"

"No."

The three men exchanged looks and started to talk to each other in their own language again. The one to the right of the leader shrugged at a question directed at him.

"How can we know you're telling the truth?" the leader turned back to us.

"You can't. You'll just have to trust us," Carlisle said, but it only caused the men to snort.

"Trust vampires? Not likely," the man on the left of the leader said. His English wasn't as heavily accented.

"I hope you don't mind me asking, but how did you know we're vampires?" Carlisle asked and looked at each of the men individually.

"We can smell you," the man on the left replied. "You have a sickly sweet smell. It makes me nauseous."

"I thought all humans like how we smell," I stated from my place in the back.

"Your smell is repulsive to us," he retorted. "And we're more than human."

The leader stopped him and took over. "Our kind was created to hunt vampires like you."

"What do you mean?" Carlisle asked.

Without a word, the two of the men walked into the darkness of the forest, and seconds later, humongous wolves replaced them in front of us. Emmett, Rosalie and I tensed up again, but Carlisle put his arm out to restrain us.

The two wolves sat down on either side of the leader who spoke up once again. "I am Ephraim Black, and these are my men Levi Uley and Quil Ateara. We are men from the Quileute tribe. We are our people's protectors and if you have no interest here, we want you to leave right now."

Carlisle nodded. "Of course. We don't want to bother you, but I want to ask something of you."

Ephraim nodded for him to continue.

"Your people know of our existence, but no one in Forks does. We need to keep our existence a secret, and I was hoping you wouldn't tell anyone outside of your tribe."

"We don't keep secrets with vampires," Ephraim replied. "Leave town and don't come back."

"We can't," Carlisle insisted, shaking his head. "This is our home now. The humans will be suspicious if we leave so suddenly. We only came here a year ago."

"Then don't ever put a foot on our land again!" Ephraim said aggressively. "If you do, we will have to kill you."

"That won't be necessary," Carlisle said. "Maybe we can come to an agreement. We won't cross over to your land if you keep our secret."

Ephraim thought it over for a few seconds, and then he seemed to come up with a decision. "We won't keep your secret unless you can promise us that you won't ever hunt humans again. One single bite from any of you, and there is no agreement."

Carlisle held out his hand. "We promise that we won't bite a human, and we will stay off your land. In return, all we ask is that you keep our secret for us."

Ephraim walked up to Carlisle and took his hand in his. "Keep your promise, and we will not tell the pale-faces about you."

All of us promised, and with the relief that it had not developed into a fight, we turned around and ran back home.

Our hunt had been cut short, and we wouldn't finish it until we reached the safety of our home.

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**A/N:** What did you think of my interpretation of the meeting and making of the treaty? I hope it reached your standards and that you liked it :)

Until next time!


	34. Chapter 33, March 9th - March 16th 1950

**A/N:** Guess who will join us in the end? :-D

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**CHAPTER 33 MARCH 9th – MARCH 16th 1950**

We moved from Forks only four years after we moved there.

We had started out too old and we also felt that we couldn't truly relax after finding out about the Quileute tribe.

The treaty was intact, and we respected it, but just knowing that there was an entire tribe of people that knew what we were, and also turned into wolves that they said only existed to hunt us made us a little tense.

Our new home was in Philadelphia in Pennsylvania, and we had lived here for approximately three weeks now.

Carlisle, Emmett, and I had planned to go out hunting, just the three of us for some male bonding and be gone for at least a week, but something happened at the hospital so Carlisle couldn't go, but he insisted that Emmett and I went anyway.

"I'll come along on the next hunting trip," he said before giving Esme a kiss and disappearing out of the door.

"I swear, sometimes I believe that man has another wife and family hidden away at the hospital," Emmett said, but it only earned him a smack from Rosalie.

"What?" he asked and rubbed his arm where she had hit him.

"Do you even know what tactfulness means?" she asked with her hands placed on her hips and nodded toward Esme.

Esme's response was to smile. "It's okay, Rosalie. I'm not offended."

"Maybe we should just go," I suggested, and Emmett wasn't slow to agree. "Will you be okay here alone?" I asked the ladies.

"Of course we will. We'll have some bonding time of our own," Esme said.

We waved goodbye and then it was our turn to disappear out the door.

**{=ALS=}**

I studied the cat from behind the tree. It was big, most likely a male, and it had a dead hare in its mouth. The fur around its jaws was red with blood which was also dripping on the ground.

It was all very mouthwatering, and I had to swallow the venom that pooled in my mouth.

Emmett was closing in and I knew from experience that he would think it funny if he scared my prey away and made me angry. I had to act fast if I wanted to have it.

The cat dropped the hare on the ground and looked around before it bent down and started to tear off pieces of flesh. When I was positive it was completely distracted, I made my leap and tackled the animal to the ground.

As soon as it caught my scent, it tried to defend itself, but I turned myself in the air and landed on its back. I quickly broke the neck to keep it from fleeing and I moaned when its blood flowed into my mouth.

No matter how many times I had blood from mountain lions, I still savored it every time. I felt Emmett's eyes on me as I eagerly gulped, and I didn't like the defenseless feeling that came with it. If I hadn't been able to read his thoughts, I would probably have left the lion half-drained.

I quickly finished the lion and dodged Emmett's attack when he decided to jump.

It turned into a wrestling match, but when I got away from him by jumping up in a tree, he just laughed and said it was a tie. I shrugged and climbed down again.

We had been gone for a week now and it was time to go home. Both of us drank to the point of being sloshy, and Emmett continued to whine about how he missed Rosalie, so we started our journey back to Philadelphia.

The sun was high in the sky and made the white patches of snow glitter when we were getting closer to home, and I noticed how Emmett began running faster, his mind filled with thoughts of Rosalie.

It was both endearing and sickening how much those two loved each other.

We had barely set a foot on our property when a squeal caused us to stop and look at each other questioningly. The squeal wasn't familiar to either of us, and it got even more confusing seconds later.

"Oh, Edward and Emmett are back home! Jasper, we have to go out and meet them!"

A small whirlwind came rushing from the house and stopped in front of us. She was all smiles, her excitement radiated from her and practically caused her to vibrate.

She was incredibly short and her black hair was cut in a way I had never seen on a woman before, but what shocked me the most was her golden eyes.

"Oh, I have wanted to meet you for so long and now here you are," she said in a light soprano voice. She held out her hand toward us, but it looked like she was restraining herself from throwing her arms around our necks and hug us. "I'm Alice, your new sister."

Neither Emmett nor I could get a word out, but I took her hand in mine and shook it.

"Uh, I'm sorry, but…sister?" I tried to get a full sentence out, but it had been a long time since I felt this inarticulate.

The girl, Alice, shrugged and smiled. "Maybe we should go inside. All of your questions will be answered in there. I guarantee you that."

We did just that, but Emmett and I were in a bit of shock, and it didn't get better when we found our family in the living room sitting with another stranger.

He was taller than me, and had honey blond hair and, like Alice, he had golden eyes. But his most prominent feature was the many bite marks that covered his arms and neck. He even had one over his eyebrow. Some of them overlapped each other as if he'd been bitten several times in the same place.

I had never met a vampire warrior before, only heard about them when Carlisle told me about the wars that raged in the south. Despite that, there was not a doubt in my mind that this man was one.

My first thought when I looked at this man was that he was dangerous, because if he had survived as many bites as he'd been subjected to, he was undeniably lethal. It made me tense up with fear.

I immediately turned to Carlisle in search of answers, but before I could get a question out, a strange calm settled over me, and I had no idea where it came from.

"Carlisle, could you explain what is going on, please?" I asked and the calm I felt was evident in my voice.

Alice walked up to the man and took his hand in hers. _"It's okay, Edward. We're not here to hurt you,"_ she thought.

Carlisle walked up to us and gestured toward the newcomers. "This is Alice, who you've already met, and this is Jasper. They came here the day after you left."

Another wave of calm came over me and I frowned at the strange feeling. I couldn't figure out where it came from.

"Alice has a gift that allows her to see the future, and she had a vision that she and Jasper would be a part of our family one day. When they came here, she told us about everything she'd seen, and we couldn't not believe her."

Alice giggled. "I have that effect on people."

"Jasper also has a gift. He's an empath and can control and project emotions, and I believe he is projecting on you two at the moment."

We looked at Jasper and he gave us an unapologetic smile. "This whole conversation will go easier if we're all calm," he said in a southern accent.

"So, basically, what you are saying is that you have adopted these two because one of them _'saw'_ that they would become part of our family?" Emmett asked Carlisle for the confirmation, and he only got a nod in reply, which caused him to shake his head.

Emmett thought this was foolish. I thought so, too, but somehow it made sense when the gifts came into the equation.

"Cut it out, Emmett. Alice and Jasper are really nice." Rosalie walked up to her husband and he automatically opened up his arms so that she could attach herself to his side. Emmett immediately weakened.

"Thank you for the compliment, Rose." Alice laughed—the sound reminded me of wind chimes—and winked at my sister. They had apparently become rather good friends, an impressive achievement, during the days that Alice and Jasper had been here.

I decided to make an effort because I had a feeling this change was now permanent. I had already shaken Alice's hand outside, so I walked up to Jasper and offered him the same. He accepted and gave me a firm shake.

"It's nice to meet you two. I apologize for my behavior. I guess I was a bit shocked."

Alice giggled. "No need to be so formal, Edward. We're family now, but I won't hug you just yet because I can see it will make you uncomfortable."

Her prediction caused my jaw to drop, and she giggled again.

Emmett followed my example and shook Jasper's hand, but when he turned to Alice, they exchanged a look, and then her smile widened and he grinned before _he_ threw his arms around her. Their smiles developed into laughs that mixed together in harmony; soprano and bass.

"You're barely the size of my human sister, and she was fourteen when I last saw her," he said when he placed her back on her feet. "I could keep you right in my pocket."

"And you're almost the size of a bear. Maybe that's what I should call you from now on; Emmy-bear."

I was astonished how very comfortable they acted around each other. It was as if they'd been siblings since birth and not just for a few minutes.

I was very aware of my dirty clothes—I hadn't changed them in a week and there was both blood and dirt on them—and I was wondering if it would be rude of me to leave and take a shower and change clothes.

"No, Edward, it wouldn't be rude," Jasper suddenly said, and I looked at him in shock. I had never been subjected to being read like I usually read people before, and it was a strange sensation.

"How could you know what I was thinking?" I asked. "I thought you only read emotions."

He smiled. "I do, but every thought is always connected to an emotion. I can't read the words behind the emotion, but I've practiced my gift long enough for me to be able to read between the lines. Your emotions told me you felt dirty, and there was also a longing there, but it was all overpowered by guilt."

"How long have you had to perfect your ability? When were you born?"

"Born as a human, or born as a vampire?" he asked and continued without waiting for an answer. "I was born in 1844, but I was changed in 1863."

"Right in the middle of the Civil war," I mused to myself and wondered if vampires had been involved in the historic event.

He smiled. "Yes. I was a Major in the Confederate Army when I was human."

My eyes widened. "You were? You look a bit young to have been in the army."

My comment caused him to chuckle. "Well, I didn't exactly abide by the rules. I looked older than I was and I lied about my age. I said I was twenty-one, and they needed recruits, so they believed me and let me in. I hadn't even turned seventeen yet."

I was in awe of the man I had felt fear for mere seconds before. "You'll have to tell me more about that later, but I really do need to shower and change my clothes."

"Of course, although I have to warn you, your clothes will not be in your closet any longer," he said, and I frowned in confusion.

"Why not?"

He shrugged apologetically and looked toward Alice who was looking at us. She smiled in return. "You're room had the best view," she said without any remorse.

I was speechless and looked at my parents for an explanation.

"I couldn't leave them without a room," Esme said. "It would have been awfully rude of me. All of your things are in the garage, Edward."

I didn't know what to say, so I simply walked out of the house and entered the garage, where, sure enough, all of my stuff was packed into boxes. It almost felt as if I'd been kicked out.

I started to dig for a new set of clothes when light steps came up behind me. I turned and saw Alice approaching.

"I'm sorry. I knew you would be irritated, but also that you would forgive us. I'm not some spoiled little girl, I promise. I just have a tendency to follow my visions if they have a nice outcome. You will see this as a funny anecdote in the future."

I decided on not commenting and let the whole thing go.

"Jasper has told me some about himself. How about you? How did you come to this life?"

Sadness crept into her eyes, but she tried to hide it. "Uh..." she began but didn't continue.

I didn't want to push her if it was an uncomfortable story, so I hurried to assure her that she didn't have to tell me if she didn't want to.

"No, it's fine. I just…do not remember." She frowned and I could see how she tried to find the memory in her mind, but it was a black wall more solid than the night.

"How?" I asked.

She shrugged. "I don't know. I don't remember anything of my human life. I didn't even know my name when I woke up, but I found a message for me from the vampire I believe turned me, and he called me Alice. I've relied on my visions ever since. The first one I had was of Jasper and the second was of you."

"Have you told Carlisle about this?"

"Yes, I have, but he didn't have an answer for me. He had a theory that something traumatic must have happened that caused my brain to shut down right before the transformation, but I don't think I'll get any closer to an answer than that."

"I guess not."

The sadness disappeared and Alice returned to her happy, beaming self again. "Don't worry, though. It's hard to miss something you don't remember."

* * *

**A/N:** Did I do good on this one, or did you expect Alice to be even more bubbly than this? I sometimes feel that fanfiction has exaggerated Alice tenfold compared to how she actually is in the Saga, so I kept her on this level to stay true to it :)


	35. Chapter 34, August 19th 1950 - August 5th 1958

**A/N:** Nothing of importance here, now go on and read the chapter instead 'cause that's what you came here for, right? ;-) :-P

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**CHAPTER 34 AUGUST 19th 1950 – AUGUST 5th 1958**

I sighed as I once again packed my things in boxes and placed them in the back of one of our cars.

We hadn't lived in Philadelphia for a year yet, but we had to move, once again on the run from the draft to the army.

A political war was raging in Korea, and America wanted to support the southern part by sending soldiers there. We were going back over the Canadian border, but not to Alaska, because it was too soon to go back there.

Our destination was Calgary in Alberta, and we would stay there as long as necessary. We had to be more careful now, though, because our recently expanded family was a lot more conspicuous lately. We were already different, but now we were five adult children around the same age who lived at home.

You'd think that after thirty years of this, I would be used to moving around, and I was in a way. I never really felt attached to the towns and houses we moved to, so it wasn't that I felt sad when we moved again.

I was more bored than anything. It was always the same story, and I had already gone through high school and college too many times for one person.

"Are you okay, son?" Carlisle asked from behind me. "Jasper could feel your mood from inside the house. What's wrong?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I just feel bored. Every day is the same. I'm not doing anything. I simply exist."

He frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that my existence isn't very meaningful. I'm not contributing. I collect degrees, but I don't use them for anything. I _can't_ use them for anything because I can't get a normal job."

My mentor placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. "I know how you feel, Edward. It was the same for me before I found medicine. You'll find something eventually."

I shook my head. "It's different for you. When you found medicine, you could study it and then _do_ it. I can't do that because people would be suspicious of my age. They're already suspicious at colleges, so I would only be able to stay at a job for a year at the most."

"Edw—"

"What frustrates me the most is that, inside, I am almost fifty years old, but I have to mix with people younger than half my age and act as if my biggest issue is that I've never had a date."

Carlisle looked at me with sympathy. "I don't know what to say, Edward. There is nothing that can be done with your physical age."

A light clearing of a throat caused us to turn.

Alice stood a few feet away and smiled at us. "I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I was listening to your conversation, and I believe I can help." She eyed all of the boxes. "We'll have to wait until we're in Calgary, though, because the things I need are packed, and I don't want to slow us down."

Neither of us understood what she was talking about, and she refused to give anything away in her thoughts either.

 _"Stop prying, Edward. Let it be a surprise,"_ she thought and winked at me before she disappeared back inside the house.

The next day, we arrived in Calgary in front of our new house. This one had enough rooms for all of us, so I didn't have to live in the garage anymore. I guess that was one positive thing that came with moving.

Alice skipped out of the car and grabbed my hand in hers. "Let's get to work," she said, and handed me a box to carry and pulled me inside.

"Alice, what is it that you're going to do with me?" I asked her, feeling slightly worried.

"It won't hurt, so don't worry," she replied before pushing me down on a chair in the bathroom. We bought a house that was already decorated for the sake of quick relocation, and I have to say it felt rather good that we wouldn't have to carry loads of furniture inside the house and spend our first days here with just making the house livable.

Alice began to dig in the box. "First, I have to ask you how you feel about cutting your hair."

I frowned. "Why do I need a haircut? My hair hasn't grown in thirty years."

A pair of gleaming scissors came out of the box. "But that's the problem. Your hair is exactly the same cut it had to fit a teenage boy of your time. It's no wonder you feel uncomfortable with your looks. Your physical age might be seventeen, but with your hair, you could too easily pass for fifteen. Especially when it hangs down in your eyes like that."

I hesitated and brushed said hair out of my face. "I don't know. It's not as if it will grow back if I don't like it."

Alice raised her right eyebrow as if she was questioning my logic. "Edward, I can see the future. Do you seriously believe I would make the decision to cut your hair in a way that would make you despise me for having done that to you? Please, show me some faith."

I still hesitated, and it caused Alice to sigh heavily and stare at me impatiently. "Fine, just do it!" I eventually exclaimed. "Little annoying pixie person," I continued under my breath. Of course, Alice heard it and she slapped me on the arm for it.

"Do you want me to help you or not?"

I inhaled slowly. "Yes, I do want your help, sweet Alice," I replied with an exasperated smile, but it appeased her.

"Better," she said and placed herself behind me. "Now, I'm not going to take too much on the length, because we still want you to be able to look young when necessary, but I am going to style it to show you how much hair affects your appearance."

Ten minutes later, Alice let me look into the mirror and I was shocked at seeing how very different I looked, despite the minimal changes. My hair was styled away from my face and only a few millimeters shorter than before, making me look closer to my twenties than I ever had before.

"Wow, Alice. This is amazing."

She gave me a smug smile. "Oh, I know, but I'm not completely finished. You still look no more than twenty, so I want you to put these on and tell me what you think."

She handed me a pair of thick-framed glasses.

I looked at them with confusion. "Alice, I have perfect vision and I'm sure these will only obscure it. Why are you giving them to me?"

"Glasses are as much an accessory as a shirt or a pair of shoes. These lenses have no prescription. Jasper used them for a while when he and I were alone, and it was unbelievable how much older he looked."

I took the glasses from her and studied them. "Why did he use them?"

"They took the focus away from the color of his eyes while they changed from red to gold. When humans noticed the color, they simply believed the glasses caused some kind of illusion."

I put the frames on and then looked back into the mirror. I almost didn't recognize myself. A man that looked to be at least twenty-five looked back at me.

"This is so strange," I said to myself. "How is this possible?" I turned and looked at Alice.

She smiled. "It's all about bringing the right features out. Glasses make shadows appear around your eyes, which automatically cause you to look older. You have high cheekbones and getting your hair away from your face, makes them appear more prominent, and once again, make you look older."

I stood up from the chair and hugged my newest little sister. "Thank you so much for this, Alice. You just made my life the tiniest bit more exciting."

"No worries. But…" I released her from my hug. "There is one more thing I would like to do."

I frowned as I waited for her to reveal what else she wanted.

She clasped her hands together and with both of her index fingers, she pointed toward my shirt.

"I want to go through your wardrobe."

I looked down at myself. "Is there something wrong with my clothes?"

She hurriedly shook her head. "No, not at all. They're just a little boring. You never wear anything but dress pants and a shirt. Have you considered changing it up a little?"

"Like how?"

"Have you ever worn blue jeans, Edward?"

I shook my head. "No. I've never done the kind of labor that requires those. Why?"

"Well, they're in style now for everyday wear, and I believe they would look great on you."

I grimaced. "I've seen pictures of them in the paper on the kids who wear them, but I don't know, Alice. Those kids look as if they're trying too hard to be cool. I'm not really into that."

She blinked at me with her big golden eyes. "Just humor me, brother. If you definitely don't like them, you don't have to wear them."

For a few seconds, we just looked at each other, but eventually, I caved and shrugged. "Okay, fine."

Alice immediately jumped up and kissed my cheek. "Thank you so much." She disappeared through the door with the words, "This is going to be so much fun," and I was left alone in the bathroom.

I looked at myself in the mirror again. Still surprised at how different I looked in my new hair and with the glasses. I couldn't understand it, but it was right there in front of me.

I wondered if it would help me at all with the feelings that had been raging inside of me lately. Maybe, if I was lucky, I would be able to apply for jobs this time instead of going back to school.

I truly hoped so, because if there was something I needed at this very moment, it was a distraction from the tediousness my life had become.

Of course, had I known what was coming for us in only a few years' time, I would never have wanted a break from the mundane.

Time passed surprisingly fast in Calgary despite the fact that I went back to school again—university this time. I had decided to see if Carlisle's passion for medicine had rubbed off on me, so I pursued a degree in that field.

It took four years, and when it was time for me and my classmates to start residency, my professors were shocked to hear that I wouldn't continue.

I was at the top of my class, and they expected that I would make an excellent doctor, especially because of who my father was, but I knew in my heart that I was nowhere near ready to work in a hospital. With all the injuries, operations, open wounds and the scent of blood heavy in the air, my control would never stand up to the test.

It had taken Carlisle over a century before he was positive he was fine in close proximity to fresh human blood, and I was barely thirty years old into my new existence.

I didn't anticipate that I would ever be close by an accident of some kind, but it still felt good to know that I had a degree in something I could use in case of potential emergencies.

On a pleasant August afternoon eight years after we'd moved here, we were gathered in the family room planning a group hunt. All of a sudden, Alice went completely rigid as she stared blankly into thin air.

During the years that had passed since she and Jasper joined our family, we had all seen Alice have visions. By now, we knew exactly what was going on, but it wasn't so much the fact that she was having a vision that caused us all to react, it was her body language.

This vision caught her by surprise, and by the looks of it, it wasn't a pleasant one either. I didn't understand it because all I saw was a petite brunette walking through the woods.

Jasper was immediately in front of her, stroking her bangs out of her face soothingly and cupping her face with both of his hands.

"What is it, Alice? What do you see?"

"Too close…I didn't know, I didn't see," she mumbled while still in a trance. "No time to leave." She blinked and came back to the present. Her eyes locked with Jasper's and she placed her hands over his. "She's here," she simply said, but the mood in the room immediately changed.

The woman wasn't familiar to me and no one knew who she was talking about, except for Jasper if the emotions he projected were any indication.

In his mind, I saw the same woman, but she looked fiercer in his memories, and her ruby-red eyes were practically glowing. Seductive Spanish words whispered in his ear and an all-consuming rage took over my new brother's mind, and I worried about him.

He had told us his story, how he had been in the midst of the wars that wreaked havoc in the south, but I always suspected he held something back because some of the holes in his story screamed at me.

In his words, a vampire had found him in the desert when he was riding to Galveston to evacuate women and children. She bit him and introduced him to the army of newborns that she had created for the purpose of fighting a coven that had committed a wrongdoing to her. He never went into detail about the creator of the army. He told us only that after years of blood, death, and despair, he and a couple other vampires in the army had decided to break free and flee to the northern states.

I now assumed that the female in Jasper's and Alice's minds was the creator he appeared to fear.

The sound of bare feet on the lawn in front of our house caused us all to look in that general direction and I jumped from Jasper's mind to search for the one of the newcomer. Her mind was filled with determination and images of a past Jasper that didn't resemble the man in front of me in the least.

The Jasper in her mind wore a dirty and torn confederate uniform, his hair was in clumps, and his deep red eyes were filled with hate.

Jasper swallowed thickly before whispering one word.

"Maria."

* * *

**A/N: :-O Maria!**


	36. Chapter 35, August 5th – August 8th 1958

**A/N:** I'm sorry for leaving you with the previous chapter's cliffhanger for so long, but I have seriously been so busy with work these past weeks, it's been completely insane! Having two jobs is a lot more tiring than I first thought!

Anyway, here it is now, and I hope you'll like it :-D

* * *

**CHAPTER 35 AUGUST 5th – AUGUST 8th 1958**

Every head in the room turned to Carlisle for direction, and he met each of our looks before standing up from his seat on the couch, straightened out his clothes and walked toward the front door. All of us followed him because, without words, we understood that he didn't want to invite this woman into our home, so we were going to meet her outside instead.

We walked through the door together, but Carlisle looked over his shoulder at Jasper who immediately took place next to him.

Outside, the woman from Jasper's mind stood in a dress that used to be white but was now yellowed and torn. The design was obviously from the nineteenth century, and I wondered if she had ever changed out of the clothes she wore when she was changed.

Her hair reached her waist and wildly blew around her face and her dark red eyes. Had my heart still been beating, it would have picked up its pace in fear, because the darkness of her eyes told me that she hadn't fed in a while, and it would be a disaster if she decided to hunt here.

Those very eyes looked us over, and it was obvious she didn't expect such a large coven, but then she zeroed in on Jasper and a satisfied smile stretched over her face.

"Jasper," she said softly in a very young voice and took a step forward, but it caused Alice to react, and she grabbed Jasper's hand on pure instinct. Maria noticed and her eyes hardened. "How nice," she said. "You've found yourself a little plaything. I guess it's fine with me to bring her with you, if you insist."

"Maria," Jasper replied through clenched teeth. "This is my mate, Alice, and this is the rest of my family. Now, what are you doing here?"

She threw her head back and laughed. "Don't be ridiculous, my love. ¡Erés mío!"

Jasper's free hand tightened into a fist. "I am not, and I never was, your love. Tell me what you are doing here or leave!"

Maria's smile turned wicked. "You abandoned me so suddenly. I believe you are the one that should explain."

"You were going to turn on me, and I left so that you wouldn't force my hand and make me kill you," Jasper replied coldly. He was mere seconds from grabbing Alice and making a run for it like he had seen his friend Peter do with a female vampire so many years ago.

Her smile fell. "You're right. You were always right about those sorts of things."

Jasper narrowed his eyes. "I was always loyal to you, Maria. I saved you from Nettie and Lucy, after I helped you destroy them, how could you betray me?" he asked and the pain in his voice was evident.

"I was arrogant, my love. I thought I was the one bringing us all that power. I could also see how loyal my warriors were to you. If you were dead, they'd be loyal to me, but I was wrong. I see that now. I need you, Jasper."

"I'm not going back with you. I was only a tool for you, but here I have a family who care for me. I want you to leave."

Maria's eyes went as hard as flint. "I was afraid Peter would have tamed you too much."

Jasper clenched his teeth. "Peter has nothing to do with how I am today. I've found who I want to be because my every day isn't filled with war and revenge. Life is different in the north."

"Ricardo took Nuevo Laredo from me. Don't you remember how hard we fought for that territory? How it felt when we won?"

Jasper shook his head. "Forget it, Maria. I don't want anything to do with that life anymore."

Her eyes blazed with fury. " _I_ created you! _You_ belong to _me_!" she screamed, but Jasper stood his ground, which impressed me immensely because Maria was a scary little vampire.

"I belong only to myself, and to Alice. I ask you to leave, but if you refuse, we'll have to force you."

"You've never been able to resist me, my love." She blinked with her large eyes and took another step toward us.

Emmett reacted and made himself known by squeezing in between Carlisle and Jasper so that he and Alice were on either side of him, and show Maria that Jasper was protected. "I suggest you let my brother be, or you'll have to answer to me." Rosalie and I mimicked him and huddled closer around Jasper.

Maria cocked her head to the side. "Impressive friends you keep nowadays. However, I hope you haven't underestimated me. You know me, Jasper. I wouldn't come here alone." Instantly, two sets of footsteps started by the tree line and two large hispanic males walked up behind Maria and flanked her sides.

"Let me introduce Juan and Carlos; my bodyguards. They're here to help and protect me."

Jasper placed his arm over Alice's shoulder and held her tightly against his chest. "I don't want to fight, Maria, but I will if I have to." He turned his head and met our eyes. We confirmed with our emotions that we would stand by his side. "We outnumber you by four, and you know those odds are not good, but add to that the fact that your bodyguards have just recently passed their newborn year and you're not a fighter, you're a strategist."

Maria began to doubt herself, but outwardly she upheld her front.

Jasper continued. "We're giving you a chance to leave without any consequences if you promise that you will remain in the south from now on. Do not ever come and look for me again. It's over, Maria. Accept that."

She knew that she couldn't reach Jasper with threats, but she had one last card to play. It was obvious she wasn't aware of my ability to read her mind because she was thinking of her strategy in detail, but I could also read her focus on keeping her emotions indifferent, and that block was the strongest I'd ever encountered.

As Jasper's creator, she probably knew his ability inside and out.

Her face fell into a realistic pout, and had I not been able to see her mind, I would have been fooled and thought she was sincere. "Please, Jasper," she pleaded. "If Ricardo attacks, I will lose everything. He will kill me without mercy. He will burn me alive without tearing me apart first. I need your help."

A very small part of Jasper felt for Maria, and it was to be expected. She was his creator, and there would always be a bond between them although not as strong as the ones between Carlisle and those of us who had been bitten by him. That bond was another thing that intensified when we abstained from human blood.

An inner battle raged inside Jasper, and not until Alice firmly placed her small hands on his shoulders to bring him back to her could he destroy that small part that would always be connected to Maria.

"If Ricardo doesn't, the Volturi eventually will. You can't continue forever, Maria, I'm sorry. Now, leave." He stood fast on the ground and locked eyes with her until her determination crumbled and she dejectedly turned around with her bodyguards and left.

We didn't move until we were positive they were miles away, and then Jasper was the first to talk.

"We have to leave immediately. We can't stay because she might have given in now, but she knows what she wants, and Maria isn't someone who gives up that easily. She'll come back. We'll have to disguise our scents somehow. Hide our tracks."

With his arm still around Alice, he strode inside the house and up the stairs. I heard his thoughts as he only packed the essentials, and I informed the others of his urgency. They understood that he wasn't joking around, and all of us got moving to pack only the utmost important things that we could carry with us.

No calls to the hospital were made, no arrangements with a realtor, no nothing. We left the house with only the clothes on our backs and a small bag each.

Emmett and Rosalie made way toward our cars, but Jasper stopped them and shook his head. "We have to leave the cars," he said. "Anything that Maria can use to track us has to be left behind."

Rosalie's eyes widened. "But it's a Chevrolet Bel Air. It took me months to trim the engine," she said, and it was obvious she would have a hard time parting from the car.

During our time in Calgary, Rosalie had developed a serious fascination with motors and cars, and the Chevrolet was her baby. She bought it two years ago, and while it functioned properly already, Rosalie wanted to see if she could make it go any faster. She spent most of her time in the garage underneath the hood of that thing.

"I'm sorry, Rose. We can't take it with us."

Rosalie hung her head, and Emmett immediately placed his long arms around her to soothe her, and it must have worked because only seconds later, we were on our way toward the Canadian border to cross over to America once again.

**{=ALS=}**

The door opened to our new house in Elkins, West Virginia, and Carlisle came through it dressed in his usual work attire. He saw us gathered in the living room and immediately joined us.

Alice sat hunched on the couch, her eyes closed and rubbing her temples as she concentrated on our future.

"Has she seen anything yet?" Carlisle asked and hung his jacket over the back of one of the chairs around our dining table.

I shook my head. "No, or at least not anything that involves Maria coming here. She's seen flashes of her being at the house in Calgary, but it's blurry after that."

Alice's mind was one of the most fascinating I had ever come across because I didn't just read her thoughts. When she saw into the future, I saw it with her, and it was convenient at times like these when she had to focus so intently she was rendered unable to speak.

It was a relief to the rest of the family that I could translate.

"Do you really think she will find us here?" Rosalie asked. "We covered our tracks pretty well."

"We can't underestimate her," Jasper replied while rubbing his hands together, something I'd noticed he did when he was stressed or nervous. "It will be our fall. We should come up with an offensive strategy. Next time she will have her entire army with her."

"Why would she?" Emmett asked. "She must understand that she can't win over us."

"Don't get overly confident, Emmett. You might be the strongest vampire I've ever come across, but I've both seen and lived through what Maria's armies can do with much more experienced vampires than yourself," Jasper warned with a hard look toward our quite naïve brother.

"But that was when she had you," Emmett pointed out.

"Yes," I agreed, finally understanding where Emmett was going with his thoughts. "Now that you've told us a more detailed version of your past life, it's obvious she was only that successful because of you. Her army will be as undisciplined as it was before you."

Jasper calmed down slightly, but not enough to let go of the strategic plans he was making in his head. "Maybe you're right, but she wasn't losing her wars either. She always chose her soldiers with care, and she always had the upper hand in numbers. If she came here, we wouldn't stand a chance."

"Morbid much," Emmett mumbled to himself and it caused me to fight a smile. I quite enjoyed that my brothers were almost the complete opposite of each other in their view of the world. Emmett took everything as it came and made the best out of it, while Jasper planned and strategized until he was positive the outcome would be what he wanted.

"Let us all hope it won't come to that," Carlisle said. I had learned over the years that he really didn't like to fight, not even the smallest quarrel. If he could find a way to avoid a conflict of any kind, he would do so.

"But if it did, how could we possibly win?" Esme voiced a concern that had occupied her mind ever since we gathered to look for Maria. "None of us, apart from you Jasper, has ever seen a real fight. I'm not even sure I _can_ fight."

"Everyone can fight, Esme," Jasper assured. "And I would of course train all of you myself. I have already taught Alice a few tricks, although she prefers to rely on her visions despite me warning her not to do so. You never know when you might stumble across a shield that renders your powers useless."

Emmett started to grin. "I'm looking forward to those lessons."

Jasper turned to him and grinned back almost evilly. "It wouldn't be a game, Emmett. I wouldn't hold back."

"I wouldn't want you to," he replied without losing the grin and I rolled my eyes at the two.

Finally, Alice raised her head and opened her eyes. "She's determined to get you back, but I can't see her finding us. At least not while being on the path she is now. She is on her way back south, but she'll take the shortest journey through Montana, Wyoming and Colorado. It was our choice to go through the lakes in Michigan that threw her trackers off our scent."

"So, we're safe here?" Rosalie asked for confirmation.

Alice nodded. "As safe as we can be for the moment. I won't stop looking, though. If she changes her mind for some reason, hopefully, I will see it."

All of us visibly relaxed, and Alice stood up from the couch and grabbed Jasper's hand. I could read in her mind that she wanted to distract him from his worries, and I truly hoped that they decided to leave the house for that. I wasn't in the mood to listen to them having sex.

Before they had the time to disappear upstairs, though, Emmett stopped them. "I still want those fighting lessons. I expect them now."

Jasper raised one eyebrow and grinned again. "I don't go back on my promises."

Emmett nodded, pleased with the day, and turned to Rosalie. "C'mon, babe, let's go hunting. I'm… _thirsty_ ," he said, but his mind revealed that he was thirstier for Rosalie instead of blood.

At least they would be out of the house, and for me, that was enough.

* * *

**A/N:** Okay, so no big fight between the Cullens and Maria, but that's the way I wanted it and the way I interpreted it from the info I could find in the illustrated guide and on twilight wikia. Hopefully you're not too disappointed that she's still alive after this chapter.


	37. Chapter 36, May 16th 1970

**A/N:** As, I hope, most of you who read this story have understood by now, this isn't an action-packed story. I've had people PM and say hurtful things about this being a boring story because all the characters do is talk. Well, I'm sorry you feel this way, but I never promised that this would involve lots of action.

I made the story this way because I interpreted Edward's life pre-twilight as very boring and repetitive. If you feel this is not your thing, I get that, and I hope you can find what you're searching for in a different story.

* * *

**CHAPTER 36** **MAY 16** **th** **1970**

"Jasper, do you really think this is wise?" Carlisle asked after hearing the explanation Jasper gave him about wanting to contact a attorney. "How can we be positive he won't expose us?"

"Who would believe him? And what exactly would he say; my richest clients are a family of vampires? His reputation would never survive something like that," Jasper said, but despite his reassuring and Alice telling us she couldn't see any consequences of the choice, the rest of us remained hesitant.

Jasper sighed. "I didn't like how close it came to an investigation last time. That's a sure indication that we have to reconsider how we get our papers."

Carlisle shook his head. "Last time was a rarity, and we were saved by the fact that all of you attended college."

"But what if we're not so lucky the next time? What will we do then?" Jasper continued. "An attorney could solve all those problems for us, and we would never have to worry that anyone would believe our identifications are forged."

I was beginning to believe that Jasper might be right on this one.

It had been a close one when we lived in Maine and there had been a draft to the army because President Johnson wanted to send troops over to South Vietnam.

We as a family had claimed that we were unfit as soldiers because of various concentration disabilities, but they had not believed us since our grades were perfect. Our file was looked into and our identities were questioned, and there were speculations that we were illegals seeking refuge in America.

However, the college that Jasper, Emmett, and I attended vouched for us, and we avoided a catastrophe by a hair.

What had put a strain on us all was that Alice didn't see any of it coming, and she blamed herself. It didn't matter how much we told her that we didn't believe it was her fault. Before she joined our family, we would have had to deal with it, and just because we were caught off guard by this incident, it didn't mean that we didn't appreciate how much easier she had made everything for us.

Until now, we had been recycling the same identification papers, only changing the birth years, but maybe Jasper was right, and that simply wasn't enough any more.

I could hear that Carlisle was about to disagree again, but I decided to step in. "It couldn't hurt to try it once," I said, and Carlisle looked at me and frowned. He didn't like that I disagreed with him on this. "Maybe if Jasper meets with the attorney and can guarantee that he won't expose us? It would make it easier for all of us if a professional provides the right papers."

"No," Alice disagreed. "No personal meetings. I only see us having an indirect professional relationship with him, but the money we can offer will make us high priority clients to him. He won't care that he'll never meet us."

"What's his name?" I asked and looked at my sister, who frowned as she focused.

"It's a Seattle-based lawyer. His name is Hugh Stephens. I can see that he won't ask any questions at all as long as we keep it strictly professional."

"That won't be a problem," Jasper said, but he was still waiting for Carlisle's approval. When it all came down to it, Carlisle always had the last word.

He thought about it for quite some time and angled it to see every perspective. He wasn't too fond of bringing a human outsider so close to our secret, but he could also see the benefits.

Eventually, he sighed and consented. "It's settled then. Jasper will take care of our papers from now on, and he will be the only one in contact with Mr. Stephens. The fewer people involved, the better. How will you approach him?"

Jasper grinned. "I have already done my research on Mr. Stephens. He's a business attorney, but he already has a lucrative business in forging legal documents, and he's especially concerned with this secret nowadays because he's got a new intern at the office who is very eager to show what he can do, and he just might stumble across things he shouldn't know about by accident."

"With a few well-placed threats and a messenger, we'll have Mr. Stephens eating out of our hands in no time."

Emmett chuckled, and when I listened in on his thoughts, I cracked a smile of my own because the image of a middle-aged man eating bird seeds out of Jasper's hands was too absurd to not laugh at.

"Seriously, Emmett, where do you get your imagination from?" I asked, and he grinned at me.

"It's a talent," he said and winked, which caused me to shake my head.

"Was their anything else needed here or can I go?" Rosalie asked, sounding as rude as ever, but we all knew by now that her tone rarely revealed her true feelings. Jasper could read that she was putting up some kind of emotional block, but we decided to not dig any deeper into Rosalie's psyche.

As a survivor of, sort of, being brutally assaulted and violated as she was during her last moments as a human, she would always carry around scars and baggage, and out of respect for her, we mostly let her lash out in whatever way she could.

The only one who was ever allowed to truly see beneath her hard and cold exterior was Emmett.

"No, we're done here," Carlisle said and started for the hallway. "The hospital called before. I don't know how late I will be."

"Well, I for one, am not going to sit up and wait for you all night again," Emmett said with a high voice, and all of us shared a laugh at his stupidity.

I reached for my book; I was pursuing my second degree in medicine, although it was a slightly different branch this time. Hallucinogenic drugs, such as LSD have become increasingly more popular among the teens of this day, and so many had died from overdosing during the Woodstock festival last year, I had become fascinated with the subject of alternative medication.

There was just so much out there that science refused to acknowledge, the very existence of vampires for instance, and I preferred to acquire everything I could know about something instead of closing my mind off to the possibility of alternatives to society's accepted practices.

As a result, Esme had helped me to start up a small garden of sorts in our greenhouse, where I planted a few quite controversial plants that, I guess, could be viewed as illegal; but I was a vampire in my late sixties, and I had broken the law so many times by now that a few plants were kindergarten stuff.

With my book in one hand, I went out into the greenhouse and wasn't surprised at all to find Esme there tending to her colorful rainbow of flowers. She was such a nurturing woman, and when she found her interest for gardening, it came naturally to her, and it filled a bit of the void her long-dead baby had forever left in her heart.

My adoptive mother loved to watch things grow, and while she loved me and my siblings as if we were her own, we weren't exactly children she could take care of in the way she had longed to since she knew she wanted children.

When she re-potted succulents and gently sprayed green leaves with water, she was at peace with everything, and the tranquility in her mind was why I loved being here with her. She was somehow able project some of that calm to me, and I felt in those moments that I wasn't as bitter as I usually was about everything that was my life.

I smiled to myself and briefly checked my own plants' progress and jotted down a few notes before I lay down on the white wrought iron bench that was situated against one of the glass walls of the greenhouse. My eyes closed and I relaxed even further when Esme began humming softly.

After the Maria-ordeal in Calgary, and our overall insecurities about staying in one place for too long, risking her finding us, we seldom relaxed, so I reveled in the moment.

"Edward?" Esme said my name out loud and I opened one eye to look at her. She was still on her knees in front of the flowerbeds, but she had angled her body so that she was facing me. Her mind was still on the plants in the same calm manner, and it caused me to frown because I understood that she was intentionally keeping me out of her head.

"Is something wrong?" I asked and rose up to support myself on my elbows in a half-lying, half-sitting up position.

She gave me a half-smile, but she still me kept me out of her head. "I know I'm not your real mother, but I've come to love you as my son."

I shook my head. "Esme, you are practically my mother. You have been ever since Carlisle brought you home to us. Nothing will ever change that."

Her eyes glittered and her smile widened. "That warms my heart. I'm glad you feel that way, because that means you will hopefully understand my worries."

"Worries? What are you worried about? Not Maria, right? It's been twelve years, I don't think she'll seek us out again."

Esme shook her head. "No, not Maria. I'm worried about _you_ , Edward."

I frowned in confusion. "Me? Why?"

Her eyes with mine and I could see that her worry was genuine. "I've noticed for the past few years how you've kind of just gone along with everything. It's like you're drifting around on the sea in a small dinghy and you're allowing the waves to take you wherever, and you don't care anymore where you're going."

I open my mouth to object, but Esme raises her hand to stop me. "There used to be a light in your eyes. It's true that it never burned very bright, but it was there. It's been too long since I saw it, and I can't be quiet about it anymore."

She rose and walked up to me before sitting down on the bench next to my legs. It was all very human of her, and as with the rest of us, having to act human for as long as we had, it became second nature to us to do it even when we didn't have to.

"I know you're carrying around a lot of bitterness inside of you. You're melancholy and you and Rosalie have the hardest time accepting what we are, but Rose has Emmett, who can carry some of her baggage with her. You are so alone, Edward, and I don't want you to be."

Her eyes were gleaming with venom that would never fall like tears, and I sat up further. I hated that she felt like this, and that it caused her to want to cry, and I instantly wanted to take her pain away.

"Esme, I'm not alone. I have my family."

"Don't try to comfort me, son. Yes, we have each other, but no matter how much of a family we are, those ties are nothing compared to the one between mates."

I sighed. "What do you want me to do? I'm not going out on some crazy journey to find a mate that might be non-existent."

"That's not what I'm saying. I don't want you to leave again, but what I do want you to do is open your mind just a bit, and you might just realize that you are alone, and someday you will need someone by your side, because as long as you refuse to acknowledge that, you'll be blind by the time love crosses you."

"And what if I don't want a mate?" I challenged her. "What if the only way I can get a mate is to change a human? I don't want to damn anyone to this dark existence, Esme. Nobody deserves that."

She cupped my cheek lovingly. "When I woke up after Carlisle changed me, I didn't feel damned. He saved me in more ways than one. Before him, I had no idea what love was like. I thought my marriage with Charles was the way it was supposed to be, and in the very end, before I ran away, there were times when I thought I didn't deserve better. Being Carlisle's mate has healed me."

"It was different for you," I insisted. "You were dying."

She let her hand fall away from my face. "But it doesn't change anything. If I'd met Carlisle before my son died, or even before he was born, I would have still felt that special connection that is between us, and if he'd given me the choice to live my life as I did, or to follow him, I would choose him any day. That's how powerful the mating connection is."

"Are you saying that you would still choose this life, even if someone would offer you to be human again?"

She didn't even falter when she answered me. "Without a doubt, because if I became human again, I would have to leave Carlisle behind, and I wouldn't survive that."

I lowered my head and looked at my hands, feeling slightly uncomfortable with the subject. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you should know that your mate would never feel damned if it means she'll get to be with you."

I looked back up at her, and she immediately enveloped me in a warm embrace. "You have so much love to give. I can see it, and I know you're starving for affection that's not familial. I'm only asking you to keep an open mind. Everything else will work out as it should."

I tightened my arms around my mother and hoped, because she was more right than she could ever comprehend.

* * *

**A/N:** A beautiful moment between Esme and Edward :)


	38. Chapter 37, June 25th 1979

**A/N:** Hey everyone, I have good news!

This story has been completely looked through and it's now finished :-D To celebrate this, and to start of your week in a good way, I am going to update with a new chapter every hour until it's done on this fine Monday :-P

Let's start, shall we?

 **CHAPTER 37** **JUNE 25** **th** **1979**

” _Mr. Edwards, we'd be absolutely honored if you would write the music. I am positive it’s what's been missing with the production, and I believe it will give the spark back to the actors. What do you say? We will pay you generously, of course!”_

”Money is not the issue, Mr. Rose,” I said and sighed into the reciever. ”Great music isn't created in a day. You're not giving me much time to work with.”

” _And I apologize profusely for that, but pre-production has dragged out on time, and the actors need to start rehearsals with the right music. I'm sure an artist like yourself can understand that.”_

I frowned at his pathetic attempt to manipulate me into accepting his offer. ”Don't reduce yourself to mind games, Mr. Rose. You'll lose my respect quite fast with that. If you want to work with me, you'll have to correct yourself according to my schedule, and you know that I am very busy. I could create rough tracks for you in a week, but it will be at least a month until I can present you with a finished product. Can you accept those terms?”

I could actually hear how Mr. Rose gritted his teeth on the other end. He was probably biting his tongue to keep from ”putting me in my place” and make sure I knew that I was just a composer while he was the director. Mr. Rose had a reputation of not appreciating being told what to do.

” _Of course, Mr. Edwards. I appreciate you taking time from your_ busy _schedule to help us. I look forward to hearing from you,”_ he replied tightly.

I chuckled quietly. ”As I do you. Have a nice day, Mr. Rose.” I hung up the phone and shook my head.

”I would sure like to see that Mr. Rose's face if he ever found out that ' _Mason Edwards_ ', music composer numero uno is actually an old-ass vampire. He'd probably piss his pants after passing out,” Emmett said with a grin as he balanced Esme, who was standing on his shoulders, while she painted the ceiling in the same creme color as the walls.

I grinned right back. ”He'd probably do more than that. The man's a complete coward and a bully. I am the fourth composer he's been in contact with. The others ran for the hills as soon as they realized he was the director.”

”You know, you really shouldn't talk badly about a person who cannot defend themselves,” Esme said from above. ”It's awfully rude.”

I looked up at her. ”Everyone cannot have your heart of gold, Esme,” I said which caused her to roll her eyes at my cheesiness, but I still caught her smiling. ”Anyway, I will probably have everything finished in a fortnight, but I had to stretch it to make it more realistic.”

”What kind of musical is it?” Esme asked and gestured for Emmett to take the empty paint bucket and give her the full one.

”A liberal arts angst-filled romance. The script isn't any good, but I'll do my best to raise it up. And in the very least, it gives me something to do for a few days.”

”You need a woman in your life, little brother,” Emmett said and I rolled my eyes at him for calling me 'little brother.' ”I read that if you remain a virgin for too long, your balls will shrivel up and fall off,” he continued with a grin and Esme gasped from above.

”Emmett Cullen, you will not talk like that in my house, do you hear me?”

I didn't show my annoyance with Emmett's childish antics any longer, but it didn't make his teasing about my virginity any more fun. Luckily, I had few aces up my own sleeves.

”Well, Emmett, do you know what happens to those who have too much sex?”

He smiled, pleased I was going along with it. ”No, Edward. What happens?”

”Those that have too much sex will eventually stop climaxing. They've practically emptied themselves and simply can't do it any longer,” I stated as if I was reading out of a textbook because I knew that would freak out Emmett more.

His smile diminished, but he tried to laugh it off. ”You're lying.”

I shook my head without letting so much as a twitch ruin my poker face. ”It's true. You can ask Carlisle or check my books. They will both confirm it.”

Emmett looked away from me without another word, but I heard his thoughts go round as he tried to comprehend what I'd told him, and I held in my smile as I left the room. I would eventually tell him that it probably only happened to humans and that it was only temporary for them, but I was going to let him squirm for a few hours first.

He didn't deserve any less for all the teasing he did.

As the years passed I didn't feel embarrassed talking about sex any longer, and I believe it had something to do with my medical degrees, because I was able to see it from a purely scientific point of view. It felt good to be able to do that because while Emmett's teasing was annoying, it didn't make me as uncomfortable as it did in the beginning.

Despite this, I didn't enjoy being the only virgin in the house, but it didn't mean I was in any hurry to give it up either. I was still holding on to my morals very tightly, and those morals told me I couldn't be with any other woman but the one that was my wife.

To Emmett, those notions were ridiculous because he said that the rule had been created by virgin men and they used it with threats of God's wrath and hell in order to scare others to remain virgins as well, just so that they would not be alone.

I had sighed when he gave me that explanation because he would never understand my way of thinking. My faith was too strong, and while I hated to exist in the limbo we did, I feared hell even more, which was, without a doubt in my mind, where we all were going when this ”life” ended, whenever that would be. I just wanted to keep as many rules unbroken as possible even though it wouldn't prevent my eternal damning.

I guess the biggest issue was the fact that the chance of me ever acquiring a wife was very slim, because despite the conversation Esme had with me years ago in our former greenhouse, my belief was that we were damned, and I would never do that to a human girl who I might love, so my only chance was to find a mate in a woman who was already a vampire, and I wasn't betting on that.

Alice sat in the staircase when I rounded the corner and she was looking right at me.

” _I just saw you sitting by your piano for hours without playing. Is something wrong?”_ she thought.

I raised my eyebrow playfully to ask how she didn't already know, but it only caused her to roll her eyes at me.

” _I'm not Jasper, but your entire aura screams of how depressed you are. And if you can't even play, then it must be serious,”_ she continued in her head. It wasn't the first time she and I spoke like this. We did it quite often as we grew closer as siblings, because we could relate to each other in a way the others, except Jasper, couldn't understand. We already lived in a bizarre world, and to have our gifts caused us to be even weirder.

For Alice it was even worse because on top of this, she had that strange amnesia from her time as a human. We all forgot eventually, but all of us remembered our transformation, which Alice did not.

I tried to wave Alice away, but she didn't relent. ” _Don't do that. There is something going on with you, Edward, and I want to be there for you. You know you can tell me anything.”_

”It's nothing new, Alice. Just my own bitterness that swallows me sometimes,” I said, and it caused Alice to look sad.

” _It's painful to watch you like this. In the future as well.”_

”What have you seen?”

She hesitated at first, not sure if it was a good idea to show me her visions, but she also knew I wouldn't let it go either. She had seen something about my future and therefore I had the right to know about it.

” _I've seen you. Alone. Wandering. They all begin the same, but some of them end with you losing yourself again.”_

I could see it then. The image of myself with red eyes once again entered my head, and what was worse was the dead girl by my feet. She didn't look older than fifteen.

”I don't want to go back to that life again. It will never happen, I won't allow it,” I said firmly, but Alice just shrugged.

” _With the path you're on at the moment, it's not a certainty, but a possibility. There is something fundamental missing in your life, and we both know what it is.”_

I ran my hand through my hair with frustration. ”Why does everyone keep badgering me about this? I won't find a mate any easier just because you all talk about it all the time! I'm fine, okay!?”

Alice didn't move a muscle, not even when I raised my voice because she knew it wasn't directed straight at her.

” _Then why are you so upset if you're fine?”_ I didn't have an answer to that, so I remained silent. ” _Everyone needs love, and you're not immune to the longing for it, no matter how much you'd like to believe so.”_

I groaned and rubbed my forehead. ”I don't understand why you think my loneliness is so bad. I haven't even lived a century yet, and I've had a family the entire time. Carlisle lived alone for much longer than that.”

” _He had his work, his passion. A goal to work toward. You don't seem to have that, and that's what pains us all.”_

I shook my head. I didn't want to listen to anymore of this, and so I walked past her as I climbed the stairs, and shut her out of my head at the same time.

I needed to get away, and be by myself, because even though my family worried that I was lonely, I never truly got to be alone. I always had them in my head, and if not them, the humans around us.

I got inside my room and closed the door even though it didn't provide any privacy, but at least it told my family to not directly address me at this very moment.

With my hands covering my face, I lodged myself down on my couch and groaned out loud as I thought about what Alice had said. Why exactly was I this upset? Did it truly bother me to be the only unmated one in the family?

Alice said that she saw it affect my playing and that was something I took seriously. My music was such a large part of me and if I couldn't play, I didn't know what I would do.

Suddenly feeling very claustrophobic, I left the house as fast as I could and ran into the woods, hoping to find tranquility among the trees. The sun was out today and warmed my skin, the shimmering reflection of it cast rainbows around me, so I was particularly careful to stay deep in the woods.

I ran past a fallen tree and stopped in my tracks. Slowly, I walked back toward it and laid down on it. The sunbeams radiated through the greenery above and I closed my eyes and let everything just fall away.

I should have known, though, that Alice wouldn't let this go. Not after seeing how distressed I'd been in her vision, and with the way I acted toward her just minutes ago.

” _I come in peace, brother. Alice asked me to talk to you,”_ Jasper thought as he approached me with his hands raised in surrender. It caused me to chuckle.

”I don't know what there is to talk about. Does she think I will tell you things I didn't tell her? Well, I won't because I can't. I don't have answers and I can't soothe your worries.”

”I know you can't,” he replied out loud. ”Your feelings tell me exactly how confused you are.”

I sighed. ”I _am_ confused and I barely know what I'm feeling. You can probably decipher it better than I can.”

”You're scared, and frustrated. Bored. And you're also longing for something. Something more.”

I nodded. ”Yes, but what does it all mean? I just can't believe what the rest of the family thinks. It doesn't feel like a mate will solve all of that.”

”It's evident from the way you talk that you really don't understand the connection between mates. It's fine...it's hard to understand something you haven't experienced.”

I sat up straight and rested my elbows on my knees. ”Did you feel this way before you found Alice?”

Jasper shook his head. ”Not exactly like you do, but my life was consumed with anger and guilt. I did feel the longing you feel, especially when I was with Maria because she always hid her true emotions around me. I always longed for a different life, and it wasn't until I met Alice that I realized she was the one I'd been searching for all along.” He walked closer to me and placed his hand on my back. I instantly felt better and I knew that he had used the physical touch to his advantage and given me a stronger dose of his calming effect. ”None of us are saying that you should go out there and search underneath every rock to find what it is you are missing because it won't work. The one who is meant for you might not even be born yet, so it'd be useless. All we're saying is that you can't let your bitterness swallow you anymore. It won't do you any good, and what kind of life is an eternity spent in darkness?”

 


	39. Chapter 38, December 25th 1986 - January 1st 1990

**CHAPTER 38 DECEMBER 25** **th** **1986** – **JANUARY 1** **st** **1990**

”Edward, is the topper straight? I can't see from this angle,” Esme asked from where she was perched on Emmett's shoulders. He was usually her designated ladder as he was the tallest in the family, but with the height of the tree this year, she almost didn't reach the top anyway.

I nodded. ”Yeah, it looks good. You've decorated the tree beautifully, Esme. Like every year.”

Esme beamed at me and thanked me at the same time as Emmett _'covered up'_ a ‘kiss-ass’ behind a cough, earning himself a hard slap on the shoulder from Alice as she passed him to place a few wrapped packages under the branches.

”Okay,” she said when she straightened out and took a step back to look at everything. ”Everything is perfect and exactly the way I've seen it. Now we can start celebrating.”

”Sweet!” Emmett exclaimed enthusiastically and caught Esme in his arms when she jumped down from his shoulders. ”I call the first gift,” he said, and I rolled my eyes with amusement.

The rest of the family joined us and we sat down to start the gift exchange. Alice perched herself on Jasper's lap, Rosalie settled, leaning back between Emmett's legs, and Carlisle placed his arm around Esme's shoulders. As happy as I was for them all, I had to disguise the twinge of bitterness I felt at seeing them all paired together. My smile didn't fall even a fraction of an inch, but my emotions betrayed me and I knew Jasper was aware of them, but he didn't react. I was grateful for that because the last thing I wanted was a lot of drama on Christmas.

Emmett reached for the first package, but Alice quickly stopped him. ”Don't!” she called. ”It's not how I saw it, so take your hands away from the presents slowly, Mister.”

He pouted but did as he was told because he didn't want to be the subject of Alice's rage later, and it was probably a very wise choice.

Alice reached over for a package and threw it to me, which I caught easily, and I smiled at my overly-enthusiastic sister. Before she and Jasper came along, we hadn't put as much effort into celebrating the holidays as we did now. We exchanged the rare gift, but it started to feel rather useless after a few years. Alice had brought that joy back into the family.

I opened the box and found a new Sony Walkman inside with a few cassettes, as well, and I looked up at Alice with a frown. I already had one of these, it was of an older model, but it worked as perfectly as it had when I first bought it.

”I saw that yours will break after New Years, so I thought I'd replace it before it happens. And this one is supposed to have better sound.”

I smiled appreciatively at her. ”Thanks, Alice. I love it.” It was a great gift, as I did use my Walkman quite often. It wasn't able to shut out all of the sounds in the house when I needed to be alone, but it did a good job muting them.

The gift exchange continued, and I carefully held my mask as the displays of affection between the couples became more intense as they gave each other things they'd wished for. I wanted to have someone to give things to as well, someone whose eyes would glitter like Esme's, give me a smile as radiant as Alice's, and would kiss me like Rosalie kissed Emmett.

I never brought this up with my family, but I would have preferred to skip every holiday for the simple sake of not having to be jealous of them all. I don't think they realized what their displays really did to me, and I didn't plan on sharing that information either.

They were happy, and I would burn myself with matches before I took that away from them.

”Tanya called earlier,” Carlisle told us all. ”They all wanted to wish us a Happy Christmas.”

”That's so kind of them,” Esme said with a gentle smile and turned to me. ”Edward, won't you play on the piano for us?”

I stood up and walked to my baby grand. ”Any requests?” I asked and smiled, but it fell into a scowl when I heard Emmett's thought.

” _Like a Virgin by Madonna!”_ The idiot even laughed in his head.

”I'm not playing that,” I said and had to hold myself back from growling at him.

”Anything will be wonderful,” Alice said, and I decided to play _White Christmas_ as that was one of my favorite Christmas songs, and it was so beautiful in its simplicity when played on a piano.

As I sat there and enjoyed the music, it did not go unnoticed by me how the couples slowly disappeared from the living room and into their own spaces to share some alone time.

I sighed softly and continued to play for myself.

**< {=ALS=}>**

I leaned back against the wall with my arms crossed and looked at the screen of the TV as Brent Musburger and Natalie Cole hosted the show in Times Square that would ring in the new year and the new decade.

I was the only one at home as Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett decided to chase the new year and see how many celebrations they could squeeze into 1989 before it was officially the nineties. Carlisle and Esme rented a boat and drove out on the ocean to look at the fireworks from there. They invited me to come along, but I refused to become the third wheel.

I was fine on my own.

When the ball dropped, the people being filmed were all smiles and taking pictures and laughing, and I envied them. For them, this was a big deal. It wasn't just a new year, it was a new decade and humans did not see too many of those.

I had already lived past the life cycle of the average human as I would ”celebrate” my eighty-ninth birthday this year, and I had seen more than enough turns of new years and new decades. It had ceased mattering to me.

Humans prayed for a new beginning, of repentance and a new chance to right everything that had gone wrong, for their luck to turn, for that perfect job, or to lose those stubborn extra pounds that refused to come off.

None of that applied to me.

I never saw the New Year as anything special. It was just another indication that time was passing, because no matter how much the fashion changed, or the music evolved, or politicians became better at lying and promising things they couldn't or wouldn’t keep, my family and I always stayed the same.

When fifteen minutes of 1990 had passed, I decided to use my alone time for something productive and started a new project. I wanted to compose an entire concert and maybe even produce it in a few months under a fake name. I could even send my work to Paris and pretend I was a French composer to make things a bit more interesting.

Eventually, I got bored with that and started to re-organize my music collection, and then I moved on to my closet. Everything was placed in categories of type of clothing, and then material, and lastly by color. When I was done, Alice would have been proud of me.

I was beginning to feel claustrophobic so I quickly fled the house. Usually, the feeling of beeing suffocated only came over me when I wasn't allowed to be completely alone, but now it was the opposite. The house was too quiet and too big.

The sky was pitch black and a few stars blinked at me as I ran deeper into the forest than I usually did. The air was cold and fresh, and I took several deep breaths to fill my lungs with it.

No sound could be heard, except the light falling of snow that hit the ground so softly a human wouldn't have heard it.

I stopped in a clearing and stretched my arms away from my body before falling backward to the ground. The snow flew up around me where I landed and danced in the wind for a few short seconds before once again reaching earth. I don't know how long I stayed like that, but it was long enough for me to be completely buried by the falling snow.

The sound of heavy feet approaching reached me, and slow beating of a heart told me it was a very large animal.

I wasn't thirsty as I had hunted just yesterday, but the sudden urge to kill overcame me, and when the animal was close enough, I sprang up from the snow and startled a female moose into fleeing from the clearing. I was fast on her heels, and while she would have been able to outrun anything else, her long legs had nothing on my speed, and I quickly closed in on her.

When I was side by side with her, I veered to the side and tackled her to the ground and held her down with my hand on her neck, locking her front legs between my own. There was barely any resistance when I twisted her head to the side and cracked the bones, and her entire body went limp.

I released the carcass from my strong hold, but I didn't drink. I wasn't thirsty and there was nothing in me that wanted to feed on the animal, but I still killed it. I couldn't understand why. There was an urge I couldn't derail or control, and I'd had to kill _something_.

Remorse filled me and caused a metallic bitter taste to erupt on my tongue. I hated that I had killed this majestic animal without cause.

I sat down heavily next to the body and leaned against a tree. I hugged my knees to my chest and simply stared into her black, lifeless eyes.

Suddenly, another heartbeat registered to me, and I looked away from the carcass toward the sound, and that was when I saw what made everything even worse. It was another moose, but this one was very obviously a baby. It was alone, and as it was slowly coming closer, I immediately understood that I had killed its mother. I felt like the lowest creature that had ever walked this earth in that moment.

I dug my fingers into the frozen ground and all of my pent-up frustration was released in a despair-filled scream that echoed off the forest floor and the trees. The moose calf made a scared noise and ran away, and the monster in me hoped that it would run into a bear that would show it some mercy and kill it.

My breath came to me in short gasps and I buried my face in my dirty hands and started to dry-sob into them.

What was wrong with me? Why was I feeling so depressed and so much anxiety? Where did the frustration come from, and why did it explode now? What triggered it?

I had no answer to those questions, but I could only guess that I was going through the vampire equivalent of a panic attack.

Several minutes later, I slumped forward, feeling completely drained of everything, and I wished with the entirety of my dead heart that I could just sleep. Of course, nothing happened, and every time I blinked, I saw those huge black eyes of the dead moose in front of me.

I didn't want to leave it like this. It felt wrong to do so even though I technically didn't have any evidence to dispose of. There were no bite marks on her and her body hadn't been drained of blood, so if a human came across her, they would believe she'd been in a fight and got out with the shortest straw. Nothing was suspicious about her death.

Still, it would feel disrespectful to leave her like this to just rot away and have rodents and whatnot start to feast on her, piece by piece.

Instead, I heaved her onto my back and brought her back to the clearing. I proceeded to dig a hole large enough for her massive body, and it took me several hours as the ground was frozen solid and even with my strength, it was a heavy task.

The grave was finally done at sunrise, and I made sure to cover the dirt mound with snow to make it look like a small, but natural, hill.

My family would probably question my sanity if they ever found out I had just dug a grave and buried a moose that I didn't even drink from, but at the time, it felt like the right thing to do.

As the sun rose higher in the sky, I began my walk back home at a pace a human would have no problem keeping up with. Carlisle and Esme would probably be home by the time I reached the house, and I needed time to compose myself before I met any member of my family again.

No one was ever the wiser when I walked up the porch steps of our house and entered the house. My clothes were dirty from having dug the grave, but it was never questioned where I had been or what I had done after I said I'd gone out for a run after the clock struck midnight.

When my siblings came back home, not even Jasper could tell there was anything wrong.


	40. Chapter 39, October 23rd 1992

**CHAPTER 39 OCTOBER 23** **rd** **1992**

”Oh, my god! I am so excited to finally meet all of you! The others have told me so much, and I've seen a few visions of you myself. It feels like I already know you,” Alice bubbled, all wound up that she was finally meeting our extended family in Denali.

She was instantly the center of attention, along with Jasper, as my family entered the secluded house in what used to be Mt. McKinley National Park but was nowadays known as Denali. We hadn't been there for forty-six years, and a lot of changes had been made, but the people who lived there remained the same.

Sometimes it was eerie how fast the years passed, especially when your day practically never ended. There were times when I felt that my boredom could just eat me up from the inside, but most times, I wasn't aware of the time passing. When I thought of the almost half century that had passed since I last met these people, it sounded like a very long time, but to me it felt as if it was barely last month.

I couldn't explain where the time had gone. The most recent decade passed in a blur, and last year I celebrated my ninetieth birthday. Just to think that I had walked on this earth for over ninety years almost made me dizzy, if that sort of thing was possible for a vampire.

My family had finally stopped casting worried looks my way, although their thoughts were still filled with concern, occasionally. A lot of it had to do with the fact that I had gotten better at hiding my darker emotions. Jasper still knew, naturally, but he never betrayed my trust by telling the others that nothing had truly changed.

I suspected that Alice knew, partially because Jasper didn't keep any secrets from her, but also because she knew me better than Carlisle did sometimes. However, she never brought it up either, and I was very grateful for that.

”Jazzy, Jenks will call you in ten seconds to tell you our papers are ready,” Alice said when a vision interrupted her conversation with Carmen and Kate.

Jasper brought out his mobile phone and answered almost before the first signal played. He and Carlisle were the only ones in our family that carried these phones, because not only were they very expensive and we didn't feel the need to flaunt our wealth more than we were already, but they were also the only two who actually needed them. Carlisle's phone had a pager in it, as well, so the hospital could always reach him, and Jasper used his phone for legal matters, like the conversation with Jenks.

Mr. Jason Jenks, or Jason Scott which was his legal name, had taken over after our previous attorney, Mr. Stephens, retired in 1985. He later suffered a heart-attack and passed away. As with Mr. Stephens, only Jasper, had personally met Jenks, but he had been taught well by his predecessor. He had just recently decided to open his second office, where he used the name J. Jenks. He used it for the business he wanted to keep concealed from the government.

While we were still high priority clients, and we always contacted him at his office where he was called J. Scott, we were also considered the kind of business you should keep quiet about. Having worked with my family for seven years on his own, and knowing that Mr. Stephens was our attorney for fifteen years before that, he had put a few puzzle pieces together. He knew that there was something out of the ordinary about my family, but his theories weren't very close to the truth. . . yet.

” _Mr. Jasper, I hope I'm not disturbing you,”_ the raspy voice of Jenks sounded from the phone.

”Do you have the documents?” Jasper asked, not assuring Jenks that he wasn't disturbing him. He said that a working relationship was easier if it was based on fear and respect, and that was why he always acted so cold and calculated toward the man that I was positive would, someday, suffer the same fate as Mr. Stephens and die of a heart-attack.

” _I do, and do I assume correctly that you want to finish them yourself, as usual?”_ Jasper always finished our documents himself. Mr. Stephens and Jenks knew what Jasper looked like and that he didn't appear to age at all, but by finishing our papers himself, Jasper kept the rest of us a secret which was safer for the entire family.

”I do, and I need you to send everything to an address in Alaska. Will that be a problem?”

” _Not at all, Mr. Jasper.”_

Jasper finished the conversation, and no one was truly paying any attention to it since he had taken on the responsibility and done an excellent job for the twenty-two years he'd done it.

”How long are you staying this time?” Eleazar asked when all of us had gotten up to date with what had happened in each other’s lives for the last forty-six years.

”We don't have a particular time frame,” Carlisle replied. ”I've decided to take a break from work for a few years and concentrate on being a husband, so we'll see.”

Esme was beaming next to him. She had not stopped smiling since he told her that he wanted them to get to know each other again and just be married for a while. Their seventieth anniversary was coming up in three weeks, and I knew Carlisle couldn't wait to surprise Esme with his gift. He had purchased a small island off the coast of Rio de Janeiro and named it after her, and planned for them to fly there the day of their anniversary.

”We'll probably stay for quite a while,” I said. ”All of us want to step away from the human world for a time.”

”Will you live in Fairbanks this time, as well?” Tanya asked, joining our conversation.

I shook my head. ”No, we bought a house closer to here. It's not as secluded as yours, but it works for us.”

”That's great. We'll see more of each other then. You won't attend the university again, right?” she continued.

I chuckled. ”No. I don't need any more degrees for the near future. I might get a job, though. Just so that I won't be driven insane when the others want to be. . . alone.”

Tanya laughed with me. ”If you ever need to flee, you can always come here whenever you want,” she said and bumped me lightly with her elbow.

”I'll remember that.”

” _Edward? Could I talk to you for a minute?”_ Jasper asked me in his thoughts, and I turned to him, frowning in confusion. Not because that he wanted to talk; but asked me in his thoughts, as if he didn't want the others to know. ” _I think it's best if we go out into the woods.”_

I knew that the only way for me to find out what Jasper wanted was to follow him, so I nodded and excused myself to Tanya.

Jasper led me far enough away so that we couldn't be overheard, and that made me even more suspicious.

”What is it, Jazz?” I asked when he finally stopped and turned to me.

”I just wanted to ask you if you are aware of Tanya's feelings for you?”

Once again, I frowned. ”What feelings? We're friends and we care for each other.”

He scoffed. ”Yeah, your feelings are strictly platonic. Tanya's. . . not so much.”

My eyes widened in shock. ”What do you mean? Are you saying that Tanya's in love with me?”

”I wouldn't call it 'in love,'” he said. ”Her feelings run deeper than friendship, though. It's obvious she wants you, and she was flirting quite unabashedly just now.”

I ran my fingers through my hair as my discomfort was slowly building inside me. ”That was flirting?”

”Definitely. She practically invited you to move into their home, and her bed. The lust was what made me act. It felt as if she would drag you away at any second.”

I cringed and exhaled harshly while rubbing my neck. ”What am I going to do, Jazz? I never knew there was even a chance that she would be attracted to me.”

Jasper shrugged. ”Can't you just be honest with her?”

”Won't that hurt her?”

”Of course it will, but it's better than to continue like nothing and encourage her— ”

”I've never encouraged her to feel this way,” I interrupted, and it caused Jasper to smile.

”. . . however unintentional it has been,” he finished, and I looked at him apologetically.

We were quiet for a while as I let this new information sink in. I just couldn't comprehend that Tanya was attracted to me, and no matter how much I thought back to the last time we were in Alaska, I couldn't detect any signs then, either. Was I completely clueless when it came to reading women or had her infatuation started after we left?

I'd never had trouble reading human women. They weren't very subtle, but then again, they thought their minds were concealed from me as they imagined everything they wanted to do as soon as they laid eyes on me. Women were a lot bolder today than they'd been before, and I'd gotten used to hearing very graphic and detailed fantasies lately. Humans couldn't really help but be attracted to vampires, because that was part of our predator allure, but to be desired by someone of my own kind was foreign to me.

”Have you ever contemplated that Tanya could be what you've been looking for?” Jasper inquired, and the saying ”almost swallowed my tongue” suddenly made sense to me.

”What?” I exclaimed. ”Are you implying that Tanya's my mate?”

Jasper shrugged. ”Every mating connection works differently. It's not the same for every one, and maybe you've been so closed off to finding love that you haven't allowed your own feelings to grow.”

I was shaking my head even before he was finished. ”No, Jasper, I'm sure of it. Yes, Tanya is an attractive woman, but I've never seen her as anything but a friend.”

He nodded slowly. ”Then you should tell her that.” He started to walk back to the house then, but before he was halfway there, he turned around. ”Do you want me to tell her you want to talk out here?” he asked, and I nodded because there was no use in prolonging the inevitable.

Tanya and I needed to have this conversation. It wasn't fair to her to give her the wrong impression of us.

I heard when Tanya came up behind me, and her thoughts revealed that she had no idea what this was about.

”Jasper said you wanted to talk.”

I nodded and turned around slowly to face her. ”I need to hear from you if it's true what Jasper just told me.”

She frowned. ”I don't know what Jasper just told you, so you'll have to help me out here. I can't read minds like you do,” she said jokingly, and I appreciated that she kept things light because she must have sensed how awkward I felt.

I felt that I couldn't look at her as I said it, so I looked out over the clearing instead. There was no snow this time of year, but the trees and ground had changed colors to red, gold and brown. The sun was just setting and it made everything more vibrant. Just like the last time I was here, the scenery was breathtaking.

”He told me that he sensed that your feelings for me surpassed that of a normal friendship.” I looked at her then, and her face looked equally embarrassed and relieved. ”Is it true? Do you have romantic feelings for me?”

Without any hesitation whatsoever, she confirmed. ”Yes, I do.”

As I always did when I felt agitated, I ran my hand through my hair. ”Tanya, I don't want hurt you, but I always thought our relationship was platonic.”

”It has been,” she said. ”As far as I'm aware, we haven't done anything, yet.”

It didn't escape me that she added the ”yet” at the end, and I realized she was hoping I might feel like she did, eventually. I hated to crush her with the truth. ”And we never will. I'm sorry, but I've never seen you as anything but a friend. A very good friend, but that's the extent to my feelings.”

Dejectedly, Tanya looked down at the ground. ”I guess I knew that when you left with your family without a second thought last time. A part of me hoped, though.”

I gently placed my hand on Tanya's arm and she looked back up at me. ”You are a very beautiful woman, Tanya, and you deserve better than I would ever be able to give you. I am not the right man for you, believe me.”

She smiled slightly. ”Shouldn't I be the judge of that?”

I smiled back. ”I'm afraid you are a bit biased. You don't know what I'm like twenty-four hours a day. I'm not a very fun person to be around.”

”I could stand here and argue with you about this, but I won't,” Tanya said. ”If you say you don't have those feelings for me, I respect that. And thank you for letting me down like the gentleman you are.” She leaned in and gave me a kiss on my cheek before going back to the house.

I was relieved she took it so calmly, and as I made my way back to the house, I decided that I wouldn't make it more difficult for her by always being around. Unless she specifically sought out my company, I would remain in the background. I'd continue being her friend, and I wanted her to know that, but at that moment, I believed some distance was necessary.

 


	41. Chapter 40, August 1st 2003 - January 18th 2005

**CHAPTER 40 AUGUST 1st** **2003 – JANUARY 18th** **2005**

We were back in Forks—that small, rainy town in the northern part of Washington state—and we were a bit on edge as we drove on the familiar road that led to the white house we still owned today. We had no way of knowing if the werewolves we encountered last time were still around to protect the town, or if a new generation had taken over. If so, we weren't sure they would honor the treaty their ancestors made with us.

We hoped that whatever caused these men to change into wolves didn't make them immortal, and that they were dead and gone by now, and that they had taken their magic into the grave. We really didn't want to have to deal with werewolves this time around.

Since we had liked living here so much, we had decided that we would claim to be very young and therefore be able to stay for that much longer. It worked to convince people that I was sixteen, but it was even more difficult to say that Emmett and Jasper were seventeen because no matter what Alice dressed them in, they looked like they should already be in college.

We knew that a lot of people would wonder how such a young couple as Carlisle and Esme could have so many kids that went to high school, and so we came up with the story that we were all adopted. It was the easiest way to explain it, after all.

In Seattle, we made a stop and bought five new cars so that we could drive ourselves to school like all kids did nowadays. At first, the plan was that we would get one car that us ”kids” would use, but we had decided to indulge a bit, so while I bought a sensible Volvo S60 in silver, I couldn't stop myself from buying the Aston Martin Vanquish that was on display at the dealership as well. I guess you could say I fell in love.

It looked like a very expensive caravan when we drove through the town of Forks in our new cars because I wasn't the only one who indulged. Rosalie bought the BMW of her dreams, Carlisle was caught on a Mercedes, and Emmett just had to buy a Jeep he had seen an ad of a few months before.

I wasn't sure if the good people of Forks had ever seen cars like that in their town before, so their shocked faces were expected, and we knew that our arrival would be the talk of the town for quite some time.

I looked at the house as I got out of the Aston—there was no way I would ever let anyone but me drive that car—and it looked exactly the way I remembered it. After fifty-three years of no maintenance, it was in desperate need of a renovation; possibly of a larger scale than the last one, but we were two extra hands now, so it would probably be done faster.

All of us ventured inside and looked around the space. Once we'd made an evaluation of the damages, we talked about what we wanted to do with the house.

Esme suggested that we'd tear down most of the walls on the bottom floor to make it one large living space and also replace parts of the south wall with glass to let as much light in as possible. All of us liked that idea and Esme immediately began sketching on the designs.

Alice got so excited when we told her about the three extra rooms that we never knew what do with, and she begged to remake one of the rooms into a closet. Where Alice's fascination with clothes came from, I never understood, but the room wouldn't have been used otherwise, so her wish was granted.

Jasper asked to make the third room into a study. He was just as interested in the academic world as Carlisle, and his book collection had grown extensively during the last few decades.

Esme continued to draw as we talked ideas and also began to sketch on a garage that would be necessary for all of our new cars. The house didn't have one at the moment, as we'd only had two cars last time.

We estimated that it would take about a month for us to finish everything, maybe less than that because school didn't start for a month. While Carlisle was at work, the rest of us could focus on the house.

The sound of an engine alerted us to the fact that someone was approaching the house and all of us instinctively froze up. I could determine from the thoughts I heard that it was a man, but no more than that, so I turned to Alice who scanned the future.

“It's the Chief of Police,” she said after a second. “His name is Charlie Swan and he's here to welcome us to the town. Apparently, our arrival gave quite a stir, and he feels it's his duty to check us out.”

I frowned as I wondered why I recognized that name. I searched my memories and realized that we had met a couple with the same name in this town before. I looked over at Carlisle. “Didn't you once have a patient named Swan?”

He narrowed his eyes as he also thought back over the thousands of patients he had treated over the years, and then he remembered and his eyes widened. “Yes! A young woman and her husband. They couldn't have kids because she had PCOS. You don't think...?” he trailed off and I shrugged in reply.

“I don't know. It's possible this is a relative. There can't be many people in this town with that name, I'm sure.”

We quickly let that go when the car stopped in front of the house, and all of us made sure to place our “human” masks on. We also began talking loudly about the house as we walked outside and looked around as if we were determining what needed to be done.

The man that stepped out of the police cruiser looked to be in his early forties or late thirties. He had dark curly hair, and the chocolate brown eyes that took us in were so familiar I was positive he was either a son, or grandson, to the couple Carlisle and I met back in 1946.

Carlisle met Charlie Swan's gaze and smiled. “Can I help you with anything, officer?” he asked loud enough for Charlie to hear as he walked up to us. He stopped on the first porch step while the rest of us stood at the top.

Charlie Swan didn't smile, he appeared neutral, and I guessed he was a man that rarely showed feelings. “I just wanted to welcome you to our town and formally introduce myself. My name is Charlie Swan and I am the Chief of Police.”

Carlisle descended the stairs until he was on the same step as the Chief. He held out his hand and I heard how Charlie reacted to Carlisle's temperature in his thoughts. “Pleased to meet you,” Carlisle said. “I'm Carlisle Cullen, and this is my family. Esme's my wife,” he gestured toward Esme who smiled and waved at Charlie. He was instantly charmed. “And the others are our kids.”

All of us gave small waves and said silent hello's like we thought teenagers of this day would when they met a stranger.

“ _I don't really trust that all those teenage kids won't cause any trouble. I'd better keep an eye on them. Especially that big kid. He looks like he should be in college,"_ Charlie thought, but his thoughts weren't as clear to me as thoughts usually were and that confounded me. I had never encountered anything like that before.

“I need to head back to the station, but as I said, I wanted to welcome you to Forks, and I hope you will like it in our small town,” he said out loud and turned half-way back toward his cruiser.

Carlisle smiled even wider, but was careful to not show his teeth. “Absolutely. Thank you so much Chief Swan. I'm sure we will find Forks very pleasant.”

Charlie went back to his car, and despite his obscured thoughts, I still caught part of it. “ _Something's not right with that family, but I won't be prejudiced. Mom taught me better than that.”_

We breathed a sigh of relief when his car disappeared behind the first turn of the road and I told the rest what I'd heard in his mind.

**< {=ALS=}>**

Our first month in Forks went by quickly and we did finish the house before school began on September second.

After the eleven year “vacation” in Alaska, I wasn't as against going back to high school as I usually was. A foolish part of me hoped that kids in this new century would act differently, maybe more maturely, and that it would make our existence less dull.

I realized very quickly that my wish had been in vain. On our first day of school, every kid in the entire student body stared at us openly as we climbed out of my Volvo. The gawking was expected, but the instant lust-filled thoughts made me realize that high school would become my personal hell here. Every guy started to have obscene fantasies about my sisters and every girl practically drooled when my brothers and I passed.

I guess, overall though, the first day wasn't too bad.

The staring didn't begin to be truly annoying until the fourth day. Usually, we'd become old news at this point, but here, in this small town where new students appeared perhaps once every decade, we were still the hottest gossip around town.

And it only got worse from there.

It was in my English class that Friday that I understood how it could become worse. My assigned seat was next to a dark haired girl that seemed to have a problem with getting her hair under control. She was very short, but as I saw that she wore heels it was probably not noticeable until she took them off.

When I sat down, she tensed up, and I thought it was because of the instinctual fear we placed in humans when we got too close, but it turned out I was wrong. I realized that at the end of class when her tangled thoughts registered to me.

“ _Was his name Edward? That's kind of old-fashioned, but I don't care. He's so fucking hot, I have to ask him out! But what if he says no? What will I do then? Oh my god, I will die if he says no. Not even Mike seems to want to go out with me, so why would this guy. He's a hundred times hotter than Mike. Although, if Mike did ask me out, I certainly wouldn't say no—”_ I tuned her thoughts out when I realized that this girl was the epitome of a teenage girl hormone.

I never allowed her the chance to talk to me after class as I was out of my seat as soon as the bell rang, and I hurried to my next class. I hoped she would let it go and focus on that Mike guy instead, but I was never very lucky with my wishes.

I heard her discuss the issue with her friends during the lunch hour.

“Just do it already! What is it? Are you scared or something?” a mocking voice dared and from the corner of my eye, I could see that the voice belonged to another sophomore whom I had math with. I couldn't recall her name though.

“Stop it, Lauren,” another girl protested quietly. “If Jessica doesn't want to, you shouldn't push her.”

I saw through the quiet girl's mind how Lauren rolled her eyes. “You are such a dork, Angela. Just shut up! Nobody cares what you think.” Lauren turned back to Jessica. “What are you waiting for? He's sitting right over there.”

Jessica crossed her arms over her chest. “You go and ask him out then if it's so easy,” she challenged, but all Lauren did to that was scoff.

“He's so not my type. I hate the brooding kind,” she said, but her thoughts told me she lied. She was more interested in Emmett than me, though, as she was weak for the bad boy appearance, and Emmett's bulging muscles told her that he was a bad boy.

She fantasized about dating him, but it was already known that my siblings were together, and while it caused people to think we were very bizarre, it kept admirers away from them. I was the one that had to endure it.

Jessica took a deep breath then and stood up from her chair. She was determined to get a date with me before lunch was over. I sighed and explained to my family what was about to happen, and they all grinned at me in response.

“Hi, Edward,” she said when she reached our table. Since we we'd only been in school for a week, I pretended I didn't know her name.

“Hello...” I trailed off and gave her a questioning look.

“My name is Jessica Stanley. We have English together.”

I nodded. “Right,” I confirmed, but didn't say anything else. I really didn't want to encourage the girl.

She licked her lips nervously. “Uh, I was just wondering if you'd want to go out with me tomorrow night? Maybe watch a movie in Port Angeles or something?”

I decided that the best way was to be blunt with her, and so without even pretending to think about it, I shook my head. “Sorry, Jessica. I don't date.”

This caused her to give me a tight smile, and she immediately turned on her heel and almost stomped back to her table. The girls immediately began hounding her for answers as to what I'd said, and Jessica huffed and told them that I was a rude asshole. I chuckled at that, as did the rest of my family.

As annoying as human teenagers could be, they did provide a bit of entertainment, as well.

**< {=ALS=}>**

The excitement of our arrival died down after about six months, and high school became as dull and boring as it had always been before.

We didn't learn anything new, and the teachers realized quickly that we were already above the level they taught our classmates. The principal had even called our home and talked to Carlisle about allowing all of us to take senior year classes instead, but Carlisle had said that it was our wish to stay in classes with kids “our own age.”

As a result, the teachers never paired us with anyone for projects, and we mostly sat by ourselves. None of us minded. All of us actually preferred it, and it remained that way for the rest of that school year, and continued on when we came back to school after the summer.

Everything continued on in the same pattern until the first day back in school after winter break, a little over a year after we moved to Forks, a new rumor had every one in school talking excitedly about the prospect of another new student.

It was said that the Chief's daughter, who had lived with her mother since they fled from Forks sixteen years ago, was finally coming home.

At that time, I hadn't cared at all about it because a new student wouldn't affect my life, or my family's for that matter. I thought she would only be another new face. Another new name.

How very wrong I was proven to be when Bella Swan stared into my eyes for the first time across the cafeteria, in gray little Forks that afternoon later that month.

My life was never the same after that.

 


	42. Epilogue, February 23rd 2007

**EPILOGUE: FEBRUARY 23** **rd** **2007**

I sat on the couch in the living room of the cottage and listened as Bella read another new story for Nessie. I smiled as my daughter's thoughts revealed that she was only allowing her mother to read it to her because she knew it made her happy. She was more than capable of reading the book without help.

For at least the thousandth time since the Volturi decided to leave us alone, for the time being, I couldn't grasp how I'd been so lucky. How had I deserved the happiness of not only having my love with me forever, but to also have a daughter with her? It was so much more than I'd ever dared to dream since my transformation.

The overwhelming feeling of pure happiness caused me to let out a small chuckle, and I heard how Bella reacted to it by the smile I could now hear in her voice as she continued to read.

It amazed me how in tune we were with each other, because despite the fact that I'd seen it with my family for decades, I could finally understand what Jasper told me so many years ago about the mating connection and how different it was for every person. It was one thing to read it in thoughts and another to experience it.

Eventually, Nessie fell asleep and Bella kissed her head gently before joining me in the living room. She saw the smile that still lingered on my lips, and when I opened my arms for her, she happily sat down on my lap and leaned her head on my shoulder with a content sigh.

Like so many times before, I nuzzled my nose into her hair. "I love you. Have I told you that yet today?" I asked, and Bella giggled.

"Only about five times, but I can bear hearing it a few more."

My smile widened. "I love you so much, Bella Cullen."

She hummed. "I love you, too, Edward. More than you could possibly know."

I snorted softly. It was kind of our thing to compete with each other about who loved the other the most. While I never questioned Bella's love for me anymore, I don't think she could truly understand the extent of the difference her existence made in my life. She had given me everything and more, and that was why I was positive my feelings ran just a tiny bit deeper than hers.

I suddenly realized that there _was_ a way for Bella to understand, though. It was something that had been available the entire time, but never crossed my mind before. I think, perhaps a part of me didn't want her exposed to my past, because that Edward had been so very depressed and lonely. His thoughts were always dark and sad, and I wasn't sure I wanted to taint Bella's picture of me.

But she was my wife, and my mate, and we vowed to never keep secrets from each other. Bella had honored that by practicing with her shield and allowing me inside her mind a few times, and now it was my turn.

"I want to show you something," I said softly, and Bella shifted to look at me. Her eyes were a soft gold, and it elated me that I no longer felt any regret over her change. "I think it's time you get to see my past."

She frowned in confusion. "What do you mean?"

I made a move to stand up, and Bella climbed off my lap. I looked at her over my shoulder and smirked at her expression. She really didn't understand what I was going to do, and the frown on her face was too adorable. I walked over to the bookshelf and crouched down to the books at the very bottom and pulled out the one farthest to the left.

I held it gently in my hands as I fought the last bit of reluctance I felt over showing Bella this part of me, and then got up and handed it to her. She took it from me gingerly and gave me one last questioning look before opening it to the first page.

She gasped when she recognized my handwriting.

"Is this...?"

"Yes," I replied and sat down next to her again. "I've been writing in these journals almost since the very beginning. Carlisle gave me the idea when I told him that I found it difficult to keep my mind clear. It helped me cope when everything was still new, and I questioned pretty much everything about my existence. The mind reading was particularly difficult to get used to."

She turned her head and looked at me. "I hate it every time I think about you being alone for so long. It has never seemed fair to me."

"But I'm not alone anymore," I reassured her. "You've brought so much into my life, and I've told you this before, but you changed me completely when you came into my life. Still, the Edward that wrote these journals is who I was for a long time, and I want you to get to know him as well."

She nodded, but then gave me the journal. "Will you read it to me?" she asked, knowing that I couldn't possibly deny her what she wanted when she looked at me like that.

I smiled and we settled on the couch, Bella sitting between my legs and leaning back against my chest, as I read the date on the first page.

"July 16th 1920..."

**THE END**

**A/N:** This is where a leave you.

It's been an interesting journey, at least, and sometimes a rocky one with its ups and downs. I've had people giving me crap over this and that, but I didn't let it get to me, and now the story is done.

I am, for real, truly happy with this story now. It only took me almost 3 years to re-write from the original version, but I can truly say that I am pleased and proud of this :)

Thank you so much to all of you who have been on this journey with me. Some of you have supported me throughout and I love you so much for it, and there are a couple that I want to give special thanks to:

First to Jennifer and Jennifer, you were my pre-readers in the beginning, and you kept me going when I was sometimes brought down. Along the way, I don't know exactly why, but I stopped sending you the chapters before they were beta'd, and I'm sorry that happened. Still, you mean the world to me, both of you!

Second to my first beta Chandrakanta Fanfiction, you were my beta for the first few chapters, and you were awesome, you even gave me a banner for the story that I love to death. As we both had so much going on, though, we decided to part ways as friends :)

Third to my second beta Mylissa. Our story was kind of similar as with Chandra. You were with me for some time, but eventually RL got in the way like it tends to do :)

and Fourth to my third and final beta, Belynda Smith. I love you so much, darling. You joined me after 11 chapters had already been posted. You've stayed with me since then, and you have totally made this story to the best it could ever have been. You didn't just act as my grammar beta, you also was there for me creativly and gave me facts when I'd gotten them completely wrong. I had an absolute blast working on this with you. So much love to you, honey!

I also want to give all of my readers a big hug and many many kisses! You are the best anyone could ever have as support!

Love you all, and I hope to see you again in the future :-*

-MarieCarro


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